


A Forgotten Dream

by kesujo



Category: K-pop, Red Velvet (K-pop Band)
Genre: Drama & Romance, F/M, Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-18
Updated: 2020-10-17
Packaged: 2021-03-04 17:41:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 110,662
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25350307
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kesujo/pseuds/kesujo
Summary: Everyone has fantastical dreams as children, but as they mature, so do their understanding of reality. So, these dreams get tossed aside, thrown away, forgotten, in pursuit of other goals. But, as Jaeho learns, the thing about fantastical dreams is that it's sometimes worth holding onto them, and sometimes, they come in the form of Bae Joohyun.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 9





	1. Dumb Dumb

The stomping of feet. The pitter-patter of a young child’s steps on the hardwood floor of the apartment.

“Mommy! Mommy!”

A young-looking woman, seated on a couch next to her husband, turned to look at their child, who was running into the living room. “Yes, honey?” In the small girl’s hand was a thin iPad, the size of the piece of technology providing a stark contrast to the little hands of the child that was firmly grasping the thin edges of the electronic device. “Don’t run while holding that, it’s dangerous, OK?”

“OK,” the child obeyed, slowing down to a walk. She jumped onto the couch, taking her side next to her mother, the father leaning over the mother to take a look. “Is this you?”

Even before the child pressed play, the couple’s face lit up with smiles. “I guess she finally found out, huh?” the husband said, grinning.

As the video started, the quaint room filled to the brim with a lively, colorful noise, full of energy and vibrance. The woman’s muscles ached to move, the music being the trigger, years of practice ingraining the choreographed movements into her body. “Yes, I am in this music video. Can you find me?”

The child excitedly accepted the challenge, nodding eagerly before directing her attention back onto the iPad. “Um … here!” she said, pausing the video and pointing to a still image of the woman in her earlier years as a singer.

“Your mom’s stage name was inspired by a goddess of beauty, Irene. Fitting, don’t you think?”

Irene chuckled, the young girl eagerly nodding. “Yeah, it is! You’re so pretty in this, mommy!”

Irene laughed, more loudly this time. “Am I not pretty right now?”

The young child, flustered, floundered. “I-I mean, um, you’re also—”

“Hey, stop teasing our little angel,” the man said, patting the little girl’s hair. “You’re right, you are pretty in this music video. But the type of pretty you are right now is different.” The woman turned to the man with a cocked eyebrow. “In here, you have more of an innocent, energetic vibe, whereas now you have a more sophisticated, graceful feeling.”

“I’ll let you off the hook this time, Song Jaheo,” Irene replied, leaning her head back on her husband’s shoulder.

“What’s soph-sophtisticated?” the child asked, looking at her father with questioning eyes.

The adorable display of their daughter struggling to pronounce the, incidentally, rather sophisticated word put a smile on their faces. “It means not simple, but in this case, I was trying to say was that your mommy has a beauty that is still fitting despite her age.”

Irene promptly turned around and slapped the shoulder she was previously leaning on. “Says the man who likes older women.”

“That again?” he laughed, the child simply looking on in confusion.

“Daddy likes older women?” the young girl repeated, puzzled.

“Never mind that, you should be going to sleep, it’s already getting late,” Irene said, moving to get off the couch.

“Aww,” the child groaned, Jaeho getting off the couch as well. “I want to sleep next to daddy this time.”

The smile from the man faded from his face. Irene instantly interjected, grabbing the hand of the young girl. “I told you, only mommy can sleep with daddy.”

“Whyy? You’re being greedy,” she whined, a deep frown appearing on her face.

“Don’t tell your daddy this,” Irene leaned in, whispering, “But sometimes, daddy transforms into a monster at night, and only mommy knows how to make him transform back.”

The young child, unquestioningly accepting the story, looked back at her mother in shock. “Really?” she whispered, peeking a glance at her dad who was looking on with a confused face.

Irene nodded. “Don’t tell him, because if you do, then he’ll transform right there and then.”

The child quickly covered her mouth with her free hand, earning another smile from the mother. “Good girl,” she said, leading her into the bathroom. After helping her with her pre-sleep procedure, the woman tucked the young girl into her bed.

“Tell me a story,” she insisted. Irene looked over to her husband, who understood and took over.

“OK, listen well,” Jaeho started, sitting on the edge of the bed next to her. “Once upon a time, there was a naughty girl who didn’t want to go to sleep. So, instead of going to sleep like a good girl, she stalled by urging her daddy to tell her a bedtime story.”

“That’s not a story,” the girl giggled, the man smiling along.

“How about I tell you about how your daddy and I met?” Irene suggested. Jaeho met Irene’s eyes, the implicit question ‘are you sure?’ in his gaze. Irene reassured him with a smile and a nod.

“Yes!” the girl excitedly replied.

“How about I start? It’ll be more entertaining if we start from my point of view” Jaeho offered. Irene obliged, and the man began the story.

* * *

Jaeho always liked to live in the present: ‘dwelling on the past can blind you from the present’, his mother used to say. It’s a motto Jaeho lives by, to the point where he tends to avoid taking pictures, fearing that doing so will subconsciously cause one’s presence of the moment to sully. Jaeho thought that it was this quality that gave him the edge compared to most people when he found himself in social situations, but even so, he very much felt like he didn’t belong in the place he was currently.

Jaeho was exploring a part of Seoul he had yet to venture to and noticed a large queue for what seemed like a bar. Curious, he entered the line and was inexplicably allowed into the bar, a place that he very much felt like he wasn’t supposed to be in largely clued in by the amount of celebrities he had identified on the way to finding a comfortable seat.

Why was he, an ordinary salesman, allowed in? Perhaps it was because he was a sometimes works as a model for a Korean jeans company? No, he doubted it; compared to the other people present, he was nothing. Did they just let in random people every once in a while? No, the amount of people who exited the screening room, dejected, said otherwise. Was there some other consideration they used, upon inspection, in determining who they let in? That seemed unlikely, again especially considering that the only other person he saw allowed in was a celebrity whom he recognized. Maybe it was because he was told by some that he looked similar to a new, upcoming actor? Jaeho found this explanation to be the most likely one; he understood that he was considered pretty attractive, but no matter how many times he looked at the mentioned actor’s face, he couldn’t find the resemblance. Sure, it was close, but in his opinion, the likeness of the actor’s face and his own face was as close as any other two Korean men.

As if just being in such a seemingly high-class, private, celebrity-only space wasn’t overwhelming enough for him, seeing one particular celebrity drove his anxiety levels through the roof.

He was a Red Velvet fan, among other girl groups like G-Friend and IZ*ONE. However, he always felt conscientious about the fact that they were all younger than him—some significantly younger. With Red Velvet, it was a different story; although he understood that Irene didn’t like having her age brought up, it somehow felt relieving to know that there was someone older than him in the industry. It felt like he was validated in his interests, like he wasn’t too old to enjoy the bright and peppy atmosphere the music industry created.

So it came a great shock to him to see Irene in person: her snowy-white skin sparkling even in the dim light, her slim figure neatly seated on top of a stool at the counter of the bar, her delicate fingers wrapped around a cup, bringing said cup up to her full, bright-red lips. Perhaps that was an understatement: in fact, Jaeho’s heartbeat increased so significantly upon recognizing the leader of Red Velvet that he was afraid of being kicked out by a staff member noticing his clearly fanboy-ish reaction: his suddenly sweaty palms, his darting eyes, his restless legs, everything about him screamed ‘fanboy!’

Jaeho was always an outgoing person who was good in social situations, but he didn’t dare approach her, even after excessive checks and confirmations that the woman sitting at the bar was _indeed_ the Bae Joohyun of Red Velvet. Fear of stumbling over his words, fear of bothering her, fear of making a bad impression of himself, fear of giving himself away as an ordinary person who didn’t belong here … all these fears factored into his indecisiveness. He had always heard that she was more beautiful in person, which didn’t even seem possible until now, even as he admired the distant side profile of her face.

However, in all her beauty, there was one thing that he picked out almost immediately: a forlorn expression settled in her eyes. Being a fan of her, it pained him to see her in such a state—she appeared so lonely, but his cowardice drowned out his sorrow. So, to remedy the situation, Jaeho decided to try his hand at some liquid luck.

There were two intentions behind his actions: if drinking just allowed Jaeho to temporarily forget about the lonely demeanor that Irene was exhibiting, that was welcome. However, if the liquor granted him the confidence to approach her, then that was even _more_ welcome. In fact, he was counting on the latter, and about half an hour later of enjoying some of the best-made alcohol he had ever experienced at any bar, that’s exactly what happened.

Feeling the warm, comfortable buzz in the back of his head, one look at the sorrowful Irene was all the reason he needed. As much as Irene appeared a goddess, in the end she was just a woman. If she was lonely, he would provide her company, but if she simply wanted to be by herself, he would comply. It was just a question, he reasoned. No harm in that.

He maneuvered himself into the seat next to the stunning woman, drink in hand. “Are you OK?”

Those were the first words he ever spoke to a celebrity, personally. He wasn’t sure why those particular words came out of his mouth, but he knew there was no taking them back.

Irene turned, and her beauty just about sobered him up. Seeing her side-profile was one thing, but seeing her entire face, in all its beauty, was a completely other matter. “Oh, hello,” she greeted politely, bowing.

Jaeho bowed back, wondering how Irene could look so strikingly beautiful in such a simple outfit. “There’s no need to use formal language with me, I’m younger than you,” he replied, struggling to maintain a steady intonation.

“Oh, ok.”

Feeling a bit of anxiety creeping into his system, Jaeho took another swing of his drink. “I’m a fan, so when I saw you sitting here looking all lonely, I felt really sad and thought I’d ask to join you,” he told her.

Jaeho could see the discomfort in her face though. It wasn’t pronounced; even in his state, Jaeho was quite adept at reading facial expressions due to a natural talent that was cultivated in his job as a salesman. He could tell Irene was trying her best to politely maintain the conversation, but there was definitely a careful edge to her gaze.

“Ah, really?” she asked, a laugh in her eyes. In that moment, her gaze softened, as if she suddenly realized something, or if that smile somehow removed whatever ailed her. “You’re right, I sort of am. It’s why I’m here.”

Just looking at her smiling caused the words to tumble out of Jaeho’s mouth, “Wow, your smile really is beauty like I’ve never seen before.”

Irene, who Jaeho imagined was probably informed about her beauty on a daily basis, still appeared stunned by his off-handed comment. “O-Oh, thank you,” she thanked him timidly. “I’m sorry, I never got your name.”

“Song Jaeho.” She gave the name some thought, causing the gears in Jaeho’s albeit tipsy brain to turn. Was this place really exclusive to celebrities? Why else would Irene expect to know his name? “I do some modeling for a jeans company, but that’s about it,” Jaeho admitted.

“Oh,” she responded, looking cautiously at the bartender, who was currently serving another customer—an actor who recently starred in a semi-popular drama, if Jaeho recalled correctly. This action was all Jaeho needed to connect the dots; if a staff member knew, surely he would be kicked from the bar, and Irene would feel responsible and guilty for being the one who exposed that information about him, even if it wasn’t her fault at all. Keeping this in mind, Jaeho made a mental note to act more cautiously regarding his status as a normal person, especially around staff members.

Just as Jaeho was about to open his mouth, Irene interjected.

“Ah, I figured it out,” Irene declared, another smile on her eyes. Jaeho found himself simply admiring her triumphant expression, realizing he could probably look at it all day. How great would it be if he could; but even he, as attractive as he knew he was considered, could only call that a pipe dream. After all, this was Irene, a woman who had the freedom of choice of any man in the world—why would _he,_ a relatively ordinary South Korean named Jaeho, be chosen? “You look like the new actor that’s starring in that new drama that came out. What’s his name…?”

“Song Jaeha,” Jaeho provided for her, the name already ingrained in his mind.

When the ‘a-ha!’ look washed over her eyes, she clapped and nodded excitedly. “Yes, him!” she exclaimed. It was simply an incredible sight, something so adorable that Jaeho was forced to take another drink in fear of being sobered up from it. “Wow, his name is pretty similar to yours, isn’t it?”

Jaeho nodded. “Yeah, that’s probably why people confused me so easily, especially after hearing my name.” Irene nodded, the triumphant smile still lingering on her eyes. Jaeho, feeling himself sobering up again, took another sip of his drink, noticing Irene doing the same thing with the cup of clear liquid that was in her hands. “What drink do you have there?” he asked, nodding at the cup in Irene’s hand.

Irene’s gaze followed his before responding, “Ah, it’s just water.”

Jaeho chuckled. “Surely you wouldn’t come to a bar with such an amazing selection of alcohol to just drink water. What, is even the water here exquisite?”

Irene giggled, a swell of confidence ballooning in Jaeho’s chest. “No, I’m just chasing the last drink I had. It’s no good for an idol to get drunk in a place like this. My company would get mad at me.”

“Smart girl. I should do that too, taste this exquisite water,” he said cheekily, signaling at the bartender.

“You’re still calling it that?” she said, the remainder of her laughter lingering in her eyes.

“Well, you certainly make it look like that. Maybe you should shoot a commercial for it or something.”

Irene was thrown into another laughing fit: the second one of the night, Jaeho noted. “What do you mean? What, would I just be drinking water dramatically or something?”

He shrugged. “I’m sure it would sell well. You never know, maybe you could reach ten million views on YouTube.”

Irene scoffed at the idea, smirking anyway as he requested a glass of water from the bartender. “Yeah right, I doubt that.”

Jaeho took another sip of his drink, then turning to look at her. Meeting her gaze was no easy task, Jaeho noticed; it took all his willpower and pride as a man to remain stoic and unflinching, Irene staring back with apparent ease. “Probably just a video of you laughing could get ten million views. Or honestly, maybe even a video of you smiling at the camera for a minute, although that might be a little creepy.”

“Yah,” she chuckled, her eyes curving into another smile. Jaeho broke out into a grin, noting that this was the third time he was able to make her laugh.

“What? Don’t you agree?”

Irene thought about it for a moment before conceding, “Yeah, you’re probably right actually.”

“Well, there’s one way to find out,” he said, pulling out his phone.

“What?” Irene’s expression quickly turned into that of surprise and intrigue. “Are you going to record it?”

“No,” Jaeho said innocently, pulling up YouTube on his phone. “I was going to see if such a video existed already.”

“Why would you do that? Don’t, stop it,” she said, leaning over in a vain attempt to steal Jaeho’s phone from him.

“That’s cute,” Jaeho commented, another smile forming on his lips, holding his cellphone out of the black-haired woman’s reach.

“What? Am I that pathetic?”

“No, I was referring to your hands.”

Not expecting that sort of an answer, Irene drew her hand from Jaeho’s as if it were a hot stove. He looked over at her, and although Irene was pointedly looking away, the action wasn’t enough to hide the creeping blush on her cheeks.

“Wow, actually, now that I look at them, your hands are pretty small,” Jaeho continued, reaching over the bar’s counter and placing his hand near Irene’s for reference. This action drew the attention of Irene’s gaze.

“Aren’t your hands just big?” Irene countered.

“Really?” Jaeho pressed.

“Yeah!” Irene answered animatedly.

“Hm … we need a third party,” Jaeho decided, leaning over and signaling the bartender again. It wasn’t his intention, but he managed to catch another glimpse at Irene’s stunning side profile: her tall nose bridge, her flawless skin, her long and slightly curled eyelashes, her soft eyebrows, her strikingly red lips—everything about her was simply perfection. It was like every detail about Irene from onscreen was amplified in real life, like a deity sculpted her face with the express purpose of creating the most beautiful person on the planet.

Jaeho took another swing of his drink before the bartender could make his way over. “Hi, sorry, this might seem like a strange question, but do you mind if we compare hand sizes?”

The bartender gave Jaeho a bemused look but complied anyway. Jaeho held his hand up to the bartender’s raised one, making sure to level their palms, which proved exceedingly hard due to being slightly inebriated.

“See? Your hand is even bigger than the bartender’s,” Irene commented.

“Really?” Jaeho said, trying to take a closer look but inadvertently misaligned their hands. “Ah,” he attempted to realign their hands but was stopped short by a chuckling Irene.

“What, you don’t trust me?”

“Well, to be fair, I only _did_ meet you just now,” Jaeho said.

“A fan should trust the idol though,” Irene replied, turning to the bartender. “Can I have the same drink as him?”

Jaeho cocked his head in surprise. “I wouldn’t if I were you,” he warned her.

“Why not? You make it look like it tastes good,” Irene asked in defiance.

“My drink has a higher concentration of alcohol than normal,” Jaeho explained.

“What, you think I can’t handle a little alcohol?” Irene challenged him, motioning for the bartender to make the drink.

“It’s your choice,” Jaeho shrugged, “But at least let me pay for that,” he finished, pulling out his wallet.

“What?” Irene protested, motioning him to stop.

“A fan should also take care of the idol whenever possible,” he insisted, standing up.

“No no no, it’s the idol that should take care of the fan,” she argued, using more strength to try to push his hand away.

“If you don’t let me pay, I’ll stop being a fan of Red Velvet.”

That stunned Irene just long enough to allow Jaeho to hand his credit card over to the bartender. “What do you mean by that?” she gaped at the triumphant man. “Why would you say that?”

“Even if you’re richer than me, you should still let me be a man.” Irene’s gaze fell onto the counter, the bartender smiling at the two’s interaction before pouring the drink into a cup.

“Here’s your drink, miss,” the bartender said, sliding the drink over to a slightly embarrassed Irene.

“Thank you,” she said, reaching over to the cup and taking a sip. Right as the liquid disappeared into her mouth, the bitterness overtook her system, causing her to flinch in response, her facial features scrunching together. “Aah~! Wow,” she exclaimed, smacking her lips.

“See, told you,” Jaeho’s smile played at his lips as he watched Irene’s reaction to the strong drink. “It’s strong, isn’t it?”

“What are you talking about? That was my refreshed face,” she claimed.

“Oh really? Is that the face you use in your alcohol CFs?”

“…maybe…”

Jaeho pulled out his phone again. “One way to find out.”

“What, are you going to look up another video of me?”

Jaeho looked at Irene. “Is there a problem with that? Can’t a fan look up pictures of his favorite idol?”

“Ooh, I’m your favorite?” a pleasantly surprised look appeared on her face, the humility of which caused Jaeho to chuckle. Surely it wasn’t _that_ rare for someone to announce to Irene that she was his favorite idol.

“Yeah,” he admitted.

“Name three things you like most about me,” Irene proposed, throwing Jaeho’s brain into a mess, “Ready, go.”

“This suddenly? Uh, um…” Jaeho attempted to stall for time, racking his brain, “One, you’re a really caring person … um, two, your laughter and smile are really nice, especially during your performances. Three … uh …” it was at this point that Jaeho was stuck. There were so many things he wanted to say: specific moments, individual performances, but that can’t have been what Irene was looking for. In the end, under the pressure of Irene’s expectant gaze, Jaeho ended up blurting out the thing he wanted to most avoid saying. “Now that I’ve met you in person, I can also say that you’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever encountered.”

Once again, the comment seemed to catch Irene off guard. “Ah … oh, really? Oh, thank you,” she shyly replied, laughing a little. Jaeho couldn’t help but feel a bit perplexed at Irene’s stunned, embarrassed reaction; Jaeho _knew_ that she was told of her beauty often, or at least was pretty sure given how frequently she participated in photoshoots, variety shows, and commercials. Was it the way he chose to say it? Was it because of the alcohol, or maybe a mixture of the atmosphere and Jaeho himself?

Irene took another drink from her cup to prevent any further stammering, but it seemed that Irene forgot how strong the drink was since as soon as the liquid entered her mouth, her eyes went wide, her throat bulging as she struggled to swallow the alcohol, after which she let out another ‘satisfied’ sigh and set the cup down.

“Did you still think you had water?” Jaeho said, laughing.

“What?” Irene replied defensively, “I mean, it’s true that this is stronger than most things I drink, but it’s good!”

“It’s ok, you still somehow look beautiful even making that face.”

Irene chuckled at the statement this time. “Yah, is that all you care about?” she said, laughing.

“What do you mean? I only mentioned it, like, twice; plus, in that moment, I couldn’t think of anything else since you put me so on the spot like that—” Jaeho stopped abruptly, his brain churning up another idea, “Oh wait, I know! I like that you’re older than me—hey!”

Irene smacked him playfully on the shoulder. “You know that you’re not supposed to talk about a woman’s age to her, right?”

“It’s attractive though.”

“How is being thirty-one years old attractive?” Irene’s facial expression quickly morphed from a bewildered, laughing one to one of sudden realization. “Oh, are you the type that likes older women?”

Jaeho contained his own laughter, raising his eyebrows in response, replying, “I’m only a year younger than you, so I don’t think I can necessarily say that.” Irene brought her cup to her mouth, eyeing Jaeho with suspicion while slowly taking sips from the drink. This action, for some reason, put pressure on Jaeho to explain himself—perhaps because he didn’t want the idol to think strangely of him, even though they probably weren’t going to see each other every again. “Well, I mean I’m 30 years old so I’m also sort of old too, right? It always felt strange to be a fan of groups that had members who were significantly younger than me, so I felt a little relieved when I learned that there was someone among the groups I liked that was around my age.”

Irene giggled, setting her drink down. “That’s sort of a weird thing to be worried about, isn’t it?” Jaeho could surmise that Irene was getting tipsy from two things: her current demeanor and the amount of alcohol that remained in her drink. This put Jaeho on edge: surely Irene would be safe in a bar like this, but how should he react to it? If things started to get out of hand, should he be the one to take care of her? After all, it wasn’t his position to dictate how much more Irene wanted to drink: but then again, what harm was there in just giving her advice? Surely people wouldn’t get the wrong idea in such a place if it came down to him looking after Irene.

“Is something wrong?” Irene’s worried look filled Jaeho’s vision as she leaned onto the counter, turning her head and peering at his face.

“Hm? What do you mean?”

“You look … worried?”

Jaeho couldn’t help but feel more worried, Irene’s demeanor exposing more and more of her inebriated state. “Irene, you should probably stop drinking,” Jaeho said, reaching over to her drink.

She waved his hand off, entering a defensive stance. “Why? If you bought this for me, I should finish it,” she said, picking up her cup and downing the rest of her drink.

Jaeho immediately signaled the bartender over, ordering a cup of water as Irene finished off the contents of her drink, setting the cup down with the same expression as before. “Ok, I admit, it’s really strong,” she said.

“Here,” he said, pushing the cup of water in front of her.

“What’s this?” Irene looked over at Jaeho with a quizzical expression on her face. “Are you trying to get me drunk?”

“No, it’s water,” Jaeho couldn’t help but smile; even while tipsy, Irene was exceedingly cute. “Plus, you seem plenty drunk already.”

Irene eyed him in a challenging fashion. “Oh yeah?”

It was Jaeho’s turn to chuckle this time. “That wasn’t a challenge,” Jaeho told the tipsy woman, “Go on, drink. You said that your company would get mad at you, right?”

“What, are you chairman Lee Soo Man or something?” Irene posed.

“Do I need to call him, or are you going to drink the water?” Jaeho threatened. Irene pouted and groaned but ultimately conceded, putting the cup to her lips and taking a sip of the clear liquid.

It wasn’t until after she set the half-full cup down did she finally come to a realization. “Wait, do you even have his phone number?” Jaeho couldn’t help but smile at that. “Why are you laughing? You tricked me!”

“You’re really adorable, you know that?” Jaeho stated, finishing off his own drink, the faint buzz in the back of his head now having progressed to a prominent, warm feeling about his entire body.

“I’m trying to scold you, why are you flirting with me right now?” Irene shot back, but still in a manner much to adorable to attribute the emotion of ‘anger’ to. “What, do you think I would just forget if you complimented me?”

“Well I don’t know about my ‘flirting’, but yours probably could. It would probably be classified as a lethal weapon.”

When Irene turned silent in the ensuing moment, Jaeho, thinking he had overstepped his boundaries, peered over at her. “Oh?” she replied in a low voice, burning a hole straight through Jaeho with her fiery gaze, “A ‘lethal’ weapon?”

Jaeho quickly felt himself sobering up in the face of such natural sexiness. He had to take quick inventory of everything: where he was, how he got here, what he did earlier that day, to double-check the fact that this was, in fact, reality. “Yup, I’d definitely classify it as that,” he replied, the nervousness he was feeling subconsciously creeping into his voice.

“Hm, maybe you should inform me what about it is ‘lethal’, then,” she replied, voice laced with the same suggestiveness as the smirk playing on her lips, a spark of playfulness in her eyes, leaning forward ever so slightly.

Jaeho found himself completely immobilized by Irene’s advances; not only did he suddenly find it harder to form coherent words, but his body itself refused to react in response to Irene’s slighting towards him. He wasn’t one to fumble in the company of a beautiful woman, but Irene was a completely different story. There was something about her aura that intimidated him, her proximity that seized the functionality of his muscles, her stunning beauty that rendered his vocal cords useless … frankly, the phenomena that was Bae Joohyun’s flirting was mystifying, mortifying, even, in the context of Jaeho wanting to keep his composure.

“Hmm?”

“Oh,” Jaeho responded, realizing that Irene had placed the ball on his court, “Well, that,” he stated, for some reason believing that the explanation would suffice for the perplexed Irene.

“What?” Irene briefly broke her façade, her face morphing into a confused one.

Jaeho, realizing that Irene couldn’t read his mind, proceeded to explain, “You—well, your smile, your voice, um, everything I guess.” Maybe Jaeho was just overthinking, but her reaction to his response seemed off: if she was being playful, then taking upon an amused expression was appropriate, but if she was just flirting, something like a satisfied expression fit the situation. If this was the case, then why did she look startled?

That facial expression flickered before Jaeho’s eyes, and sure enough, the sly, playful expression returned to Irene’s face. Taking the initiative, he posed a question to the dark-haired woman, “So why are you here?” Realizing she already provided an answer before, albeit a vague one, he added on, “I mean, specifically?”

“Well, you know, I’ve been feeling a little lonely recently; don’t tell anyone else about this, ok?” she cut herself short, posing the warning accompanied with a glare that Jaeho could tell was meant to be intimidating but just ended up being adorable. He nodded, straining to keep a burgeoning smile off his face; Irene, satisfied with his response, continued, “I’ve been feeling a little lonely recently because I’m getting a little old and I still don’t have a boyfriend or anything. So I thought I would come here, but the only person I could bring myself talk to was the bartender.”

Seeing this as an opportunity to get back at Irene, Jaeho answered, “How about me?”

“Well you talked to me first, so that doesn’t count.”

“No, I mean as your boyfriend.”

Despite the confident grin on his face, Jaeho’s heart was pounding. Even if this was a bar, even if it was Irene’s intention to have this kind of interaction, he felt as if he was overstepping some kind of imaginary social line that separated normal guys like himself and celebrities like Irene. Confidence was key though, and he made sure to not drop his act.

Jaeho’s strategy, to take Irene by surprise, fell flat on its face when Irene casually replied, “Hm, OK … wait, you’re my fan right?” Jaeho simply nodded in response, thankful that Irene had, at the very least, dropped her flirtatious disposition. “What part of my body do you like the most?”

To Jaeho, this is what, without a doubt, confirmed that Irene was absolutely drunk. “What kind of question is that?” You’re just going to suddenly ask me that?” Jaeho answered, trying to laugh it off. Irene persisted, grabbing his hand in hers. This action startled Jaeho, whose thoughts were filled with nothing but the softness of her hands for the next minute.

“Come on, answer mee~” she pressed on, leaning so far forward that she slipped out of her stool. Jaeho instinctively lurched forward, catching Irene by her shoulders, consequently stunned from the closeup he received of Irene’s face as a result of the accident. Irene, unfazed, attempted to cheat into Jaeho’s own stool, to which Jaeho uneasily stood up and conceded the seat to her. “Why are you running away?” she pouted, getting off the stool he was just sitting on and following him.

“I’m not—wait, what are you—” this time, Irene grabbed his shoulders, both as a measure to hold him in place as well as to hold herself upright, before trying to join Jaeho on his stool once again. “I’ll answer you, just—just take your own seat first,” Jaeho struggled to get the words out, fighting both Irene and himself. Never before would he imagine that he would actually be trying to _prevent_ Irene from sitting in his lap.

“Ok,” she sighed, frowning but taking Jaeho’s old seat nonetheless. “So? What is it?”

“You’re really asking me—” he stopped, feeling a tightness in his lungs, making it harder to breathe. “Ok, well I’d have to say your lips,” he admitted.

“Oh, really?” she replied, excited by his answer, “Do you want to touch them?”

“What?”

Irene was already grabbing Jaeho’s hand, but before she could move it too much, Jaeho retrieved it from Irene’s grasp. “What? Just a little touching is no problem, right?”

Jaeho knew that Irene liked initiating skinship with those she was close to, but was it ever to this extent? Maybe the alcohol was amplifying this aspect of her personality? But to this extent?

Jaeho placed his hands in his lap, to which Irene frowned. “You’re drunk right now, you shouldn’t be—”

“Actually, now that I really look at you, your skin is so nice,” she commented, leaning forward and bringing her hands to his face. Jaeho hastily leaned away from her, grabbing the wrist of the intruding hand. “What’s wrong?”

“Irene, maybe you should call your manager or someone to pick you up,” he suggested, holding Irene’s curious hands at bay.

She shook her head furiously, shortly afterwards proceeded to withdraw her hands to hold her head with them from the subsequent headache, causing another smile to break out onto Jaeho’s face.

“Ow … look what you made me do…” she whined, placing her elbows on the counter and pressing her temple into her hands.

“Well you could have just said ‘no’,” Jaeho offered.

Irene whipped her head towards Jaeho, narrowing her eyes at him. “Don’t play smart with me.”

He held his hands up defensively. “I was just saying, that’s all.”

“You need to take responsibility,” she demanded, straightening her back and turning towards him.

“What? For what?” Jaeho cautiously asked, not wanting to be thrown off by a potential misunderstanding.

“My headache,” Irene answered, leaning her upper body towards him. Jaeho averted his gaze out of curtesy. “Massage my temple.”

It wasn’t so much a request as an order, really, and Jaeho didn’t know what to think of it. The first thought that entered his mind was the possibility of a misunderstanding arising out of the situation, but when he looked around the quaint club washed in dim blue lighting, he was reminded that this place was a private one in which such thoughts were unnecessary. He obliged Irene’s request, gingerly placing his fingers on the side of her head with his thumbs on her forehead and started the massage, rubbing his thumbs in a circular motion.

Irene sighed and closed her eyes, smiling as the pain in her temple began to subside. “You’re pretty good at this,” she noted.

“Yeah, I’ve been told that a lot,” Jaeho told her.

Irene instantly became suspicious. “What, so is this how you get all the girls? You offer them massages?”

“Wait, you were the one who requested a massage from _me_ ,” Jaeho reminded the inebriated Irene, retracting his hands. Irene opened her eyes and glared at Jaeho, although again, it was much too adorable to be intimidating, as what Jaeho guessed was Irene’s intention.

“Don’t change the subject.” When Jaeho smiled in response, Irene pouted, saying, “What?”

“You’re just so adorable,” Jaeho answered. Irene visibly flushed at this, a flash of bashfulness appearing on her face before a sterner one overtook it.

“Stop—Stop changing the subject,” she demanded.

“Stop—Stop?”

Irene whined, hitting his shoulder. “Don’t make fun of me! Just answer the question.”

“What? If I ‘get all the girls by doing this’?” She nodded sincerely, a reaction that shocked Jaeho. He figured Irene was just joking, so why did she look as serious as she did? “Well, not many of them—” he stopped briefly when a crestfallen expression flashed on Irene’s face. Was he imagining things? “—well, none of them,” he corrected himself, “have ever asked me to do something like this before, much less on the first meeting.”

Irene smiled with content. “Well, they’re missing out,” she claimed, turning around, “Do my back next.”

Jaeho cautiously acquiesced, gently placing his hands on Irene’s clothed back at first, starting the massage on her shoulders. Jaeho couldn’t help but feel that a bit unsettled, that something just wasn’t sitting quite right with him: Was she really drunk? No, she had to be; otherwise, she wouldn’t ever do what she had just done. But then again, Irene was just a woman after all, and she even admitted having been lonely and wondering about her romantic life. Actually, didn’t Irene just now say ‘now that I actually look at you’? Did that mean that she only started to see him as a man after that point, or maybe it just only then that Irene had a chance to see him up close?

No, that wouldn’t make sense given the situation; Irene had commented on his skin, something that didn’t really require close inspection to admire. Then what was it? The gears in Jaeho’s mind spun as he thought about those few points.

About a minute later, he suddenly stopped, his hands coming off Irene’s back, causing her to look back in surprise. He _did_ offer to be her boyfriend, and although it was a joke and it should have been obvious that it was one, maybe Irene actually considered it seriously and decided to test him?

“What’s wrong?” Irene inquired, turning around.

“Nothing, sorry,” he replied.

“You’re pretty good at this. You know our Wendy, from my group, is also pretty good at doing massages,” she said, scooting to the edge of her stool. “Do my legs next.”

If Irene was indeed testing him, then this was definitely a crucial part, Jaeho figured. “I don’t know about—”

“Aww, why not?” she pouted. Jaeho’s will almost crumbled in the face of such effortless cuteness, only his resolve to pass Irene’s test—in the slim chance this was the intent behind Irene’s action—holding him back.

“Wouldn’t stretching be better for relieving tension the muscles in your legs?” Jaeho offered.

Irene shrugged, placing her legs on the rungs beneath Jaeho’s stool, essentially sandwiching his legs in between hers. “That’s not why I asked for the massage though,” she said.

Jaeho made sure to take a brief second to calm himself down before addressing Irene. “Well you can always ask Wendy herself, right?”

“Why would I do that when I could just ask you?”

“Because you’re more familiar with Wendy…?”

Irene pursed her lips. Retracting her legs and setting her hands on the counter, placing her head on top of those hands, making sure to still be facing Jaeho. “You’re interesting, Song Jaeho,” she commented, closing her eyes. “Well, you passed.”

He—what? Was he hearing things? So Jaeho was right, that Irene was testing him? “I what?” inquired Jaeho, only to discover that Irene was already fast asleep.

Slightly panicked, he looked up and almost immediately made eye contact with the bartender. “Ah, don’t worry, I know who to call,” he said, picking up the phone located next to the cash register and speaking briefly into it before putting it back down.

“Thank you,” Jaeho said, briefly checking up on Irene to make sure she was still situated securely to the seat.

“Of course. Are you going to give her your phone number?”

The question took him by surprise. Honestly, it wasn’t even a thought that had grazed his mind: while it was somewhat comforting, knowing that Irene felt safe enough to fall asleep in his presence, another part of him felt the situation to be bitter-sweet. It was a thought that lingered in the back of his mind this entire time: when this night is over, life will move on as if nothing ever happened. This was just a natural part of life, but it almost made him regret meeting Irene in the first place— _almost._

“I don’t think so. What would her company think if they found out?”

The bartender shrugged. “Well, her company would only figure out if her manager tattled on her. And from my knowledge, the managers tend to be on the idols’ side when it came to issues like these.” When the bartender saw him ponder, he offered one last piece of advice, “Idols are humans too, you know.”

Jaeho deliberated on the option, but no matter how he thought about it, it didn’t sit well with him. It just felt too … self-entitled, too pompous, too arrogant of him to do such a thing. In the end, even if Irene _did_ enjoy herself tonight, Jaeho was just a random guy who Irene didn’t have much of a reason to be interested in, especially when she could choose from a much more desirable pool of men in the celebrity scene who, for one, could _actually_ empathize with her daily troubles unlike him, a regular man in the workforce. When Irene’s manager arrived, she quickly bowed a ‘thanks’ to Jaeho before carrying the groggy idol out through the back door of the club.

Jaeho finished his water shortly afterwards and departed from the club.

Sure enough, when the next morning rolled around, the previous night all seemed a blur. It wasn’t that he couldn’t remember what had transpired: it was more like it felt too fantastical to be real. Either it was the most realistic dream he’s ever had, or he actually _did_ strike up a conversation with Red Velvet’s Bae Joohyun and they _did_ flirt with each other for a little while. But the memory stayed fresh in his mind throughout his morning ritual, so by breakfast, he determined that last night _did_ actually happen.

This came with conflicting feelings: while he felt happy—proud, even—about how the previous night transpired, he overwhelmingly felt a crushing disappointment, a hidden longing, an emptiness that usually followed joy-filled moments like concerts or parties. Again, it almost made him regret ever having met Irene, but the ecstatic feeling of reliving that memory overpowered that regret.

He could still remember her laughter and how it stayed in her eyes, the way she spoke and how soothing it was to hear her voice, her gentle hands on the back of his own … it scared him to admit, but he could start to empathize with obsessive fans who wanted nothing more than to be with their idols 24/7. He wanted some validation, some reassurance that Irene and he could hit it off, or maybe he just wanted another excuse to see her in person again. He began dreading not leaving his phone number with Irene, even despite knowing how egotistical of an action that might have seemed. If he had just swallowed his pride and given Irene the choice of contacting him instead of himself, maybe he would’ve had a chance … after all, Irene _did_ congratulate him for ‘passing’ her test. Or at least, that’s what he figured those words meant.

After moping around his apartment until lunchtime, he decided to just push the memory into the back of his mind, and keep it just that: a memory, a recollection of a joyous, exhilarating night to never happen again, an interesting occurrence with no real future consequence. Keeping this in mind, he nearly choked on his own spit after seeing the post Irene made on her personal Instagram: it was a video of her drinking a cup of water in an exaggerated refreshed expression, with the caption: “What do you think? Do you think I could film a commercial for water?”

This had to be regarding last night, right? In the grand scheme of things, this kind of a post seemed random and uncharacteristic of Irene. Maybe it was just a coincidence? The chances of that wasn’t zero; or maybe she just vaguely remembered last night and that joke was one of the things she remembered.

But what if this was all because Irene was subtly trying to communicate with him?

The more Jaeho thought about it, the more ridiculous the notion seemed. First of all, how would Irene be able to find him by using this post? By reading each and every one of the 3000+ comments? And how would she even determine which one was him?

And that was still assuming Irene, for some reason, had taken enough of an interest in him after spending just an hour or two talking to him to want to get to know him better. Maybe it was just the joke itself that left an impact on her, and not Jaeho himself. And again, even if he _did_ take it as a sign of Irene trying to communicate with her, what was he going to do? Comment on the post in the hopes that Irene would, by some miracle, find that comment and recognize him? Go back to the club later that night and hope he was let in again? None of those situations seemed very likely, so in the end, he decided to just like the post and leave it at that. As disappointing as it was, as much as Jaeho wished it was Irene calling out to him, he had to face the fact that reality and fantasy were separate.

As the weekend passed and he went back to work, the empty feeling of disappointment started to fade. He wasn’t going to lie, he considered going back to the club to test his luck, but ultimately decided against it for fear of seeming like an obsessive fan.

It was on the fifth day after meeting Irene that another post from her rekindled those emotions: it was another allusion to their brief night at the club—she was simply smiling at the camera for about ten seconds, after which bursting out into laughter, the clip ending shortly after. The caption: “This wasn’t creepy, was it?”

It wasn’t just Jaeho that thought this was slightly out of character for Irene: even a few commenters felt the same way, wondering why she was posting such a video, developing theories that she was trying to prove someone wrong or that she was practicing for a CF. Jaeho deliberated on the topic for about an hour, this time resolving to leave a simple comment that told Irene ‘here he was’: ‘Just as expected, it was very pretty but also a little creepy.’

Despite reminding himself over and over to keep his expectations low, he couldn’t help but feel a ballooning sense of anticipation, a swelling nervousness inside his chest that perpetually felt dangerously close to bursting. What if things worked out? What if Irene correctly identified him and they could meet up again? What if … what if … this question, that lingered in the back of his mind ever since that night, felt so close— _so close_ —to being answered.

So when no one responded or so much as to even notice the comment, that burning feeling eventually petered out into a small flame. When reality snuffed that small flame from existence, Jaeho felt such a crushing disappointment that he contemplated not going to work the next day. The following day, Irene posted another video of herself drinking soju with her members, making the same ‘satisfied’ face as Jaeho ever so vividly remembered as the face she made after taking her first sip of the drink he liked to drink. She smiled into the camera, the clip cutting off shortly afterwards, and Jaeho couldn’t help but think that the smile was directed at _him_ , as a sort of ‘see, I told you so,’—a response to his accusation that Irene didn’t actually make such a face when drinking other, weaker forms of alcohol.

Jaeho came to realize how uncharacteristic his recent behavior was: his life motto was to not dwell on the past, but here he was, shackled by it. So, this time, he didn’t dwell on the post; he simply just ‘liked’ it and moved on with his day, contemplating what he should do the upcoming weekend. He briefly considered visiting another bar, but instantly shot the idea down, knowing that he probably wouldn’t enjoy himself as much with the memory of last week’s encounter with Irene still imprinted in his brain.

The next week’s Monday, Irene posted yet again, this time of the song ‘Young and Beautiful’ by Lana Del Ray. Jaeho noticed the lyrics at the top of the screencap: his English wasn’t that good, but with the help of Google translate, his suspicions were confirmed. The lyrics, “Will you still love me when I’m no longer young and beautiful”, could also be seen as a reference to that night, when Jaeho noted that he liked that Irene was older than him. Was he just stretching for a connection at this point? Maybe he was, but he couldn’t help it: that meeting and conversation with Irene was probably the single most memorable experience in his life and might be for the rest of his life.

This was the nudge that caused Jaeho choose to temporarily disregard his mother’s words—something he never thought would happen—and seriously consider trying his luck out at that club on Friday night. With all these hints, he figured that if he never at least _tried_ to go there again, he would regret it for the rest of his life. If he could just bring himself to discard his pride that _one_ night … but still, was there any guarantee that, even if he was let in again, he would see Irene there? Was it worth the risk?

That question was summarily answered a few days later in another post by Irene, a serene, casual picture of the idol along with a caption that read: “I’m going to be honest here: you’ve all been curious as to what has gotten into me lately, right? Well, a new friend gave me these suggestions but hasn’t contacted me ever since then. If she doesn’t do so, I’ll seriously get mad :<”

Even though the person Irene was addressing was evidently a female, he understood why she did so: if she addressed this ‘close friend’ of hers as a male, or even if she didn’t address the ‘close friend’s’ gender at all, rumors would start flying that Irene was secretly meeting or dating someone.

That Friday, after some uncharacteristically obsessive preparation, he headed out for that bar. His anxiety gradually built up more and more until he entered the bar itself, inside the private screening room that sat between the rest of the line and the club interior and came across the same bouncer as he met his first time there. However, this time, he was rejected.

“What? Are you sure?”

“I’m sorry sir,” he replied.

“But I was here last week,” Jaeho replied, immediately realizing that he shouldn’t have said that. It must have been his desperation, the building bubble of anticipation that suddenly burst with the bouncer’s words, that caused him to say such an uncharacteristically stupid thing: at worst, reminding this to the bouncer would do nothing more than to embarrass him to the point of anger and impatience, and at best, wouldn’t phase him whatsoever, the comment passed off as a lie.

“I’m sorry sir, but I can’t let you in,” he repeated, thankfully choosing the latter as reaction.

Jaeho knew he had to leave, that him loitering any further would result in his forced removal, which would just be all the more embarrassing, but he felt like he _had_ to try. He already came this far; he felt that not pressing the issue would result in a regret that would haunt him for the rest of his life.

“Can you just let me in for one minute?” he swallowed his pride in making the offer.

“No, I can’t allow that. I’m sorry sir, but if you press any more, I’ll be forced to call security.”

He sighed and nodded, turning around wistfully. “I understand. I’m sorry, have a—”

Just then, a gentle, yet firm voice called out, cutting him off.

“Song Jaeho?”


	2. Ice Cream Cake

Jaeho instantly recognized the owner of the voice but didn’t dare to verify it. Now that he thought about it, his plan only went so far as getting into the bar: what was he going to do if he actually met Irene again? What was he going to say? How was he going to act?

He hesitantly turned around and was met with the sight of a certain female celebrity’s smiling face from the other side of the propped open door.

“Oh, it _is_ you! I see you got my message,” she said, stepping out of the club and into the screening room.

“Miss, if you wish to speak to him, please take this path to the back entrance,” the bouncer said, stepping to the side, revealing a hidden door behind the burly man that Jaeho hadn’t even noticed before. “We need to move onto the next customer as quickly as possible.”

“Of course, I’m sorry. Let’s go,” she said, entering the passageway behind the door. Jaeho followed her, still wondering what the hell was going on, if this was a dream, his heart still pounding from having received such an enthusiastic greeting from the most beautiful woman on the planet. He could help but just stare at the backside of the smaller woman in front of him in utter disbelief; shortly after the door closed behind him, Irene spoke up again. “Wow, that was good timing, huh? I was just sitting at the counter before realizing that you might not be allowed in this time, and right as I approached the door, I saw you through the tainted glass.”

It felt simply … unreal. There was no other word that suited the situation. Was this really Irene who was walking in front of him? Did she really just greet him with that much enthusiasm just now? He didn’t want to get his hopes up by reading too much into things, but … well, it was _Bae Joohyun_ after all: Jaeho knew that if he had even the smallest chance with such a woman, he should pounce on it.

“Ah, so you must’ve seen my desperate act right then, huh? That was awkward,” he commented.

Irene laughed, but Jaeho could tell there was a hint of unfamiliarity hidden inside, not that he particularly blamed her as the only interaction they had were those few hours two weeks ago. “No, unfortunately I couldn’t hear anything, although you _did_ seem pretty sad when you turned away.”

“Yeah, I think anyone would be if they felt like they missed their only chance to meet a superstar like you, right?” he said, taking his jacket off. “It’s pretty cold in here, huh? Are you ok?”

“Yeah, I’ll be—oh, thank you,” Irene cut herself off as Jaeho placed his jacket over her bare shoulders. She was wearing a sleeveless black dress that sharply juxtaposed her pale skin, which just so happened to match the black jacket Jaeho was wearing. “Why didn’t you respond to any of my posts?”

“I didn’t at first, but—” Jaeho stopped when Irene turned around, giving him a pointedly disappointed look. “Well, I mean, I did comment on _one_ of your posts! Wouldn’t it usually be crazy of someone to think something like ‘an idol is trying to secretly to contact me via her public Instagram account’?” Irene conceded the point, nodding in understanding. “It was only after the last post that I finally gained the confidence to come back here.”

“Are you sure you commented?” she asked, meeting his eyes. Jaeho nodded, trying his best to meet her eyes in a stoic manner and found himself barely capable of doing so: even her eyes, just _her eyes_ , were stunning. How could so much beauty be contained in one woman? “I was careful to read all the comments though. At least, all the comments within the first hour or so of posting.”

“Ah, well I made my comment a few hours after you posted,” Jaeho admitted.

Irene playfully huffed indignantly and turned back around. “Are you really my fan if you don’t see my post within an hour of me posting it?”

Jaeho chuckled, still feeling a bit too uncomfortable to openly laugh. He usually wasn’t like this and it felt strange, but at the same time it felt natural due to the anxiety he was feeling. “Well I was at work, what do you want me to do?”

She shrugged. “A simple glance at your phone every now and then wouldn’t hurt, would it?”

“Well, according to you, I would have to glance at it every hour.” A momentary silence followed as Irene thought about that, Jaeho shortly afterwards breaking it with, “Plus, I make it a thing to not get sidetracked and distracted at work.”

“Even for your girlfriend?” came the quiet inquiry that followed from the smaller woman.

Jaeho could tell Irene slowed down after posing the potentially loaded question: an honest answer might breed jealousy while a lie, which for some reason Jaeho didn’t put past Irene to be able to distinguish despite not knowing him for too long, might create dissonance between the two. So, Jaeho decided to compromise and answered, “Well, of course it would be a different story for my girlfriend, if I had one.”

Seemingly satisfied with the answer, Irene returned to her normal walking pace. The ensuing silence granted Jaeho the opportunity to inquire about something that pestered him throughout the last two weeks and even more now that Irene was in front of him. “I feel like you’re more comfortable around me than you usually are around people you aren’t familiar with, or at least that’s my impression from seeing you on TV. Why is that?”

Irene stopped right in front of the door at the end of the hallway. “I don’t know,” she admitted, turning around. Jaeho felt himself subconsciously holding his breath again, still unused to seeing such striking beauty at such a close distance. “Well, first of all, right off the bat you were really friendly and made the atmosphere really comfortable, so it felt easy to continue talking to you. Also, I only started being more open to relationships recently, so not many guys have talked to me.” Jaeho figured he had an understanding regarding this: Irene gave off this mystical, intimidating, ‘out-of-your-league’ aura that apparently even affected celebrities. He imagined a lot of other guys felt the same way he had: ‘what chance do _I_ have with her?’ In fact, if he wasn’t slightly buzzed that one night, he might have never approached her. “There have been some who have come up to me and started conversations, but none of them left as big of an impression as you did,” she concluded.

“Oh, so in other words, I made enough of a fool out of myself that you remembered me?” Jaeho replied, earning a giggle from Irene.

“No, that wasn’t it. It was—actually, let’s finish talking at my apartment,” she said, turning around.

“You have your own apartment?” Jaeho asked, helping Irene open the heavy-looking door that she was having trouble with the rest of the way. A rush of cool air blew into the warm, stuffy hallway, Irene quickly pinning the jacket on her shoulders with her hands, a parking lot revealing itself before his eyes.

“I got it shortly after deciding to look for a relationship because I didn’t want to disturb my members or pressure any guy I brought home with their presence,” she casually explained, reaching into her purse and pressing a button, a small, white car beeping to life in response.

Even though Jaeho didn’t know about that—and he considered himself pretty well read on the news regarding his favorite K-pop groups—he didn’t put it past more obsessed fans to know it. And therein lay the first problem: what about media and paparazzi? What if they caught the two together?

“Are you sure? Shouldn’t we just talk inside your car?” Jaeho nervously asked.

Irene flashed a reassuring smile to Jaeho from the other side of the car. “Don’t worry. My apartment is a really private one that many other celebrities use, so you won’t have to worry about the press or anything,” she reassured him, crouching down and subsequently disappearing into the shiny car.

Jaeho was still hesitant though. Sure, the windows of the car were tainted and Irene’s word probably meant that the security was exceptional, but there was always the chance that somehow, someway, something happened. Jaeho didn’t want to be the cause behind a controversy that threw Irene or Red Velvet under the bus.

“What’s wrong?” Irene asked, rolling the passenger side window down before leaning over the armrest in between the front seats.

“Are you sure about this?” Jaeho asked again.

“Of course! Don’t worry, I’ll protect you,” she said with a cheeky grin on her face, barely able to reach the handle of the passenger-side door to prop it open, Jaeho pulling the door the rest of the way. As embarrassed as he was to hear such words from her when that should be _his_ duty, he accepted the invitation, sliding into the passenger seat. Irene made sure to pass Jaeho’s jacket back to him as he settled in.

“I didn’t know you had your own car either,” Jaeho noted as he put on his seatbelt.

“It’s really convenient, especially for situations like these,” she noted, the engine of the car roaring to life shortly after.

“Wait … how did you get both yourself _and_ your car back home two weeks ago?” Jaeho wondered out loud.

Irene paused as she searched for her answer. “We had to leave my car here overnight and I retrieved it the next day,” she explained. As silence befell them, Jaeho noticed the serene, concentrated look on Irene’s face as she drove. While it was outwardly similar to the poker face he was wearing, inside, his heart was racing laps around his ribcage. Irene, the leader of Red Velvet, the woman Jaeho considered to be the most beautiful woman on the planet, was sitting next to him so casually, talking to him like he was her long-time friend … how could Jaeho _not_ feel anxious? This time he didn’t have the benefit of alcohol granting him courage, and Jaeho truly felt it: he was so close to Irene that he literally was unable to prevent himself from stealing glances at her every few seconds. He wanted to stop, knowing the more he did so the more likely Irene was to catch him, but even still, his head swiveled against his will, his eyes drinking in the flawless side-profile of the idol before he managed to force his eyes off, only to return half a minute later. The tension hanging in the air like the edge of a freshly sharpened knife, the eerie quiet that quite literally _filled_ the car, Irene’s subtle, yet still somehow intoxicating perfume that was invading Jaeho’s nostrils … it still felt surreal. It was the only way Jaeho knew how to describe it: surreal, fantastical, spectacular—these words just couldn’t do the mystical feeling justice. Was this really Bae Joohyun that was sitting next to him? What if this was a prank by his friends or something, and they just got someone to do a ton of makeup to get herself to look like Irene? No, that wasn’t probable; Jaeho hadn’t told _anyone_ about his encounter with Irene two weeks ago, largely because he felt that no one would believe him. Even as he sat next to the beauty, Jaeho _himself_ wasn’t sure he believed everything that was happening right now. If this was a dream, Jaeho hoped to never wake up.

“What’s wrong?” Irene asked as they pulled up to a red light. “Why are you so quiet?”

“Ah, sorry,” Jaeho replied, “I just was—ah, never mind.”

“What?” she insisted, looking over at him, a warm, inviting smile on her face.

“I was too enamored by your beauty,” Jaeho answered, a shocked expression appearing shortly on Irene’s face before she turned back to face the road. Seeing the reaction made him smile and gave him further confidence; before, it seemed like Irene was perfectly calm and collected to have been thrown in this sudden situation, but seeing the reaction made him realize that Irene was a bit nervous too, which certainly did some work in breaking down that mystical, divine aura that had lingered about her. “I was also thinking that, even with your explanation, it didn’t make sense that you’d suddenly feel so comfortable with me that you’d invite me to your apartment.”

“Ah, that,” Irene replied. Despite facing forward, Jaeho could see that Irene’s face had taken a red tone, causing Jaeho’s smile to widen; how could a 31-year-old woman be this cute? “I’ll tell you when we get there,” she said shyly.

The rest of the short car ride went by in silence, as did the walk to the elevator and the ride up to her apartment’s floor. In the time, Jaeho had plenty of time to reflect: to think about what this meant, about what would happen, about what he would do if they got into a relationship, about what he would do if that _didn’t_ happen, about how he would tell others about this or if he would even tell anyone about this at all, … all of it. This was quite uncharacteristic of Jaeho; while he wasn’t one to be completely thoughtless, he wasn’t one to dwell too much on such vague thoughts. ‘Live in the present or it’ll fly by before you know it’ was another interpretation of his mother’s words, and it was something he always tried to be cognizant of: if there was something to be done, instead of thinking about it for so long that the opportunity passed, he acted as directed by his instincts and gut feelings. Right now, though, Jaeho felt what was happening right now was too important to just react based on gut feelings. He felt that he should be more aware of his surroundings and make sure to not screw up. After all, when would the next chance to date such a spectacular woman present itself? Jaeho reminisced about the last time he was in a relationship: it was quite some time ago, but hopefully not so long ago that it’s dulled his senses.

When they stepped into the homely apartment, Irene quickly exchanged her shoes for slippers, reaching into a cabinet near the foyer and pulling out a pair for Jaeho. “Here,” she said, setting them on the floor.

“Thank you,” Jaeho replied, leaving his shoes by the door and slipping his feet into the slippers, only then discovering that they were a little tight.

“Oh, are they too small?” Irene inquired, reaching into the cabinet again.

“It’s fine, it fits,” Jaeho replied.

“No no, it’s ok, I have bigger ones,” she said, “So not only do you have big hands, but big feet as well?”

“Well, I guess I need big feet to balance out my big hands,” Jaeho suggested, taking off the slippers so that Irene could put them back into the cabinet.

“What are you even saying? That doesn’t make any sense,” she said, laughing. “Do you want something to drink?”

“I’ll just have some water,” Jaeho answered, slipping on the larger slippers and following Irene into her apartment.

“OK,” she said, heading into the kitchen and retrieving a cup from the cupboard above the sink. “My water isn’t as exquisite as the one at that bar, though.”

Jaeho chuckled. “That’s a shame, but it’s fine. Thank you,” he said, receiving the cup from her. After pouring herself a cup of soju, Irene joined Jaeho at the table located next to the kitchen. “So you were going to tell me the other reason why you felt so comfortable around me?”

Irene nodded shyly, her face starting to turn red again. “Yeah…” she said, clearly hesitant on the prospect now.

“If you don’t want to say, it’s fine. I was just curious—” Jaeho started, but Irene cut him off.

“No, I’ll say,” she interjected, taking a brief second to herself before following up, “It’s because you passed my test.”

It was Jaeho’s turn to flush, the memory of it replaying in his mind. “Ah, really?” Jaeho didn’t know what to think or what to do; while he was glad that he passed Irene’s ‘test’, he wasn’t sure what to make of it, what it was even for or what it was testing. Judging from Irene’s reaction, she was embarrassed by the memory, but judging from how she was acting, passing the test was deeply meaningful to Irene. “I was really surprised, to be honest. I didn’t know you had it in you to be that sexy—”

“Stop~” she whined, kicking him under the table lightly. Jaeho laughed, Irene frowning in response. “If you want to have a chance with me, you would do well to forget that.”

Jaeho’s eyebrows rose. He knew he heard correctly but even still couldn’t believe his ears; even if it was just something that Irene said in passing, he couldn’t help but feel a swell of confidence and determination. If Irene was looking for a boyfriend and he was looking for a girlfriend, if Irene had given Jaeho a test that he allegedly passed which sparked an interest in him inside her, then could it actually be possible that they get together? For the longest time—for his entire life, that is—he was taught to separate fantasy from reality, that there were just some things he couldn’t expect to happen in the real world. Gaining the ability to fly, developing super-strength, dating an idol: these were all things that he figured were purely in the realm of fantasy and had long accepted was something that would never happen to him. Consequently, being faced with such a reality that dipped its toes into the realm of fantasy made Jaeho extremely nervous and anxious, but also overwhelmingly happy and excited. ‘Live in the present, seize the moment, grab every opportunity and never let go’: if he were to follow his mother’s words, he would also do well to remember that in the end, Irene was just a woman and _not_ a goddess. Or at the very least, he was pretty sure that was the case.

“Are you sure? It would be such a shame to—” Jaeho started, a teasing smile on his face, Irene interrupting him.

“Yah,” she whined, kicking him again. “I’m older than you, remember? Shouldn’t you be listening to the words of your _noona_?”

“You’re right, I’m sorry, I should listen to my elders,” Jaeho said, scooting his chair away from her.

“What do you mean ‘elders’? I’m not that much older than you!” Irene complained, reaching over the table and smacking him again.

Jaeho laughed, saying “I’m sorry, I didn’t—”

“Forget it, I’m mad,” Irene replied, pouting and crossing her arms.

Whereas normally, Jaeho would be able to easily understand that Irene was being playful, because she was the super-idol Irene, for a brief second, he feared that Irene was being sincere and the repercussions if she were. He could even tell from her facial expression: the slight smile on her lips and cheekbones that hinted at her playfulness, and it was this observation that diffused the anxiety he felt. “Even when you’re mad, you’re cute,” Jaeho chuckled.

“Wh-What do you mean? You think calling me cute will help?” Irene stammered ever so slightly, another action that bombarded Jaeho’s heart with a warm, tingly feeling. He always admired these idols, both for their talents and beauty, and would sometimes feel his heart flutter from looking at candid pictures of them or watching stunning performances by them, but he never considered them feelings of romantic love. The emotions he was feeling at that moment were completely different: this feeling, an unstoppable force that invaded his entire body, the bubbling feeling of elation deep within his chest—these emotions, undoubtedly, were the burgeoning signs of love.

So if this were the case, Jaeho decided, he would just accept it but ignore it for now and just attempt to act as natural as possible, go with the flow of the conversation. It certainly wouldn’t help him if he acted upon these feelings right now, unclear as they were, especially since he just now started to feel them. “Well, it worked so well last time, didn’t it?”

“Yah!” Irene smacked him the third time that night, “I told you to forget that night!”

“It’s so memorable though,” Jaeho replied, a smile lingering on his lips. He found it was hard _not_ to smile in her presence, which was weird because he was often criticized by his friends for the stern look that often occupied his face.

“It—It’s embarrassing,” Irene admitted, her face starting to turn pink, Jaeho following suit upon remembering what occurred at that club two Fridays ago.

“I don’t know, it’s just—it would be such a shame to just forget that, though,” Jaeho commented after a moment of silence.

Irene whined, hiding her face in her hands. “Why do you like teasing me so much? Aren’t you supposed to be nice to your idols?”

Jaeho laughed again. “Sorry, it’s just so fun to see you flustered.”

“It wasn’t that fun for me,” Irene admitted.

“Oh, aw, why not?”

Irene sighed, and just from that, Jaeho could feel the weight in the week that elapsed between his first and second visit to Irene’s apartment. “I had a lot of meetings to attend; don’t tell anyone this, but we just got started on working out the concept of our next album, including which songs to put in and choreography and everything. In addition, I had a meeting with a company I do CFs for regarding the concept of the next CF they want to shoot for me; I mean, the meetings don’t take _that_ long, but they’re mentally exhausting sometimes, especially since we don’t get much sleep. Also, one of my members was undergoing hardships with online comments because she was acting ‘too friendly’ with someone else on a variety show we appeared in recently, and that on top of us starting to diet in preparation for our comeback made it that much harder for her. On top of all that, we still attended fan-meetings with the knowledge of our comeback but not being able to tell them about it despite them all eagerly waiting for it. There’s also—” Irene abruptly stopped when she made eye contact with Jaeho, an apologetic look befalling her face. “Oh my gosh, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to rant.”

Again, Jaeho inconspicuously found a smile on his face. There was just something about Irene’s passion despite all the laborious work, about her love of her fans despite all the stress that came with her work that made him admire her that much more. “You don’t have to apologize, it’s a fan’s job to make their idols happy, right? You said it yourself last week.”

Irene nodded cautiously. Jaeho could tell that she was deliberately skirting around the topic of Irene’s embarrassing front she displayed three weeks ago: her ‘test’ for Jaeho, so to speak, but Jaeho decided to obey Irene’s directive from the previous week and not mention it again, as fun as it was to see Irene flounder about. “Why were you smiling though?”

“Oh, it’s just—” Jaeho started, Irene interrupting him shortly after.

“What, does my pain make you happy?” Irene demanded. Those words alone would be incriminating were it not for the playful tone in Irene’s voice and the laughter in her eyes, although Jaeho would be lying if he said hearing those words from the idol didn’t cause discourse inside his brain. However, it lasted for but a fleeting moment, Jaeho laughing as well, catching Irene’s infectious smile.

“It was just that I found your passion for your work and love for your fans despite all the exhaustion accumulated from all your hard work admirable,” Jaeho explained.

“Ooh,” Irene replied in an impressed tone, “that sounded convincing.”

“What? I’m being sincere!” Jaeho defended himself.

“Well last week you told me that you found my flustering cute, so you can’t blame me for not trusting you,” Irene defended _herself_.

“What’s wrong with being cute?” Jaeho asked, sneaking a glance into Irene’s cup as sneakily as he could, discovering that she still had a bit of her drink left. He wanted a refill but felt it was impolite to bring it up, so he figured he would just get it when Irene finished her drink.

“Well first off, I’m thirty-one years old,” Irene stated, taking another sip of her drink.

“I thought you said it was improper to mention a woman’s age,” Jaeho countered.

“Well I figured it’s ok since you’re into older women,” Irene replied smugly.

Jaeho laughed. “What, did you have that reply prepared in advance?”

Jaeho meant it as a joke, but upon observing Irene’s immediate reaction, he realized that there might have been more truth in what he said than what Irene would’ve liked to let on. This came as a startling realization to him: while Jaeho figured it was now disingenuous to _not_ call the two ‘friends’ or at least ‘acquaintances’ now that Irene has invited him over to her apartment twice in two weeks, he always reminded himself to stay grounded in that reality. They were nothing more and nothing less.

This wasn’t something Jaeho was _necessarily_ content with, honestly. In the past week, he found himself griping with these feelings often: the reality that his feelings of romantic love towards Irene could be one-sided, that it probably was the case that Jaeho spent more time— _much_ more time—thinking about Irene than her about him. But with the observation of her reaction, he surmised that perhaps that train of thought wasn’t necessarily the case: did Irene think about him in her free time? How often? The answers to these questions, as much as Jaeho wanted to know them, could only remain in his fantasy world—for now, at least. What he could take away was that the answers were _not_ a simple ‘she didn’t’ or ‘never’.

When this dawned on Jaeho, his heart started palpitating, which was even strengthened by Irene’s reply of, “So what if I did?” Irene’s slightly flushing face provided even more fuel to the ardent blaze alight in his heart. The brief moment of silence was broken when Irene stood up, saying, “I’m going to refill, do you want anything?”

“I’ll have wa—actually, do you have that soju from last week?”

“Ah, yes, I do,” Irene said, pulling out the green-transparent bottle from the fridge. “It was good, wasn’t it?”

“Yeah, I never really get to drink this kind of soju because it’s too expensive for me,” Jaeho replied, closing the fridge for Irene as she struggled to open the bottle. Jaeho moved to offer assistance, but the bottle popped open before he could do so.

“Ah, so is that what I am to you? A rich friend?” Irene laughed, pouring the alcohol in the two cups—one of which was specifically _his,_ supposedly.

“I never said that,” Jaeho answered, exaggerating an offended look. “I never stated that one of the things I look forward to every week is the luxury of this apartment.”

“Yah,” Irene laughed again, turning around with the two cups and looking at him.

Jaeho smiled. It was like magic; Irene’s infectious smile never failed to transfer onto him, something Jaeho hoped Irene didn’t notice. “I’m kidding. Well, I was partially kidding; the part about looking forward to coming here every week _was_ true.”

“Oh really?” Irene giggled, a smile in her eyes as she looked at Jaeho with an unbelieving expression, stopping short upon meeting Jaeho’s serious gaze. “Oh, really?” she repeated, this time with a bit more weight behind her words.

Jaeho nodded. “Yeah. This is only my third time here, but I’m already finding this place to be very comfortable,” he slyly commented, glancing around at the idol’s home-away-from-home.

“Ah, so it’s this place, not me, that you look forward to, huh?” Irene replied in a knowing, ‘ah I get it’ tone.

“Well, no. I look forward to meeting you also,” Jaeho responded, redirecting his gaze back onto Irene. Over the past three weeks, Jaeho had become more and more competent at doing this, looking Irene in the eyes. It was a small victory, if it could even be considered one, but he took it nonetheless.

Irene, on the other hand, started turning a little pink in the cheeks. “There you go again, teasing me,” she mumbled, closing the bottle.

“I’m not teasing you, I mean it,” Jaeho said, taking the bottle from Irene and putting it back into the refrigerator, “You know, to me, a normal person, it’s sort of amazing that I get to talk to such a famous idol like yourself on a weekly basis, one-on-one.”

Irene laughed. “What are you saying?”

“What?” Jaeho replied innocently. “I mean, I bet there are hundreds of thousands, millions of fans who are jealous that I get to do this.”

“Isn’t that a bit of an exaggeration?” Irene replied, her tone indicated that she sincerely believed Jaeho’s words to be hyperbolic version of reality.

“No, I don’t think so.”

“Really? There was _nothing_ interesting that happened to you all week?” Irene asked, clearly not believing Jaeho’s response.

“What? I’m allowed to have a boring life, aren’t I?” Jaeho defended himself.

“It’s just that … really? Nothing?” Irene repeated.

“Ok, fine,” Jaeho conceded, a triumphant look appearing on Irene’s face as he did so, “I guess the most interesting thing that happened to me this week was that I saw one of my ex’s by chance at a restaurant and caught up with her.”

It was a white lie, a claim that Jaeho wanted to use to gauge Irene’s reaction, successfully drawing out her shocked, slightly anxious expression. Maybe it was just him looking for something that wasn’t there, but he swore he saw jealousy in Irene’s expression. “Oh, how did it go?” was her rather stiff reply.

“I’m kidding,” Jaeho admitted, causing Irene to pout.

“You—” Irene reached across the table to smack him, Jaeho dodging by leaning away from her. “Don’t dodge me when I’m trying to hit you,” she demanded, trying again and missing again.

“What, do you expect me to just sit here and get hit?” Jaeho replied, laughing.

“Yes! Now come here,” Irene got up off her chair, smacking Jaeho’s shoulder a couple of times for good measure before returning to her spot.

“Did that make you happy?” Jaeho asked, rubbing the spot Irene hit him.

“Yes,” she replied very matter-of-factly, sitting back down in her chair. “Ok, now it’s my turn: during a fan meeting—this was _really_ interesting—Seulgi was sitting next to me, right? I was waiting on the next person, who talking to Seulgi, and when I looked over to see what was taking so long, the fan was pulling out this _huge_ bear plushie from a box like, _this_ big,” Irene gestured about the size of a standing human, “I don’t know how that body-sized plushie managed to fit inside that of a small box, but I just found it really fascinating. I think it was designed to be really foldable or something, but it sort of just popped out of the box like _pyong!_ ” Irene added a popping gesture with her hands in addition to her sound effect. Jaeho hid his smile at the sudden display of cuteness, knowing Irene would take issue with it. “I was so startled by it that I almost knocked over the water bottle that was on the table next to me. I’ve seen interesting gifts before, but I have to say that one surprised me the most in recent memory.”

Jaeho also found it fascinating how relaxed she had become within these short few weeks; not only was this evident in her speech, but her more open body language. It was comforting to see this happening, especially since Jaeho was starting to feel more comfortable around Irene as well. Although he didn’t know if he would ever grow accustomed to her beauty, he found himself able to speak with more confidence.

“Speaking of which, how come I never see you at fan meetings?” Irene suddenly asked Jaeho.

“I, uh, am busy,” Jaeho answered, peering into Irene’s cup to see that it was empty. It was true, but it wasn’t the complete answer: Jaeho certainly _could_ make time to attend the fan meetings that Red Velvet held, but he never went to them because it usually involved taking time off work or his modeling side-job. Now that it was Jaeho’s fourth Friday at Irene’s apartment, he had another excuse: he wasn’t sure how he should act in front of Irene in public. He figured that he shouldn’t act as friendly around her as usual since that would just draw attention from attentive fans who knew that Jaeho wasn’t a childhood friend of Irene’s, but then should he just act like a normal fan? How does he do that? Jaeho never really was one to attend fan meetings due to the embarrassment of publicly supporting a girl group consisting of members much younger than he, not to mention that he was normally content watching them on variety shows and the occasional drama. Should he just try to observe other fans and try to imitate them, or just go by feel? What if Irene was offended by him acting so distant?

“You’re busy every single time?” Irene pointedly pouted, handing her empty cup to Jaeho. He innocently nodded, causing Irene to pout even more. “You know what? We have a public fan meeting tomorrow; I better see you there.”

“But—” Jaeho stopped in his tracks, his mind coming up blank as he tried to fabricate another excuse to not go, but as the seconds ticked by, in desperation, his mind transferred his inner turmoil and true thoughts into the words that poured out of his mouth. “How am I supposed to act, though?”

“What do you—…oh, I see,” a look of realization washed over Irene’s face as the problem Jaeho had been considering suddenly occurred to Irene, “Actually, not only that, but if my members find out what you look like, they’ll never stop teasing me.”

“Why would they tease you?” It was a question Jaeho casually threw out, but after Irene had fallen silent, Jaeho realized why it the inquiry, while innocent on the surface, could be so incriminating. They sat in a momentary silence while Irene collected her thoughts, Jaeho washing their cups at the kitchen sink as if he hadn’t come to that realization. After a few moments, Irene responded.

“Well, since I’ve been taking Friday nights off, I couldn’t just leave the dorm without telling them what I was doing. They know about this apartment and why I have it, so that’s what I told them,” Irene explained. Jaeho suddenly recalled back to their first time meeting: exactly six weeks ago, when Irene admitted that she was looking for a boyfriend and then two weeks later, revealed that she had acquired her own private apartment to that end.

“So should I just act like a normal fan and pretend not to know you that much?” Jaeho asked.

Irene thought about it before replying. “Yeah…I guess that would be best…wait, but would people even notice if we talked normally?”

Jaeho almost smiled at Irene’s display of humility. This aspect of Irene was yet another thing that never failed to amaze him: Irene’s fame never got to her head. In Jaeho’s mind, it would surely become an issue if Irene acted as friendly as she normally did to what most people would perceive as a random fan, and if people started speculating and rumors started spreading, it was game-over for the two. Jaeho wondered what Irene’s thoughts of the issue were, if she thought people wouldn’t think twice about her acting more friendly to a random male fan than to other fans. “I think so. Would you be willing to risk our friendship for just speaking a few sentences?”

“Well, it wouldn’t be _that_ bad, right? At the very worst, we would still be able to text each other and then just meet at public events, right?” Irene speculated.

“The worst that can happen is probably your company forbidding you from contacting me again,” Jaeho said, putting the cups back in their place, adding on, “Well, at least in my opinion, that’s the worst that can happen. Maybe it would be a relief that you can stop forcing yourself to invite me over every Friday,” Jaeho laughed.

This was yet another test of Jaeho’s own creation in which he wanted to gauge Irene’s reaction, and the results turned out more fruitful than he would have ever anticipated.

“What do you mean?! I’m not forcing myself! I—” Irene abruptly paused, her guilt-ridden facial expression quickly changing when she saw the smirk on Jaeho’s face, responding to his reaction by getting up out of her chair, taking a swift two steps, and smacking him on his shoulder.

“Seriously, why do you like teasing me so much?” Irene whined, turning away from him.

“I wanted to see your reaction,” Jaeho admitted, smiling. He wasn’t one to be lacking in self-confidence—his modeling side-job was kickstarted by his confidence in his own looks and abilities, after all—but for some reason, when it came to Bae Joohyun, it was a completely different story. Even though they met privately every Friday, Irene still felt like an idol every other day: she still appeared on variety shows and in CFs, she still attended fan meetings and concerts, she still interacted as she always did with celebrities, and it was on these days that Jaeho felt detached from her. He very much was the type to be possessive of his girl—not in the way that he ordered her to not hang out with other men, but in that he wanted to spend as much time with her as possible. So, when it came to Bae Joohyun, an idol loved by all, with many responsibilities and fans, it felt … strange, to say the least. Was he really courting her? Didn’t doing so require them to meet more than one a week? Was Irene really as interested in him as he understood? Would they just stay as they were currently—him, a non-celebrity friend that Irene could confide in, and her, a famous friend that granted him an eye into the world of celebrities? He hoped that wouldn’t be the case, but it always felt improper to make a move on Irene: because she was an idol and dating scandals are their worst nightmare, because of the fact that this was only their fourth time privately meeting despite having exchanged contact information three weeks ago, because Irene held this mystique about her that told Jaeho she was out of his league.

Irene’s reaction to Jaeho’s impromptu test held some merit at least, him gaining the understanding that Irene still had some level of interest in him that possibly went past platonic feelings.

“What, really?”

“Yeah, it’s purple. All your fans know this,” Jaeho stated, almost offended. “It’s because your close friend from high school liked purple the most, so it became your favorite color, right?”

“Wow, impressive,” Irene said, clapping in awe. Jaeho, on the other hand, couldn’t comprehend Irene’s reaction: this information was widely known and extremely accessible. In fact, had he _not_ known this, Jaeho felt he should lose his right to call himself an Irene fan.

“You know that almost every single one of your fans not only know your favorite color, but why it’s purple, right?” Jaeho inquired, genuinely curious.

“Well, I didn’t tell the story _that_ often, so I thought it wouldn’t be as well-known,” Irene admitted.

“Yet you questioned my status as your fan for not responding to your Instagram posts within the hour,” Jaeho retorted, handing her a pillow which Irene gladly accepted, joining him on the couch in the living room adjacent to the kitchen.

“Well at least you improved,” Irene replied happily, “I saw your comment on my last post.”

“Honestly, it was just sheer luck that I saw that post soon after you published it; I was in the bathroom and just happened to see it,” Jaeho stated.

“Yah!” Irene hit him, laughing in disbelief. “You didn’t have to say _that_ much.” Jaeho, having finished his drink, got up, picking up Irene’s cup along the way to the kitchen sink. “How about you? I still don’t know _your_ favorite color.”

“I haven’t really given much thought to topics like that, honestly. Maybe silver?” he said, scrubbing the cups with the sponge, “It’s a pretty color, isn’t it? Especially for hair, I think people with naturally straight hair would look really good if it was silver.”

Jaeho didn’t think much of that comment, so the next week, when Jaeho returned to Irene’s residence and saw Irene greet him at the entrance with a shining sheen of sparkling silver hair, he felt many conflicting emotions: he was flattered that Irene seemed to take his suggestion from the previous week but also simultaneously anxious, nervous, overwhelmed, and overjoyed at the implications of her doing something like this. Normally, it would be a clear sign to Jaeho, but things were different for Irene: someone else could have made the decision for her, especially since they were now about to start promoting a new album. Still, he didn’t want to count out the option that Irene dyed her hair like this to appeal to him.

“Ooh, I like your hair,” Jaeho commented, placing the bag of ingredients just outside the kitchen, putting on the slippers Irene pushed out for him.

“Yeah, I thought about what you said and suddenly wanted to try out having silver hair, so I requested to get my hair dyed for our comeback,” she admitted, settling down in the living room. Jaeho joined her on the couch, unable to take his eyes off her.

“As expected, it really suits you,” Jaeho commented, admiring the radiant beauty that Irene was exuding. That wasn’t to say that Irene wasn’t always beautiful, but there was something about the silver hair that truly gave her a divine radiance. It enhanced the already mystical beauty that surrounded her, the glittering silver hair seeming to light up her pale, perfectly proportioned face.

“I’m glad you like it,” she replied, a smile blossoming on her face, a pink hue overtaking her otherwise pale cheeks, her eyes darting around bashfully. Jaeho found himself smiling again, taking a few seconds to drink in the lovely sight before him.

“Are you hungry? I learned how to make a Chinese dish last week and tried making it a few times so I’m pretty confident in it now,” he said after a brief moment of silence, getting up on his feet and heading to the kitchen.

“I’m on a diet right now though,” Irene commented, following Jaeho as he retrieved the bag and carefully emptied its contents onto the kitchen counter.

“It’s healthy—it’s not as oily as other Chinese dishes,” Jaeho promised, going into the cabinet under the sink and pulling out the wide, non-stick pot. “It’s good, trust me.”

“I do, but my company would get mad if they found out,” Irene said, closing the cabinet door.

“Then all we have to do is make sure they don’t find out, right?” Jaeho said cheekily, pulling out the cutting board to the immediate right of the sink. “I’ll be done in about twenty minutes, so just sit there and look pretty. That should be easy enough for you,” Jaeho added on at the end.

Irene let out an exasperated chuckle, obeying anyway and sitting down at the table next to the kitchen. “You’re such a smooth talker,” Irene scoffed, Jaeho laughing in response.

“How about your group members? How did they react to your choice?” Jaeho asked, glancing up at Irene. Once again, he found himself enamored with Irene’s beauty. She was just sitting there— _she was_ _just sitting there_ , in a candid pose with a serene expression, but how could she be so beautiful while doing so?

“I told everyone that it was an idea I got from a friend at the salon, but when we got back to our apartment, my members instantly jumped on me, asking if it was you,” she said, giggling.

“Was it for me?” Jaeho asked, momentarily halting his cutting of vegetables to look up at her.

“…Yeah,” she admitted shyly, diverting her attention to the table. “My members absolutely freaked out when they heard that, you should’ve heard them. I think my eardrums are still recovering from the screaming they were doing last night.”

“That’s cute,” Jaeho commented, laughing, returning to his task.

“Do you want help with that?” Irene asked, standing up from the table.

“It’s fine, just stay right there and rest. Let me take care of everything,” he said, motioning her to sit back down.

“What, do you not trust me?” Irene replied, indignantly obeying him.

“I just want you to take a rest,” he said, peering at the pouting woman, smiling at the sight. “How often to you and your members make your own meals? Or are you too busy most of the time?”

“We don’t have much time to cook ourselves,” Irene revealed, which wasn’t something that shocked Jaeho by any means, “Wendy likes to bake in her free time, but as for complete meals, we mostly only cook on special occasions, like filming for a show or birthdays or days off.”

“Ah ok,” he mused, returning to his task. “Well, think about this: if I become your boyfriend, I can cook for the five of you as frequently as you wish.”

Irene laughed at the bold statement. “Ah, really? You say that and aren’t even willing to call me by my actual name, even after I said that you could.”

Jaeho deliberated on it. Calling Irene ‘Joohyun’ felt a bit too intimate for him, and was also a conscious choice: he felt like if he started to call Irene ‘Joohyun’, he might start mixing a fantasy of being her boyfriend with real life, in which he was just a regular guy and Irene was a top idol in South Korea. “Maybe if I become your boyfriend, then I’ll call you that,” he ended up saying.

“Ah, really? So there are a lot of benefits for that, huh?” Irene said, a playful smirk on her lips accompanied by slightly flushed cheeks. “Would you really cook for us as frequently as I want? Even if we ask you to visit us every day?”

Jaeho paused. “Well, maybe not _every_ day. People might get suspicious, right?”

Irene huffed. “You’re just making excuses,” she accused, fidgeting in her chair. Jaeho could tell that she was itching to help but was refraining, rooting herself on the stool.

“Fine,” Jaeho relented, “Even if you ask every day.” Jaeho finished his preparations shortly after, only then realizing he was missing something: Chinese dishes were almost always eaten with rice, unlike some Korean dishes which included rice if it was a part of the meal. “Ah, actually, do you have any rice here, Irene?”

She shook her head. “Should I go get some?” she asked, standing up.

“No, let me,” he insisted, setting down the kitchen utensils in his hands.

“No its ok, there’s a store downstairs that I can just get some instant rice from,” Irene said, her being the one motioning Jaeho to sit down this time. “You can continue cooking.”

Jaeho sighed, acquiescing Irene’s request and retaking his place back at the kitchen counter. “Come back quickly,” he said to the departing Irene.

“Don’t miss me too much~” she said, turning only her upper body around, shooting him a quick wink before walking through the apartment door.

Jaeho just stood there for the next minute or so, trying to get his heart to calm down. Now that he thought about it, if Irene became his girlfriend, would she do things like this all the time? Not at first, he speculated, but eventually, he imagined that would become the case. If he was right, then Jaeho needed to practice his poker face or otherwise find some other way to develop resistance to her deadly charms. 

A few minutes later, the door opened back up to reveal Irene carrying a bag. Before Jaeho could welcome her back, Irene asked, “This is a bit random, but do you want to meet my members?”


	3. La Rouge

Never before in Jaeho’s life was he as anxious as he was now. Not during his first job interview, not during his first dual photoshoot with a female model, not even when he lost his virginity.

“Hello,” he said, greeting Irene’s manager, entering the vehicle from the random, designated pick-up location Irene had texted him—this time being the VIP parking lot of a high-end restaurant.

“Hello,” was the warm reply that was usually given, Jaeho placing his bag of groceries on the seat next to him. They didn’t converse much, but Jaeho made sure to always express his gratitude towards Irene’s manager for going through all this trouble just for their weekly get-together.

While it was pretty obvious that the best work-around for not getting caught in public was to always meet at Irene’s private apartment, the question then became how could Jaeho discretely arrive at the private, celebrity-dominated apartment building every Friday without drawing suspicion from paparazzi. The answer Irene arrived at was this: to send Jaeho a random, private, secure location every Friday and have her manager pick him up. This was the seventh time Jaeho was visiting Irene’s apartment and the sixth time he was being picked up by Irene’s manager.

Jaeho usually tried to fill the silence with bits and pieces of friendly conversation, but this time it was Jaeho drowning in his own thoughts.

“Oh, I’d love to meet your members,” was Jaeho’s reply to Irene’s inquiry last week, and it was true: it was only natural for someone to want to meet his favorite idols, even if it wouldn’t be his first time doing so. However, what Jaeho _didn’t_ expect was Irene to arrange a meeting the _very next week_ ; which was to say, Jaeho would be meeting them that day.

One aspect of his panicking was how unexpectedly quickly they were to meet. Irene said that she would arrange for all of them to arrive at the apartment after Jaeho so he had some time to prepare himself, but he wasn’t sure how that would help, if at all. The other aspect of his panicking was meeting the idol group themselves: at the time, he figured meeting them in person would just be like a fan-meeting and shouldn’t be something to stress over, but after rationalizing that since Irene acts differently inside this apartment than at the fan-meeting he attended a few weeks prior, that the other four would be similarly different, he started to worry. How could he put on a good face for them so that they would approve of him? What would they be like? Would they be much different than what he expected? What if they didn’t like him? What if he hit it off poorly with one of her members, or accidentally did something to give them a bad impression of him?

In the end, he decided to try his best to not worry about such things and just enjoy his time with Irene’s best friends. As always, he thanked Irene’s manager when they arrived, then proceeded to attempt to calm himself down on the elevator ride up. When he arrived at Irene’s floor and realized he still wasn’t mentally prepared, he hesitated for a brief second before remembering that he still had some time to settle down before he had to meet the rest of Red Velvet.

So, Jaeho picked up his bags of groceries from the floor of the elevator, walked up to Irene’s apartment with confidence and rang the doorbell.

“Jaeho?”

Irene’s gentle voice came from the other side of the door, something that never failed to put a smile on his face and a kickstart to his heart. Seeing the beautiful idol in videos and on TV was one thing, but even if this was the eight or ninth time seeing her in person, her beauty never failed to amaze him.

“Hey, I brought dinner again,” Jaeho said, bringing the plastic bag in his hands up to the peephole.

“Oh, did you?” she smiled, the door swinging open. “It’s a shame, so did I.”

He nearly fell over when the door fully opened, revealing a clamoring group of four cheerful girls at the doorway.

“Wh—”

“Ah, so you’re Joohyun’s boyfriend! It’s nice to see you again!”

“Nice to meet you again, Joohyun’s boyfriend,” Joy cheekily repeated after Yeri, bowing alongside her.

Irene smacked Joy. “He’s not my boyfriend!”

Jaeho chuckled, feeling my face flush at all the sudden attention he was getting.

“Ah! He’s turning red, are you sure?” Seulgi noted, smiling mischievously to their leader.

“He’s quite handsome,” Yeri noted as Jaeho stepped into the apartment, closing the door behind him.

“He looks really nice too; how did you two meet?”

“Stop teasing him and let him inside, I’ll tell you all later,” Irene scolded them playfully, pulling the three girls back and laying his slippers at his feet. “Sorry about this, they were so restless that they decided to come early despite my protests.”

“N-No, it’s fine,” he replied, overwhelmed, confused, panicked, and amused all at the same time. He slipped his feet into his slippers and walked in, dropping off his groceries on counter in the kitchen. When he took the time to gather his thoughts, he realized the predominant emotion he was feeling was that of panic. While he wasn’t one to become too anxious in social situations, he felt that this was a completely different circumstance: it was natural to want to impress the loved ones of the person one was romantically interested in, but given that these loved ones were all idols with amazing talents surrounded by many other amazing people … it certainly felt like a tall task loomed ahead of Jaeho. “Should I get started on dinner?”

“No, let’s make dinner together,” Irene suggested, helping him take the groceries out of their bags.

“They’re so cute together,” Wendy not-so-discretely whispered to Seulgi, to which she excitedly nodded.

“We can hear you, you know,” Irene said, laughing in an exasperated I-can’t-believe-you manner.

“Oh, are we finally getting started on cooking? I want to help!” Yeri announced, excitement exuding from her voice as she entered the kitchen.

“No, it’s ok, you can relax,” Irene replied, leaving Jaeho’s side and grabbing Yeri’s hand, trying to lead her out.

“Whyy?” she whined, trying to resist the older woman.

“I don’t want Jaeho to end up eating anything weird because of you,” she answered.

Hearing that, Yeri immediately obeyed, a grin on her face. “Ah, so you care about him so much that you want him to—” Irene cut her off and went to push her, Yeri skillfully slipped out of Irene’s grasp and dodged, scampering off, giggling while Irene stopped short a few steps out of the kitchen.

Jaeho genuinely didn’t know how to react. He figured they would be more protective of their precious leader and he would have to convince them that he was good enough for Irene, but from what he gathered so far, the girls of Red Velvet just seemed relieved that their leader had shown interest in someone.

“Your groupmates are really fun, aren’t they?” Jaeho noted as Irene walked back into the kitchen.

She looked at him with a raised eyebrow, a smile still on her face. “If that’s what you call ‘fun’, then yeah.”

While Jaeho wanted to ask about how the four were able to recognize him from the fan-meeting a few weeks ago, he refrained for fear of coming off as narcissistic. It wasn’t until they had started eating was the question answered.

“Ooh wow, all of this looks so good,” Yeri commented as Jaeho handed her a bowl of the kimchi stew Wendy, Seulgi, and Joy made. While Jaeho knew of Yeri’s peculiar cooking methods, he wouldn’t have guessed that it translated so precisely into real life—when Yeri re-entered the kitchen, the three kept Yeri at an arm’s length while Irene helped Jaeho with his dishes.

The dishes Jaeho and Irene made were two Chinese dishes that caught his fancy on the web last week: a tofu stir-fry dish with celery and pork, and a tomato and eggs dish. Even though he already practiced making the dishes a few times, he was quite proud of them: not only did they have a nice aroma, they were also pleasantly colorful. Still, he was unsure if the others would like the Chinese-style food, so hearing Yeri’s compliment gave him a burst of confidence.

“…and here’s Irene’s,” Jaeho filled the bowl with the stew and placed it in front of the seat next to his.

“Wait,” Yeri piped up, looking at Irene’s bowl, “Why does Joohyun’s bowl have more than everyone else’s?”

“Does it?” Jaeho replied innocently, “I didn’t realize.”

“Wait, yeah, Yeri’s right,” Seulgi added, looking between all the bowls, “When you look at it, it’s really obvious.”

Jaeho could tell there was a teasing edge to their voices, but he wasn’t sure if he wanted to enable the four to tease their eldest. Then again, he figured, it might be fun to see Irene flustered. “Well, I just figured that Irene needed to eat the most, given how skinny she is,” he reasoned, an outburst pouring out from the four shortly afterwards.

“Aw, that’s so cute!” Seulgi gushed, a smile blossoming on her face.

“Wow, good job Jaeho~” Yeri complimented him.

“As expected of Joohyun’s boyfriend,” Joy added, nodding with content.

“Ah—you, really,” Irene replied in an exasperated voice, laughing nonetheless.

“That was really sweet of him though,” Wendy said, smiling with the other four.

Jaeho couldn’t help but smile at the younger four bickering with their leader; of all the things he prepared for meeting them, he never would’ve thought that they would be so accepting of him. Was Irene really that lonely all this time? Or maybe it was just a stroke of luck or good fortune that they just happened to all like him?

“Well at least we know it goes both ways,” Yeri noted. Jaeho made a confused face, to which Yeri immediately picked up and continued, “Joohyun made sure to point you out to each of us when you came to that fan-meeting at least, like, three times.”

“More like five times,” Joy added.

“Ah is that so?” Jaeho laughed, looking over at the fuming Irene, who was shooting daggers from her eyes at the maknae-line, both of whom were avidly avoiding her gaze. “Anyway, let’s start eating. Thank you for the meal!” Jaeho said, setting a bowl of their kimchi stew in front of himself.

“Yes, let’s,” Irene said, evidently relieved of Jaeho’s intervention, “Thank you for the meal!”

“Thank you for the meal,” the other four repeated after her before they dug in.

As the night grew, so did Jaeho’s comfort around the four idols. He would be lying if he claimed that he felt completely acquainted with the lovely ladies of Red Velvet, but it was certainly a step or two above where they were at the beginning of the night. If Jaeho were to capture the essence of the group in one event, it would be when Yeri fell asleep in the middle of a movie they had decided to watch.

“Look,” Irene whispered to Jaeho, nudging him. Jaeho peeled his eyes away from the screen, following the direction of Irene’s gaze to Yeri, who had her eyes closed in a serene sleeping expression, her head resting against her arm that was splayed on the arm of the couch she was slumped across. Her already small frame was compressed into a comfy-looking ball, her small face made even smaller pressed against the bend of her arms. A smile blossomed on his face from the adorable sight.

This caught the attention of the other three, who started giggling at the sight of the sleepy youngest member. “Aw, our baby is tired,” Seulgi, who was seated next to her, said. She reached out to pat her head but was stopped short by Joy.

“Wait, don’t wake her up yet,” she insisted, keeping her voice soft enough to not wake Yeri up but loud enough to be heard and pulling her phone out. The lights in the apartment were dimmed so the light from Joy’s phone stuck out like a sore thumb and might have woken Yeri up if Joy was not seated opposite the sleeping girl.

“What are you doing? Recording her?” Wendy, who was seated next to Joy, whispered.

“Yeah,” she replied giddily, getting out of the seat and sneaking closer to her.

“Let her sleep,” Irene scolded Joy quietly as the younger woman sneakily moved closer to the couch Yeri was seated on.

“She must be tired from her schedules,” Jaeho commented before realizing Irene was probably just as busy as Yeri, if not more so, “how are you doing?” Jaeho turned towards the woman seated next to her.

“I’m ok, I’m not that tired,” she answered.

“Can you two be quiet? Now I have to delete that video because Jaeho’s voice was in that video,” Joy whispered, a playful agitation in her voice.

“What did you just say?” Irene responded in her scolding voice.

Before Joy could respond, Yeri began shifting in her seat, shortly afterwards groaning and lifting her head, looking around sheepishly.

Joy, in response to this, scampered back to her seat, but not before Yeri noticed her. “Were you trying to take a video of me sleeping?” Yeri chuckled, sleepiness still in her voice.

“… No…” Joy replied innocently, smiling.

“You—” Yeri started, sitting upright in her seat, drowned out by a sudden swelling of sound from the movie. Everyone’s attention turned back to the movie with Jaeho and Irene grinning at each other, an action that didn’t go past Seulgi and Yeri.

“They’re so cute,” Seulgi whispered, to which Yeri nodded. Irene, noticing that the two were talking to each other but not having picked up their words, shot them a quizzical expression, only to be met with an innocent shrug from the excited pair. While Irene suspected that something was off, she decided not to sit on the topic for too long and turned back to the TV screen.

“Wait, you didn’t delete the video yet, did you?” Wendy whispered to Joy a little while later, after the movie quieted down a little.

“Why, do you want it?”

It was at this point that Jaeho noticed their interaction, Irene turning her head in response to Jaeho turning his.

“Oh, do you want it too?” Joy asked Irene quietly, motioning to her to convey the question through actions as she discretely pulled out her phone.

“Stop it,” Irene whispered to them in a scolding manner, “Focus on the movie.” Joy hesitated, a knowing look in her eyes visible to Jaeho even despite the darkness, followed shortly by, “But make sure to send it to me later.”

Jaeho held back a laugh, cheekily asking, “Is there any chance I get the video too?”

Irene turned to glare at him. “What is that supposed to mean?” she asked, raising her voice to the point that Seulgi and Yeri caught on.

Jaeho innocently shrugged. “It was just so cute, but I guess the answer is no?”

“Wait, are you talking about the video Joy took of me sleeping?” Yeri asked, indignant.

“Oh, can I have it too?” Seulgi asked with an innocent excitement, only to be hit by the youngest member sitting next to her, exploding into a fit of giggles in response.

“Hey! It’s embarrassing, delete it already!” Yeri whined, getting out of her seat.

“I don’t wanna,” she said, sticking out her tongue at the shorter woman in a teasing manner, hiding her phone in between her body and the sofa cushion.

“Shh, pay attention to the movie,” Irene told her, motioning her to sit down. “Talk after it’s done.”

That was all Yeri needed to hear to obediently sit back in her chair, and Jaeho took a brief second to admire the authority she commanded over her members.

When the movie ended, it was decided that they should return to their dorm as it was getting late. Joy ended up getting to keep the video, although Jaeho was unsure if it actually got distributed among the other three. After a short ride to a private parking space away from the apartment, Jaeho separated from the rest of the girls, but not before Irene took some time to thank him. She was cut short by her members’ teasing, to which Jaeho couldn’t help but smile at, and walked home happier and more content than his anxiety would have imagined.

In the following weeks, their weekly get-togethers grew fewer and far between; Red Velvet were preparing for a brief Japanese tour, and Irene began to run out of excuses to keep her Fridays clear, in her own words. Learning this made Jaeho feel unexpectedly uneasy; while he was honored that Irene would go through such lengths just to see him on a weekly basis, was it worth interfering with her career?

After deep consideration, he decided that Irene was her own woman, and he shouldn’t worry about her decisions; if she had decided to spend her time as she had, then he should take advantage of the blessing she bestowed upon him. This train of thought inevitably fell upon the very topic that entered his mind every time they met but one he dared not approach for fear of reality: what was all this leading up to? Knowing each other for three months certainly wasn’t a long time, but the opportunity slipping away from him started to feel like a potential reality. Jaeho was usually more persistent than this: once he set his eyes on a woman, he usually confessed to her within a month or two. The woman being Irene, perhaps the most popular member of one of Korea’s most popular girl groups as well as having that ever-present mystical, almost goddess-like aura about her, was certainly a factor in this delay, but another was Jaeho himself.

What would it be like dating an idol? He definitely would have to adjust his expectations from his past relationships, but how much? How hard would keeping the secret be?

All the doubts vanished upon hearing a passing comment Irene made the last time the two got together before their short trip to Japan.

“I can’t wait to go to Japan, but I also can’t wait to come back.”

Jaeho half-chuckled at that, adding on quizzically, “What? What do you mean? You haven’t even left yet.”

“I know,” Irene replied, “but … I don’t know. I want to see our Japanese fans, but I also really like it here. Something like that.” She smiled warmly at Jaeho as she said that, and although nothing particular was explicitly spoken, he felt something in that moment. It was like a sudden explosion of warmth in his chest, that feeling bubbling in his chest like a full kettle on a burning stove, the very thing he had been groping with in his contemplation regarding his and Irene’s future: hope, a positive empowering feeling that erupted from just those few words, not from the words themselves but the context behind them on top of the smile that followed, and a determination behind that hope.

In that moment, Jaeho decided: if Irene was excited to come back from the tour, he should give her additional reason to love being in South Korea. After they parted ways that night, he started planning, an event two weeks in the making that involved him, many trips to various flower and event-decoration shops, and the shared, private apartment.

As anxious as he was, he made sure to not jump the gun too early; the flowers had to be fresh, and the decorations should appear new and vibrant. Like a madman, he rehearsed the event over and over in his head, spending more money in the span of two weeks than any other two-week span in his life, the anxiety steadily growing inside him like a balloon stretched to its max, aching to pop.

When the day finally came, Jaeho double, triple, quadruple, quintuple-checked that he had everything and that every piece of decoration was in its place. When he was finally satisfied, he sat in the bedroom, his nerves on his sleeves and his heart jumping out of his chest.

All of the tension inside him, that was building for two weeks, burst when he heard the faint noise of Irene opening the door.

The other side of the door of the ordinary apartment Irene had come to know and love had been completely transformed, and it was apparent right away.

The lights in the apartment were off, lavender-scented candles providing a dim lighting to the residence, its flickering light dancing along the walls of the quaint enclosure. Irene inadvertently gasped, quickly stepping in and closing the door behind her, noticing that her slippers were neatly placed on the floor in front of her. The beautiful purple candles lined the hallway of the apartment, creating a path between the living room and kitchen, each room with their own decorations: the living room softly playing the movie her group members had watched with him, the sofa scattered with purple petals, the kitchen table holding the first meal Jaeho cooked for her, the plates flanked on either sides by two taller, brighter candles, the flickering flame reflecting off a vase placed next to the kitchen sink.

She followed the pathway that led to the bedroom, her heart bursting at the seams. This was her first time experiencing something like this and was admittedly jealous when she watched that episode of ‘We Got Married’ in which her younger member Joy encountered a similar situation. Now that it was _her_ turn though, she felt at a complete lost for words. A swell of gratitude and hope as well as pure, unadulterated _joy_ filled her chest, tears brimming on her eyes, her hands clasped over her mouth in an attempt to prevent herself from outright crying. When she stepped through the door of the bedroom, in the middle of the room stood Jaeho in the outfit he wore the first night of their meeting, strikingly handsome as ever, a chaste grin appearing on his face and a beautiful bouquet of purple and white flowers in his hands. They stood in each other’s presence for a few seconds, Jaeho taking in the breathtaking sight of the luminescent diamonds trapped in liquid form threatening to pour out from Irene’s eyes. In that moment, Irene was an angel— _his_ angel.

Jaeho took in one last breath before opening his mouth. “In my 29 years of living, I’ve never experienced the things I’ve experienced the last few months to the extent that I did. Happiness, joy, and excitement have become such a normal part of my life that I started to feel guilty for feeling positive thoughts so often, wondering if it was selfish of me to indulge like this or if I was taking advantage of you, an idol with a very hectic schedule.” Irene remained silent while Jaeho took a short pause, starting to slowly approach her, bouquet still in hand. “But if I’ve ever learned anything in my life, it’s to seize the moment, to reach for every opportunity. Now that I’m thirty-years-old already, the thought of marriage seemed like a far-off dream, but when you entered my life, I started to see it differently.” When Jaeho reached Irene, he offered the flowers to her, who had to remove her hands from her mouth to receive. Tears were streaming down her face already, a wide smile adorning it.

“They’re so beautiful,” Irene said in admiration, softly gazing at the eye candy that was in her hands.

“Do you recognize these flowers?” Jaeho asked.

Irene shook her head, redirecting her gaze to the man in front of her, just barely able to respond with, “No.”

“The purple ones are called Blue Violets and the white ones are Jasmines. They represent the feelings I discovered I harbored for you: love.”

Although Irene could tell this was where everything was heading, it was a completely different matter to hear it. Just hearing those words in person caused her leg muscles to momentarily stop functioning, leading her to nearly tumble, Jaeho managing to catch her in the nick of time.

Jaeho stared down at the beautiful idol in disbelief. He had never been so anxious to confess to someone as this was the first time he truly felt the woman he was confessing to was out of his league, but to see such a reaction baffled him somewhat. Was this real life? He understood that Irene was humble, but surely she should be able to recognize that any man on the planet would love to be in his position.

It was only when Irene stammered out a, “Th-Thanks,” that Jaeho realized the awkward position they were in. He helped Irene stand back up straight and returned to his position in front of Irene.

“Irene—Bae Joohyun,” he started, quickly correcting himself, remembering his promise from a few weeks ago. “Will you be my girlfriend?”

Irene brought her hands, which were still holding the flowers, to her mouth as she let out a loud gasp, a noise he had never heard her make in the few months that they had known each other. The gorgeous group of flowers were full on display right next to Irene’s face, but even as it was shimmering with tears, her beauty outshone nature’s best.

“Yes, of course,” she managed to choke out after finally regaining her voice a few seconds later. “I would love to be your girlfriend.”

She quickly set the bouquet on the nightstand next to her and jumped into Jaeho’s open arms, a man who was masking his dumbfounded reaction towards Irene’s extreme reaction to his confession. Things didn’t play out this well even in his head, and Jaeho liked to believe he had a pretty good imagination. However, when Irene wrapped his arms around him and buried her head in his neck, all those feelings went away. A wave of positive feelings—joy, comfort, love, content—washed over him like a tidal wave, a smile pulling the corner of his lips apart, entranced by the mixed aroma of her shampoo and her lightly applied perfume. It felt like it would be no exaggeration to state that he was the happiest man in the world at that moment: his heart swelled to the point of bursting, his cheek muscles working overtime to preserve his smile, his heartrate shot through the roof but the rest of his body relaxed as he secured his embrace around the small idol.

“Thank you,” Jaeho whispered, enjoying the warm feeling of Irene’s embrace.

“Stupid, I should be the one thanking you,” Irene replied quietly, her head still pressed against Jaeho’s warm nape. Irene had always secretly wondered what it was like, seeing as Jaeho had such a fit body, and it was every bit as fantastic as she imagined—not that she fantasized about it much or anything. “You’re setting a pretty high bar to overcome when you propose to me,” Irene commented.

Jaeho chuckled. “You’re already thinking about that?”

“You started it,” she replied, unable to wipe the dumb smile off her face.

“Oh, by the way,” Jaeho noted, releasing their embrace, much to the reluctance of Jaeho and the disappointment of Irene, “we should put those flowers in a vase.”

“Yeah, we should,” she replied, unable to keep the tint of disappointment out of her voice. Jaeho, noticing this, chuckled to himself and led Irene, who grabbed the bouquet next to her, and into the kitchen.

“Here,” Jaeho motioned towards the vase placed next to the sink, already filled with water. “Now you have a reason to come here frequently,” he added, grinning.

“As if I didn’t already,” Irene shot back, smiling widely. She found herself unable to anything else; it was like the corners of her lips were being held in place by some invisible force. To her, it felt like it was no exaggeration to state that she was the happiest woman in the world at that moment.

“Are you hungry? I cooked some stuff not too long ago, so it should still be warm,” Jaeho suggested, pulling out a chair at the dining table.

That night, Irene was too preoccupied by the moment and her joy that she completely forgot that she was an idol. It wasn’t until after their meal that she finally remembered: her having a boyfriend could be detrimental to her career.

“So, in terms of our relationship to the public,” Jaeho said as they were sat on the couch in the living room, looking for a movie to watch on the TV after they finished their meal and a massage from Jaeho for Irene. “Is there anything particular I have to be careful of? Do you have any tips?”

Jaeho could tell that being brought back to reality saddened Irene and he felt guilty for being the one to cause it, but he wouldn’t have done it if he didn’t feel it was important.

“Um, I don’t know…” she replied using that soft, honey-like voice of hers, “Since you aren’t an idol, maybe it won’t be as hard?” she speculated.

Jaeho nodded, sighing. “I hope so; I don’t want to be the cause for people writing negative comments about you.”

“Don’t worry about that,” Irene replied cutely, patting the back of his hand. A smile somehow found its way back on Jaeho’s face despite the somewhat somber atmosphere. “I’ll protect you.”

Jaeho couldn’t help but laugh in response. “You’re so cute,” Jaeho responded, clasping the hand his girlfriend placed on him with both of his. Now _there_ was a thought he felt like he would never get used to: Irene, probably considered the most beautiful woman in Korea by many Koreans, the gentle, kind, charming, caring Irene was _his_ girlfriend. “It’s my job, as your boyfriend, to worry about you though, isn’t it?”

Irene made eye contact with the man sitting on the couch next to her, meeting his slight pout with a warm, reassuring smile. “Well, it’s _my_ job as an idol to worry about public perception of me.”

“Well now that I’m the boyfriend of an idol, it’s my job as well,” he said, patting her head. “Let’s not think about that for now. Is there anyone you plan on telling?”

She pondered the question for a moment, still attached to his arm. “My members, for sure,” she answered, something that Jaeho wasn’t surprised by in the slightest, “I might tell some of my other close friends if it comes up, but that’s pretty much it.”

“So you aren’t going to tell your staff?”

Irene pursed her lips in response. “I think it would be best to not tell them because I don’t want my company to find out.” Even though Jaeho knew Irene’s intentions were good, he couldn’t help but feel a little frustrated by those words. It was perhaps a stupid thought and a stupid inclination to feel, but it was there nonetheless: frustration, not towards Irene, but towards the company, towards the lifestyle idols are forced to live because of the general public’s refusal to let their precious idols live normal lives. “Since you aren’t a celebrity, people might take the news more easily, but I still don’t want to risk anything. Is that ok with you?”

All the frustration he felt melted away from the absolutely adorable set of puppy-dog eyes Irene shot at Jaeho. “Well, if you look at me like that, then I can’t say no can I?”

“Ah, is that so?” Irene laughed in response. “No, but really, are you ok with that?”

Jaeho nodded, reestablishing eye contact with Irene, another smile appearing on his face. He wondered if there ever would come a time where the simple act of looking at Irene wouldn’t cause him to smile. Honestly, he hoped that time would never come. “Yeah, of course. I knew what I was signing up for when I was planning all of this,” Jaeho stated.

Irene nodded in content. “Thank you, both for being okay with our situation and for all of this,” she said, removing herself from him to motion to the apartment as a whole.

“Did you like it?”

Irene nodded. “I really, _really_ love it. It’s so pretty, especially these,” Irene noted, picking up a flower petal with her two longest fingers. “I really want to take a picture of us and all of this, can I?”

Jaeho was at an impasse. His personal policy towards pictures told him to say ‘no’, but the fact that it was his girlfriend asking told him to just say ‘yes’, if not for this one instance. They just became a couple after all, why couldn’t he acquiesce for this one picture? In the end, his logic prevailed: if this moment was so precious, then it was even more important to live the moment, to not spoil the memory by relying on digital or hard copies of the event. “Well, do you really want to rely on a picture to remember all of this?”

Irene pouted, which admittedly was almost enough to break his will at that moment. “Just one, please?”

Where the first and second displays of cuteness failed, the third one succeeded. Jaeho complied, saying, “Ok, fine. What do you want in the picture?”

“Yay!” she exclaimed with an innocent, child-like excitement, motioning for him to come over. He obeyed, scooting closer to her. “I want to include some of these petals, but I also want to include the candles,” she informed him, maneuvering the two around until she found the optimal angle. Jaeho, being the one with longer arms and being the guy, offered to take the photo; even though it was understood that this photo wouldn’t make it to any other phone, he still made sure to position himself in front of Irene as common courtesy.

The rest of the night went by in a flash, and when Jaeho woke up the next morning, he was reassured that the previous night did in fact happen when he unlocked his phone and saw a ‘good morning’ text from Irene. Another smile popped up on his face as he replied in a similar fashion. Later that day, when Irene was back in her dorm, she video called him. Jaeho, unsure of what to expect, picked up her call.

“Hi Jaeho,” Irene said, smiling into the camera. Jaeho took a moment to marvel at the fact that Red Velvet’s Bae Joohyun was in a personal video call with him, as his girlfriend.

“Hey,” he replied, a smile creeping onto his face. “Busy day?”

“Today wasn’t that bad actually,” Irene answered, settling down onto her bed. “Thinking about you gave me strength.”

Laughter erupted from Jaeho, and consequently, Irene as well. “Wow, that was so cheesy.”

Irene’s eyes disappeared into black, upside-down crescents as she laughed. This was a sight that was never going to get old to Jaeho. “It was, wasn’t it?” she responded.

“But for me, it was the same. Honestly, it still feels amazing that you’re my girlfriend,” Jaeho admitted.

“Aww, really?”

As Irene said those words, another voice came in from the background, which Jaeho instantly recognized as Yeri’s. “Ah, Joohyun’s smiling at her phone, she must be video-calling Jaeho,” the youngest teased.

“Is that really the only explanation?” Irene responded, turning around yell back at the excited Yeri.

“Are you video-calling him?” this time, it was Seulgi, who shortly after appeared on the camera behind Irene. “Oh, you are! Hi, Jaeho!”

“Hi Seulgi,” Jaeho laughed, waving into the camera.

“Ooh, no wonder she’s been happy all day today; she must have been looking forward to this,” Joy said, appearing next to Seulgi in the background. “Hi Jaeho!”

“Hey Joy,” Jaeho greeted her next, Yeri and Wendy being the next ones to appear. “Don’t tease your leader too much, ok?”

“Aw, he’s looking out for you,” Wendy commented, causing Irene to give her a look of disbelief.

“Wendy, I thought you were the only one I could count on to not join in on the teasing,” Irene said, betrayed.

“Sorry, you two are just too cute,” she replied.

“Oh, did you tell them yet?”

That instantly got the attention of all four of them. “Tell us what?” Yeri instantly responded with a question.

A look of confusion promptly followed by one of guilt overtook Jaeho’s face. “Ah, I was going to tell them now that we were in a video call, actually,” Irene said, quelling Jaeho’s fears that he had jumped the gun on the news.

“Oh,” he interjected, mostly in relief.

“That way, you can share the embarrassment of their reaction with me,” she concluded, smiling mischievously through the screen at him.

“Ah, is that so?” he laughed, observing that the other four members were basically screaming with a mixture of delight and excitement.

“Anyway—kids, be quiet,” Irene demanded, to which the other four instantly obeyed. “Jaeho and I started dating as of yesterday.”

With that simple sentence, all hell broke loose.

“Oh my god really!?”

“Congratulations!”

“Wow, I can’t believe it, you two really finally got together…”

“I know, isn’t it so cute?”

“Did you get any pictures?”

“When’s your first date going to be?”

“Do you have nicknames for each other?”

“When’s the next fanmeeting Jaeho’s coming to?”

“Yah, everyone, quiet down,” Irene demanded again. This time, the command was substantially less effective. “Our neighbors are going to hear if you keep on shouting like this.” When that didn’t do the trick, she took her phone in her hands and, after a moment, said, “Will you quiet down if I show you the picture of yesterday?” The four rowdy Red Velvet members quieted down immediately after the words left her mouth. “Here it is,” she said, handing the phone over to Joy, the other members gathering around her.

“Aw, that’s so cute!”

“Oh my gosh that’s so romantic!”

“That’s so adorable!”

“Aw, I wish I could’ve been there! That’s so adorable!”

“OK, now that I’ve told you all the news, Jaeho and I are going to talk for a bit ok? Go away,” Irene said, retrieving her phone.

“Wow, getting a boyfriend really changed you…”

“Yeah, how could you be so mean to your members…”

“I get that you want to be all lovey-dovey with your boyfriend, but we’ve still known you for longer…”

“Yah, you two,” Irene scolded the two youngest of the group, “stop that, you’ll make Jaeho feel bad. Apologize to him.”

“It’s OK—” before Jaeho could say those words fully, the two already interjected.

“We’re sorry,” the two obediently said upon Irene’s request, bowing as the phone was turned to them.

“You two are cute,” he chuckled.

“Do you have any date ideas? Do you want us to help?” Yeri excitedly asked, shortly afterwards the phone was turned back to Irene. “Next time you come to a fanmeeting, I’ll give you my phone number and we can discuss,” she said in the background.

“Did you just tell my boyfriend that you’d give him your number in front of me?”

“Ah, Joohyun’s jealous,” Joy said teasingly.

“Thanks for your thoughtfulness Yeri, but I got this,” Jaeho replied.

“Hey, I video-called you to talk to me, why have you talked to my members more?” Irene pouted.

Before Jaeho could apologize, Yeri piped up in the background, “I’ll get a movie you two can watch next time you get together.”

“Yah, get going already!” she said, turning around and shooing them away, laughing nonetheless. “They’ve been bothering me the whole day because apparently, I look like I’ve been ‘glowing’ or something.”

“Ah, really? I couldn’t really tell because you’re always glowing to me.”

“Yah, you—” the two erupted in laughter again, both in embarrassment. “You said _I_ was cheesy.”

“Well, you’re the one who said ‘yes’,” Jaeho said, “It’s too late to take it back now.”

“Are you sure?” Whereas before, Jaeho might have felt insecure about her saying those words, now, Jaeho could take one look at the smile in her eyes and the laughter in her voice to know that she was kidding.

“Ok, give me one more chance then. When are you next free?”

Irene thought about it for a bit before saying, “I think I can make myself free this Friday.”

Here, those thoughts Jaeho had about wasting her time crept up again. He didn’t want to take away from her career or from the rest of her fans, nor did he want to get her in trouble with upper management or labelmates. He knew that he should count on Irene to make smart decisions regarding balancing her career and her relationship with him, but he also figured that if he was in Irene’s position, he might not make the wisest decisions. “Are you sure?” Jaeho ended up saying, “I don’t want you to get in trouble or skip anything for me.”

“Yeah, I was just trying to remember my schedule this week, don’t worry,” she replied. Jaeho wanted to take her words as they were, but he also detected a twinge of guilt in her expression.

“Ok; I value our time together, but don’t give up your career for me,” Jaeho reiterated.

“Aw, that’s so sweet!”

“Yah, Seulgi, what are you still doing here?” Irene turned to the side, presumably to where Seulgi was standing off-camera.

“What? I live here too,” Seulgi whined in protest.

“This is my bedroom though,” Irene replied, leaving her phone propped up on her bed and getting up. “I’ll join you guys after I’m done, OK?”

“Are you talking about plans for your next date?”

“Yah, just get out already,” Irene repeated, making a shooing motion to her, chuckling in bewilderment at the laughing Seulgi.

“You should take Yeri’s suggestion and watch the movie she’s planning for you.”

“Alright, I got it, we’ll do it ok?” she eventually agreed, which evidently was Seulgi’s cue to leave. “Sorry about that,” Irene said when she returned.

“No problem,” Jaeho replied, chuckling slightly. “So we’re gonna watch that movie this Friday at the apartment?”

“Yep, sounds like it,” Irene replied.

When that date arrived, the couple sat down in front of the TV in their private, shared apartment and watched the movie that Yeri suggested—a movie called ‘Along with the Gods-The Two Worlds’. When the movie hit the climax, Jaeho found inadvertently himself welling up with tears at the scene of the protagonist apologizing profusely to his late mother; Jaeho lived most of his life without a mother or a maternal figure in his life, and although he couldn’t relate exactly to the protagonist’s troubles, he still felt the impact of them. Jaeho was very much like Irene in that he wasn’t one to share his troubles with others much, which meant that he very rarely showed this kind of emotion to Irene, despite the amount of movies they’ve watched on the very couch they were sitting on.

So, to see Jaeho tearing up to the extent of nearly sobbing was a very startling—although not unwelcome—thing to Irene.

“Jaeho?”

He shook his head. “I’m—I’m sorry, I’ll be ok in a bit,” he replied.

Irene placed a careful hand on his shoulder, rubbing it soothingly.

“Thanks,” he said, wiping his tears with his sleeve.

Irene, looking around and noticing that the nearest tissue box was in the kitchen, sat next to him in an uncomfortable dilemma. Jaeho, noticing that this was the case, attempted to excuse himself but was stopped by Irene.

“I’ll get it,” she offered, pulling him back down. Jaeho, caught off guard, allowed himself to be pulled back onto the couch, and was caught even further off guard when Irene returned and, after giving Jaeho some time to wipe his tears, pulled his head onto her shoulder. Whether it was that he was touched by the action, comforted by it, or a combination of the two, his crying evolved into sobbing. Irene sat in silence, stroking his back in a comforting manner. When Jaeho finally calmed down, he removed himself from Irene’s embrace.

“Sorry, I just ruined your shirt,” he said.

“It’s ok, it’s nothing a good wash can’t fix,” she replied. Irene herself was teary-eyed but nowhere near the state Jaeho was in. Noticing Irene’s quizzical expression, Jaeho felt as though he owed Irene an explanation, as this was something that he kept to himself not because he needed to keep this fact about himself a secret, but because he never felt the need to bring it up.

After the movie concluded, Jaeho took a deep breath before turning to Irene. “You were probably wondering why I reacted so strongly to that scene, right?” He could see the answer in her eyes and appreciated that Irene didn’t try to wave it off in a polite gesture. “My mom passed away when I was still young, so those kinds of scenes usually have had a big impact on me.”

“Oh, I’m so sorry,” she said, not hesitating this time to pull Jaeho into another hug. Despite himself and the situation he was in, he couldn’t help but smile at the ridiculous thought of this being one of the only upsides of his mother’s early passing. “How are you now?”

“Much better,” he replied, surprising even himself in the amount of energy that was in his voice. “Thanks, Joohyun.”

Even though she was his girlfriend, Jaeho felt indebted to Irene; he knew that she wouldn’t stand for it if he voiced out his feelings, so it wasn’t until their next get-together that he was able to repay his debts.

“I promise, it’s not like that,” Jaeho repeated, leading Irene to the bedroom in the apartment.

She eyed him suspiciously in turn, half-joking half-serious—it wasn’t that she didn’t trust him, it was that she was unclear were his intentions lie.

“Here, now lie down,” Jaeho said.

“Yah, you really aren’t helping your case when you say, ‘it’s not like that’, you know,” Irene laughed, obeying nonetheless.

“Trust me, trust me,” he said as he got on the bed as well. Irene turned her head around in curiosity, unable to help but feel a little heat on her face. “You’ll like this a lot. Just relax, ok? Let me do the work for you.”

With that, hovering over the small frame of the idol that was his girlfriend, he began the message, first starting with the shoulders.

“Aah—aaah…” Without the proper context, Jaeho felt that this whole situation could definitely be interpreted differently.

“What do you think? It feels good, right?”

Irene nodded, her eyes gently shut and her facial muscles relaxed. “Yeah, it does,” she replied, blissfully unaware of Jaeho’s far-from-innocent thought.

Jaeho stayed on her shoulders for a few more minutes before moving to her back. “How was the photoshoot today?”

“It…it was good,” she muttered in between sighs of pleasure. “You know, people are still saying that I’m ‘glowing’ or something, and I swear, it feels like our secret is in danger every time one of my members hears it.”

“Oh really?” Jaeho chuckled, imagining a giggling Yeri or Joy in the background after being given the compliment by a staff member. “That’s cute.”

A brief silence befell on the two, Jaeho moving onto Irene’s lower back a couple of seconds later. “You’re always saying that about my members, but you never say it about me.”

Another smile erupted onto Jaeho’s face. “To me, you’ll always be the cutest one,” he answered, cupping her face with his hands. Irene, initially surprised at the sudden skinship, jumped a bit before realizing what was happening, closing her eyes again and covering Jaeho’s hand with her own.

“Even though I’m the oldest?”

“What do you mean by that? It’s only an eight-year age gap,” Jaeho replied.

“Aah, you smooth talker. I bet that’s how you get all the ladies; after all, you like older women, don’t you?”

“That again?” Jaeho laughed retrieving his hand and patting the top of her head before resuming his massage.

“Well you haven’t presented any evidence on the contrary, so until you do, I’m going to assume it’s true,” she stated.

Jaeho was always hesitant to talk about ex-girlfriends, not only in front of Irene but in front of any of his past girlfriends. However, now that the situation presented itself, he felt like avoiding the topic any further might end up drawing suspicion. “You’re the first one I’ve dated who’s older than me, although it sometimes doesn’t feel like that.”

“You—you’re really good at that, aren’t you?” Irene said, laughing.

“At what? Speaking my thoughts?” he replied cheekily.

“You—oh, wow that feels really nice,” Irene cut herself off as Jaeho transitioned his massage to Irene’s legs. “You have to teach this to me sometime,” she noted, letting out a soft moan of satisfaction. “My parents would love this too.”

“…It was you who said it, not me,” he said.

“What do you mean?” she turned her head back to look at Jaeho, confused. “What did I do?”

“Compare yourself to the previous generation…”

Jaeho immediately jumped off the bed when Irene turned around to hit him. “Get back here,” she insisted, Jaeho backing up, laughing.

“Hey, it was you who said it, not me,” he repeated, dodging another swipe from Irene. “Are you going to let me finish the massage?”

“I’ll give _you_ a massage,” Irene playfully threatened, chasing him out of the room. “Come here, let me give you a nice massage.”

“It wasn’t me, I just pointed it out!” he said, Irene finally cornering him in the living room. When Jaeho realized this, he started laughing nervously as Irene approached him slowly. He spoke the thought that was on his mind, hoping for an interesting response: “You’ll have to initiate skinship first to ‘give me a massage’.”

That thought, which hadn’t even occurred to Irene until he had said it, gave her pause.

Jaeho, taking advantage of this pause, backed up as far as he could on the couch and continued, “Your fans have also noticed this, but they haven’t really started suspecting something because of your reputation of being cold to men, right? You couldn’t possibly—”

“That’s not going to work on me,” she said, smiling; whether it was Jaeho’s intention or not, his egging on was the catalyst that convinced Irene to stop being so hesitant with skinship. It was true that she was always hesitant to do so with the opposite sex, especially if it wasn’t for a camera, but this was her _boyfriend_ she was talking about. Why should she be hesitant with touching her boyfriend?

“Wait—ow—ow!” Jaeho flinched as Irene grabbed his hand and hit the back of it twice.

And as Irene had suspected, the purpose behind Jaeho’s actions were twofold: at first, he was just trying to defend himself, but as he kept talking, he realized that if he could use that opportunity to help Irene with casually initiating skinship, it would increase her confidence and push ahead on their relationship.

With this advancement, Jaeho created another goal in his mind: to get to the point in which Irene would casually reach over, without his asking, and fix something on his face like she did for her members. His expectation was that it would take a few months, but a combination of the unexpectedly frequent amount of dates they had along with the unexpectedly fast pace Irene progressed meant that in just two, the goal was met.

“Good job, Jaeho,” Irene said, both of them taking a seat on the couch to catch their breaths. What was intended to be a game night turned into Irene teaching Jaeho some Red Velvet dances, an offer Jaeho couldn’t bring himself to turn down given how excited Irene was at the prospect of him dancing to their music. “You’re a pretty good dancer.”

“No, I—” Jaeho stopped himself short, unsure if he wanted to reveal the actual reason why the session went so well. However, one look at Irene’s adorable curious expression was all the begging he needed to explain himself, “I tried to learn them by myself for fun a few years ago.”

“Ah, really?” she answered, smiling while carefully dabbing her face with her towel. Jaeho, despite having been Irene’s boyfriend for over a month, still found Irene’s beauty mesmerizing; every single date with her somehow made him fall deeper in love with her.

“It was—” he was interrupted when Irene lifted her towel but brought it to his face; the action jump-started his heartbeat, escalating even further when Irene wiped a few beads of sweat from his forehead. Jaeho suddenly lost functionality of his mouth, realizing that the goal he had been so adamantly working towards was achieved so easily, and so quickly.

“It was?” Irene attempted to get Jaeho to finish his sentence.

“Oh, sorry,” Jaeho said, gathering his thoughts, “it was one of my friends that got me to do it.”

“What, did I startle you?” Irene laughed, setting the towel down on the couch.

“No, it’s just—I had this goal for myself to get you to feel comfortable enough around me that you do what you just did casually, but I didn’t expect to reach it so quickly,” Jaeho explained.

That wasn’t the last of the surprises Jaeho was to receive though; just one week later, he woke up to a very jarring and frankly terrifying news article:

‘[BREAKING!] Red Velvet’s Irene Spotted with Her Boyfriend?’


	4. 'Cause It's You

Jaeho wasn’t really one to jump to conclusions, but he couldn’t help but panic. As Irene’s boyfriend, he found himself inadvertently scrolling down to the comments section of articles about Red Velvet and reading them, gaining an even deeper understanding for how scalding they can be because of it; so when he saw this headline, what he feared for wasn’t for himself or even Red Velvet as group, but for Bae Joohyun, his girlfriend who also happened to be an extremely popular South Korean idol. He resisted the urge to scroll down to the comments of this particular news article, fearing the negativity living down there, and immediately moved to send a text over to Irene.

However, his girlfriend was already ahead of him.

‘I don’t know if you saw the news, but I had to tell my company that I wasn’t in a relationship after they asked. I’m sorry ㅠ_ㅠ I wasn’t ready to reveal our relationship yet. I told them it was Joy that was walking with me, and she agreed to say the same thing.’

Even though the two had already agreed that Irene would tell Jaeho when she felt ready to tell her company about their relationship, it warmed Jaeho’s heart to see that Irene was still concerned for him about lying about it. He understood why Irene might have felt the need to apologize: hiding one’s relationship with someone could also be interpreted as being ashamed of it, but that’s not how Jaeho saw it at all. He understood that it was a necessary measure to protect both their relationship, even if he was admittedly slightly frustrated by this fact.

Was this the right course of action, though? Was it time to tell the truth to the company? Even if they did so, couldn’t SM just deny the rumors while still knowing the truth? Surely, this has been done before, right?

There were still hundreds, if not thousands, of questions whizzing about Jaeho’s mind, but he trusted Irene to know better than himself regarding the entertainment industry. So, without questioning her decisions, he sent a reply.

‘Don’t worry about it, Joohyun. Take your time ^_^ How are you right now? Try to avoid reading comments for now, ok?’

This was another thing Jaeho figured Irene knew better than him, but he also knew that it was still an irresistible urge to some. Heck, if _he_ had the urge, then the idol Irene _definitely_ had the urge. While he had a slight glimmer of hope that maybe now, Korean netizens have mellowed about regarding their idols dating, Jaeho knew it was highly unlikely and that he shouldn’t count on it.

However, the text Jaeho sent was sent too late.

Before Jaeho had even woken up, Irene had discovered the news article. After recovering from the initial wave of shock and panic, Irene carefully read the article. She knew that scrolling down to the comments section of the article was a gamble, but she found herself doing it anyway, her fingers mindlessly swiping up on her phone’s screen. Maybe Korean netizens had changed, she thought. After all that happened in the past few years regarding the revelations of the hardships idols went through, after all the dating scandals that happened already and the negative impact on the idols’ mental health, maybe their fans would realize the impact of their words; and with the incoming storm that her company was about to throw at her, she could use some positivity.

The faint feeling of hope was immediately squashed upon reading the first comment, pushed further and further into the dirt as she scrolled further down, hoping to find solace in her fans.

While there were a few supportive comments—‘Oh, I wonder who it is!~’, ‘I bet it’s Park Bogum’, ‘wow, that’s so exciting!’—the negative ones far outweighed the positive. ‘I can’t believe Irene-unnie would betray us like this’, ‘I guess I should stop following Red Velvet’, ‘I bet the other Red Velvet members are secretly dating too’, ‘And I trusted Irene-unnie to be clean ㅠ_ㅠ’, among various profanity-charged, perverse comments … Irene loved her fans—they were the source of her strength and were on top of the list of reasons why she decided to live this hectic life of an idol—but it was times like these that she felt saddened by them … disappointed, but unsure at what … betrayed, but unsure of whom … frustrated, conflicted … a small voice was the only thing that snapped her out of the kaleidoscope of emotions she was trapped inside.

“Joohyun?” Wendy’s voice came from behind her, the other three appearing behind her shortly after. “Are you OK?”

She was about to nod when she remembered the talk she had with her members all those months ago about not hiding her feelings, then proceeded to shake her head and bury her face in her hands. In a second, she was engulfed by the warm bodies of her groupmates.

“What’s going to happen? Are we going to be forced to break up?” Irene cried, holding tightly onto Wendy. “I don’t want that, what should I do?”

“It’s OK, when our company calls us about this, let’s just say that there was some confusion and that you were walking with me,” Joy offered.

“We should also—”

Before Seulgi could finish her sentence, Irene’s phone lit up.

“Is it them?” Wendy asked. Irene pulled out her phone and, upon seeing the caller ID on the screen, nodded. “Let’s wipe your tears first,” Wendy used the sleeve of her shirt to wipe away the stray tears that were on her cheek. “Take a deep breath first,” she instructed, taking a deep breath herself. Irene found herself smiling, following her lead. “Now go on. We’re all here for you, OK?”

Irene nodded, removing herself from Wendy and answering the call.

Thankfully, they seemed to take her word for it pretty readily, but this definitely left an impression on Irene; last night, she had pressed Jaeho to walk outside with her—just around the block in which the apartment was located, as there tended not to be many people around the apartment building, it being dark and late at night also building upon her expectation for not many people to be around. Jaeho was against it, despite him also being an outdoorsy-type person, but eventually acquiesced at Irene’s persistence. Now that it came to this, however, she deeply regretted it. It would be nice if it all blew over, and she sincerely hoped it did, but because their—or _her_ —chosen course of action was lying, she couldn’t shake the feeling that the omnipresent media would eventually catch on. And if the comments that accompanied the news breaking article was any indication, such a revelation, if not followed promptly by a statement of denial, would lead to catastrophe. Actually, she realized, now that SM was about to deny the rumors, if the truth ever leaked, the resulting storm might be even worse than if they had originally outright admitted it.

Was she making the right choice? She wanted to believe that she was, but in reality, she really didn’t know. Her uncertainty, on top of the knowledge that she was inadvertently making the decision for Jaeho as well, crushed her. She sat on her bed, a tight knot of anxiety buried deep within her chest, a deeply uncomfortable feeling enveloping her entire body; she wanted to run to Jaeho and hug him, even despite knowing how impossible of an ask that was at the moment.

She still had some time before SM officially released their reply to the rumors. If the company ever found out, then wouldn’t they give Jaeho hell, which would end up being _her_ fault? Jaeho was always so supportive of her, but this was pushing it a bit—he had told her that he knew what he was getting into when confessing to her, but Irene felt this was more than he, or anyone, could have bargained for.

On top of that, the trend nowadays regarding these things was to just admit it if they were caught, right? But then again, there were still a lot of idols that end up getting away with dating without the public knowing. However, if she planned on dating for Jaeho until marriage—which she did—then wouldn’t it just be a matter of time? But if they lasted long enough, the community would eventually mellow out regarding her finding a romantic partner—SNSD’s Sooyoung, Yoona, and Yuri were good examples of this.

One thing that worked out in their favor regarding this was that Jaeho wasn’t a really public figure, although Irene wouldn’t be surprised if he had a few fans from the few photoshoots he did for his side job modeling for a jeans company. While most dating scandals broke out into chaos because of two groups of fandoms going to war with each other, in her and Jaeho’s case, her fans wouldn’t have anyone to go to war to.

The other thing that worked out in their favor was that SM simply asked for an explanation for the situation, not if she was dating. Although she strongly felt like it was implied by the language that was used in the call, if news broke again regarding her and Jaeho, it wouldn’t necessarily mean that the two had been hiding the fact that they were dating for so long. If her company specifically asked her but with more definitive evidence, she figured she could settle everything by claiming that they had only recently started dating.

Would that be enough, though? She understood that most ReVeluvs were female, but she also understood that females could be more scathing than males.

“What are you thinking about?” Seulgi tenderly placed a hand on Irene’s shoulder.

She shook her head. “Nothing,” was her automatic reply, remembering their talk again and promptly following it up with, “I was just thinking about if I was doing the right thing. I don’t want to lie to my fans or put so much burden on Jaeho, but…” she trailed off, not knowing what else to say.

“It’s ok Joohyun, we’ll support you no matter what,” Joy said, sitting down a spot on her bed behind her.

“I’m sure Jaeho would say the same thing,” Yeri added. “This time, it’ll be our turn to protect you; if you want to keep it a secret, we’ll help you.”

Her eyes stung with newly formed tears, instinctively burying her head in her hands. “Th-Thanks, everyone,” she stuttered through a stifled sob.

“You should clarify the situation to Jaeho, right?” Seulgi reminded her, causing Irene to jump up.

“Right,” she said, wiping her face and whipping out her phone again, quickly sending him an explanation. When she finished, she found the rest of the members whispering quietly amongst themselves. “What are you all talking about?”

“Nothing,” was Seulgi’s swift reply, followed by four sets of innocent smiles.

“Just tell me, come on,” she whined, grabbing onto Wendy who was sitting next to her.

“Why are you grabbing onto me?” she asked, perplexed.

“I know you’re the one most likely to tell me,” she admitted, frowning cutely with a big set of puppy eyes.

The other three members, seeing Wendy’s resolve crack in her eyes, quickly pulled her aside and got off the bed. “You’ll find out later~” Joy replied in a sing-song voice. “Just trust us, OK?”

“You—” she stopped as the four girls swiftly left her bedroom. She palmed her phone for a few minutes, wondering if her company would accept her response, what would happen if they didn’t, how she needs to be careful from now on, when her thoughts were interrupted by a text from Jaeho.

‘Don’t worry about it, Joohyun. Take your time ^_^ How are you right now? Try to avoid reading comments for now, ok?’

She smiled, thankful for her caring boyfriend. Most of the time, Irene burdened herself with being the responsible one, the emotionally available one because of the age gap between her and the rest of her members. Even though Jaeho was technically younger than her, him being both close in age and being her boyfriend granted her respite from holding back for the sake of her members and let herself be spoiled by him. She took a few seconds to send him a reply.

‘Thank you, I’ll be fine though. How are you right now?’

Deciding to not use his phone for anything other than texts and calls for the next few days to avoid reading negative comments about his girlfriend, Jaeho only noticed his phone pop up with a new notification until after he had gotten on the bus to his workplace. When he did, he smiled in kind, likewise thankful for his caring girlfriend. Although his dating style was a desire to take care of and spoil his girlfriend, not having a consistent mother-like figure all his life led to a proclivity towards motherly women like Irene. This was something he had noticed in all his girlfriends: every single one, to some extent, shared this quality.

‘Don’t worry about me! I’m on my way to work right now, but if you need my help or if you just want to talk, make sure to call me! :)’

Shortly after Jaeho sent the text, Irene’s reply came.

‘Will do, thank you again! I’m busy most of the day, so I might not be able to text you again until tonight ^_^’

Jaeho quickly typed out a reply after reading Irene’s response.

‘OK, take care!’

Jaeho didn’t mention it, but he was nervous for Irene. Although he was dating an idol, he still wasn’t that knowledgeable regarding Korea’s entertainment industry. SM was top of the music industry ladder in South Korea, and Red Velvet was among the most popular girl groups in the country, Irene being among the most popular idols: because of all these factors, he figured that Irene’s company would come down hard on her, to which he felt guilty. It was partially his fault, after all, that this mess happened: while it was Irene that brought up the idea of walking outside, it was him that ultimately agreed to it. Plus, he was Irene’s _boyfriend_ , yet he couldn’t be there for her in her time of need, which was basically the exact job of a boyfriend.

Being the boyfriend of an idol really was hard, wasn’t it?

He had anticipated these types of hardships, but what he _didn’t_ anticipate was the associated guilt and general negative feelings associated with them. He had managed to resist the urge to read comments of any of the speculative articles but could already surmise the negative impact of community backlash caused, and it gave him a terrible feeling to know that it was directed towards his girlfriend. On top of that, they were both busy and weren’t available to meet until the end of the week if they were lucky; sure, they could videocall each other, but Jaeho was a believer that despite recent technological advances in communication, nothing replaced face-to-face interaction. He wanted to barrage her with texts to make sure that she was OK, but he also didn’t want to annoy the busy idol nor throw any more suspicion onto her.

At work, Jaeho nervously checked his phone for texts all throughout the day, but not a single text from Irene lit up his screen. It was only after he got off work that he encountered the article that ‘debunked’ the previous article with an official reply from SM, stating that the rumors were false.

They had won the battle, but Jaeho knew things would be even more volatile now.

If the public ever learned of the truth—if _SM_ ever learned of the truth, then the penalty would be doubly worse. He needed to be more careful, more aware; but how long could he keep that up? Until marriage? Until Irene gets old enough that ReVuluvs will start _wanting_ Irene to have a boyfriend, like was the case with the 16-year old group Super Junior? Maybe the fact that he wasn’t a celebrity himself would make things a little better, not to mention that if news ever _did_ break regarding the two dating, this picture didn’t necessarily implicate that the two have been dating ever since. Still, he knew Korean netizens were smart, resourceful, and most importantly, suspicious as all heck.

Whatever the case was, he needed to make sure he was ready for it, whatever ‘it’ was and however long ‘it’ lasted.

When he arrived home, he began preparing for dinner when he felt his phone vibrate again, his heart swelling with joy and relief when he saw that it was due to a notification from Irene—or rather, Irene’s phone.

‘This is Yeri, come to the parking lot in that bar you met Joohyun at 10:00pm today, OK? This is a surprise for her, so don’t text back. See you then!’

Having a vague idea of what to expect, he showed up to the bar as usual, entered the secret hallway in the screening room leading to the parking lot behind the building, and found the usual van, the usual driver seated at the wheel.

“Hello,” Jaeho greeted her as he entered the car.

“Hello; the news made Irene really sad and stressed, so thank you for agreeing to this so suddenly,” the manager said.

“Oh no, I should actually be thanking _you_ for always helping me—helping us out,” he replied.

“It’s fine, it’s been nice to see Irene be so happy recently thanks to you,” she commented.

The conversation slowly died off after that, mostly because Irene’s manager claimed to not be good at multitasking, or more specifically, talking while driving. After being dropped off in the parking lot, he thanked the manager once again before taking the elevator up to the apartment.

Irene didn’t know what to expect when her members suddenly pulled her out of their choreography practice early, citing the morning’s released article as a source of her stress and that she was secretly trying to hold it in for the sake of the choreography teachers. While it was true to an extent, Irene didn’t feel it was enough to justify cutting off their choreography practice this early, but she still played along with her members because of their fervent acting. The choreography teachers, being the nice people that they were, agreed to let them go early, and after they showered, got changed, and boarded their van, her four members blindfolded her, insisting that they had a surprise. Irene got an idea of what they were up to when they helped her out of the car and into an elevator, but it still came as a welcome surprise when the blindfold came off and there, in front of her eyes, was Song Jaeho, the blindfold in his hands.

Something about it—about seeing her boyfriend, smiling in that warm, gentle, caring way, caused that tight knot inside her—that restrictive feeling that was blocking her airways, that was giving her trouble the entire day, that was filling her with anxiety and dread—to suddenly become undone.

“Hi Joohyun—” before Jaeho could say much more, Irene lurched forward, breaking out into a sob and wrapping her arms around him. Jaeho didn’t respond, accepting her embrace in silence, calmly stroking her hair in a comforting fashion.

“I-I’m sorry, I caused a bunch of trouble for us, i-if only I hadn’t suggested that we walk outside yesterday, b-but now if SM finds out then they’ll bring y-you lots of trouble, and—”

“Shh, its OK,” Jaeho said, a smile plastering his face. Behind Irene were the other four members of Red Velvet, hiding inside the bedroom down the hall but with their heads sticking out of the door frame. He shot them a confused look, motioning with his fingers to come out, a request they readily obeyed. “I trust you and I support your decision. Don’t worry about things like that, OK?”

Irene looked up at him, teary eyes filled with remorse and sorrow, an expression that completely floored him. Of all the expressions he had ever witnessed, even on TV and social media, none like the one Irene was wearing ignited a stronger desire to coddle and protect someone. “B-But…”

He silenced her by lightly tapping her lips with his index finger, an action that almost instantaneously caused an explosion of pink on Irene’s face as well as the other four girls to squeal in excitement. He simply smiled at the reaction: both his girlfriend’s as well as her groupmates’. “It’s OK, Bae Joohyun. I trust you.”

Irene just shyly smiled in reply as the younger members whispered excitedly behind her, pressing her ear against his sternum again. “Stroke my hair again,” she requested, closing her eyes, enjoying the warmth Jaeho’s body provided.

He obliged, running his fingers through her silky, jet-black hair.

“They’re so cute,” Seulgi whispered to Yeri, something Jaeho noticed happening but couldn’t distinguish.

“I really want to take a picture or something,” Yeri replied, agreeing with her.

“Are you hungry? Have you eaten yet?” Jaeho asked the woman pressed against his chest. Irene nodded, but Jaeho wasn’t satisfied with that answer. “Yes to which question?”

“I’m hungry,” Yeri chimed in, raising her hand.

“Me too,” Joy added.

“Me too,” Seulgi added, smiling brightly.

“Ok, let’s—” Jaeho removed himself from Irene’s embrace—or tried to, as she just pulled him back right away.

“We ate right before coming here. Give them some time to digest their food first,” she told him.

“Ah, really?”

“That was just a snack though,” Yeri countered.

“Then it’s OK to eat a bit more, isn’t it?” Jaeho amended to what he said earlier.

“You can make food for the others, I’m not hungry,” Irene said, releasing him.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, I—” Irene was interrupted by a phone’s ringtone—hers, if Jaeho remembered her ringtone correctly. When she looked at the caller ID, her eyes went wide with shock and a hint of fear. She made eye contact with Jaeho briefly, and when she did, he understood the situation immediately.

It was a cry for help. A plea that reached her eyes but not her lips, the type of terror that one got from knowing that one messed up. And knowing what happened earlier, Jaeho figured he knew exactly what the phone call was about.

“Hello?” Irene answered her phone, trying to keep her voice as steady as possible.

“Irene, this is about that article that was released earlier,” the stern voice from the other side said. She turned away from Jaeho, partially from shame, partially as an attempt to hide her facial expression from Jaeho, but mostly so that she wouldn’t have to look at Jaeho as she handed him his one-way ticket to the hell called ‘the ugly side of the Korean entertainment industry’. “We recently received a tip that you were disingenuous to us about your relationship status. While it is too late to pull back our official statement, it is important that we have open communication, especially about these kinds of things. Can you confirm this with us?”

Irene was frozen. Who could it have been? Her first thought was her manager, but when she realized that it was _her_ that picked Jaeho up, she reconsidered. There was no way it could be her members, which could only mean that someone had managed to learn of her secret. But who? “Um, sorry, I don’t know what made you think this, or who told you, but it’s not true,” she said, another pang of guilt striking her, made even worse knowing that she was denying the existence of her boyfriend when he was standing right behind her.

“Irene, please think this through carefully. It’ll be a lot less trouble for both of us if you just admit it.”

Irene sat on that thought. She knew that the longer the silence, the more suspicious she was, but she couldn’t bring herself to just deny it again. It wasn’t only that Jaeho was behind her, it was the thought of the hardships she would put Jaeho through in SM’s search for him. The more she thought about it, the more it scared her—but at the same time, what would happen if SM found out about Jaeho? She desperately turned back around, making eye contact with her boyfriend, soundlessly begging him for an answer.

In that situation, the dilemma Irene forced his boyfriend in, a question that really didn’t have a ‘correct’ answer, a scenario that would put the most stone-faced person in a cold sweat, Jaeho somehow managed to find the one response that put her at ease: he just smiled warmly and mouthed the words “it’s ok.”

“I’m sorry … I just didn’t want to put him through more trouble than he was already going through, so I just thought if I could keep our relationship secret until I was ready to reveal it, no one would get hurt, but it ended up not being true. I’m sorry that I was disingenuous, but it was all my decision; I didn’t even consult him before not telling to you the first time or lying just now, and in fact, it was him that convinced me to finally tell the truth.”

“Oh, so is he there in person with you right now?”

Irene bit her bottom lip in frustration, not even realizing she messed up until just now. She glanced up again, to which Jaeho looked at her with a question in his eyes, yet somehow still in a way that was reassuring. Could anyone be more perfect than him? “Yes, he’s here with me right now.”

“May I speak with him? Privately?”

Another pang of fear struck her, hesitating to let go of her phone. She began to make a request but stopped herself, realizing that doing so probably wouldn’t help their case at all. “Yes, one second,” she said, removing the phone from her ear, hesitating again as she did so.

“It’s ok, Joohyun,” he said again, smiling warmly and holding out his hand encouragingly.

She nodded and handed the small handheld device. “Good luck, and sorry,” she quickly whispered to him before quickly leaving him alone, not wanting to show her boyfriend the tears of frustration lingering in her eyes.

“Hello?”

“Hello, is this Irene’s boyfriend?” the stern voice said from the other side of the phone.

“Yes,” Jaeho replied, doing his best to mask the nervousness he felt. He put up a brave front for Irene, but in reality, he was one step away from completely breaking down: the only reason he didn’t was because he knew that his girlfriend needed him to be there for her, to be emotionally stable more than anything.

“May I have your name?”

“Song Jaeho.” A short silence followed, something Jaeho could pretty much guess the reason for. “I’m not in the entertainment industry.”

“Oh, ok. Could I have your occupation?”

Jaeho paused. What was the point of this question? “I’m a salesman, but I do some modeling as a side-job for a jeans company,” he replied. After a few more strange questions, such as his age, his education, the members of his family (which was to say, just his father), even specifics regarding his dating history and personal details such as how far their relationship has developed, a brief pause occurred. He gave the information out because he figured that most of it was harmless enough, although he had no clue as to why they needed it. Maybe this was the kind of information they were used to having, given how public the lives of idols were?

“Ok, Jaeho, I’m going to be honest here. You’re not an idol nor do you seem to be that connected to the industry, so you wouldn’t understand full scale of what it means for the public to find out an idol is dating. Luckily, we managed to handle the situation earlier today pretty well, but you can be sure that it will affect Red Velvet’s sales. To an idol, sales are everything: their food, their rent, their beauty, their sustenance, and without it, they are nothing. If an idol groups can’t secure sales, they can’t live and eventually will be forced to disband or will otherwise be pushed into irrelevancy. Do you understand?”

“Yes sir,” Jaeho answered, trying to muster as much confidence as he could.

“That isn’t it. I’m sure you’re at least somewhat aware of this already, but idols are really busy. It’s already been reported that Irene has been skipping out on a few dance practices and meetings, as well as having turned down one CF opportunity for the reason, as stated, ‘because she felt like she was too busy already’. It should be noted that this was the first time Irene used this kind of excuse. Do you realize what this means?” Jaeho, figuring this question was rhetoric, didn’t answer. He turned out to be right as the stern voice continued with barely a pause. “Less practiced stages, less publicity not only for her but her members as well, less interaction with fans, less sales. Meanwhile, other idols, hungry for fame and success, are taking these opportunities and stealing their spotlight. I’m sure you’re already aware of the limited lifespan of the typical idol, right? Irene is rapidly approaching that age already, so she can’t afford to lose much more time. This is the peak of her popularity, and if she wastes any of it, all the work she had put into it—all of her hard work and patience, her sweat and tears, her hardships and doubts, all the nights spent dancing and singing, spent dieting and exercising, everything will disappear into thin air. You love her, don’t you?”

“Yes sir, very much so,” Jaeho answered.

“You wouldn’t want her to have wasted more than ten years of hard work, do you?”

“No sir, I would hate if that were to happen.”

“Irene is the type of person who loves with intensity, and as I have stated already, her relationship hurting her career has already started to happen. For other idols, it might be possible to separate one’s professional life with one’s private life, and for other idols, it takes time, such as SNSD’s Sooyoung and Yoona. For Irene, however, it can only be detrimental to her career in the long run.

“I understand that an idol is a person too, that they also deserve love and that there were many examples of successful couples in the industry, but there are many more failures. I understand you think that maybe, you would be different, but statistically it’s unlikely. If you have a specific reason as to why your relationship with Irene would be different, then I would love to hear it. Otherwise, please keep everything I’ve said in mind if you decide to continue your relationship with Irene.”

The call hung up with that bombshell dropped onto Jaeho.

Of course, he considered the negatives of him dating Irene: he didn’t want to take away from her career, which was why he was more than willing to have long periods of time without seeing her in person despite how much he valued it. He considered them for sure, but never for too long nor to the extent that was just presented to him, and now that he uncovered to the reality of the situation on top of learning all Irene had done for his sake, he felt terrible.

Wasn’t he a fan of Irene’s? Wasn’t he a fan of Red Velvet’s? What was he doing, sabotaging his favorite girl group, his favorite idol, like that? Was he giving Irene enough happiness to make up for everything he was taking away from her? From her members?

Jaeho collapsed onto the couch, Irene’s phone still in hand, every milliliter of strength in his body gone. ‘Guilty’ didn’t even begin to describe what he felt: frustration, anger, annoyance, shame … what was a disingenuous, selfish, hypocritical person like him doing with an angel like Bae Joohyun?

He got up, leaving Irene’s phone on the couch, and headed for the foyer; however, before he could put his shoes on, Irene stepped out of the bedroom.

“Honey?”

Jaeho froze.

It was the first time Irene called him something like this, and _damn_ was it effective. But Jaeho knew better. He continued putting on his shoes while talking. “Joo—Irene, I’m sorry.”

“Wha—?” Irene started, but Jaeho trudged on.

“For everything. I’m really sorry. I—”

“What do you mean?” Her voice got louder yet somehow meeker at the same time, more vulnerable and more scared.

“—I didn’t know what I was doing. I thought that—”

“Jaeho? Honey?” Tears were beginning to form in Irene’s eyes at this point, now having a good idea of what had just happened: and while she couldn’t help but feel betrayed at first, the foremost thing she felt was desperation.

“—that I could make you happy, but I didn’t know what you were sacrificing.”

Jaeho froze again when he felt Irene’s arms wrap around him. “What did they tell you? Why are you like this?” He could feel the tears staining his shirt which made it all the more difficult. So, he steeled his heart and pushed on, knowing it was for Irene’s benefit—and he knew that if he truly loved Irene, this is what he should do.

“You’ve been skipping practice sessions and meetings, right? And also, you turned down a CF offer? Was that one also because of me?”

Jaeho didn’t mean to blurt it out, but he just felt frustrated at that point: not at Irene, no, he could never feel that towards her—towards himself. Towards his weakness, towards his inability to just walk away from her. Since when did his body feel so heavy? Since when was taking a few steps such a mountainous task?

“Jaeho—I mean, yes, but—”

“Then it’s been me who has been hurting your career, hasn’t it?” There it was again. His weakness. “Not only your career, but all of Red Velvet?” Why was he so unbelievably weak? Just walk away, Jaeho. The more he stayed there, the less willing he would be to leave. “I’m sorry, Irene. I can’t just stand here, knowing that I’m ruining all the hard work you’ve put into this profession. If you were in my position, I think you would understand.”

With those words, he ripped himself from Irene’s embrace.

“Jaeho!” Irene was sobbing at this point, tears streaming down her face like a waterfall. Fear clouded her mind; there was but one thought that occupied her mind in that moment: how could she make Jaeho stay? “Honey, it’s not like that!”

She rushed out the door, still wearing her slippers, attempting to grab Jaeho’s hand but failing. “Jaeho, please!”

Right after she said those words, a rush of wind blew past her, and before she could even comprehend what was happening, four women had Jaeho trapped in their grips—her groupmates.

“Jaeho, you should at least hear Joohyun out first before making this decision,” Wendy said softly, gently, with a hint of tears in her voice.

“Pl-Please?” Yeri’s normally loud voice was reduced to naught but a soft whimper. Irene hadn’t even noticed, but the eyes of her four groupmates were also reflecting the bright lights of the building.

“We won’t let you go until you do,” Joy added.

Jaeho, finding himself unable to move, acquiesced with a sigh. “Irene—”

“It’s true that I skipped dance practices and meetings. But they were all optional in the first place, and I’ve skipped them for other reasons too—because I was too tired, because it was raining too hard, because I had to wake up early the next day, so it’s not like skipping them for you was even that ridiculous. In fact, out of everything I just listed, I would count it as the least ridiculous reason.” Irene stopped to wipe the tears off her face and take a calming deep breath before continuing.

“And as for that CF that I declined; it was true that I declined it because I wanted to spend more time with you, but that time I chose to instead spend with you _does_ have a positive impact on me. I’ve recently taken on lyric writing and songwriting because I’ve started dating you, something I always lacked the motivation for. My performances and appearances, both on Instagram lives as well as shows, have been more energetic ever since I started dating you. Ever since I started dating you—ever since I _met_ you, I’ve been a happier person. Maybe it’s true that dating you has some drawbacks, but there are many, _many_ more benefits.”

Jaeho remained silent. He didn’t know what to say: he was conflicted. Was the person he was talking to just exaggerating everything? No, that wasn’t what Irene seemed to be implying. He wanted to trust Irene more than that stern voice, but he didn’t know if that was the right choice. Irene was a biased party, after all, whereas the person he was just talking to should be a relatively impartial third-party.

“Jaeho, if you left me right now, there would be many more bad things that would come than good. If anything, that’s the best reason for us to stay together.” She wrapped her arms once again around Jaeho when she finished talking and pressed her face against his back, the other four having released their grip on him and slighting back into the apartment. This—their current position—honestly was something she really enjoyed because Jaeho’s back was actually pretty muscular, but she didn’t back hug him often because always she felt too embarrassed to directly ask for it—so if anything, at least _one_ good thing came out of this situation, at least for Irene. “You love me, right? Don’t you want the best for me?”

“…Yeah, I do,” Jaeho replied solemnly.

“Then I’m afraid you’re stuck with me forever,” she said in a cute manner, a smile on her lips, “Because breaking up with you will always be my worst nightmare.”

Hearing that, Jaeho broke out into a laugh, Irene shortly following suit. “Isn’t that a little bit too cheesy?”

“What?” she said defensively, reluctantly removing herself from him. Jaeho turned around to face Irene, who was shocked to find the normally smiling, bright Jaeho having hints of tears in his eyes. “How about just now? Wasn’t it too much like a K-Drama?”

Jaeho smiled and shook his head, his gaze fixed on the ground. “I—let’s go inside first, actually,” he suggested, motioning back to the apartment. In doing so, he noticed that the remaining four Red Velvet members were anxiously waiting at the apartment’s entrance, now all wearing smiles.

“I’ll make some soup,” Wendy offered, rushing off to the kitchen.

“I’ll help,” Seulgi said, rushing after her. “Yeri, you can stay.”

Yeri, who was also preparing herself to follow them, frowned. “Why? I can help, I promise!”

“We’ll find some other way to help, come on,” Joy said, grabbing Yeri by the hand and leading her into the kitchen. It wasn’t something Jaeho caught, but definitely didn’t go by unnoticed by Irene: they were giving the two some private time, which she was thankful for.

When the couple seated themselves, Jaeho resumed. “I—… when I had processed all the information that was given to me just now in that phone call, I think I was just really overwhelmed and frustrated with myself. I think those emotions—anger, guilt, among others—made me not think properly and not think to give you a chance to speak.” Jaeho paused briefly, lost for words and ashamed of his behavior, but reassured when Irene slipped her hand in his. “I’m sorry I acted that way. It was really childish of me, but I was scared I was doing everything wrong and being selfish, and the last thing I wanted to do was get in the way of your career and Red Velvet’s success, so I…”

“I forgive you,” Irene picked up the conversation shortly after Jaeho trailed off on that word, “But only on one condition.”

Jaeho was sort of thrown off by Irene’s snappy response, so he hesitated briefly when he gave his response. “…Yes?”

“Promise to never again threaten to break up with me.”

While this was always Jaeho’s goal—in fact, in all of his recent relationships, he always naïvely had the mindset of carrying every relationship he had until marriage, his conviction being much stronger in _this_ relationship—he still felt a little hesitant to agree, keeping in mind his past relationships. However, all it took was one glance at Irene’s adorable set of begging, large puppy-dog eyes adorned with a pout on her lips that caused him to reply, “Alright, I promise.”

The pout instantly turned into a smile. “That’s all I need,” she said in a wispy voice filled with content.

“Aww, that’s so cute,” Yeri’s loud whisper came from just outside the living room just as Irene finished her sentence, unintentionally overpowering the sudden silence of the apartment. “Oh, sorry,” she said when she realized what happened, laughing.

“Kim Yeri,” Irene said, turning to face her. “Weren’t you supposed to be helping with Joy make something?”

She shrugged, Joy behind her. “We couldn’t find anything to do, so we just watched Wendy and Seulgi for a bit before we got bored and came here.”

“Come,” Irene beckoned to the younger pair with her free hand, “Sit down with us.”

“First,” Joy abruptly said, staying where she was while Yeri moved towards the living room’s couch, “Jaeho, you know that Joohyun doesn’t cry often, right? Even in front of us, she doesn’t cry much. I’m sure all our members share this sentiment, but if you ever make Joohyun cry again, we’ll—”

“Ah, that’s enough Sooyoung,” Irene said with a smile on her face, waving her off, “No need to be dramatic.”

“No, this is serious,” Joy insisted, not sharing her leader’s smile. “We’ll seriously never forgive you, alright?”

Irene moved to wave her off again, but Jaeho stopped her, nodding sincerely. “I wouldn’t forgive myself either. From now on, I’ll try harder, OK?”

Joy nodded happily, content with that response, joining the two on the couch next to their leader. “Things are really going to get harder, huh?” Irene speculated mournfully.

And harder it got. Although Irene didn’t have direct proof that SM was messing with her, it certainly seemed that way. When the company asked Irene about her boyfriend the next day and Irene informed them that they were still together, a series of ‘coincidences’ occurred.

The next day, after she was done with her schedules and heading home, preparing for her videocall with Jaeho, she was notified that she was needed to help some trainees with their practice by giving them a demonstration. While she _could_ tell them ‘no’, it felt like it was a bad idea to at the time given the discourse between her and her company. This happened several more times throughout the following weeks, with a few more things happening: fan meetings were suddenly planned, more mandatory and unnecessarily frequent meetings about random things happened, ranging from topics such as their next comeback to upcoming concert tours to more trivial things like exploring personal talents for variety shows or trying to open avenues of learning things. While there wasn’t much SM could do to impede their texting, Irene eventually had to resort to video-calling Jaeho on the car to just be able to see him, sacrificing the bit of sleep she got on the car to do so.

Jaeho, during this whole time, was still being extremely patient with Irene, never questioning when she forgot to send him a ‘good night’ text, nor when she was unable to keep a promise to videocall him at night, nor when she suddenly had to cancel plans to meet at the apartment. Irene was becoming more and more agitated at this not-so-subtle attack on their relationship but had very little to counteract it in ways that didn’t involve unreasonable favors from others. The breaking point was when her videocall with Jaeho got abruptly cut off by a call from an SM executive.

Knowing she couldn’t turn down the call, she reluctantly hung up on Jaeho and accepted the call, her suspicions all but confirmed when she learned that it was an update on her relationship status with Jaeho. Fed up with everything that had transpired, she had to actively calm herself down in their conversation and _not_ blow up at the person on the other side of the call. When the call ended, Irene decided that enough was enough.

Her secret wasn’t something she told many people—just a few very close industry friends—so she was hesitant at first to attempt to contact a senior idol in SM, but when she consulted Yeri about her plan to directly complain to SM about it, Yeri shot Taeyeon a text without a second thought.

Shortly afterwards, Yeri managed to get the legendary singer on a videocall and handed her phone over to Irene.

“Oh, Joohyun! Hi, how are you!” Taeyeon’s bright voice filled the car, her radiant smile filling the screen. Irene was always amazed whenever she had the chance to see her: every time they met, without fail, she seemed so ethereal that it felt like a blessing that they were in the same company, much less a good friend of her groupmate.

“Hello, Taeyeon-sunbaenim,” Irene bowed as much as she could while holding the phone, smiling. “I’m actually going through some troubles right now, but that’s actually a little bit of the reason why Yeri called you for me.”

Taeyeon nodded, suddenly becoming serious. “So what happened?”

“Well, SM found out about my boyfriend—”

“You have a boyfriend?” Taeyeon’s excited inquiry jarred Irene for a second, of which Taeyeon apologized for. “So that article a few days ago _was_ about your boyfriend?”

“Y-Yeah,” she replied quietly, embarrassed by the explosive expression of emotion from her senior, having somehow forgotten that Taeyeon didn’t know about Jaeho.

“Oh, good for you! What’s his name? What does he do?”

“Song Jaeho, he’s a salesman with a side-job as a model for jeans,” Irene answered.

“Wow, congratulations! How long ago was this?” Taeyeon’s interrogation continued, the older idol smiling in a very motherly fashion, something Irene was _not_ used to at all.

“U-Um, a couple of months by now? Almost three?” she answered, trying to pay no attention to the giggling Yeri in the background.

“Ah, really? Wow, that’s quite some time already. So you’re getting ready for your 100th day anniversary, huh? Do you have any plans?”

When Irene was thinking about contacting Taeyeon about her situation, she prepared many things: how she’d describe what was happening, potential ideas she had, finding ways to describe the importance of Jaeho to her … she prepared many things, but this kind of interrogation certainly was _not_ one of them. “Um, I have some ideas, but we haven’t really settled on anything yet.”

“Wow, that’s exciting, huh? I—”

“Taeyeon,” Yeri butted in, appearing behind Irene, “Remember why Joohyun wanted to talk to you?”

“…Ah, that’s right! Sorry, Joohyun,” Taeyeon laughed sheepishly.

“Ah no, It’s OK!” Irene quickly interjected.

“I got a bit carried away. What was it that was troubling you?”

Irene sighed. “Well, our company found out a few weeks ago and they don’t support it, and recently, my schedule has been more packed with activities: more meetings, suddenly planned events, requests for demonstrations for trainees or other public appearances, and so on.” Irene couldn’t help but notice that Taeyeon was already pointedly frowning, which gave her a feeling of vindication, like she wasn’t crazy to imagine that everything was a targeted attack. “I’ve mostly been just going along with it because I thought that maybe this was a test or something and that it would be over soon, but now it’s been a little more than two weeks, it’s getting really frustrating, and I _still_ don’t know why SM opposes my relationship with Jaeho so much.”

“Ok, I see,” Taeyeon nodded after Irene concluded, wearing a discontented frown. “That’s really unfair, I agree. Do you want me to complain to them about it?”

“Ah, no no no, I don’t want to trouble you like that—”

“Ayy, Joohyun-ah, it’s fine. Trust me, OK? Should I tell—oh, you probably don’t want many others to know, huh?” Irene nodded. “OK, in that case … who does know in SM? Just your groupmates?” Irene again responded with just a nod. “Let’s all start by going together and complaining to them. Jaeho can join us if he has the time.”

“Taeyeon, if it’s too much trouble for you, we can just go by ourselves,” Irene offered.

“Don’t worry about it. I will help you; they shouldn’t be so strict when you’ve already worked so hard for them, right? When are you all free, do you know?”

It felt a bit strange to plan something like this, especially when considering that her senior Taeyeon was helping, in addition to Jaeho. The first time the two met was inside the SM building, and the first words Taeyeon offered him (after a greeting) was a comment on how handsome he was. If Irene was honest, when Jaeho thanked Taeyeon in a flustered manner, telling her that she looked better in person than on TV, a deep pang of jealousy struck at her chest.

In retaliation, Irene grabbed his hand possessively in the elevator up, using the small chance they had to catch up, as they haven’t seen each other in person over a week. Their conversation relieved Irene of some of her butterflies and granted her confidence, Taeyeon’s encouragement also helping in that regard. Apparently, Taeyeon herself made the appointment after they decided on the date, so all they had to do was just walk into his office after checking in with his secretary.

“Taeyeon—oh, hello,” the CEO of SM Entertainment said, smiling with his eyes in the warm, fatherly way that he did, “Red Velvet! I didn’t expect you. And you must be Irene’s boyfriend—Song Jaeho, was it?”

“Yes, it’s nice to meet you,” Jaeho bowed, significantly more nervous than Irene, his actions and words coming out stiff in response.

Lee Soo Man, noticing this, added, “No need to be so nervous son, I don’t bite. What did you want to see me for, Taeyeon?”

Taeyeon, who was completely composed compared to Jaeho, answered, “Irene has been running into some problems with her schedule. Her managers have been overloading her schedule, and it has not only been making her more tired than usual, it’s also preventing her from meeting Jaeho.”

“Ah, really?” the CEO said, concern in his eyes.

“It started after I was called the second time to confirm if I was in a relationship or not,” Irene explained, “they told Jaeho something that convinced him to break up with me but I convinced him otherwise, so after they started doing all of this, it really seemed like they were trying to keep us separate. I just thought that it was really unfair because they seem to think that my relationship with Jaeho is a bad thing, but in fact, I’ve benefitted a lot from it; I’ve taken up songwriting and in general have had more energy in performances and livestreams.”

“Ah, is that so? I wasn’t aware of this at all, actually; I was just under the impression that Irene’s schedule got busier because more opportunities came up. I’m sorry, I’ll immediately talk to them.”

Irene blinked, glancing over at Jaeho in confusion as Lee Soo Man made a note on his notepad. She had many more things planned to tell him, but was that all? Did it just take a brief conversation with him? “Thank you,” Irene said hesitantly, trying to hide the confusion on her face.

“Was there anything else? Jaeho, we should get a drink when we’re both free; I like to know the significant others of my artists, especially if they aren’t in the industry,” he said, jovial.

“Yes sir,” he replied, doing his best to put the most natural-looking smile he could muster.

“If there isn’t anything else, then if you don’t mind, I have a meeting to prepare for.”

“No, there was nothing else. Thank you,” Taeyeon said, revealing her confused expression when she motioned the rest to follow her out of the office. When the door closed behind them, she spoke out. “That was strange.”

“I know right?” Yeri piped in, “I thought we were all here to beg him, but he apparently didn’t even know what was happening?”

“I—” Taeyeon paused and waited until the elevator doors close fully before saying, “I think that he did have a good idea of what they were doing but didn’t know it had such a negative effect on Irene. You know, our CEO is pretty good at reading people, and he could probably tell just from looking at Irene and hearing that short speech the kind of effect separating you two,” she motioned to both Jaeho and Irene, “as diligently as they did had on Irene. They’ll probably still give you two a hard time, but it won’t be as blatant. On the positive side though, you’ll be able to meet each other more often!”

“Thank you, Taeyeon-sunbaenim, you really helped us out here,” Irene said again, bowing after getting out of the elevator.

“Thank you for helping us out,” Jaeho repeated after his girlfriend, bowing in kind. The four Red Velvet members followed in suit, causing Taeyeon to be flustered.

“Ah, stop that, it’s only natural,” she insisted, chuckling, “It’s from the idol of the older generation to the newer one. SNSD had these problems too, you know? That’s why I was so ready to help you all out, so you really don’t need to thank me that much,” she concluded, but then added, “Actually, there’s one thing you can do.”

“What is it?” Irene eagerly asked as they exited the building, Jaeho staying inside the building for a bit longer so as to not draw any suspicion.

“So what are your 100th day anniversary plans? Do you want my help with that as well?”

Irene blushed again, totally caught off guard by the much too excited Taeyeon. “Um, well, Jaeho told me he would handle most of the preparations,” Irene told her, making sure to use a low, soft voice, not wanting to risk anyone overhearing them.

“Ah, so what you’re trying to say is that you want me to stay out of it, right?”

The members of Red Velvet burst into laughter as Taeyeon dejectedly looked away, feigning a hurt expression. “You have it wrong, that wasn’t my intention,” Irene laughed, grabbing Taeyeon’s arm.

“It’s OK, I know when to take a hint,” the older idol continued playing the role of the older sister, disappointed that her younger sibling outgrew her. “Make sure to have fun.”

The results of the short talk they had with the CEO of SM Entertainment were immediate: her nights suddenly opened up, allowing the two to return to their usual nighttime video-calling, Irene’s schedule also cleared up bit by bit, but as Taeyeon predicted, things were far from concluding. She could still tell that her company opposed her and Jaeho’s relationship from subtle things like their managers checking up on her other groupmates about having a boyfriend to bringing up random topics during meetings relating to dating, namely the downsides to it (not having time for each other, breaking up, the like).

So when it came time for their 100th day anniversary celebration, Irene made sure she had fun with Jaeho. It wasn’t anything particularly special, upon the request of Irene herself: they cooked dinner together, and after eating dinner, they baked pastries together and ate some of it, packing it up for Irene to bring back to the other Red Velvet members later.

Afterwards, things got a bit hectic; Jaeho had initially just planned a fun 2-player Nintendo Switch game followed by learning to ballroom dance from a CD, but it gradually devolved into a mini, 2-person disco/karaoke party that may or may not have been initiated thanks to alcohol. After Jaeho suddenly realized how late it had gotten, he tried to rush Irene home when she revealed that she didn’t have a schedule the following morning. Perplexed, Jaeho joked if that meant she didn’t intend to go home, which Irene didn’t grant a verbal response to, instead answering with her facial expression.

Irene did indeed have fun that night. Maybe a bit too much fun.


	5. Candy

By the time Jaeho’s eyes fluttered open, Irene had already lost track of how long she had been staring at his serene, sleeping face. A smile tugged the corners of her mouth up as she watched him acquire his surroundings and stretch.

“Good morning, honey.”

He jumped at the sound of her voice, a similar shocking jolt of electricity running through her spine in a split second, a short, shrill, surprised scream surging from her sound box.

“What’s wrong?” she asked in a panic, reaching over, tenderly placing her hand on the man.

Jaeho, however, jerked away, almost as if by instinct.

Irene instantly knew something was wrong, a deep, sinking feeling, a sign of foreboding settling into her body. “Wh-What…—who—…oh god, I’m so sorry,” Jaeho stammered. A terrible feeling overwhelmed Irene’s heart, her lungs, her stomach, her entire body; she looked into Jaeho’s panicked eyes as the man sharing the bed with her, her lover, created as much distance as possible between them. What happened? Why was he acting like this? Was this some sort of prank? If it was, it wasn’t funny in the slightest. To pull something like this after the intimate night they shared just seemed tasteless.

“Honey—”

“I’m sorry—honey?” The word caught Jaeho’s attention, his panic temporarily fading, replaced with confusion. Irene knew she only started calling him this pet name recently, but did he already forget? He couldn’t have, his memory was always so good.

“Jaeho, stop this right now,” Irene demanded, frowning pointedly, concluding that Jaeho was teasing her. “It’s not funny. I’m seriously going to kill you if you keep acting like this.”

What Irene expected to happen was for Jaeho to regain his playful composure, him laughing and making fun of her over-the-top reaction, or maybe he would tease her a bit more before apologizing while laughing.

But that wasn’t what happened at all. Instead, Jaeho panicked again, a hint of worry in his expression this time. “I’m really sorry, I don’t remember last night at all. It’s really a shame because you’re gorgeous, but I … I must have had too much to drink last night or something.”

Oh, so this is how he wanted to play this, Irene figured, pursing her lips defiantly, the previous sense of foreboding gone, replaced with a winning determination. “OK, you got me Jaeho—I really did get scared, but I’m not going to keep falling for it. I mean, how did you not even notice me until I greeted you?” she asked, smirking in triumph.

Jaeho, however, maintained his panicked, worried, confused expression. “I-I don’t know, you must have been too light for me to notice.”

Irene pressed on, smiling to herself at Jaeho’s seemingly throwaway compliment. “And you find yourself in these kinds of situations a lot? Waking up next to a lady after a one-night stand?” Irene had trapped him in a dilemma: keep the façade and lie to her or admit that he was teasing her and stop. She knew Jaeho knew better than to admit that he did in fact have one-night stands before, which Irene figured to be true, and she also knew that Jaeho hated lying.

Or so she had thought.

When Jaeho reached back to rub the back of his neck as he sheepishly looked at the blanket, Irene felt that terrible sinking feeling return. “Well, not often, but I’m single right now, so yeah.”

Irene didn’t buy it. She couldn’t. Jaeho _had_ to be teasing her, or trying to pull some elaborate, drawn-out prank … what would it take to get him to admit it? It was at this point that the thought occurred to Irene: what if he wasn’t acting?

To the idol, that thought—that nightmare of a situation—was so terrifying that she immediately discarded it, not only because she felt it was impossible for someone to just experience such sudden amnesia, but because it was something she didn’t even want to consider. But the effect of the thought had already settled in, and the thought that this might all be a prank on Jaeho’s end was pushed further back in her brain as the fear of her boyfriend suddenly forgetting about her rose to the top.

“Look—I’m sorry I don’t remember last night, but—…”

“You really don’t remember your girlfriend?”

Irene’s meek voice interrupted him—in fact, she uttered the question so quietly that Jaeho almost didn’t catch it and had to take a second to realize what she said.

“My girlfriend?” he repeated.

Irene was now properly, utterly terrified. At this point in their relationship, she had gotten quite proficient at determining when Jaeho was lying, and from looking into his eyes and studying his facial expression, she saw that there wasn’t a _single_ hint of deceit. Maybe she just wasn’t catching something, or maybe she had more to learn about Jaeho, or maybe Jaeho was just really determined to see this prank through. Whatever the case was, she began to feel the sinking feeling of desperation all over again. She didn’t want to believe it, she _didn’t_ want to believe it, she _couldn’t_ bring herself to believe it, but here it was in front of her: her normally jovial, joyful boyfriend sitting in front of her, after what they had shared last night, saying all these things with not a hint of deception in his eyes, his body language, anywhere.

“Bae … Bae Joohyun?”

She was never so scared to utter her own name—not when her parents were scolding her for breaking curfew, not during her trainee days when her dance instructor yelled at her for missing the mark for her part in the choreography for the fifth time in a row, not even when she was suddenly called to the CEO’s office a few months after her debut.

“Bae Joohyun?” he repeated, still confused, still not showing a single sign of smoke-and-mirrors. Irene’s hands inadvertently clasped her mouth to muffle an incoming sob, tears welling up in her eyes, her chest hurting— _hurting_ , like someone reached inside her body and twisted her insides. When he shook his head, still as straight-laced as ever, Irene let out a sob.

Jaeho panicked again at the noise, utterly confused. Was this woman’s name Bae Joohyun? Why did she claim that she—that ‘Bae Joohyun’—was his girlfriend? How was it possible that someone with such ethereal, mystical, bordering goddess-like beauty was claiming to be his girlfriend? It couldn’t be … was she one of those types? The beautiful but slightly insane types? But looking at her told Jaeho otherwise. Whatever the case was, he cast aside his doubts and neared the sobbing woman before remembering that he was naked, and that the woman was probably also naked.

Irene looked up with foggy vision when she felt a gentle hand on her shoulder. After last night, there was no reason for him to be shy around her bare-backed figure, or at least to be as shy as he was acting … so this was all true? No, she couldn’t believe it. How could she? It’s not as if Jaeho had hit his head last night or anything.

But while logic told Irene one thing, Jaeho’s actions told another. To Irene, it was apparent that Jaeho considered her nothing more than a stranger, and the fact that he was making sure to keep his distance but still trying to comfort her, trying to respect her personal space while still finding it necessary to comfort the crying lady in front of him, and being reminded that his gentle, caring nature was one of the reasons she fell in love with him only made her cry harder. “Th-There,” she said after calming down a bit. “You just s-saw your girlfriend cry like that. I hope you’re h-happy.”

Maybe this was his goal, Irene desperately thought in a last-ditch attempt to rationalize the situation; after all, Irene hadn’t really ever cried like this in front of him, and his logic might be that it was better now than when it actually mattered, like if they got in a fight.

It was a thin thread of logic to cling onto, but whatever thread existed—as fragile, frail of a thread it was—Irene found herself clutching onto it nonetheless. She wouldn’t let go—she _couldn’t_. She just … she just simply _couldn’t;_ it was her lifeline, the only thread that connected the Jaeho she knew and loved to the seemingly oblivious, clueless Jaeho in front of her now. Why was Jaeho extending this act for so long? Surely, if there was a time to stop, it was now that his girlfriend had just broken down in front of him like that.

“I-I’m sorry. I really am. I didn’t mean to make you cry like that.” Irene looked up with hope that he would admit to acting all this time. “Joo-Joohyun? That’s your name, right?” That hope immediately vanished when he said those words, in the manner that he said them. “It’s a beautiful name. Actually, do you know SNSD’s Seohyun? She has the same name, although honestly, I would say that you’re more beautiful.”

Irene couldn’t accept it. She wasn’t ready, she wasn’t willing, she was perhaps being selfish or clingy, but she didn’t care—she wanted _her_ Jaeho back. She _needed_ him back. After everything they’ve experienced together, because of each other … how could his memory of her have vanished? How was it even possible? Why did it have to be him? Why did the world decide to be so cruel to her? Did she simply not deserve happiness? Was that it?

She moved the blanket aside and crawled towards the man on the other side of the bed, her heart sinking even further when he innocently averted his gaze the moment the fabric ceased to act as a visual barrier between his eyes and her bare body. “J-Jaeho? Pl-Please stop now, I w-want my boyfriend back,” she whimpered, voice broken, tears welling inside her eyes, Jaeho escaping the bed when she reached him, quickly finding his boxers and putting them on.

“I-I don’t know what you mean by that. Are you sure you mean me?” He cautiously asked. Irene, stifling her sob with both hands, nodded sincerely. Jaeho, however, couldn’t seem to believe it. “No way … how could I have gotten you as my girlfriend? You don’t even compare to my last girlfriend … are you a celebrity?”

“Please look at me, Jaeho,” Irene begged, her eyes stinging with the pain of newly formed tears in the face of the compliment from her supposedly amnesiac boyfriend.

He eventually acquiesced, and when he did, not even her hands could muffle the sound of the resulting sobs. Jaeho couldn’t bring himself to look at her fully: his face flushing fiercely at the sight, and this was the last straw for her. He could fake the diverting eyes as much as he wanted, but to see him flush that quickly, that easily, on top of the guilt in his eyes and the hesitation in voice gave Irene the understanding that this was no act.

Irene collapsed onto her knees, her shins pressed against the soft mattress under the weight of her entire body, her arms hanging limply at her sides, the room echoing with her wailing. Tears freely streamed down her porcelain cheeks and over the back of her fingers, dripping all the way down to the bedsheets, and for the first time since meeting him, Irene didn’t care one bit about how she looked in front of the second most important man in her life—a man who now had no memory of her. “Jaeho … Jaeho…” her unsteady voice hiccupped in between words, chanting his name as if doing so would miraculously return his memories. Her whole world had come crashing down onto her, pushing, _shoving_ her down a pit of despair. “Don’t leave me, please, you _promised_ me…” the words tumbled out of her mouth, broken to the point of near indistinguishability, her Daegu accent inadvertently spilling out. “I’m not ready—I’m not ready to let you go yet, I—” she hiccupped again, her salty tears finding their way through her fingers and onto her lips. “—I don’t want you to leave, Jaeho—” tears streamed down her face relentlessly, the small woman shaking from the uneven breaths she was taking in, her words coming out as a jumbled mess; no matter how unattractive she must have looked right then, Irene didn’t care. Her appearance, her voice—nothing but the amnesiac man in front of her mattered to her. “—please, don’t leave me.”

This time, Jaeho let Irene approach him, who subsequently embraced him, the conflicted man slowly, awkwardly, hesitatingly wrapping his arms around Irene as well. The idol uncontrollably sobbed against Jaeho’s nape, drenching his upper body with her tears, the sound of her wailing ringing about the room and in Jaeho’s ears. There was a familiarity with the sensation of the warmth of his embrace, and eventually, Irene’s sobbing slowed down to hiccups. When Irene was confident enough in her demeanor, she released him, carefully wiping off her tears with the bed sheets and covering herself with the blanket again. “I’m s-sorry, thank you for letting me do that,” she said apologetically, diverting her eyes to the blanket. Whether her action was taken in shame, embarrassment, frustration, sorrow, or a mix of all the above, the idol herself didn’t know.

He shook his head, the empathetic, gentle smile on his face kindling that familiar feeling of comfort and love inside Irene. “Don’t worry about it. I’m—” a guilty look now overtook his face. “—I’m sorry I made you cry.” The brief exchange was all Irene needed for her love of the man in front of her to reignite. His warmth, his compassion … it was a pleasant remind that she had made the right choice.

Irene pouted, looking away defiantly. “You better be,” she replied as cutely as she could given her current state, taking the lead as the older one in attempting to diffuse the situation with humor, “I can’t believe you forgot not only me as your girlfriend, but me as an idol.”

“Oh, you are an idol?” Irene nodded, prompting him to say, “I knew it,” triumphantly.

“You don’t know which group, though?” He shook his head. “I’m surprised, since you remember SNSD, who are in the same company as us.”

A look of confusion befell Jaeho’s face. “Really? SM?” Irene nodded, and as Jaeho racked his brain, she didn’t know whether to be anxious or sad at the sight of him trying to remember a group he didn’t remember existing.

“Well, there’s SES, SNSD, f(x), Red Velvet—”

“Wait,” Irene cut him off, her being the confused one now. “You remember Red Velvet?”

He nodded slowly. “Are you a new addition to the group?”

Irene shook her head, frowning. “Can you name all their members?”

He answered quickly, “Seulgi, Wendy, Joy, and Yeri.”

So it was _only_ memories of her that were missing, not anything relating to her? “That’s it? A four-member group?” A relief and hope that she might still reside somewhere inside Jaeho’s memory sparked. For the first time in this disaster of a morning Irene has been having, she started to feel something positive, a swelling sensation that overtook her body, causing her heart to race and her lungs to constrict: a feeling, however faint, of hope.

Jaeho, now understanding the situation a bit more, reached for his phone. Irene took the time to clothe herself, and by the time she was done, she found Jaeho watching one of their MVs with a bewildered expression on his face. She silently watched with him, and when it finished, something seemed to click within him.

“Oh, oh my god, how could I—” he did a double take when he turned and found that Irene was centimeters away from him, nearly jumping straight off the bed in shock. A small smile broke out on her face at his shocked reaction, which somehow felt out of place given how hard she was sobbing just a few minutes. Still, how could she _not_ smile at such an adorable reaction?

“Do you finally remember me?” Irene asked, a budding feeling of hope building up inside her like a swelling crescendo of a song that was building up to the climax.

He nodded, the bursting feeling of hope and relief being abruptly smothered by the blanket of reality, the crescendo being cut short by the ‘power off’ button, saying, “Yeah, how could I have forgotten Irene, the leader of Red Velvet?”

“Irene?” Fear to speak once again seized her motor functions, her words barely coming out as whispers. “Not Joohyun?” She didn’t want to ask, but she had to—it only happened once, but she was already sick of this terrible sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach.

When Jaeho showed visible discomfort with the question, Irene’s hopes were once again squashed, smothered flat by whatever invisible force that was determined to make Irene’s life miserable. “Isn’t that too informal?” However, upon seeing the disappointed expression on Irene’s face, he quickly added, “Do you want me to call you that?”

She nodded eagerly, a brightness returning to her eyes. The idol was desperately clawing back at any, _any_ semblance of the life she lived just one day ago, at a chance to pretend that this Jaeho was _her_ Jaeho, memories intact. “Without the honorifics, too,” she appended.

Irene could see Jaeho crumbling under the weight of her expectations, her real name seemingly lodged in his throat. “Joo—Joohyun…—noona,” he quickly attached at the end. While it wasn’t much, it was better than nothing and Irene took it as a victory, however small.

It was just then, as Irene was trying not to let the pit in her stomach overtake her emotions, that she was suddenly reminded of something: their picture together. Now that she thought about it, the sequence of events that had transpired really seemed like the forces of the universe were trying to keep Jaeho and Irene separate: if Irene hadn’t insisted that one day, there would be absolutely _no_ digital evidence of them having dated in the past. “Wait,” Irene said, her heart once again swelling with hope yet again, “I have proof.”

“Of what?”

“That we dated,” she answered. If a music video was enough to jog Jaeho’s memories about Irene as an idol, maybe a picture of Irene as his girlfriend will reignite the memories he had as her boyfriend.

Jaeho patiently waited as Irene reached to grab her phone and scrolled through her pictures, eventually finding the selfie the two took 101 days ago. “Here,” she presented her screen to the shirtless man in front of her, something Irene briefly forgot about and found herself staring a bit too long. Thankfully, this went by unnoticed as Jaeho had diverted his attention to the picture Irene provided him.

“This is us?” he said in clear disbelief. “Did someone photoshop—no, because it’s saved on your phone. This is—wow, did Irene of Red Velvet photoshop me into a picture?” There was an edge of playfulness in Jaeho’s voice; unsure of how to take the question, Irene chuckled a bit in response.

“No, it’s real,” she insisted, “It’s from when you confessed to me.”

The hope she felt that the picture might bring Jaeho’s memories back slowly faded yet again as he continued staring at her phone’s screen, the same confused expression on his face. “Really? This is strange, because—”

“You don’t like taking pictures, right?”

Jaeho was caught off guard by Irene’s sudden interjection, a reply that had a hint of sadness and longing; the slight doubt that Jaeho was feeling was caught by Irene in his movements and voice, but Irene knowing this seemed to change things.

“Yeah, that’s right. Do you know why, too?”

Irene couldn’t help it. As little of a gesture this was, she couldn’t help but start feeling hope that Jaeho’s memories would return. “Because you think pictures remove us from the moment, right? Because your late mother taught you to always be present in the moment and not to linger on the past.”

However impressed Jaeho was that Irene knew that, there still seemed to be no hint that his memories were returning, and that fact was hard to digest. In taking these small victories, of Jaeho remembering her as an idol as well as him believing that they were once acquainted, she failed to fully realize how desperate the situation was making her, grasping onto anything to fill the void in her heart Jaeho— _her_ Jaeho—had previously occupied. And, truth to be told, it felt nigh impossible to disassociate this amnesiac Jaeho from the one she held so many fond memories of—their first meeting, Jaeho’s confession, the hardships they endured, last night—

Irene stifled another sob with both hands, newly formed tears stinging her eyes. She didn’t want to think about these memories, as they inevitably brought her to the same question: what now? Was Jaeho going to leave her? Irene didn’t want to even _imagine_ it, but realizing it was a potential reality mortified her, especially considering that Jaeho had no memories of the promise he made to her. It was Jaeho who pushed their relationship forward, after all; what would she do if Jaeho just decided to walk away?

“Irene?” she felt a hesitant, warm, yet firm hand land on the back of hers.

“Pl-Please don’t leave me,” Irene begged again, her voice meek at best, unwilling to— _unable_ to—meet Jaeho’s eyes, the memories of Jaeho almost breaking up with her the day they were forced to confess their relationship to SM resurfacing.

“I’m not going anywhere,” he gently reassured her, rubbing the back of her hand comfortingly.

Irene shook her head. “No, I mean—I mean, stay with me,” she amended her request. “Promise you won’t leave me and forget me.” Irene turned to meet Jaeho’s gaze as she finished speaking, her vision still clouded with tears.

Jaeho slowly nodded. “I’ll make it up to you,” he stated firmly, something that granted the doubt and fear in Irene’s chest immense relief, as if she had finally taken a deep breath of cool, crisp air after holding her breath underwater. “Let’s start with an introduction—” he suddenly stopped as his eyes wandered a bit further down, noticing Irene’s distinct lack of shorts. “—actually, let’s start by getting properly dressed,” he finished, averting his eyes.

Irene found another smile forming on her lips in reaction to Jaeho’s modesty, complying by donning the shorts that were strewn along the nearby nightstand. “I’m going to wash and touch up my makeup first,” Irene stated, climbing off the bed. Almost as soon as she stood up, Irene found herself collapsing back onto the bed, finding her legs lacking the strength to support the rest of her body.

Jaeho was at her side in an instant, his shirt only half on. “Are you OK?” he asked, his eyes full of worry. Another smile found its way on Irene’s face despite herself at the speed of Jaeho’s reaction, which apparently confused Jaeho. “What?”

Irene shook her head. “Nothing,” she replied, picking herself back up, then remembering that it was her duty to push their relationship forward, added with as much confidence as she could muster, “It’s just, I think I just fell in love with you again.”

She carefully stood up and walked to the bathroom with a grin that spoke in part satisfaction in Jaeho’s bewildered response and in part due to her own embarrassment, leaving the flustered Jaeho behind on the bed. When Irene returned, she found Jaeho watching a video on his phone—from the audio, she surmised that it was a variety show Red Velvet were guest stars on. “What are you watching?”

“A ‘Weekly Idol’ episode starring you and your members,” Jaeho verified for Irene, pausing the video and putting his phone down. “I thought something might somehow come back to me if I watched it.”

“You should just learn directly from me,” she pouted, pretending to be hurt by his actions.

“Ah, should I?” he complied, a smile forming on his lips in response to her cute response. “Let’s start with an introduction first,” he said, standing up. “It’s nice to meet you, I’m Song Jaeho,” he said, bowing politely.

“What kind of boyfriend bows to his girlfriend?” Irene laughed, smacking him playfully. His hesitant reaction and guilty look wiped the smile off her face in an instant.

“I’m really honored that you think so highly of me, but can we start off—I mean, restart as friends?”

While Irene was fixing her makeup, there were several things she thought about: the first thing was Joy’s words about Jaeho not making her cry again. Even though Irene had no idea what was going on, she found it really hard to find blame in Jaeho for this scenario. How would she even explain this to them though? Should she just … _not_ explain it? It felt terrible to keep such a secret from her members, but the last thing she wanted was for her members to hate Jaeho through no fault of his own, especially when he was already going through all that Irene was putting him through.

This led her to consider her company, SM; they were already trying to separate the two, but Irene wasn’t ready to let Jaeho go without a fight. It was easier to keep this whole thing a secret from them, Irene figured, but that would make it all the worse if they found out. It was a good thing that they sorted things out already, she thought, or else keeping the secret from SM when they were paying as much attention to them as they were previously would’ve been much harder. If she could somehow find a way to tell her groupmates about Jaeho without having them hate him, then their help would be invaluable. Still, no matter what, Irene was determined to fight tooth and nail to keep Jaeho.

The very last thing she considered was that realizing she should push aside her heartbreak and become the active one in the relationship, since passing this test could only strengthen their relationship.

“Sure, we can do that,” Irene replied, trying to sound as nonchalant about it as possible. “Do you want breakfast?” Irene asked, naturally reaching out to place a hand on his, saddened when she saw Jaeho withdrawing his hand quickly in response. “I’ll go prepare something, you can wash up in the bathroom,” she told him, trying to play off her hand movement by placing her hand on her knees as she stood up, masking her sadness with a smile.

“Thank you, sorry to trouble you,” he said, bowing. He had the best intentions, Irene could tell, but she still couldn’t help but feel a little more heartbroken at how polite, how unfamiliar he had become. Could she bear this? For how long? Would her boyfriend’s memories ever return?

Now wasn’t the time for this, Irene reminded herself. What happened, happened; for now, what she needed to work on was paying Jaeho back for his kindness.

By the time Jaeho emerged from the bathroom, Irene was waiting at the kitchen for him. “Do you mind if we talk while we eat?”

He nodded, joining her at the table.

“My company was initially opposed to our relationship, and if they find out about this, they’ll no doubt force us to break up. Do you mind pretending to them that you’re still my boyfriend?”

“Um—”

“I’ll make it up to you, I promise; I’ll become the type of girlfriend that you would want. Please, I—” Irene paused to hold back her tears, reaching out to hold his hands but stopping herself short. “—I don’t want to lose you. I can’t—I don’t want you to leave me, even if that’s really selfish of me. I’m sorry to ask so much, but…” Irene couldn’t bear to finish her sentence. She was aware of how unreasonable her request was: who would want to go through the trouble of pretending to be the boyfriend of an idol, lying to powerful people, for the sake of someone he barely knew, for an ambiguous amount of time, the only compensation being a vague promise that Irene would make him fall in love with her? She understood this but was too desperate to care at this point.

“Yeah, I’ll do it.”

“I can provide monetary—” she cut herself off upon realizing what Jaeho said. “Really? You will?”

He nodded. “I trust you, even though this is all really strange to me. Still, I don’t think there exists a single fan of yours not in a relationship that wouldn’t accept your request,” he said sheepishly, chuckling.

“Jaeho, I—thank you, thank you so much!” Tears were freely falling out of Irene’s eyes, but this time in joy and relief. “Can I hug you?”

This time, seeing Jaeho getting flustered put a smile on her face. Now that she didn’t have to worry about Jaeho leaving her, she came to a realization thanks to that interaction: it was _her_ turn to see Jaeho embarrassed, and that excited her much more than it should have. “U-um, yeah,” he answered.

Irene jumped out of her chair and ran over to the man seated opposite her, covering him in her embrace before he could fully get out of his seat. “Thank you, I love you so much!” The words tumbled out of her mouth without a second thought, almost like it was an instinct built by hugging him. A few seconds later, Irene realized what she said and quickly released him. “Oh, I’m sorry, it just came out,” she said, bowing in apology.

Irene kept her head down, silence engulfing the room for a brief second. Did she mess up already? Was the overly affectionate action going to drive him away?

“It’s OK,” Jaeho chuckled, “You didn’t have to apologize.”

“Then,” she followed up, “do you mind if I say that to you every time we meet?” Irene’s smile widened when Jaeho turned even more red.

“U-Uh, maybe not _every_ time, but … but, um, if it slips out, you don’t have to apologize or anything,” he replied, stuttering all the way.

Irene, satisfied with Jaeho’s response, returned to her chair and motioned for him to start eating. “It must be weird for you, to suddenly wake up and find out an idol is claiming to be your girlfriend.” Irene was more composed now, although she would be lying if she said she had completely recovered from the incident earlier this morning. There was a small voice in the back of her mind telling her to keep an eye out for Jaeho’s memories to suddenly return, although by now she knew not to count on it happening. What would she do if they did? How would she react? These questions remained unanswered, Irene taking Jaeho’s philosophy about living in the moment and enjoying her time with the man she spent the previous night with.

He confirmed Irene’s statement with a nod. “Especially since it’s Irene, my ultimate bias,” he added.

Irene smiled. “You know, you’ve told me that the first night we met, but I still like hearing it.”

He smiled shyly into his bowl. “Oh, really?” he mused for a second before continuing, “now that I think about it, that would probably be one of the first things I said to you.”

“Actually, the first thing you said was ‘Are you OK?’,” Irene said, recalling that memory fondly—of when Jaeho singlehandedly fixed Irene’s feeling of loneliness in a few hours of exchange at the bar that one day. As embarrassing as that memory was to her—namely, how embarrassing her actions were—it was still a precious one, one she held close and dear to her heart. Which made it even sadder, to Irene, that Jaeho now had no recollection of the night.

“Really? That’s … a strange thing to say,” Jaeho said, the way he hesitated hinting that he was holding back harsher words.

“It was really endearing,” Irene responded, amused at Jaeho’s confused reaction, “I was really lonely at that time, so I started visiting the idol-safe bars, which also happened to be the ones that only let in other celebrities. Still, even then, I was alone; no one really approached me, and when they did, they would leave shortly after.” Irene paused briefly, sighing. There were multiple reasons she was thankful for Jaeho and so willing to fight for him, but the biggest one was because the amount of loneliness she felt prior to meeting him. Irene was very much aware of her ever-increasing age, and that on top of the relatively lonely life of an idol compounded by some kind of invisible force that seemed to keep the other sex at bay gave her borderline depression. Irene was someone that loved fiercely, but when she started realizing she strongly desired a romantic partner to fiercely love but didn’t have one, it … it made her feel empty, lonely, sad, like she might never find someone, like she was never meant to love another as a boyfriend, like maybe she should just wait until her career as an idol ended before pursuing romantic love, which only made her sadder as Irene loved being a singer and didn’t want to stop anytime soon.

“So how did I meet you? At one of these bars?”

Irene nodded. “The bouncer working there was new, I’m pretty sure, so he mistook you for—”

“Song Jaeha,” he interjected, nodding.

“Yeah, Song Jaeha. I’m thankful that it happened though, because when you approached me and started talking to me, it was like I suddenly started living again.”

Out of nowhere, a cold liquid tickled her cheek. Irene quickly dabbed the spot with her finger to find that she was shedding tears again.

“Sorry, I—”

Jaeho reached over the table, napkin in hand, and removed the tears from Irene’s face. She looked up in surprise; she only just had grown accustomed to the new, less-familiar Jaeho, but this was certainly a welcome surprise. “Sorry, was I overreaching my boundaries?” Jaeho sheepishly apologized when he noticed Irene’s reaction.

She shook her head, smiling. “No; in fact, I would be happy if you did that more often,” she answered. Irene had already prepared herself to face the reality that it would take time before they got as comfortable with each other as before, as Irene had already began longing for Jaeho’s touch, but this came as a pleasant surprise. Maybe she _didn’t_ have to wait long before Jaeho started to take care of her as he did before.

“I’ll, um, try my best,” Jaeho responded, smiling good-naturedly. Irene could tell his intentions matched his words, but his behavior strongly reminded her of how he was during their first few encounters: treading upon every word, overly polite, and with less confidence and composure. Given, Irene was worse, but now was different; maybe now, she could right the wrongs of that past, as her actions back then were something she sincerely regretted.

“Let’s do a test then,” Irene suggested, picking up her drink and intentionally wetting the corner of her lips. “Here.”

When Jaeho’s eyes locked onto the spot Irene intended him to clean up, his face erupted in pink. Irene felt herself flush a little, not used to being as bold as she was acting, hiding her embarrassment with as confident a smile as she could muster. “What’s wrong?” she egged him on, leaning over the table for him.

He opened his mouth to speak but promptly closed it, nodding obediently and using his tissue to carefully wipe the corner of her mouth. “Wow, you really are so much more beautiful in person.”

The compliment flowed out of Jaeho’s mouth naturally, as if he was just making a passing comment. At first, Irene really appreciated them, but as she started to get more defensive of Jaeho, she started to become more and more insecure; what if he said this kind of thing to any girl? Was it how he got girls in the past? Was it like second nature to him, and would other girls start pursuing him? If that happened, there wasn’t really much Irene could do, either, given that she was working most of the time.

This wasn’t something Irene ever discussed with Jaeho but was something she constantly worried about. It was actually one among many insecurities she had about Jaeho that she didn’t bother sharing with anyone, largely because she either felt too embarrassed to share them or felt that if she did, she would be labeled as a clingy girlfriend.

“Is that how you get all your girls?”

Irene didn’t mean to say it, but still, the words managed to come out of her mouth. As soon as she realized what she had just said, she cursed at herself, reminding herself that this Jaeho wasn’t her boyfriend yet and there wasn’t a reason to be jealous of this kind of thing. The idol had thought that all it would take was the realization that this was the case to stop subconsciously associating the man sitting across from her to her boyfriend, but in reality, it was much harder than it seemed; how many more habits did she have that were built from being together with him?

“Wha—um, I—…” Jaeho stammered, unsure of how to respond, in the end deciding to answer honestly, “In a way, but none of them lasted long anyway.”

Irene’s initial flare of jealousy was instantly quelled when Jaeho’s tone took a sad turn at the end, her motherly instincts taking over as she stopped eating and looked across the table. “What do you mean?”

The last part of what Jaeho said had sort of just tumbled out of his mouth; he didn’t want to burden anyone else with the knowledge of his past failed relationships, but this woman—this _idol_ —that he woke up next to this morning claiming to be his girlfriend activated his protective instincts. While he was mulling those memories over, the words had come out of his mouth before he was even aware; however, now that Irene was aware of them, he wasn’t about to lie about it, especially after all he had already put the poor woman through. “It’s just—just, all my past relationships ended poorly, and I haven’t spoken to a single one of my ex’s after breaking up.”

Hearing this gave Irene a terrible premonition, so terrible that she was almost afraid to ask the question that was burning in her mind despite how crucial it was, especially right now. “Was it … was it because of this? Because this happened before, where you lost your memory of them suddenly?”

Jaeho didn’t respond for a second, confused at Irene’s question, before saying, “No, this is the first time something like this occurred.” Irene breathed a sigh of relief. Seriously, how much more of this would she have to take in just a span of a few hours? “They all broke up with me after cheating on me.”

Irene had always wondered how his past relationships ended; in her opinion, Jaeho had all the determination, all the good looks, and all the skills needed to be a suitable boyfriend for anyone, so how was it that he was still single at his age? Learning the truth both made her feel like a terrible human being for causing bad memories to resurface as well as confirming her suspicions: that it was the _girl_ that broke up with _him_. “I’m sorry,” was Irene’s gentle reply.

Her sorrow must have been detected by Jaeho, as he immediately responded with a hasty, “No, don’t be! It was in the past, and I’m sure you were a wonderful girlfriend—” he abruptly stopped, realizing bringing up those memories probably wasn’t the best idea.

“I hope so,” was Irene’s reply, smiling and returning to her breakfast.

Silence brewed in the following minutes, in which Jaeho detected a curiosity emanating from Irene. He managed to predict correctly as to what the curiosity was about when he said, “Did you want to hear more about why my ex’s broke up with me?”

Irene, not realizing that her curiosity was noticeable, suddenly floundered. “Um, no—I mean, only if you’re willing,” she replied. Irene couldn’t quite place a finger as to the reason she was so curious; maybe she was curious as to why anyone would cheat on Jaeho, or maybe she wanted to get to know Jaeho better, or maybe she wanted to gain a greater understanding of him. Whatever the reason, Irene was ultimately thankful that Jaeho had picked up on her curiosity and allowed her to learn about his ex’s without having to directly ask.

“Yeah, no problem,” he replied, pausing a bit to gather his surroundings and collect his thoughts before starting.

“I made my first girlfriend in middle school, so it wasn’t as bad then. I didn’t really know what ‘having a girlfriend’, ‘being a couple’, or any of that meant—at the time, I wanted a girlfriend just because it seemed like the trendy thing to do, but I didn’t know how to get one nor did I really like anyone, so when a girl confessed to me, I immediately accepted it. For my first relationship, I think it was mostly my fault; I didn’t know what to do as a boyfriend, so we ended up not doing much outside of eating lunch together, but even so, my girlfriend didn’t dump me. I felt really thankful for her patience until I realized she wasn’t being patient at all, and she was hanging out with other guys in the meantime, and when I caught her … flirting, I guess? With another guy, she dumped me right there and then.

“My next girlfriend wasn’t until freshmen year of college. I avoided relationships throughout the remainder of middle school and the entirety of high school because of that experience, but I figured I was mature enough by the time I entered college and entered the dating scene. I met my girlfriend in one of my general education classes—a speech class. We hit it off well from the start—” Unbeknownst to Irene herself, a jealous expression appeared on her face, which she only noticed when she found Jaeho trying to hide a smile. She wiped the expression on her face as Jaeho continued, “—and on the second month of classes, I asked her out. She accepted, and this time, I was more active and spent more time with her outside of classes.” This time, Irene let out a forlorn sigh. Visiting a café, eating at a restaurant, going out shopping with him… there were many things Irene wanted to experience with Jaeho in public and not fear a scandal, but given that they were photographed together the first time they went outside, that was a hard ask. “I tried my best for this relationship, but there were many times where she would decline because of various reasons: because she needed to meet with her group for a project, because she already had plans with a friend, because she was invited to a party but wasn’t allowed to bring me along, among others. I’m not sure how many of those excuses ended up being true because on the first week of my second semester of college, I was trying to get out of going to a party my friends were pressuring me to go to by asking my girlfriend to visit a newly opened café with me, but she told me that she had already made plans to go to a party that was female-only. Not thinking too much of it, I ended up going to the party my friends invited me to and saw her at that party—I left before she could see me.

“After that, I started to get suspicious of her and started investigating with the help of a few of my friends, and it turned out, she liked going to parties and sometimes, when she got drunk, ended up sleeping with other guys. When I discovered this, I confronted her first about her going to parties behind my back, saying that I was willing to forgive her if she stopped going to them. She then got mad at me, saying that the reason why she didn’t tell me about these parties was because she had suspected that I was ‘conservative’ and wouldn’t let her go out and have fun with her friends. When I then told her the reason why I was against her going to the parties was because I had heard that she would sleep with other guys after getting drunk, she blew up at me, asking me why I was believing what other people said over her own word. I asked her to refute it but she refused to do so directly, so I then told her that I saw her at the party at the beginning of the second semester. She kept up the act, claiming that I didn’t trust her enough and broke up with me, saying that a relationship with no trust was doomed to fail.”

Jaeho paused a bit after that to catch her breath and take a sip of his drink. “Honestly, I’m still a bit conflicted about that, since I’ve never seen her in the act of cheating on me, but the way she acted when I told her everything and the fact that so many of my friends told me the same thing, to me, meant that the information I had was correct in some way.

“However, even with that in mind, that experience made me feel like I was unready for relationships. Whenever I would get close to someone I was interested in,” again, Jaeho noted that Irene was displaying hints of jealousy in her facial expression: namely, the way her eyebrows scrunched together and the way she pursed her lips, noted how adorable it was, but continued on nonetheless, “the thought would pop into my mind: am I too clingy? What if I, without thinking, act in a way that implied I didn’t trust her? Am I ready for a relationship?

“In the end, I ended up pushing them all away. It wasn’t until after I finished college that I met my next girlfriend, my most recent one.

“I met her in a dual photoshoot. She was younger than me but also very outgoing; we had great chemistry straight off the bat, and she asked for my number after we finished. I tried to apply what I learned from my last girlfriend to her, but it turned out to be too much; I told myself that I would implicitly trust her with everything, so I never pried too much when she said she would go somewhere. This girl wasn’t as big about parties as the previous girl, but her friends were; she admitted to me that one of the reasons she wanted a boyfriend was for an excuse to not go to all the parties and nights out that her friends pressured her into going, but when she discovered my attitude about it—my outward-facing attitude, that is, because I still worried about her inwardly but never voiced it, for fear of seemingly clingy—I think that annoyed her a bit. She started going out with her friends more and the most I would ever say is, ‘have fun’ or ‘be safe’, which I don’t think she liked either. I think she took this next step to test me, but she started having dinner with some male friends from college, and even though this put me on edge, I tried not to show it and allowed her to do as she pleased. One day, she didn’t return home at night—we were living together at this time—and when she came home the next day, I made it a point to not throw suspicion onto her. This definitely annoyed her because she became mad at me, asking me why I wasn’t curious as to where she was last night, why wasn’t I defensive of her, if I just didn’t care enough about her. It was at this moment I figured that I was being too implicitly trustful and that I, as a boyfriend, should still be clingy to some extent, but it seemed like it was too late already. She was suspecting that I was cheating on her because I didn’t seem to care about her enough, admitting that she cheated on me that night with another guy, said she was fed up with my careless attitude and that she didn’t see a future with such a man, and broke up with me.”

Jaeho took a moment to catch his breath, finishing up his breakfast before saying, “I have my suspicions about whether or not she actually cheated on me to this day because to me, she seemed like the type of girl who would never do that—but I never pried about it, since the past is the past. And that leads me to you, I guess, a relationship that I seemed not to have messed up until last night.” Jaeho was trying for a joke but quickly realized it was perhaps a tasteless joke to make.

Fortunately, Irene chuckled along, finishing her breakfast as well. “It wasn’t your fault,” was the idol’s reply. “I like how protective you are of me, but you also are really understanding of—” Irene paused, again reminding herself that this Jaeho wasn’t her boyfriend yet. “I mean, you were protective of me, and I found that endearing. I think most women like their boyfriends being clingy to an extent so I can sort of see where that woman was coming from; if I wasn’t an idol, maybe I would’ve liked for you to be really clingy, that might’ve been fun,” she surmised playfully.

Jaeho, unsure how to reply, tried for a chuckle. “Ah, is that so?”

Sensing that she was making Jaeho uncomfortable again, she switched topics. “Let’s wash the dishes, then I want to show you something,” she said, standing up.

“I’ll do them,” Jaeho offered, standing up as well. “You can take the time to set up whatever you wanted to show me.”

“Let’s do them together,” Irene counter-offered, bringing her dishes to the sink, “It’s more fun that way, isn’t it?”

When Irene took her place next to Jaeho, she could tell that he was getting squeamish, something that Irene delighted in. The silver-haired beauty couldn’t quite place her finger on it, but there was just something so endearing, so adorable, about seeing her beloved acting as shy as this. Although Jaeho was shy in the past, so was Irene, so she couldn’t enjoy those moments as much; now that Irene was more confident in her demeanor around her man, she could revel in the sight that was bashful Jaeho.

“Ok, sure,” he answered, clearly nervous from the pause between his words. Irene couldn’t help but smile, starting off by rinsing off the bowls with water first.

As happy-go-lucky Irene was, Jaeho was basically a mess. Irene was wearing a perfume that was very subtle but _very_ pleasant on the nose; he figured Irene chose that particular perfume because they had gone perfume shopping together—or maybe not, since Irene was an idol and being seen in public with her boyfriend was tantamount to career suicide for an idol—but it was working very well to make him even more nervous. Jaeho, no matter how hard he tried, could _not_ wrap his head around how Irene, the talented, beautiful goddess she was, became _his_ girlfriend, and the loving way she’s been acting so far hinted to him that they were pretty close before he suddenly lost his memories, allegedly.

If it was just someone extremely attractive he suddenly had woken up next to, then Jaeho could probably buy it; but this was _Irene_ , probably—no, _definitely_ one of the most famous people in all of Korea, who wasn’t only beautiful beyond belief, even more so in person might he add, but also widely known and therefore widely desired. Of all the people she could have chosen, the idol ended up choosing _him_ … it was baffling, to say the least.

Seeing her break down like that in the morning nearly gave him a heart attack, but now that she was this happy-go-lucky, Jaeho wondered if she was always like this or if she was putting a front for him. He wasn’t exaggerating when he noted that every time he stole a glance at Irene, she had a smile on her lips. He knew he shouldn’t do this—steal sideways glances at her—because it was sort of creepy, but he couldn’t help it. Irene was like a magnet and his eyes were like iron, they just naturally landed back on her every once in a while, Jaeho diverting his gaze every time he caught himself doing this. However, when Irene finally caught him stealing a glance at her, she just smiled even more widely and bumped her hips with his playfully, asking, “What?”

“Sorry,” he quickly replied, shaking his head. What was he doing? He must be crazy. This must be a dream. Jaeho’s heart was beating so fast at the moment that he was genuinely afraid Irene would be able to hear it. Maybe he should actually be fearing for his health since there was no way this kind of reaction was natural, but his mind was too preoccupied with the situation to even consider that. That brief moment of skinship too—it wasn’t direct contact, but that simple, playful motion was enough to set ablaze his heart.

“You know, you were sort of like this the second time we met too,” Irene noted as they finished up with the dishes. “I was driving us here and you kept on glancing at me quickly and then turning away. Honestly, I sort of found that strange—” Jaeho’s heart dropped, “—but now I just find that cute.” Hearing that made Jaeho feel better, if only slightly. “Still, you don’t have to pretend you aren’t looking at me, I don’t mind.”

Jaeho didn’t know whether to be relieved or embarrassed, and seeing this dilemma play out on Jaeho’s face put another smile on Irene’s face. “OK, now that we’re done, come over to the living room,” she said, carefully putting the last dish back in its place before leading the flustered man onto the couch. “I wanted to see if a recollection of our first meeting could help you remember again.”

Irene sat down and pulled out her Instagram, Jaeho following suit but with considerable distance. “Why are you so far away? I don’t bite,” she said, beckoning the shy man to come closer, “How are you going to see my phone if you’re that far away?”

Jaeho acquiesced, inching closer. Irene took this opportunity to close the rest of the distance, intentionally letting her bare leg touch his, another wide smile blossoming onto her face when Jaeho jumped in surprise, a slight red hue appearing on his cheeks. While Irene was having fun, a thought suddenly occurred to her: what if Jaeho was actually uncomfortable with her being this intimate? Maybe he was just not voicing his discomfort out of respect or fear? “Are you, um, comfortable?”

Jaeho, a bit puzzled by the sudden question, responded with a, “Yeah, why?”

“Never mind,” Irene said, seeing the genuine response from Jaeho, shaking her head and smiling, that fear fizzling away. After scrolling down to the relevant posts, she moved her phone in front of Jaeho to show him the hidden messages she had posted to Jaeho after the first night they met. “See these five posts?” she said, motioning at her phone, “These were all hidden messages to you because you didn’t even leave me with your phone number the first night we met.”

Irene intentionally spoke those words in such a way that was accusatory, that it was Jaeho being dense, just to see what his reaction was. “Oh really? Did you ask for it?”

Irene pouted, not expecting him to instantly poke a hole in her words. “Well, not directly, but I told you that you passed my test before semi-passing out, so it was implied that you should have,” she insisted. In the back of her mind, she knew that if Jaeho was going to ‘drop the act’, this was the time; he absolutely _loved_ to screw with her whenever her ‘test’ could be brought up in any manner.

She didn’t have any expectations regarding this, and she was right to not do so as Jaeho responded with a simple question. “Test?”

“Never mind,” Irene said, quickly moving on by enlarging the first of the hidden messages. “This first one was when you noticed that I was drinking water at the bar and you said that I could probably film a CF for water because how good I was making the water look, apparently.”

Jaeho made a face. “Really? That’s a strange thing to say.”

Irene giggled. “I think you were sort of tipsy at that point, so that might explain things. It was funny though, and evidently had an impact on me. This next one,” Irene scrolled up to her next video, “is when I voiced my disbelief in your words regarding the water commercial, and you countered by saying that a video of me just smiling at the camera would get lots of views. The next video, of me posting my reaction to alcohol, is alluding to when I got the same drink as you and reacted that way after taking a sip, you claiming that my reaction was a bit extreme.”

Jaeho seemed like he had something to say, so Irene paused. “I usually drink some pretty strong stuff, so I’d be surprised if you could handle what I usually drink.”

“You’re challenging me again? OK, next time you come, you can bring the alcohol of your choice and I’ll bring my own, we’ll see then.” Jaeho agreed to Irene’s proposition, so she continued, “this next one was because I asked you what you liked about me, and you listed that I was older than you, so now my theory is that you like older women.” Jaeho made a face in reaction to that but didn’t follow up with anything, so Irene continued, “Well? Do you?”

“I haven’t ever dated anyone older than me before, but it is true that one of the reasons why you’re my ultimate bias is because you make me feel like I’m not too old to enjoy K-pop,” he answered, something Irene of course expected. The next part, however, was a bit more unexpected. “You probably know by now that my mother passed away when I was young, so my romantic partner being a motherly figure of sorts is something I look for.”

Irene nodded, recalling this factoid about Jaeho, who revealed this about himself after watching a movie together and crying. Not wanting to drag the mood too far down, she followed up with an attempt at humor, “So what you’re saying is that yes, you _do_ like older women.”

Jaeho chuckled again, this time more casually than before. “Why are you so insistent on that?”

Irene shrugged in response. “Just making sure. Anyway, this last post is pretty self-explanatory; I used female pronouns because I didn’t want people to get suspicious, but this was pretty much a direct message to you. I think you got the message because we ended up meeting later that week.”

When Irene finished speaking, she looked expectantly at Jaeho, hoping that these posts triggered something deep inside him. Jaeho, noticing this expression on Irene’s face, just shook his head. “I don’t remember any of these, but no one got suspicious of these posts?”

“Well, my close friends—” Irene was cut off when her phone rang.

Now that everything was cleared up, there were two things Irene was most scared of, the first and foremost of which being SM figuring out the truth and using this as leverage to force them apart. However, the second item involved one of her own members, namely the member of the group that directly expressed to Jaeho that they wouldn’t forgive him for making her cry again, who incidentally was the exact same person calling her: Park Sooyoung.


	6. Campfire

Seeing Irene panic, Jaeho immediately offered, “Should I leave? I can hide out in the bedroom until you’re ready.”

Irene pondered for a few seconds, letting her phone ring. It was already decently late—well past when Irene normally woke up—so Joy was probably worried about her. Understandably so, but this definitely not a good time for her concern. “No, it’s OK,” Irene said, putting her phone down. She felt guilty about ignoring her members, especially when she knew Joy had good intentions, but the older woman just didn’t feel ready to start lying to her groupmates yet. “I’ll just tell her I had my phone on silent. It’s probably a reasonable thing to expect, too, because—” she paused. It felt strange to still be embarrassed about something like that—after all, the two … well, _did_ it last night, but it still felt … weird, somehow. Maybe it was because Jaeho had no recollection of it, while the memory was still fresh in her mind.

Luckily, Jaeho caught on, quickly turning away to hide his flush. Irene smiled despite her own flushing; Jaeho was more commanding last night, mostly because Irene requested him to be so, but to see this other side of him was also extremely endearing. She concluded that thought with a succinct, “Well, yeah.”

Seeing Irene’s troubled reaction, Jaeho piped up. “I sort of figured that your members would get defensive of you, but what exactly is the reason why you don’t want to tell them about this situation? Did they know about…” Jaeho paused; never in a million years would he have imagined dating an idol, not even to mention _Irene_ , his favorite idol, of all people. It felt too egotistical to say it out loud even though Irene herself was advocating that they were dating, or are but he forgot, or whatever the situation was.

“About us?” Irene gently finished for him. She noted in the back of her mind that in addition to everything else, Jaeho’s mindset towards being in a relationship with her was also reset, something she would definitely have to work on. “Yeah, they know. Joy made you—or, the past you—promise to never make me cry again, and you agreed, but since you can’t do anything about losing your memories, I don’t want them to get mad at you for that.”

Jaeho’s face contorted into a concerned expression. “I made you cry before? How come?”

Irene hesitated, more for selfish reasons than anything else. She didn’t want to relive that day and briefly considered if such knowledge would benefit Jaeho, subsequently quashing that train of thought when she remembered how much Jaeho valued being transparent and truthful. Which was pretty ironic given how she was still mentally preparing herself to lie to her members for Jaeho’s—or rather, her own—sake. “It was just—when my company found out about our relationship, they called me while we both were in this apartment along with all my other members, so they asked to speak to you. I’m not sure exactly what they said, but it was enough that you wanted to break—” Irene had to stop and compose herself, noticing that Jaeho edged forward like he wanted to help but was too shy to do so. This put a smile on her face and gave her the confidence to continue. “—break up with me, so I cried and begged you not to, and Joy warned you that she—that all of them would get mad at you if you made me cry again.”

Jaeho hadn’t really considered it until Irene brought it up, but now that he thought about it, he could see why Irene was so hesitant to ask him to be pretend to be her boyfriend. No doubt SM would continue to oppose their ‘relationship’, but he didn’t know what form that would take: would asking be too forward of him? If he knew what to expect he could be better prepared for what’s to come, which would also benefit Irene … but something about it felt wrong, somehow. Would he be reopening past wounds? “I see,” he responded in an attempt to stall while he considered his options, in the end deciding to risk asking, “just so I’m prepared, what kinds of things does your company do that I would have to be warry of?”

Irene, noticing this inner turmoil in Jaeho but unsure of its origin, firmly shook her head upon this realization. “Oh, no, you don’t have to worry about anything,” she started before stopping herself, realizing that this ‘new’ Jaeho might not have necessarily thought over the basics, “just make sure to not tell anyone about us; usually, we videocall at around 11:00pm, so make sure you aren’t around anyone else at that time before picking up. If you are, then you don’t have to pick up or decline the call and just text me to tell me what the situation is. I don’t know if it’ll be troublesome if someone is around and notices that I’m calling—actually, I don’t actually know what you have me saved as,” Irene glanced at Jaeho’s opposite pocket, the one that was storing his phone.

Jaeho, curious about his ‘past self’ as well, pulled out his phone and scrolled through the contacts, eventually landing on someone he didn’t recognize: ‘commercial coworker’. “Is this it?” Jaeho said, blowing up the contact.

Seeing the nickname that was clearly referencing the water CF joke from their first meeting, Irene burst out laughing. “Yeah, it is,” she replied, “that’s really cute, I like it. So if you ever see that, just remember it’s me.”

Jaeho nodded, confused at the idol’s reaction but figured it was an inside joke of some kind between the two from before, and put his phone away. “So, uh, do you have anything for today? Like, are you busy or something?”

One thing that died with time is the fluidity of his words, and now that everything was reset, Irene could tell that his nervous ticks reappeared, namely the occasional self-doubting language. “No, that’s why I’m here right now. Today’s my day off, so luckily, I could spend it like this for our 100th day anniversary yesterday.”

Three months, Jaeho noted. That was shorter than he had initially figured but was impressed with his ‘past self’ nonetheless for maintaining a relationship with a top idol for so long. He really wanted to know how they ended up together—something so fantastical seemed downright impossible before this morning, but didn’t want to pry too much, again not wanting to reopen wounds. “Oh ok, that’s good. I don’t think I usually have much on Mondays—” Jaeho pulled out his phone again to double-check, confirming that there weren’t any pressing text messages to reply to, “—so I’m free too.”

“Do you want to watch a movie, then?” Irene suggested, nonchalantly putting a hand on his leg, temporarily forgetting about this habit that she had already developed as she jumped along with Jaeho in reaction to the sudden skinship.

“Um,” Jaeho tried to search his mind for an answer but just drew blanks, the only thing occupying his mind now being how soft the small idol’s hand was. God, everything about her was so perfect: her caring expression, her unblemished milky-white skin, her soft lips, her dainty fingers … it was truly a wonder that Jaeho was able to keep his composure around her for so long. If what he was doing could be called keeping his composure. “I don’t, um, watch movies too much, but I heard there was this one called, something like ‘Along with the Gods’ that my friends recommended to me.”

Irene smiled; of course he would’ve forgotten watching the movie together, but there was humor in noticing the patterns from the first time the two got acquainted starting to emerge. “Actually, we’ve watched that movie before, and that’s how I learned about your mother,” she noted; even though Jaeho cried (as did she, honestly), it was a memory Irene held onto fondly. Up until that movie, Irene saw Jaeho as someone with a knack for eliminating people’s loneliness using his upbeat attitude and humor, but seeing him cry like that allowed her to see another side of her boyfriend—or rather, then-boyfriend.

“Ah, really? I … I didn’t, uh, you know—did I end up crying or anything like that?”

Irene paused for a second for dramatic effect, noticing Jaeho grow increasingly uncomfortable as she continued smiling at him. “You did, but it was really endearing to me,” she ultimately answered, eliciting a groan from him. “There’s nothing to be embarrassed about! If anything, it made me fall in love with you more,” she added.

The comment did nothing only added to his embarrassment, although the thing Jaeho was embarrassed by changing, his face turning pink again. “How does—…how do you fall—do you do that if I was crying?”

Irene’s jovial smile turned into a gentle, reminiscent smile, recalling the transition Jaeho helped Irene go through in those weeks. “I was a lonely person,” she started. Jaeho noticed the shift in tone and calmed himself down as quickly as possible. “That was the reason why I started to actively look for a boyfriend in the first place; for idols, you never really _try_ to look for a relationship, they just sort off happen. This is for a variety of reasons, but you can probably figure out these reasons for yourself: public backlash, lack of time to commit to a significant other, among other reasons. However, at the time, I was so lonely: my members helped a bit with this, but it was starting to not be enough, somehow. How do I describe it?” Irene pursed her lips, struggling to find the correct words, not noticing Jaeho who was admiring the simple view of a pondering Irene, wondering how someone could look so beautiful while doing something so simple. “It’s like, I always felt like something was missing. I could spend as much time with my members and with my fans, but afterwards, I would just lay in my bed and feel empty somehow, like I was not doing something crucial or missing something important. That feeling followed me wherever I went, no matter what I was doing, and eventually, I came up with a theory to explain this: maybe this emptiness was something a romantic partner could fix for me.”

Irene turned to look Jaeho in the eyes, an action that caused Jaeho to turn away in embarrassment. This was another thing Irene noticed time fixed in their relationship: Jaeho had trouble maintaining eye contact with her at first but got better at it the more time they spend together. However, Irene didn’t worry about this, a smile forming on her lips without her knowledge of it as she gingerly placed a hand on his. “Sending things like ‘good night’ texts, telling each other over the phone how our days went, or even just being in each other’s presence in a video chat; these were all things I hadn’t experienced that caused this hole in my soul, and you fixed it for me in a matter of weeks. So when I tell you ‘I love you’, that’s what I mean.”

Evidently, Jaeho didn’t know how to respond as he ended up a stuttering mess, trying to find a proper reply. “Oh, uh, that’s good to know,” he managed to say, half in embarrassment from Irene’s forwardness and half in amazement from his former self.

“So this time, it’ll be my chance to make it up to you, which is one good thing that came out of this,” Irene noted, getting up. “Do you want to watch ‘Along with the Gods’? I would be willing if you are.”

After the movie—in which Jaeho cried despite the warning—Irene returned back to her dorm. Fortunately, her groupmates didn’t suspect anything out of the ordinary and just teased her, letting on that they knew what she and Jaeho had done the previous night. Irene played along good-naturedly, not explicitly being forced to lie yet. It wasn’t until later that night that she was forced to do so.

“Joohyun, are you video-calling Jaeho?”

Irene was sitting on her bed, phone in hand with the stated intention in mind. What gave her pause was two things: one, how was she going to hide this new, amnesiac Jaeho from them? And two, was she ready to start lying to her best friends, her sisters? Her members occasionally liked to join her whenever Irene was video-calling Jaeho, and she never refused them; so what was she going to do now that she had no choice but to either lie about her intentions, or lying about the reason why she didn’t want them in the video-call?

The other alternative was to not video-call Jaeho, but she selfishly decided against it. In her mind, if she were to call off the video call that night, she would be conceding, admitting that the situation got the better of her; as immature as it sounded, Irene wanted to show the universe that she wasn’t going to take these punches laying down and just give up at the first sign of struggle. She was adamant about fighting for this relationship no matter what.

“Yeah, but I want to talk to him just by myself tonight, OK?”

“Ah, now that I think about it, we should leave the lovebirds alone; they probably want to talk about last night,” Yeri said in a singsong teasing voice from the other side of the door.

“Yah, how many times have I told you to stop with that topic?” Irene shouted at her members, a smile playing at her lips.

“Maybe they’re already planning how their 200th day anniversary will go,” Joy speculated out loud, eliciting giggles from the other three.

“Oh, we should help unnie prepare her outfit,” Yeri added. A barrage of emotions hit her at once: embarrassment at the idea of wearing something sexy for Jaeho, sadness that their 200th day anniversary would technically be pushed to a later date, among others.

“That would be so fun,” Seulgi chimed in.

“You three, or you four, I’ll deal with you later OK? I’ll give you the chance to talk to Jaeho when he isn’t as busy,” Irene said. Thankfully, that white lie was enough for her groupmates to give her enough space to feel comfortable video-chatting her ‘boyfriend’. Jaeho picked up her video call request rather quickly, a habit of Jaeho’s Irene was happy didn’t fade with his memory.

“Oh, hi Irene,” he greeted, much too politely for her tastes.

“Hi Jaeho,” she replied, a smile blossoming on her face. Despite the situation, seeing him still triggered an automatic reaction in her body. “How was your day today?”

“Wow, you’re so pretty even in pajamas,” Jaeho blurted out the same time Irene asked her question. Jaeho was a very straight-forward person who sometimes blurted out his true thoughts, so hearing this off-hand compliment meant a lot to the silver-haired beauty, even if she had heard it before many times from the same man. “Oh, sorry,” he cut himself off, flushing again. Irene just smiled gently, hiding the squealing fangirl inside her that found the embarrassed Jaeho adorable, “um, my day was fine today. How about for you?”

“I didn’t have much of a schedule today, so it was really restful; I just went to the dance studio to practice choreography for some stages and got back a while ago. I just took a shower, actually, before calling you.” The last sentence was spoken in anticipation for something; what she was anticipating, even she didn’t know. All that she knew was that an expectation was building inside her, perhaps built upon a history of Jaeho seemingly always finding the right things to say in any given situation

Amazingly, despite having lost his memory and his comfort level with Irene, he found the words Irene was expecting. “I see, no wonder your hair looks so beautiful right now,” he said; Irene could tell that he half-blurted it out, noticing that Jaeho caught himself from his facial expression, but decided to say the words anyway. Another thing that gave this away was the slight flush that accompanied the compliment.

“Thank you! You were actually the one who convinced me to dye my hair silver, although I’m probably removing it soon.”

“Really? My past self has some good taste, because that color really suits you,” Jaeho said, his words more precise this time.

“I think so too,” Irene replied, smiling widely, “but if I keep dying my hair, it’ll damage my roots. If you want to see me with silver hair all the time, you’ll just have to grow old with me~”

That proposal caused a more visible flush on Jaeho’s cheeks, which Irene reveled in. Jaeho almost never showed his embarrassed side once the two had started dating, so seeing this side of him again was refreshing and absolutely adorable. To Irene, it wasn’t only that Jaeho was exceedingly handsome—more handsome than some idols, she’d say—but it was also the idea that the confident, always-knows-what-to-say, happy-go-lucky man from the past suddenly showing a bashful side being endearing. Irene teased Jaeho about ‘liking older women’ all the time, but she could, in part, sympathize with his needing of a mother figure in his life, and Irene was more than willing to do her part. And it was times like these where being that mother figure for her boyfriend—for her _friend_ —was made much easier. “A-Ah, yeah, I guess,” he muttered a reply.

“Are you free later this week, on Saturday night?”

“Why?”

“Why?” Irene repeated Jaeho’s question, giggling, “So we can have a date, why else?”

Irene’s answer caused another wave of bashfulness to hit Jaeho. He really was trying his best to hold it together. He didn’t know it was possible for Irene to look so beautiful wearing a simple nighttime outfit, but now that his eyes were opened, he didn’t want to ever shut them. Did his past self get to enjoy this often? Once again, he questioned how he managed to get close to the idol, and how he was lucky enough to be the one Irene fell in love with. In fact, if he was being frank, being thrust into this situation felt like cheating; he felt as though he was benefitting from the hard work of someone else, even if Irene adamantly claimed that the someone else was himself. “Oh, um …” it was Irene who was proposing the idea of the date, but Jaeho still felt like it was somehow egotistical to accept it for some reason. Irene was an _idol_ after all. Did he have the right to go on a date with her? “…I should be free, yeah.” Well, in the end, Irene was still a woman. Despite being an idol, she’s also a human being, and who’s to say which human being may or may not go on a date with another human being? Jaeho took a deep breath, recollecting his thoughts; this was just something he had to get used to.

“Great! I’ll send you—oh wait, that’s right,” Irene started, promptly stopping herself upon the realization that she had to reexplain how the process of them meeting up worked. “Usually, how we meet up is I send you an address of a private location a few hours before and my manager will pick you up from there. From there, she’ll drive you to my apartment.”

“Oh, that’s pretty smart,” Jaeho commented, “But is all that necessary?”

“Well—” Irene paused. She never thought about it, always taking it as a given that at least this much precaution was required, especially after the fiasco with the news article. Because of this, Irene never even considered spending time with Jaeho anywhere other than the safety of their apartment—but now that she thought about it, wasn’t it possible to spend time together in her car?

All Jaeho would have to do is stay inside the car; the windows of Irene’s car were tinted, so people wouldn’t be able to see him inside unless she was careless. Was it risky? Perhaps. But Irene was tired of not being able to spend time with Jaeho in places not inside her apartment, not that she had any problems with the place. They were so limited to things they could do inside their apartment, after all, and while this Jaeho might not have experienced them, she has. Plus, Irene didn’t want to get Jaeho used to just staying inside the apartment all the time now that she had the chance to reacquaint herself to him. Additionally, wouldn’t car dates aid the process of Jaeho falling in love with Irene again, given that she was able to make that happen?

“Actually, I’ll pick you up, and we can go somewhere. You’ll have to stay in the car, but I think we can do something outside.”

This made Jaeho curious. Irene paused for a long time, and Jaeho was good enough at reading facial expressions to know that Irene was thinking about something in the meantime. “Do we normally just stay inside the apartment?”

“…Yeah, but if I’m careful, then I think we can have a few car dates.”

Jaeho didn’t think he could ever get used to it; when Jaeho agreed to ‘pretend to be Irene’s boyfriend’, what he assumed he would have to do was to act a certain way in front of certain people, answer certain questions in certain ways, more professional-facing stuff. Jaeho wasn’t expecting to be regularly meeting up with Irene, but even that idea he was fine with; but to call them a date was just shocking to him. The idea of a date wasn’t what got to Jaeho, it was Irene— _Irene_ , the leader of top girl group Red Velvet—proposing the idea like it was an everyday occurrence. How did his past self ever acquaint himself with this feeling? Did he ever?

Jaeho questioned the validity of real life almost every waking minute, and as he went through his normal life, the situation he had found himself that morning seemed more and more far-fetched. Everything else in his life seemed normal: his memory of the past few months had no interference with the conversations he held that day, or anything else. Given, it hasn’t even been a day since he discovered that suddenly, a top idol claimed to be his girlfriend and even cried in persistence of that claim, but the normalcy he experienced during the day gave him hesitation. Now that the idol was back in front of him, acting so casually, he was thrust back into this fantasy: that Irene, the most beautiful woman in the world and the most desirable one to Jaeho, actually _was_ his girlfriend at one point. How else could he explain the casualness in which she talked, the comfort in her voice, the casual, content smile on her lips?

Jaeho wondered if this was going to be an everyday occurrence, a constant rollercoaster between finding himself being distanced from this dream and thrust back into it. He wished he could just live the dream, but something in the back of his mind remained unconvinced; after all, this whole situation was exceedingly bizarre. How could Jaeho just suddenly _forget_ about someone? And allegedly spending lots of time with that someone, even going so far as to sleep with her? Did he have some kind of rare disease? Or maybe there was some supernatural phenomenon?

Jaeho didn’t believe in ghosts or the like, nor was he particularly religious, but with what happened recently, he found himself at a loss for scientific explanations. The only plausible, non-ridiculous idea he could come up with is that he did in fact have a one-night stand with Irene—which in and of itself was an extremely fantastical idea—and Irene just decided to act such a way, either for personal entertainment or for monetary reasons.

But as he talked to her more and more, it became more and more clear that this explanation was just plainly incorrect. Jaeho was good at reading people—it was part of the reason why he was a salesman—and he could see all the signs Irene was subtly giving him. The warmth in her eyes, the way her smile never seemed to fade, the slight giddiness in her voice, the fact that they video-called for two hours, the forlorn expression on Irene’s face when she announced that she had to hang up and prepare for bed. She even bid him ‘goodnight’, something Jaeho never would have dared to imagine happen before.

Jaeho couldn’t bring himself to fall asleep that night: part of it was the exhilaration of talking to Irene for so long, but the other part was in fear. If he fell asleep, would he wake back up and realize he was just in some kind of long, drawn-out dream? Maybe he was in a coma, and all this was in his head?

Excitement, fear, anxiety, … all these emotions swirled around in the mind of the torn man until his body gave in, his consciousness naturally fading into nothingness.

The next morning, Jaeho’s eyes shot open, his first thought being: it wasn’t a dream. He could remember the events of the previous day. Of the tears Irene shed when he admitted to not remembering her—and facepalming himself when he remembered that he had even forgotten who _Irene_ was, for a second—and of their video call the previous night.

That recollection triggered a thought in his head, causing him to sit up in his bed. Wait—how _did_ he manage to forget Irene? If his memory served him correctly—which it may very well not have—then it wasn’t the typical temporary lapse in memory that happened to everyone. He genuinely did not know who the woman whom he had woken up next to was. She didn’t even _seem_ familiar to him, and it wasn’t because she had little makeup on—he just didn’t recognize him. This was strange to Jaeho because he typically had a pretty good memory, leading to his conclusion that he was drinking the previous night and simply forgot because of it. However, it wasn’t until he looked up that Red Velvet video that his memory came back to him like a tsunami washing over him.

What was with that? Why did that video cause him to remember everything about the idol Irene, but not his girlfriend Irene? Furthermore, why didn’t the picture of the two together trigger that tsunami of memories?

He shook his head, which was hurting by now. This was beyond his scope; he wasn’t particularly skilled in science or the like anyway. There was value in retaking his memories so much as to help Irene—although Irene seemed to be enjoying seeing him being flustered and floundering about, he noticed—but figuring out such a complex puzzle was beyond the scope of his capabilities.

After doing his usual morning routine, he retrieved his phone to check the news and the weather as usual before seeing a notification on his screen that frankly caused his heart to skip two beats.

‘Good morning! :3 Just a friendly reminder that I still exist, did you forget me already? ^.^’

While the tone of the text was happy-go-lucky, the mood in which Irene sent the text definitely was not. Truthfully, Irene was so frightened by the idea that she couldn’t sleep at all. She was thankful that she didn’t share a room with anyone, because otherwise they would have seen her staring at her phone screen almost the entire night, finger hovering over the ‘call’ button on Jaeho’s contact page for what felt like an eternity. For what felt like the first time since her idol life started, the sun could not get up faster, and after those long hours of stressful, agonizing wait, she finally sent him a good morning text with bated breath, hiding her underlying fear with a cutesy tone. It wasn’t until he replied that she finally breathed a sigh of relief, although she was only able to see the text after being shaken awake by her manager after arriving to the first location of her schedule.

“Joohyun, did you not sleep well yesterday?” Seulgi asked, helping her out of the van.

“Well, maybe she was catching up on sleep,” Yeri suggested, smiling slyly. “You know, from…” the youngest didn’t finish the sentence, but those words were all the other members needed to start giggling.

“Kim Yerim,” Irene said sternly, a baffled expression on her face.

“What?” she replied innocently, dodging a playful swipe from the eldest.

While Irene could tell her members were being playful, in all honesty, they weren’t far from the truth. Irene made note that even behaviors like these were potentially dangerous and could give away the thing she wanted to hide from her groupmates. When they returned to the privacy of their van, she was ready when her members attacked her with one of their favorite topics to talk about: her relationship with Jaeho. “So what did you talk about last night?” Joy asked giddily.

“Do I have to tell you every day?” Irene chuckled.

“Well, you didn’t let us talk to him, so we wouldn’t know,” she replied, pouting.

“I thought I would only lose my privacy with Jaeho when our relationship got public, but I see that it’s already gone, huh?”

“You knew what you were signing up for when you said ‘yes’ to Jaeho,” Yeri tried to reason with her leader.

“He’s my boyfriend, not Red Velvet’s boyfriend,” Irene protested.

“Ah, I think she’s jealous,” Seulgi teased her.

“Well, sometimes, I want some privacy with Jaeho, even from you four, you know?”

For a second, Irene thought she might’ve gone too far, but that thought was summarily shut down when Yeri interjected with, “You mean, like two nights ago?”

“You little brat—”

It was hard. Every time Irene had to make up an excuse for why they couldn’t talk to her boyfriend Jaeho because the present Jaeho wasn’t her boyfriend, a pang of guilt struck her. Fortunately, her members didn’t seem to suspect much; they respected her privacy, although she wasn’t sure it was because she was their leader or because they truly weren’t suspicious of her.

Simply put, Irene just didn’t feel ready to confront her members with the truth: that the ‘reset’ button has effectively been hit with her relationship with Jaeho, that she cried again indirectly due to Jaeho, … there was something about being vulnerable in front of her members that she felt uneasy about. And it wasn’t until the afternoon of their first reunion since Jaeho suddenly loss his memory that she had to deal with this.

That day started no different than her usual day—Irene, of course, had told her groupmates about her plans to have a car date with Jaeho, and they teased her like they usually would. Which is why she was taken by surprise when, after arriving back in their dorm, they suddenly ambushed her with this question: “Joohyun, did something happen between you and Jaeho?”

“Hm?” was her first reaction; not because she was still trying to hide her secret, but because she was genuinely surprised by the question. After taking a split second to process the words, she quickly responded with, “What do you mean?”

“Did you two get in a fight or something? Is that why you’re being distant with us with him, and you just don’t want to burden us?”

Seeing the collective worry in the faces of all her members broke her down. It came sooner than expected, but they would find out eventually, she reasoned. “N-No, it’s not that,” Irene replied, unsuspectingly shedding a tear. As she reached up to rid her face of it, she continued, “We didn’t get in a fight, but something did happen.”

“Did Jaeho make you cry again?” a hint of anger was in Joy’s voice.

“Well—” the hesitation in her voice caused anger to flare up in not only her eyes, but the eyes of her members, so Irene quickly continued before a misunderstanding happened. “It’s not exactly like that. It wasn’t his fault,” when she noticed the distrust in her members’ eyes, she realized she had no choice but to fully explain the situation. Irene had initially hoped she could reveal the truth in increments so she could prepare herself and Jaeho, but now that it’s escalated to this degree, she didn’t want her groupmates to unduly direct anger towards the innocent Jaeho. “This is going to sound weird, but you all are going to have to trust me, OK?”

When the four nodded, Irene took a deep breath and collected her thoughts before continuing. “Last time Jaeho and I met up, something strange happened. You all know that I slept over at the apartment that night, but what I didn’t tell you was that he suddenly lost his memories while asleep.” This caused some commotion within the other four, but out of respect, didn’t interrupt their leader. Irene, noticing how poor her choice of words were after the fact, was thankful that no outbursts happened—something which was perfectly reasonable given the situation and their new discovery. “By that I mean only memories of me—at first, it was that he didn’t remember me at all, but after watching one of our MVs, he remembered me, but only as Irene of Red Velvet. I thought he was trying to pull a prank on me, and it was when I figured out he wasn’t lying that I cried. It wasn’t his fault though, so I hope you don’t get mad at him or anything—he’s been really cooperative and willing to help despite his situation, because if you think about it from his point of view, it was probably really jarring for him, right? So I wanted to wait until both Jaeho and I were ready to confront you all again before telling you the truth, but I’ve been feeling guilty about hiding this from you all lately … but if you were to get mad at someone, please get mad at me, Jaeho always voiced his opposition to hiding this from you all, but it’s just that—”

“Hey, it’s ok,” Wendy interrupted her, which was the point where Irene discovered that tears were already streaming down her cheeks.

“We aren’t mad at you, or Jaeho, or anyone,” Yeri continued.

“Sorry, I just—” she sniffled, feeling Seulgi’s hand grabbing her own. “I didn’t mean to hide stuff from everyone, but I didn’t know what to do, and I didn’t want anyone to get mad at Jaeho for no reason. He’s working hard despite everything—I mean,” another of her own sniffles interrupted her, “it must have been so strange for him, waking up next to a stranger and suddenly being told all of this, but he’s been so nice and kind and agreed to work with me without hesitation.”

Yeri and Joy shared a brief exchange before giggling. “Wow, you really love Jaeho, don’t you?”

Irene’s cheeks exploded in pink at the sudden comment. “Wha—What do you mean?”

“I think anyone would be delighted to suddenly wake up one day next to someone like you,” Wendy said, agreeing with the two youngest.

“What? Why?”

“What Seungwan is trying to say is that if she were a man, she’d be willing to _do it_ with you,” Yeri interjected.

“Yah, Kim Yerim,” Irene directed a scolding voice towards the youngest, Joy and Seulgi bursting into laughter, herself as well chuckling along. Wendy, on the other hand, didn’t interject, nor did she oppose Yeri’s words.

“What? Am I wrong?” she innocently inquired.

“I’m trying to be serious here and you have to bring your perverted side out?” although Irene said this, she appreciated Yeri’s quick diffusing of the situation. That wasn’t to say that those words flustered her, but this was Yeri, so it was fine.

“Those were Seungwan’s words, not mine,” she claimed, grabbing the arm of the woman she just named.

“Hey, don’t just throw this to me,” Wendy said, baffled.

“Anyway,” Irene intervened, “we agreed to restart as just friends, but it’s so cute because he’s not—” Irene stopped herself as quickly as possible, mentally facepalming herself when she realized she just gave her groupmates more fuel to tease her.

“Aw, you—”

“Anyway,” Irene interrupted Joy before she could get started, “we’re not technically a couple right now, I think, but I would like it if you still pretended that nothing changed between us to our company.”

“Of course,” Seulgi answered, the rest promptly agreeing with her. In hindsight, Irene didn’t know why she perceived this to be such a big issue: maybe because of her dishonesty, or maybe because of how ridiculous the situation sounded and how maybe they would suspect her of using this bizarre explanation to hide something from them, but fortunately, they all trusted her. However, that wasn’t to say they weren’t all curious as her. “But how did that happen, even? Did Jaeho drink something, or hit his head?”

“Maybe their night was so wild that—” Yeri trailed off upon seeing the look Irene was giving her, the other members stifling their giggles.

“I don’t know; I haven’t consulted a doctor or anything because I was afraid of our company being suspicious of us, so the most I’ve done is look it up online, but I didn’t find anything. We discussed about it a bit, but we didn’t end up getting any answers; Jaeho went to visit the doctor independently but said that the doctor told him that there didn’t seem to be any problems with his brain. Apparently, this is the first time something like this has happened to him,” Irene explained.

“Wow, that’s…” Irene knew exactly how Wendy felt when she trailed off, unsure of how to finish that sentence. Puzzling beyond words, baffling beyond common sense, unbelievable beyond imagination, all of these terms fit the situation well, but none seemed to quite hit the mark. It’s been nearly a week and Irene was still trying to wrap her head around everything, so to expect her members to was unfair. Still, she was surprised that the four weren't accusing her of trying to prank them, or claims that she was using this far-fetched story to hide something; maybe it was because she shed a few tears, but she was thankful in their trust of her.

“I’m sorry,” Yeri was the first one to say something after the brief silence. “I know it’s not the same as breaking up, but it must have been rough when you figured out, right? And we couldn’t even be there for you.”

“It was because I said I would get mad at Jaeho if he ever made you cry again, right?” Joy’s voice was smaller than usual, almost fearful.

“Sooyoung, Yerim, it’s fine,” Irene said, patting the backs of the two usually vibrant girls. “It’s just a small setback, and my relationship with him will only get stronger after this, so it isn’t all bad. Plus, I get to see him being all flustered, which is extremely adorable. We have that car date today, so I’m looking forward—” Irene, in her haste to comfort them, slowed down, realizing she had given them prime material to tease her with again. When they didn’t intervene, she continued, more cautious this time, “—to meeting him and letting him get to know me more,” she said, adding on after a thought occurred to her, “How about this: if you feel like you have to make it up to me, help me ask him to be my boyfriend when I feel like we’re both ready.”

“Oh, that sounds fun,” Wendy commented.

“Yeah, we’ll help you! I guess it’ll have to be at the apartment again, but we can do something slightly different, like—” Yeri started excitedly before Irene cut her off.

“Save your ideas for later, OK? Jaeho isn’t ready yet; after all, he’s only known me for a week, technically,” she said.

“OK! Ooh, I’m so excited,” Yeri replied.

“Why are _you_ excited?” Irene laughed, “Should _I_ be the excited one here?” While it was true Irene was excited about the idea—about what she’ll do when she asks Jaeho to be her boyfriend—she was also terrified. So far, the Jaeho that woke up next to her that morning didn’t seem any different than the Jaeho that she fell in love with initially, but there was nothing that guaranteed Jaeho would fall in love with her again. What if he met another girl that he falls for? What if he already met someone else? What if he got back with one of his exes and the spark reignited? Irene was sure all of Jaeho’s exes were beautiful with the additional benefit that they didn’t have the same baggage she did.

Was she being too clingy? Should she give him more space? Should she stop being as flirty as she was with him? What if this behavior drove him away? What would she do if he fell in love with someone else? What if he rejected her on the day she asked Jaeho to be her boyfriend? These were the kinds of thoughts that kept her up at night, but if she dwelled on it too long and showed him her weak side by accident, surely it would become exponentially more difficult to achieve her goal.

Irene sighed, leaning her head against the headrest of her car. She had to put a brave face on and just try her hardest. In love, that was all one could do; effort only increased the chances of falling in love, but ultimately, it was the other party that decided if one’s effort was worth it in the end.

These types of thoughts had plagued Irene’s mind the whole week, but strangely almost instantly disappeared every time they video chatted. There was something calming, reassuring about his presence, and sure enough, when Irene saw him in the parking lot, her face lit up and her heart started pounding inside her ribcage, but in excitement instead of anxiety. “Hi Jaeho,” she greeted him, unable to mask her excitement, as he climbed into the passenger seat of her car. “I missed you.”

Irene blurted that last sentence out before she even realized what she was saying but seeing the flush on Jaeho’s face made it worth the embarrassment. “Um, hi Irene,” Jaeho replied, trying to infuse his voice with as much confidence as possible.

Jaeho was also extremely anxious. The whole week felt like a dream to him—or rather, it _was_ a dream for him. So, when Irene proposed they spend some time together in her car, just the two of them, he didn’t know what to feel: crushing fear or overwhelming joy? Mind-numbing excitement or soul-crushing anxiety? Jaeho didn’t trust himself to act normally around his favorite idol, around the closest woman to an ideal, perfect woman, but he had no other choice. Jaeho agreed to Irene’s proposal without another thought, but as the date drew nearer, he started regretting that: not because he didn’t want to see Irene, but because he was afraid he’d just embarrass himself in front of her.

Just in case, Jaeho had arrived at the location Irene specified well in advance to give himself time to prepare but was barely granted any as Irene had also arrived much earlier than she had said. “You’re early,” he commented.

“So are you,” she replied. “Were you that excited to see me?” The question was extremely hypocritical and Irene knew it, but she couldn’t help but tease the taller, handsome man anyway.

“Um,” he started, unsure of himself, “Yeah,” he answered, deciding to be truthful.

“Aw, I would hug you if we weren’t inside a car right now,” Irene said, performing a fist-pump in her head in triumph, putting the car in ‘drive’. “Did you eat yet?”

Jaeho panicked a little when he heard that question. “Oh, yeah I did. I thought—since we can’t do restaurants or anything, since, you know, I already ate—”

Irene saved him from his floundering by cutting him off, “No, it’s fine, I was just wondering,” she said, smiling at that. It was just so adorable and precious, how could she not? “Hopefully there’s still some room in your stomach though because I was planning on getting some ice cream.”

“Oh! OK, that sounds nice,” he said, cursing himself at how awkward he was.

“How was your day today?”

“It was—” Jaeho stopped himself, suddenly cautious. Irene, curious at this, turned to look at him briefly while stopping at the exit of the parking lot.

“What’s wrong?” Her tone was so fully of almost maternal concern and worry that Jaeho could start to see why he fell for her.

However, the reason why he stopped himself wasn’t because he was afraid of burdening Irene with something; rather, it was regarding his exes. They weren’t dating, but still, it felt like a bad idea to mention them around Irene: however, now that he had already started, being untruthful would only make things worse. “It was fine, but I met one of my exes today while at lunch and it was sort of awkward,” he continued.

Irene tensed up, her ears turning off after the word ‘today’. She knew it was bad to do so but she couldn’t help herself, that fear of Jaeho returning to his exes reigniting. However, she didn’t say anything.

“We talked a little and found out that she has a boyfriend already, and when she asked me, I hesitated a bit before saying no. She found it a little suspicious and pressed me a bit on the issue, asking if I was in ‘some’ relationship with a woman, and I almost admitted to talking with you to her but stopped myself.” For some reason, that was all Irene needed to return to being happy. The fact that Jaeho immediately thought of her when that question was asked of him pleased her, something like the equivalent of saying ‘take that!’ to someone she had just attained victory over. “So I just realized it was pretty hard, and wanted to apologize to you for that.”

Irene giggled. “What is there to apologize for?”

Jaeho shook his head: he knew it was nonsensical to apologize for essentially nothing, but at this rate, he felt like he was going to leak the secret somehow. He wasn’t sure why: maybe it was a combination of the fantastical-like situation and the suddenness of it, but it felt like him accidentally telling someone their secret was an inevitably more so than a chance happening. “I don’t know … I’m more apologizing for the future than for now.”

Irene briefly turned her gaze to him as she pulled to a stop at a red light. “Why? Do you plan on telling anyone?”

“No! Of course not!” he quickly answered, “It’s just—I feel like … I don’t know, like this whole situation is so fantastical that I’ll have trouble separating fantasy from reality, but then when I think about if someone will actually believe me, I think I might be safe, but then again, what if they do? I know technology is scary these days and people can easily hack into my phone, but also, how many people will falsely claim the same thing?”

Irene, who was waiting for him to stop, giggled at his mini rant. “It’s OK, I trust you,” she said. “You know, I’ve yet to meet your dad.”

“Oh, really?”

She nodded. “I never really brought it up, but I don’t think you’ve told your dad about us too. The only thing you said so far is that your dad is bad with secrets, so I took your word for it, but found that really cute,” she said. If nothing else confirmed that Irene was telling the truth the whole time about everything, this was it: Jaeho didn’t talk about his dad around most people, and definitely not the fact that he liked to gossip.

“Ah, yeah, that’s true,” he said, chuckling. “Explaining all of this would be really awkward, wouldn’t it?”

Irene nodded solemnly. “I wonder how I’m going to tell my parents…”

Jaeho, shocked, turned to look at Irene, briefly caught off guard by her beauty before quickly regaining his composure. “You told your parents?”

Irene nodded. “I was thinking we could go greet them after last week, but…”

The atmosphere in the car quickly got somber. “Sorry,” Jaeho quietly apologized, feeling responsible for the downturn in the conversation.

“There’s no need to apologize,” Irene said, trying for a chuckle but failing, “It was my fault, really.”

“How about your day?” Jaeho offered. “I saw your post earlier today,” he commented.

“Oh, I saw that you liked it,” she replied.

This baffled Jaeho. “What? How? Out of the tens of thousands that liked the post?”

Irene grinned, keeping her eye on the road. “I’m very perceptive, you know,” she said.

“Wow, scary,” Jaeho said, laughing along, glad that the positive atmosphere returned, “I can’t imagine what it’s like to be one of your groupmates trying to hide something from you.”

“Speaking of which,” Jaeho, realizing what he said after he said it, was initially expecting the worst when he instead heard the optimistic tone in Irene’s voice, “Good news: my groupmates found out that you had sudden amnesia but they were empathetic, so we don’t have to hide it from them anymore.”

“Oh, really?”

Irene nodded, smiling. “You’ll have to prepare yourself though, because they’ll start appearing in our video calls, and if you thought I was a bit much, wait until you meet _them._ ”

Jaeho full-out laughed. “Really?”

Irene nodded, herself thankful that Jaeho managed to recover the atmosphere. “They’re worse than me; I swear, from an outsider’s perspective, it would’ve seemed like they were all _your_ sisters instead of mine,” she stated as she pulled up to the ice cream shop.

“Oh really? You know, someone at my workplace has four younger sisters,” Jaeho said, “I found this out recently, actually. Oh, are we here?”

Irene nodded. “Taro?”

Jaeho, confused for a second, almost asked what Irene was mentioning before realizing that she was referring to the ice cream flavor he wanted. “Oh! Yeah,” he replied, finding it bizarre how the idol just _knew_ his favorite ice cream flavor despite having no recollection of telling her even despite having been given a few days to become accustomed to these kinds of occurrences.

“I’ll be back quickly,” she said, winking at him quickly before flying out the car door.

Jaeho sat there for a few seconds, completely dazed. A peculiar sense of déjà vu washed over him, the scene replaying in his mind over and over. He could just about hear his own heartbeat; he never knew a wink could be so powerful until that very moment. However, the more that sense of déjà vu lingered, the more curious he got: has he experienced this before? While watching a fancam of Irene? No, he doubted a wink from behind the video screen would cause this kind of reaction. Was it a memory from before last week?

He tried to hold onto that mysterious feeling, but as usual, it faded within a matter of seconds, leaving Jaeho with nothing but the heart-wrenching memory of the simple wink—the _simple wink­_ —from Irene that nearly gave him a heart attack. Was this something he endured every day as Irene’s boyfriend? If it was, he found a newfound respect for himself of the past; anyone who could survive that surely routinely must be the world’s most mentally resilient man.

As promised, Irene returned quickly, carefully balancing the two cups of ice cream while opening the door. “Here’s yours,” she announced as she sat down in the driver’s seat, handing Jaeho one cup, “And here’s your spoon,” she handed him a plastic spoon next before settling down in her seat with her own cup. “Did you miss me?”

“You were only gone for a few seconds,” Jaeho pointed out.

Irene pouted. “The old you would’ve said ‘I missed you to death’ or something right there,” she claimed, taking a bite out of what looked to be the same ice cream he had.

Jaeho’s eyebrows rose at that. “Really? Was I that cheesy?”

Irene nodded fervently. “Yeah! You were even cheesier than I was,” she said, taking another careful bite of her ice cream. As Jaeho took a bite out of his, Irene prompted Jaeho to continue his story before he noticed that they arrived at their destination.

“Someone at my workplace has four younger sisters, and not only that, but their ages line up pretty well with Red Velvet’s ages: one two years younger, one three years younger, another one six years younger, and another one eight years younger. It really left an impact on me, so when I saw this coworker at one of my company’s get-togethers, we talked a bit more. I told her that I was a model for jeans and she mentioned that she was interested in modeling, so I put a good word in for her in the company I do modeling for and apparently, one of her sisters was already working for that company. It was supposed to be a secret though, a surprise I think, so I haven’t told my coworker about her sister, but I just thought it was really funny.”

Irene had effectively stopped listening already, feeling her fears starting to reemerge. All the elements were there: an interesting female he encountered, a reason to spend time with her, chemistry already built by talking … was it only a time before he left her?

“She’s pretty too—I mean, I’ve seen pictures of her and her sisters and they’re all pretty, so it’s probably a genetic thing—so I was surprised she didn’t get scouted sooner. But apparently, when I asked her, she said that she was too busy taking care of her other sisters to have time for something like modeling, so now that all her sisters finally all turned into adults, she had time, but she was afraid she wouldn’t be desirable because of her age. When she said that, I thought of you and how you’d probably not like that line of thinking.”

When Jaeho concluded his story, Irene was in full panic mode. There was another element: a maternal instinct that Jaeho craved, not to mention that Jaeho was calling her pretty. If it was a competition between the two, there was no doubt in Irene’s mind that she could win given the enormous head start she had, being his co-worker.

“Irene?” Jaeho was now worried, seeing Irene’s vacant expression after noticing that she was taking abnormally long to respond.

“Hey, Jaeho,” Irene’s voice was meek and unstable, something that immediately triggered Jaeho’s protective instincts. He recognized that voice all too well: it was the voice that started the pair in this crazy situation. “You wouldn’t—you wouldn’t date anyone else, would you?”

Admittedly, Jaeho figured it was a poor choice to talk about another woman with Irene. However, after thinking about it, he realized how narcissistic it was to think like this: assuming it was a poor choice to talk about a positive experience he had with another woman in front of Irene meant that he assumed Irene was obsessed with him, and while he understood that Irene was in love with him—or the past him—he didn’t dare imagine it was _this_ deep. Now that he was witnessing Irene, tears threatening to spill onto her ice cream, his heart squeezed inside his chest. He felt bad for making the beautiful idol sad again, but on the other hand, it somehow felt … _nice_ that she was reacting this way, and that she cared about him to this extent.

“No, of course not! She has a boyfriend, she’s just a coworker that I got along with—I thought it was a funny story, so I was practicing it all week to share it with you, but—” he stopped himself when he realized he nonchalantly admitted to practicing the telling of this story for Irene’s sake, but pushed forward despite his embarrassment, “I mean, she’s just a coworker, nothing more, I swear.”

When Irene turned to look at him, her bright eyes shining against the white streetlights, tears streaming down her face, Jaeho swear he could feel his heart shatter into a million pieces inside his chest. “You promise?”

He nodded. “I promise.”

Irene sniffled, grabbing a tissue from the backseat of her car and clearing her face. “Then prove it.”

Jaeho, confused, asked, “What? How?”

“Feed me,” she said, leaning forward, closing her eyes and opening her mouth.

Jaeho nearly dropped his cup. “Um, what?” He couldn’t help but blabber out those words.

“If you feed me, then I’ll take it as your word that you promise to not date anyone else,” she repeated.

Jaeho pinched himself. What kind of a situation was this: Irene, a top idol and one of the most beautiful woman in all of Korea, if not the world, was possessive enough over him that she made him promise him to not date anyone else? Jaeho understood that she was humble, but how was there still doubt inside her that he would fall for anyone else? Didn’t his previous self prove that already?

Although, if Jaeho was frank, he wasn’t sure if this feeling was truly love. He felt something for sure, but was cautious about it: after all, to him at least, he’s only known Irene personally for less than a week. Could he truly fall in love with someone in five days? He was skeptical, but what he felt for Irene definitely felt like what he felt for his exes, if not more intense, and was _definitely_ different than what he felt for her as a fan.

“Here,” he said, trying to steady his hand as much as possible while directing his spoon into Irene’s mouth. After Irene wrapped her lips around it and cleaned the spoon off, she opened her eyes with glee and swallowed the sweet treat.

“That wasn’t so hard, was it,” she said, smiling.

“Is it OK to be here?” Jaeho said nervously looking around to see quite a few people milling around. “Didn’t anyone see you get in this car?”

“It’s fine, I do this all the time with my members,” she said dismissively, taking another bite of her own ice cream. “Let’s finish—” as Irene was speaking, her phone rang. One glance at the caller ID and her attitude soured; it was her company, calling yet again to ruin her relationship.

Jaeho couldn’t help but look at her phone as well, which was placed in the small armrest between the driver and passenger seat, noticing the caller ID and correctly guessing that it was her company. He didn’t say anything, looking at the frowning Irene. “I’m going to ignore it,” she said.

“Is that OK?” Jaeho cautiously asked. “I don’t want to get you in trouble.”

“No, it’s not that, I just don’t want to speak to them right now,” she replied. “I’ll call them back later; I’ll say I wasn’t with my phone at the time or it was on silent or something. Anyway, as I was saying, let’s finish off, then we can go to Han River for a bit,” she said, motioning for Jaeho to eat.

Jaeho still was nervous about being caught and being the source of a misunderstanding by the media, but he trusted Irene enough to not say anything. When it came time for them to depart, Irene dropped Jaeho off at the same private parking lot before begrudgingly making the return call.

As she suspected, it was nothing important; just a check-in that they started doing more regularly, and at random times in her free time to keep her on her toes. When she hung up, she nearly jumped at the sound of a knock on her window. When she turned her head towards the source of the noise, her heart nearly leapt out of her chest when she found Jaeho outside, still in the parking lot, with a concerned look on his face.

“Sorry,” he said when Irene rolled the window down, “But are you OK? You seemed a little frustrated before I left the car, so I wanted to make sure…” he trailed off, unsure if what he was doing was correct or just seen as overprotective or creepy.

Irene, on the other hand, was smiling widely, a slight flush on her cheeks. She loved how caring he was, even towards someone he has only known personally for five days: it was one of the primary reasons she fell for him. “Thank you,” she replied, Jaeho redirecting his gaze to the celebrity, “I’m fine now. You should hurry home and text me when you get there. Good night, I love you,” she said, the last sentence coming out without a second thought.

For Jaeho, however, that last sentence came as a sudden attack on his heart, his face exploding in pink. “G-Good night,” he replied, trying his best not to stumble over his own words. Irene, noticing Jaeho’s flustered expression, giggled before blowing him a kiss before rolling her window back up and driving off.

Jaeho just stood there in that parking lot for a few minutes, trying to calm his heart down, quite unsuccessfully. These kinds of actions were fanservice akin to what she did at events all the time, but it felt really different knowing that it was a personal one, specifically towards him. It wasn’t until he returned back to his apartment, not forgetting to text Irene about it, that he managed to calm himself down, if only slightly. What helped was the nervousness he felt about being caught by the media, but as it turned out, there was no need to worry as, even a week later, no news article came out about it.

This emboldened Irene to take Jaeho out on more ‘car dates’, although Jaeho wasn’t aware Irene considered them as such until their third. They did a variety of things: eating other sweets, driving somewhere scenic to simply enjoy the view, even enjoying Han River from just outside their car (but jumping back in upon hearing the first sign of someone else).

Even though something like that didn’t result in a news article, or even a scolding from her company, Irene decided to go back to the apartment: after all, there were some things that this Jaeho didn’t get to experience that she wanted to let him experience, namely, meeting her members again.

There were two reasons for the arrangement: one, so that Jaeho could get reacquainted with her members, who were an important part of her life. The second reason was to get their input on how ready Jaeho was for her confession, and the next day, when they unanimously agreed that he was ready, they started planning. Just two months after Jaeho had suddenly woken up with amnesia, Irene was ready.


	7. Lucky Girl

Irene nearly jumped out of her skin when the doorbell rang.

“Ah, it’s not ready yet…” she whined, clambering about the kitchen, making the final touches to the setup. Everything had to be _perfect_ , just as how he did it for her… aah, why did he have to be so timely?

“We don’t have time anymore,” Seulgi warned her elder groupmate.

“Right,” she said, breathless from the commotion, “You guys go hide in the bedroom, I’ll handle it from here.”

“Ok, good luck!” Seulgi said.

“Good luck!” the rest of her members repeated after the second eldest, giving her a final encouraging fist-pump before scurrying off.

“I’ll be right there,” Irene yelled at the door, carefully setting the chopsticks down and checking, for the fifth time, that the bowls were the ones she prepared in advance for this day. “Coming,” she told the man behind the door as she rehearsed her prepared words in her head, almost forgetting to pull out his slippers first.

“Hi Jaeho!” Irene swung the door open, her heart skipping a beat as the face of the man she loved came into view.

“Hey Irene,” he said, likewise wearing a smile on his face as he stepped into the apartment, “What were you doing?”

“I felt bad for making you wait so long for dinner,” she said, a smile blossoming on her face, the idol ushering him into the apartment, “so I decided to make some for us.”

“Oh really? Aw, you didn’t have to,” Jaeho said, putting on his slippers and entering the apartment. As he did so, he caught a whiff of the meal Irene prepared, “Wow, that smells really good, too.”

“You must be hungry, right? Let’s eat,” she said, pulling the chair out for him.

“Wait, it’s usually the other way around, isn’t it? Should I be pulling out the chair for you?”

Irene laughed. “It’s ok, I’m your _noona_ after all. This is my apology for making you wait so long to eat.”

“You know, actually, I had a late lunch today so I wasn’t really that hungry until I entered this apartment,” Jaeho said, picking up the chopsticks that was situated next to the bowl. Irene giggled to hide her slight flush, amazed as always at Jaeho’s ability to say the right things. “What do we have here?”

“I didn’t have much time, so I just decided to go with something simple.” That was a lie. Irene had spent two whole weeks preparing for this meal specifically, and even though she had her members accompany her as taste-testers, all of whom approved of the meal she made by herself, she was still nervous. “I figured you can’t really go wrong with Pa Jun,” Irene pointed to the pancakes with scallions, “and to balance out the dryness, I also made some Jang Kalguksu,” she said, motioning towards the two bowls of soup noodles. Irene wondered if Jaeho could tell how nervous she was; he was a perceptive man, so she could only hope he didn’t catch on. After all, it was a bit embarrassing to admit the amount of time she had spent trying to perfect this one simple meal.

“Ah, it looks and smells so delicious,” Jaeho said, glancing up at Irene. Irene, realizing what he was doing, picked up her own chopsticks. Satisfied, he said, “Thank you for the meal,” before digging in, Irene following suit.

“Oh wow, this is amazing,” Jaeho noted after taking a few bites of the meal, “Did you make this yourself?” Irene nodded, Jaeho nodding in appreciation and amazement. “Wow … do you cook often?”

Irene smiled; in the two months she spent with this newer Jaeho, she noticed a lot of parallels to their first getting to know each other. A lot of topics they talked about in the past were brought up again: Jaeho venting about the same problems occurred again (always followed promptly by an apology), Irene retelling stories but with the benefit of being able to tell them in a funnier or more concise way, sharing their likes and dislikes. Not that Irene minded; if anything, it was reassuring to her, like history was repeating itself. It felt like the likelihood of Jaeho becoming her boyfriend again grew with every topic they revisited, every conversation they repeated.

“My members and I don’t usually have time to, but we do on special occasions, like for one of my members’ birthdays or if we ever have free time or something else,” she explained.

“Wow, you could’ve fooled me,” he replied after taking another bite of the pancakes, “These taste like they were cooked by a pro.”

“You don’t have to exaggerate,” she chuckled, not realizing she had stopped eating until Jaeho glanced at her quizzically.

“I’m not,” he insisted after Irene resumed eating. “I had noodles for lunch yesterday and they weren’t as good as these.”

“Well, thank you.”

A short silence followed, broken summarily when Jaeho piped up. “Actually, these bowls are pretty fancy. Are they new?”

Irene nodded, delighted Jaeho caught on; at first glance, they resembled the bowls that they normally used, but if one looked closer at the insides of the bowl, one could see the decorations. This was another thing that Irene didn’t want to admit, but she had spent a lot of money on these bowls, buying new ones because she messed up the decorations or because she wasn’t satisfied with them. Honestly, she still wasn’t completely satisfied with how the bowls turned out, but considering how busy she was about to be, today was the best day to enact her plan. “Yeah, I got them recently.”

“Did you decorate these yourself?” he asked, tilting the bowl to view the top parts of the decorations from multiple angles.

“Yeah! What do you think?” Irene’s heart was pounding more than it should have, eagerly awaiting Jaeho’s opinion: she created them for him after all, so if he liked them mattered a lot, at least to her.

“I can’t see it all, but from what I can, it’s cute,” he commented. “I guess I’ll have to eat more to see it all, huh?”

“You can pay more attention to it while we’re doing the dishes,” Irene said, trying not to sound too panicked. “Right now, focus on eating.” Irene somehow hadn’t thought about this: what if Jaeho was so curious that he accidentally saw Irene’s surprise before she was ready? Could she improvise?

Then again, only his bowl wasn’t enough; he would need both bowls. But on the other hand, how hard was it to guess if he had half of what he needed? Irene began to say something about not being too curious, but before she could do so, Jaeho just shrugged and continued eating like normal.

Irene breathed a mental sigh of relief; whether it was because Jaeho was perceptive enough to catch on that she didn’t want him prying any further or that he simply chose to obey Irene was unclear, but she was thankful nonetheless.

The conversation flowed naturally from there, but Irene couldn’t help but feel nervous the entire time. She had never done anything like what she was about to do: most of it was because she was an idol, and before that a trainee, the closest she’s ever gotten being watching it happen in K-Dramas. In addition to being inexperienced, she also worried about if Jaeho would consider it strange; after all, this type of thing wasn’t something she usually did. Irene was determined to take charge of their relationship ever since Jaeho lost his memories, but was this going too far?

Irene was all too familiar with the almost sickening feeling of nervousness, a sinking feeling in her stomach of foreboding, but all she could do was try to follow her plan. Her heart started racing although she was unsure what it was trying to beat, her palms started sweating although she wasn’t undergoing any strenuous physical activity nor eating any spicy food, her mind started spinning although she and her members had meticulously planned this night for weeks now … everything seemed to be going haywire at once, so much so that Irene worried that Jaeho would notice. Surely her heart must be loud enough to hear, surely her nervousness must be visible enough to see … Irene wanted this to be unexpected, partially so that she could have the element of surprise on her side. Without it … would Jaeho reject her?

Irene shook her head. No, these types of thoughts are productive; as long as she tried her hardest, there wasn’t anything to regret. “What’s wrong?”

Irene jumped a bit at Jaeho’s sudden question. “Huh? What do you mean?”

“You look … troubled?” he said, leaning over the table with a hand reaching over the dishes, “Are you feeling unwell?”

Irene’s face exploded in a fit of pink when he subsequently placed the back of his hand on her forehead. “Um, no, I’m OK,” she said, smiling in an attempt to reassure him. This was definitely _not_ according to plan, and to be honest, Irene wasn’t sure if she could retake control of the situation.

“Are you sure?” Jaeho looked genuinely worried, retracting his hand, “You’re looking a little red. Have you been overworking yourself again?”

“No, it’s not that,” Irene said, hoping those words were enough for him to drop the issue. In these past two months, there were rarely any moments in which Jaeho’s actions would cause Irene to be visibly flustered, but this sudden skinship broke that exception. Irene figured he was probably not used to seeing her blushing, thus explaining his reaction, and hoped it stayed that way for now. “I get a little hot after eating, especially since it’s a little warm in here,” Irene said, hoping that makeshift explanation would suffice. Thankfully, Jaeho conceded and slunk back into his chair.

“What’s your schedule like tomorrow?”

Irene opened her mouth to answer, but not before noticing that Jaeho’s bowl was now empty; she hesitated giving her answer, panicking at the implications of Jaeho deciphering her plan before she was ready to enact it. It was true that the soup still covered the most important part, but with the noodles out of the way, Jaeho definitely would not have a hard time finding her secret. “Um, I—I have another shoot for our upcoming comeback that we’re probably going to be busy with all day, which is part of the reason why we were given easier schedules for today, to prepare for tomorrow.”

“Oh,” Jaeho’s facial expression immediately took one of guilt. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to make you—”

“Hey, don’t go saying that,” Irene said smiling. “I like cooking, especially if it’s for you.”

Jaeho couldn’t find a response to that, meekly looking down at his lap. “Ah, OK,” was the only response he could muster.

“Are you finished?”

“Yeah.”

“Here,” Irene said, standing up slightly and picking up her bowl, “Take some, I can’t finish mine.”

Jaeho looked at her in disbelief. “You can’t really claim to be full already, you still have so many noodles left!”

Truth to be told, Irene wasn’t exactly bloated yet, but she could feel herself getting full. “Well, I can’t eat much because of our comeback, and forgot to take that into account when portioning the noodles,” she said, motioning for Jaeho to bring his bowl forward. “And from the looks of it, you aren’t full yet either.”

Jaeho acquiesced, and after they finished their meal, as expected, Jaeho offered to wash the dishes. Irene insisted upon doing them together, eventually resorting to using her ‘I’m your _noona_ ’ card (one that she didn’t really like using, not because it was unfair or anything, but because she didn’t like being reminded of her age).

Following the plan, she made sure that Jaeho was the one rinsing. This was for two reasons: one, so that Irene could control which dishes were washed first; and two, so that he had the best chance to see the bowls, especially the inside base of them.

When Irene finally got to the bowls that contained the soup noodles, her heart started pounding again. Not wanting to seem suspicious to Jaeho, Irene continued at her normal pace, making sure to scrub the entire bowl with the sponge before handing it to Jaeho, hoping he wouldn’t notice that anything was off.

However, Jaeho did notice; from the corner of his eyes, he saw Irene’s hands shaking slightly as she rubbed the bowl with the sponge. His first reaction was of worry: did she hurt her hand earlier that day and was having trouble controlling it properly? Did she cut or bruise herself? Did she have an undetected, small papercut that was now hurting because of the water?

Jaeho considered asking but was caught off guard when Irene presented the bowl to him.

During the meal, he didn’t have the chance to see the decorations on the bowl entirely; what he _could_ tell was that Irene had done the decorations on the inside of the bowl by hand. It was most likely because the soup was in the way, but he never got a proper look at the lower parts of the decoration, so when Irene handed him the bowl, he did a mini-doubletake.

Upon receiving the bowl and clearing away the soap duds, he confirmed that he wasn’t seeing things. Written carefully on the bottom of the bowl in Irene’s neat, pretty handwriting:

‘Jaeho, will you’

He barely had any time to process this in his mind as, almost as soon as he was done rinsing this bowl, Irene was already handing him the next bowl.

He tried to calm himself, warning himself to not jump to conclusions, reminding himself that he’s only known his idol for two months. There was no way—

“Jaeho,”

It all happened at once.

As Jaeho rinsed the soap duds away, the second part of the sentence revealed itself. Meanwhile, he could feel Irene wrapping her delicate arms around his waist, pressing her body against his back, her face resting just below his right shoulder.

‘go out with me?’

As he read the rest of the question, his name escaped Irene’s mouth like a gentle spring breeze. Her hands were dangerously close to his heart; Jaeho was thankful that it wasn’t on it because then the celebrity would know how fast his heart was beating.

“you mean a lot to me. You pulled me out of a pit of sadness and loneliness when I was at my lowest and gave me happiness when I needed it the most.” Irene’s honey voice washed over Jaeho’s whole body; Irene wasn’t even hugging him tightly, but he was completely petrified, trying his best to direct his attention away from the idol’s ample bust softly pressing against his body. He felt like he couldn’t even breathe; the momentary silence that occurred when Irene took a brief pause for breath cut the room like a sharpened knife through hot butter. “You know I’m a people person, that despite how quiet I am, I depend a lot on other people. Before I met you, it wasn’t that I was sad every day, it was that I didn’t know how refreshing and joyful life could be; after we started dating, it was like every day was a gift because there was always something to look forward to, always something to work for. I know there aren’t many benefits of dating an idol, but I promise, I’ll try my best and work my hardest to make you as happy as you made me.”

When Irene finished, she unknowingly tightened her grip on Jaeho in nervousness, biting her lip tightly in anticipation.

“Why me?”

If Irene was going to be honest, she was expecting one of two types of answers: responding with a question definitely was not one of those expectations.

“You talk about this person who did all these amazing things as if it’s _me_ , but to me, it just feels like I’m cheating, you know … like taking a shortcut, because it feels like the one who did all these amazing things for you isn’t me but him, and that you’re mistaking me for this man…” Jaeho trailed off for fear of shedding tears in front of the woman standing behind him. He didn’t expect himself to get emotional; these thoughts were always lingering in the back of his mind and he felt a little frustrated because of them, but never to the point of crying.

“Sorry…” she never even considered that Jaeho would feel this way, and this lack of consideration for him made the idol feel terrible. “I … I didn’t know you would feel this way…” Irene gripped Jaeho more tightly, feeling a cold tear run down her cheek and onto his shirt. “I’m sorry, I didn’t ever consider that, but—” she paused a bit to ensure her words were as concise as she needed them to be, “—but you are still the man I fell in love with before, and fell in love with again now. You don’t need to feel like you cheated because even if you don’t feel like that man that I initially fell in love with, I am completely certain that you are still that same man and would have done the same things. But despite how thankful I am of the Jaeho you no longer have memories of, meeting you again and getting to know you again, I couldn’t help but just fall in love with you again. I’m not in love with the idea of you, I’m in love with _you_.”

Jaeho could tell that Irene’s words were genuine; he could just about _feel_ the emotion transmitted into his body via her gentle voice, and feeling gaslighted not only by her heart-wrenching soliloquy but her tears onto his shirt, he crafted a hasty response. “If that’s what you think, then—”

“I love you, isn’t that enough? You can tell, right?”

Jaeho stopped short at Irene’s interjection.

If he was going to be honest, Jaeho long considered what would happen if this situation were to happen. In the past two months, every time this thought came up, he thought himself narcissistic but would entertain the train of thought anyway, and almost every time, he determined that he would reject her. He found it inconceivable that this idol could inexplicitly fall in love with him—a simple man, a normal civilian of South Korea. Maybe it was his image of Irene as this untouchable idol that he placed on a dangerously high pedestal, but even as someone as beautiful and talented as her … how could it happen?

His answer to this question was that his past self did something incredible, like saving her life or an equivalent feat, something he could never hope to accomplish, a standard he could never hope to achieve. However, hearing Irene’s genuine answer gave him pause; was it indeed _him_ , Song Jaeho, who Bae Joohyun of Red Velvet loved, and not some incredible person who did something spectacular to draw the attention of the top celebrity? Before, Jaeho sort of idolized this person who caused Irene to fall in love, but now that he realized that person was simply himself and nothing more, he was at an impasse. The basis of his thought experiments was that the Jaeho Irene fell in love with and the person he is are different, so what should he do now that he knew that wasn’t the case…?

“Do you—…do you not like me?”

Irene was terrified— _terrified_ —to say those words, but it was the only conclusion her overactive brain, clouded with nervousness, anxiety, and gradually building fear could come up with after the silence that followed her previous question, a span of time that was probably in reality a few seconds but to her felt like an eternity.

“I don’t …” Jaeho didn’t know how to respond. He was half-hoping to detect some kind of disingenuous tone in her voice to make rejecting her easier—as much as he valued himself, surely Irene, one of the most desired woman in all of South Korea, deserved better. Was he worthy—could he really make her as happy as she claimed? “It’s not that … do you think I can make you happy?”

Irene propped herself up on her tiptoes to rest her head on his neck. She let out a content sigh as she did so, a tsunami of comfort rushing down her spine, a smile forming on her face subconsciously. Irene had prevented herself from doing this in the past months for fear of seeming too clingy, but it was now or never, she figured. “There’s one way to find out,” she said gently, opening her eyes to direct her gaze to the man she was attached to.

Jaeho turned to meet Irene’s gaze, his face immediately exploding bright red upon realizing how close their faces were. However, unlike the previous encounters, he didn’t back away. “Let’s find out then,” he replied.

Irene almost couldn’t believe her ears. She had rehearsed this scene over and over and over and over, but all those simulations still didn’t adequately prepare her for this moment: her shock even superseded the temptation to tease him for his adorable reaction to their proximity. “Is that—is that a yes?”

Jaeho smiled. “What else would that be, silly,” he said, reaching back and patting her shoulder.

The dam that was holding back her emotions erupted; relief, joy, excitement, love, hope, all these feelings flooded her body at once. It was this sudden adrenaline spike that was caused by the euphoric feeling combined with the fact that their faces were so close together that brought Irene to ride her hands up to secure herself on his sturdy shoulders, lifting herself up a bit more, and capturing his lips with her own.

If Jaeho felt like his chest was tight with anxiety before, the feeling of Irene’s warm, soft lips on his own caused his heart, which was already working overtime, to rip open his chest. Like any male fan of hers, as perverse as it was, he had imagined what it would feel like to kiss her: whatever he imagined it to be, the actual sensation was a hundred—a _thousand_ times better. Her lips were impossibly soft, like a fresh, warm marshmallow, and mixed with the subtle taste of her fruity lipstick—and a hint of salt, undoubtedly from tears that fell down her face—almost made him want to take a bite of them. He refrained, for obvious reasons, recovering from the initial shock to respond to her kiss, turning his neck to get more access.

Eventually, they broke contact, Irene turning Jaeho around, her hands now wrapped around his neck. “What was that?” Jaeho chuckled, face still flushed from the sudden display of affection.

“What?” she replied, pouting—something that seriously almost baited Jaeho into kissing her again, “I can’t kiss my boyfriend?”

“I don’t know, did we kiss a lot before?”

Irene nodded, smiling warmly, her eyes sparkling. “Of course,” she claimed, although Jaeho could tell there was a hint of playfulness.

“Are you sur—” Irene got on her tiptoes again, cutting him off with another kiss. This time, Jaeho much quicker to respond, wrapping his arms around her slim waist, relieving her feet from a bit of the stress that was placed on them.

When they broke the kiss, Irene was still smiling. “Did that answer your question?”

Jaeho laughed. “Yeah, I guess,” he replied, freezing when Irene reached up to his face.

“I accidentally gave you some of my lipstick,” she said, giggling while gently wiping the soft tissue with her index finger. “Unless you want it?” she said, stopping.

“I think I’m fine,” he replied, just so happening to catch movement in the corner of his eye. Curious, he looked around Irene to see the bedroom door, that was barely visible from their place in the kitchen, suddenly close. “I think your members are spying on us,” he whispered to Irene, motioning towards the door.

Irene turned around, releasing her hold on Jaeho as he did the same to her. “Yah, you four,” she scolded, walking towards the door. “Is it that fun to spy on us?”

She opened the door to find the four innocently sitting on the bed, although the slight flush on their face told the entire story. “What? What do you mean?” Joy asked innocently.

“Don’t lie to me,” Irene walked over to the second youngest, which apparently was enough for her to spill the truth.

“Well, we all thought we heard you crying so we decided to see what was happening, and we were worried for a second, but—”

“You two are sooo cuutee!”

“I’m so jealous, I wish I could have someone like that—”

“It was just so adorable I was really trying my hardest to not squeal like a little girl—”

“It was really cute, I felt like I was watching a K-Drama—”

“My own heart was beating so fast—”

“I wanted to record a video to tease you, but—”

“I’m glad for you, unnie!”

“Yeah, congratulations!”

The rest of her members echoed the sentiment shared by Seulgi, clamoring out of the bedroom and giving her a hug.

“Oh, and also congratulations to you too, Jaeho,” Wendy noted, seeing him hovering behind her.

“Yah, what are you saying,” Irene laughed, playfully hitting the Canadian-Korean as she went to shake his hand. Jaeho obliged, laughing along.

“Thanks,” he replied, almost used to the antics of the members of his now girlfriend, “But have you all eaten yet? Should I cook more for you all?”

“I’m hungry,” Yeri volunteered, raising her hand.

“Me too,” Seulgi said.

“You guys ate dinner two hours ago,” Irene said, waving them off. “Don’t worry about them, they’re just teasing you,” she said, ushering them out. Still, it warmed her heart to know that Jaeho—that _her boyfriend’s_ first reaction to seeing her members was asking if they had eaten yet. If there weren’t enough already, it was yet another reminder that she had chosen correctly. “You have no more reason to be here, shoo.”

“Wow, you’re trying to get alone time with Jaeho at nighttime?”

“We have a shooting tomorrow, you have to be ready and available tomorrow morning!”

“You two…” Irene laughed, exasperated, as the two youngest reveled in teasing their leader.

“Let’s go, we should give them some space,” Seulgi said, grabbing the two and heading for the door. “See you later, Joohyun,” Seulgi said, Wendy following close behind. “Bye, and congratulations again, Jaeho.”

The rest of the members echoed the congratulations and headed out the door. As soon as the door closed, Irene turned to Jaeho. “Now that I’m your girlfriend, you can start calling me ‘Joohyun’, right?”

In the past two months, this was something that Irene had actually brought up quite a bit; he was cautious because it felt like he was being too friendly with the idol. Now, with this situation, he felt more comfortable with using her real name. “Sure, Joohyun,” he replied albeit with some difficulty, automatically smiling in response to Irene’s smile.

“Also, one more thing; Yeri and Sooyoung were teasing us about—well, you know, but that’s something I want to avoid for now.” Irene’s smile faded, and Jaeho could understand why; for him, his first memory of the idol was waking up that one morning and discovering that he was naked, in bed, next to the similarly naked woman. However, for him, it was clear it wasn’t that they had sex given that he lost his memory.

“Actually—I didn’t mention this before because it felt inappropriate to, but…” Jaeho hesitated, debating whether or not to reveal this bit about himself, eventually figuring that they were both adults and Irene could take the truth, “you weren’t my first time, and since this hasn’t ever happened before, I don’t think it was that.”

“Oh.” Irene had always gone with the assumption that it was the sex that caused the sudden amnesia somehow, not realizing that it was only natural for someone as attractive as Jaeho, who has had many girlfriends, to not be a virgin. As natural as it was for this to be the case, she couldn’t help but still feel jealous. “I—ok, I see,” she said, a frown unknowingly appearing on her face.

Jaeho kept his laughter to himself, seeing the discord inside Irene’s mind on her face: he could see that Irene was conflicted by this information but didn’t want to express it, resulting in the cute half-pout, half-frown that she was doing.

“Did you ever sleep with them? Sleep overnight?”

Jaeho thought about the question for a brief second before shaking his head. “No, I haven’t,” he carefully said, and after a few more seconds of pondering, continued, “in fact, since there’s only my dad and I in my house, I haven’t ever slept with anyone else on the same bed, since we would have our own individual beds on vacations.”

“That must be it then,” Irene concluded, feeling much more relieved. She could only wildly speculate before but didn’t pry for more information; now that she was officially his girlfriend (again), she felt more at ease to ask these questions, and having reached this satisfying conclusion eliminated the element of mystery to her, removed the thought in the back of her mind that being around Jaeho could trigger his amnesia.

“So sex is still on the table?”

Irene smiled slyly to Jaeho; recently, she could tell that he’s been trying to elicit the same embarrassed reactions she’s been eliciting from him, but it rarely ever worked on her. “What, do you want to do it right now?”

As expected, Jaeho conceded, turning away abruptly. Of course, Irene was also embarrassed—at the thought, at the sudden question, at saying such a thing—but to her, seeing Jaeho’s bashful reaction was always worth it.

Unfortunately, becoming her boyfriend did something to Jaeho that caused him to react in such ways less and less, and that was only the beginning of it. The SM higher ups have subtly been trying to interrupt their relationship: restricting phone access, more strict sleep schedules, among other tactics, but a few weeks into their relationship, their antics started becoming more obvious.

If it was just one shoot, it was fine: Irene knew she was the face of the group and using her as their MV’s heroine made sense. So of course, when she arrived on set and was given the plot of the MV scenes to be shot—her and a male actor acting quite a few risqué scenes, the justification being that they ‘fit the theme of the song’ (which admittedly was a sexier, or a ‘Red’, song), she didn’t complain at all. Her members gave her words of encouragement before the scenes, which she was thankful for, but couldn’t help but feel guilty the entire time. It was just work, she knew this and so did Jaeho when she notified him about the situation, but it still felt wrong, somehow.

However, if it was just that, she would have been fine. Just one shoot in which she had to act intimate with someone else, she could accept; just bear with it and be done with it. It wasn’t just that shoot, though. A few weeks shooting that scene for Red Velvet’s MV, she arrived on set for a CF for a brand she endorsed, finding out that she was suddenly doing a photoshoot with a male idol who was newly added as an endorsed idol for the company, she was slightly annoyed. Fortunately, Jaeho didn’t seem to mind, so Irene shoved aside her frustration.

It didn’t end with just that. Just a couple days after that photoshoot, Irene received a call from Jaeho while on her way to another schedule—a rare occurrence, prompting Irene to pick up immediately.

“Jaeho? Is something wrong?”

Irene could immediately tell from his eyes that her suspicions were spot on. “I wanted to talk about something, but … I’m not sure if we already talked about this, so I’m sorry if we did, but I think it’s important.”

“Of course.”

This was something Jaeho appreciated about Irene; she had many ‘modes’ and always found the correct ‘mode’ to switch to for each situation. Right now, in light of his recent discoveries—well, they weren’t so much ‘discoveries’ as ‘realizations upon deeper thought’—he had a deep contention with their situation, something he hadn’t given too deep of a thought until recently. “This isn’t about something wrong with you or me or anything—I’m your boyfriend, but I’m also your fan, just like how you’re my girlfriend but also the leader of Red Velvet. Our relationship makes me happy as an individual, but I never considered how it would impact me as a fan. In—”

“Did my company call you again?”

Irene switched tones, from motherly to firm. It was something Jaeho hadn’t really ever experienced, so seeing her suddenly be so cold was startling to him. Did he do something wrong? Did he slip up? Did Irene hate him now? After all, Jaeho always advocated being honest, and in the past few weeks, even past few months, Jaeho was anything but that.

“Yes,” he quickly admitted.

Irene scowled, her eyebrows bunching together in frustration. “Those people…” Irene usually was very hesitant to show bad sides of her in front of Jaeho, of which included frustrated or angry, but this realization caused her emotions to bubble to the top. They weren’t even being sneaky about it anymore; were they doing this against the CEO’s wishes, or did he have a change of heart? Either way, one thing became clear to Irene in that moment: this wasn’t an issue that could be solved with a simple talk. They had to definitively prove that their relationship wasn’t harmful for her career. “They decided to bring this topic up again, huh? They talked about this in the past, before you lost your memories; do you trust me?” Jaeho nodded immediately. “I’ll explain more when we meet in person.”

“OK … sorry for bringing this up so suddenly.” In truth, Jaeho still had a million questions; however, after her confession, Jaeho decided that he should trust Irene absolutely in everything no matter how things appeared to him.

“No! It’s ok, it’s not your fault. I’m not mad at you, I’m mad at the people who were calling you and telling you all these things,” she clarified, looking up to see that they were nearly at their destination. “I have to go now, I’ll call you later tonight if I get the chance, OK?”

“Alright, love you Joohyun.”

This wasn’t the first time Irene heard him say this—it wasn’t even the tenth time, or maybe even the hundredth time, but it was something that always put a smile on her face. “Love you too Jaeho,” she said, waving to him before hanging up.

“You look happy,” her manager noted as they prepared to exit the car.

“Right,” Irene said, calming herself down. It was brought to her attention by her fans during an Instagram Live that there was some speculation on the net about her secretly having a boyfriend, the only source being her noticeably smiling much more at events. Honestly, Irene found it amazing that Reveluvs were able to spot something like that, but ever since this, she made sure to have better control of her facial expressions.

Later that week, Irene made sure to keep her unofficial 200th day anniversary with Jaeho—that is, 200 days after Jaeho initially asked _her_ to be his girlfriend—and arranged to meet him at their apartment. This time, Jaeho was the first to arrive.

“Ah, you’re here?” Jaeho’s voice drifted from the kitchen, “Dinner’s almost done, are you hungry?”

“You know I can’t eat much,” she replied, slipping on her slippers, walking in view of the man in front of the stove.

“Just one day is fine,” he argued, still concentrated on his cooking. Irene used this opportunity to sneak up on him.

There was no question that Jaeho was attractive; her groupmates talked about it from time to time, and even Taeyeon from Girls’ Generation said so when she met him in person for the first time. His good looks did not play an important role, if at all, of her falling in love with him, but there were definitely a lot of positives for Jaeho being as attractive as he was. Not only was he pleasant to look at—his face proportions were insanely good, in Irene’s estimation—but his body was well-built too. To Irene though, there was one more thing, perhaps the most important: he had a nice butt.

Irene, being a buttlover, usually held herself back a lot when around Jaeho, even before his amnesia, but in this scenario, it was too tempting. He was completely oblivious, his back was turned to her, and the pants that he was wearing just so happened to outline its shape nicely.

“How’s the cooking going?”

As Irene said those words, Jaeho felt a sudden, sharp, squeezing motion applied to his bottom. “Ah—!” he physically jumped, nearly dropping the utensil that was in his hand. He glanced over to see the idol grinning mischievously, suddenly remembering her self-proclaimed love for butts. “What was that for?”

“I couldn’t help myself,” she admitted, joining him in front of the stove.

“You couldn’t help yourself?” Jaeho repeated, laughing, “How does that make sense?”

Irene puffed her cheeks in defiance. “Well, if you were in my shoes, you would understand. It’s your fault for having such a nice butt.”

Jaeho laughed even harder at that. He was used to being called ‘attractive’ or ‘handsome’ or ‘cute’, but this was a compliment he had never received, nor did he ever expect to receive. “That’s something I haven’t ever heard in my life.”

Irene smiled. “That’s good, that means no one else knows then,” she commented, patting his butt again, “By the way, you haven’t given me a greeting kiss yet.”

“Ah—are you sure we did this often?” Jaeho said, turning to face her, “I mean, if you forgot for this long…”

“I was distracted,” she said in defense of herself.

Jaeho’s eyebrows perked up in suspicion of her but obliged anyway, pausing a bit at the sight of Irene’s closed eyes and waiting lips. Her serene expression, her beautiful eyelashes, her tall nose bridge, her full, red lips … it was a sight any man dreamt of, Jaeho himself being no exception. He wondered if this was something he would _ever_ get used to before pecking her on the lips. Even though Irene demanded a ‘greeting kiss’ every time they met up, every single time was as breathtaking as the last. For that brief second, her soft lips softly touched his, the soft tissue pressing lightly against him, the subtle perfume she wore wafting into his nose. The contact was brief, but it produced an electrical shock that apparently provided energy for his lungs and heart to speed up, working hard to produce the red hue spreading on his face. When Jaeho turned his attention back to the meal he was cooking, Irene was already teasing him. “Ah, you’re blushing,” she pointed out, banking on Jaeho being too embarrassed to turn his head and notice that she was also red.

“We haven’t been dating for that long, so you can’t really blame me.”

“Actually, today’s sort of a special day in that regard,” Irene added, “If you hadn’t lost your memory suddenly, we would be celebrating our 200th day anniversary.”

“Ah, really? Should we still celebrate somehow? Maybe get some ice cream or something?”

Irene pondered a bit before responding, “Nah, it’s OK. Just your company is fine.” Irene wrapped her arms around Jaeho’s waist as she said those words, resting her head on his well-defined arms. “You’re actually pretty buff, aren’t you?”

“I just work out from time to time,” he responded, trying his hardest to both maintain his concentration on his cooking while also regulating his breathing and heartbeat at a normal level. He sort of expected skinship from the beautiful woman after they started dating, but this level … perhaps it was bad for his heart. “I can show you some exercises if you want.”

“I thought we were supposed to be celebrating today,” she said, separating herself slightly to look at him.

He smiled, briefly glancing at her. “You’re right, let’s not do that then. This looks about ready, do you mind setting up the table?”

Irene agreed, and after they started eating, Irene brought up the topic she had delayed until this moment. “About my career and the phone calls you’ve received,” she started, Jaeho nodding earnestly, “I know you might feel guilty for distracting me or something, but it’s actually not like that at all. My members and even my staff members who don’t know that I’m dating you have commented that it looks like I have more energy recently. I’ve started doing lyric-writing and gotten into songwriting too as a result of spending time with you, the days that I feel good are more frequent, and the days that I go to sleep feeling bad have just disappeared because I am able to talk to you. The time I spend with you is just as valuable as practice time, I think, because it allows me to experience things I haven’t before and allows me to improve my performances. So you don’t have to feel bad; my mental health is also something I have to look after, right? But instead of having to rely on a psychologist and risk leaking to the public potential mental health problems I may acquire, I can just talk to you.”

Jaeho nodded. “Ah, so basically you’re just using me as a free psychology therapist,” he said, nodding as if that was the obvious conclusion from Irene’s mini-spiel.

Irene laughed. “You know that’s not what I mean,” she whined, feigning annoyance, although secretly she was pleased that Jaeho accepted her words so quickly.

“I must not be a good one though because of that whole sudden amnesia thing.”

Irene frowned, seeing the guilt on Jaeho’s face creep up once again. He had already expressed his thoughts on this regard and it hurt Irene to see him beat himself up over something he had no control over, especially since there was no prior hint that it would happen. “Don’t talk like that,” she said gently, reaching over to trap his hand in hers, “It’s not your fault and you know it.”

Jaeho remained silent for a second. “You know what’s the difference between first-degree murder and third-degree murder in the court of law?” When Irene shook her head, Jaeho continued. “It’s the intent. If you accidentally kill someone, it’s considered third-degree murder, meaning even if you didn’t mean to hurt someone, you still get punished.”

Irene squeezed his hand, biting her lip in frustration. She could feel a tear on the verge of escaping; her lungs, her heart, it felt like her internal organs were being squeezed inside her chest. “Well, I mean, there are a lot of good things. You know, in the past, it was actually you who teased me most of the time, but now I get to do that to you.” Jaeho chuckled, looking up at Irene. She smiled back, continuing on. “Think about it: if our relationship can survive this, then we can pretty much survive anything, right? If we think about this as the ultimate test, and that we’ve pretty much passed already, then it’s not so bad.”

“That is, unless you suddenly forget about me,” he said, a ghost of a smile lingering on his face, “Although I don’t think I could ever get you to fall back in love with me.”

“I don’t know, I think it would be really easy for you,” she countered, “It just took the one conversation for my interest in you to start, after all.” She paused for a bit, slowly retreating her hands as she fondly remembered her first encounter with Jaeho, then blushing when she remembered what she did as her tipsy self decided was an appropriate ‘test’. “Well, to make things simpler, you can be sure that I’ll never intentionally do anything that would scare you like that, I promise.”

This time, the smile on his face was genuine: full of life, bright, the smile of the man she was in love with. She had always known that Jaeho masked his insecurities and negative thoughts to himself just as she did, but seeing him bring them to light made her feel more relieved. Not only did it feel better to be able to comfort him, it also made her realize how important it was for herself to open up to her members, which allowed her to grow. If only SM could see this, they wouldn’t be so insistent on their breaking up…

Of course, it wasn’t just that simple: Irene’s troubles with SM interfering with her relationship with Jaeho continued. For SM’s next company concert, it was decided that there would be multiple couple stages; usually, there were no more than one, maybe two per concert. This time, they found it necessary to do three, all of which were her being paired with Exo’s Suho. She didn’t have anything against Suho, to be clear, but she was well aware of the ‘ship’ her fans had with him, and she imagined so was her company, so it was easy to conclude that this was intentionally done to strengthen that ‘ship’ and further pressure her into breaking ties with her boyfriend. She didn’t let it phase her during practice as the EXO member didn’t know of Irene’s relationship status, but made sure to give Jaeho a piece of advice on the night she was informed of the third couple stage.

“So you know how I told you SM was planning an SM concert, right?”

He nodded. “Yeah…”

“And I told you about the couple stage that was planned, right?” He nodded again. “They added two more recently. I’m pretty sure they’re trying to mess with me, and for all of them I’m paired with the same person.”

“Oh, Suho from Exo?”

Irene, caught off guard, froze for a second. “Yeah, but how did you know?”

“Well, I’m your fan, of course I know about the ship between you and Suho,” he claimed, a bit too proudly.

“Yah, why are you so proud to know that?” Irene said, holding back a laugh.

“Well, it isn’t exactly a well-known thing, right? Aren’t you proud that I would know a more obscure piece of information about you?”

Irene shook her head, unable to hide her smile anymore. She didn’t know what Jaeho’s thoughts were on these types of topics but seeing this type of reaction on top of knowing how outwardly genuine he always was reassured her that he in fact didn’t mind. “Yes yes, good job,” she said, shifting her position on her bed, “This time, I would like if you didn’t come, actually.”

Jaeho squinted in confusion. “Why not?”

“This is a little selfish of me, but I don’t want to support SM while they’re doing this kind of stuff,” she admitted.

Jaeho pouted. “So I won’t get to see my favorite girl group, Girls’ Generation?”

Irene laughed. “Yah, how can you say that in front of your own girlfriend?”

“What, are you jealous?”

Irene huffed, faking jealousy. “Whatever, I’m not talking anymore.”

“…You say that, but you haven’t hung up yet.”

“…you know what,” Irene said, breaking out into laughter.

“You know I’m joking, of course I like Red Velvet the most. I’ll not come to that concert—” Jaeho paused briefly before continuing, “—wow, that’s a little strange to say, huh?”

Irene nodded, checking the time briefly. “Oh, it’s getting late. You have a photoshoot tomorrow, right?”

“Ah! That was what I was forgetting to tell you; I was recently let go of that side-job because an actor named Choi Kwon Soo agreed to endorse them.”

Irene furrowed her eyebrows. “That name sounds familiar…” she paused, opening the browser app on her phone. After a quick search, her suspicions were confirmed. “I knew it, he’s an SM actor,” she sighed, clenching her fists in anger. She was fine with SM screwing with her; she worked for them, so they technically had the ability to change these kinds of things, as annoying as it was. But to interfere with someone else’s career … that was just low. “Sorry, I didn’t think they’d ever go so low as to interfere with your career; I can help you find another job, but—”

“It’s ok, don’t worry about it,” he interrupted her, “I thought about it for a little and decided that I didn’t want to do another job like that because of how exhausting it is. Actually, I’m amazed at how you’re able to do it on top of all the other stuff you do, but you don’t have the option of deciding to stop.”

“What, really? Are you sure?”

Jaeho nodded. “It was fun at first, but as I’m getting older, it gets more and more exhausting. But you’re older than me and have more shoots but still do so well in all of them.”

“Yah,” Irene complained, Jaeho laughing in response, Irene eventually joining. “I mean, if you’re really OK with it, then I guess … you won’t need my help?”

Jaeho nodded. “Thanks for offering. Maybe, if we ever go public, we can do a duo photoshoot or something, but anything other than that is going to be a ‘no’ for me.”

“Ooh, that would be so fun!” Irene exclaimed, never having thought about that before. “I could teach you a bunch of fun couple poses to do—”

“I’m not a newbie to couple shoots, you know,” Jaeho retorted.

“Don’t act so cocky in front of your senior,” Irene shot back, smiling as Jaeho did so as well. “Actually, you know what? I just thought of something; speaking of poses, how about I do something whenever I show up on TV for you? Like, how about tucking my hair behind my ear with my thumb?”

Jaeho laughed. “That’s cute. Sure, I would love that,” he replied. “I would say I could do the same, but I doubt I’ll ever appear on TV.”

“Hey, you never know. Maybe you’ll appear on TV once our relationship becomes public and people become more interested in you,” she suggested.

Irene was mostly saying this as a joke—in reality, she figured it would be a long time before this kind of news breaks out. They even talked a bit about it when they met up that week and agreed that, ideally, their relationship would be secret until they get married, and that would only happen when Red Velvet’s activities started dying down. Irene felt really bad for Jaeho, but Jaeho clearly voiced that he was fine with it, another trait that Irene loved him for.

However, this isn’t what ended up happening, as she discovered the next day. That next morning, she woke up, opened the news websites on her phone as she usually did, and received a mini-heart attack reading the top article’s headline.

‘[BREAKING!] SM Confirms Red Velvet’s Irene Is Dating A Non-Idol!’


	8. Kingdom Come

A bad habit of Jaeho’s was how long he took to get out of bed. Usually he took a few seconds to stretch and acquire his surroundings, his brain taking a few seconds to start properly transition from unconscious to conscious. He usually sat in bed and sent Irene back a ‘good morning’ text, as he was usually the second to wake up, and sat in bed for a few minutes, reading any news articles that caught his attention.

Jaeho was acutely aware of this bad habit of his; he accounted for it when setting up his wakeup alarms, but it was always something he wanted to fix. He could always read the news articles while preparing and eating breakfast, something he did anyway.

That morning was far from ordinary. The moment he read Irene’s—his girlfriend’s barrage of texts, he shot out of bed.

‘Honey, I’m sorry’

‘I wasn’t expecting all of this, please don’t panic’

‘I’ll handle this’

The sentence was spaced out in multiple messages, clearly demonstrating the irony in the idol’s words, her panic visible even from the slight typos that were interspersed in her messages. Jaeho’s first reaction was sheer panic, shooting a quick text back.

‘What happened? Are you OK?’

One thought that occurred to him was that this might be payback for when he induced a similar panic in her via his sudden amnesia, but then he remembered Irene’s promise that she would never do anything like that. Feeling guilty for having that thought, he scrubbed it from his mind and proceeded to check the news as usual while he awaited Irene’s response.

All it took was a glance at a news site to realize what Irene’s text message was about, nearly dropping his phone when his eyes glanced over the top trending article.

An article detailing speculation regarding Irene’s relationship status was released earlier that day—around 4am—and SM responded quickly by telling the truth. In it, SM released a few details; that they’ve been dating for a few months now (although that wasn’t _technically_ true), that his name was Song Jaeho and that he was a salesman who used to model for a jeans company as a side-job. The most damning part of the article, however, was the picture that was taken; the two walking, hand in hand, in the parking lot outside of the apartment building Irene had a private residence in.

On that day, the inside parking lot for the apartment building happened to be completely full—something that never happened before. Because of that, they had no choice but to use the outside parking lot when leaving. Of course, they could have left separately, but it seemed like too much of a hassle, so the couple agreed to just risk the small time exposed to the public for convenience. Apparently, that small period of exposure was all the media needed to nail the two; what’s more, his face could be clearly seen in the picture, leading to some terrifying thoughts of getting attacked randomly while walking about outside by Irene fans. If he thought about it—which he has, many times—he figured he would also be angry if he found out this type of news suddenly, but he wasn’t the type to attack people because of it. Still, that didn’t mean there weren’t people who would; he wasn’t a celebrity, so he didn’t have the protection most idols had, which made the thought that much more daunting. He planned on eating out for lunch that day; should he just slap together something quickly and bring it to work? Maybe he should order delivery? Should he stop by somewhere before arriving at work to grab something for lunch? Maybe he should hire a bodyguard? Was that too egotistical of him?

He was so lost in thought that he almost lost track of time, saved when his phone notified him of a new text message, but from his friend. As he read the preview, he realized that everyone who knew him would start sending him messages, so he elected to silence the phone, his eyes happening to glance at the upper right corner to see that he was nearly late for work. Making the decision to bring a hat along and to lay low while in the lunch line and hoping that sufficed for a disguise, he sped to work, electing to take a taxi instead of the usual subway this time.

‘Are you available to talk?’

In the cab, Jaeho noticed his phone receiving a call, and when he saw the caller ID, he gulped nervously. It was his contact at SM, the person who usually talked to him about his relationship status with Irene. He never before rejected or ignored his calls before as he feared negative backlash onto Irene from her company added on top of his desire to always to transparent, but that was only when he was of sound mind. Jaeho, in his current state, was anything but that; in summary, he was a nervous wreck that was holding it together for the sake of his celebrity girlfriend and was in no state to talk with someone like an SM higher-up. So, Jaeho painstakingly made the difficult task of ignoring the call.

Jaeho was worried for Irene more than himself, however. He avoided the comment section of the news article but speculated what kind of backlash she was currently facing, especially considering how fans responded to that article that Irene showed him earlier that month regarding a rumor that Irene was dating someone backed up by photo evidence, which apparently _was_ him but was swept under the rug by SM at the time. He knew that a public’s image was all-important to idols, and this could _not_ be good for her; while in the taxi, he beat himself over stupidly deciding to risk being seen outside for Irene. For what, a few minutes, a few hours of saved time? How much time was Irene going to have to waste because of his dumb decision? Irene was the de facto decision maker in the relationship, but Jaeho should have put his foot down in regard to that decision. It was clearly such an unnecessary risk, why did he allow it?

‘Sorry, I’m busy right now, I’ll text you back when I’m free. Stay safe, I love you~’

Irene replied hastily to his text; Jaeho clenched his fists, knowing that Irene must be masking her pain behind happy façade, wishing there was more he could do for her.

Irene was on the other boat; the first thing she realized upon reading the article is how she had inadvertently thrust Jaeho, an otherwise ordinary citizen, into the spotlight and receive the criticism and hate of a normal celebrity without any of its benefits. While negative comments still affected Irene, she at least knew that she could rely on the love of her members and her fans that came with the fame and attention. Jaeho, on the other hand, only had her, which might not even be true considering how busy she undoubtedly was going to become in the following weeks.

Usually, Irene was good about avoiding reading comments she figured would be negative, but this was a different story. This relationship was important to her, but so were her fans: it was imperative to her that they accept him, and maybe it was this desperate mentality that gave her a kind of hope that they would realize this and take the news well.

But the more Irene read the comments, the deeper the sinking feeling in her chest felt, the more guilt that burned deep in her soul, the more the pain in her chest hurt, the blurrier her vision got, the more her disappointment grew, the more worry that filled her body.

‘I can’t believe it, how could she betray her fans like this?’

‘She’s just another attention-seeking slut, masking herself as an idol?’

‘He’s so ugly LOL’

‘I bet he’s blackmailing her, poor Joohyun-unnie…’

‘I guess Joohyun-unnie is a liar just like all the other idols … I thought I could trust her …’

‘She’s probably just using him for sex’

‘Who does he think he is? Everyone, Irene-unnie isn’t to blame, it’s Jaeho. He’s clearly manipulating her somehow.’

‘He even looks like a scumbag…’

‘I bet that article from a few months ago was true, and she was just trying to cover up their mistake … to think she’s been lying to us for this long …’

‘Her age must be starting to affect her judgement.’

‘I bet she’s just after his pretty face. How else would she have time to get to know him?’

‘That Song Jaeho should just go die.’

‘Even Irene … there isn’t a point in living if even Red Velvet are like this…’

‘So this is why her performances have been bad recently…’

‘This is the dark side of the industry, idols seeking solace in their fans, taking advantage of them, lying to their fans … I’m disappointed in you, Irene-unnie, after all we’ve been through …’

Each comment stung like a fresh papercut. By the time her members entered her room, tears were already freely flowing down her face.

“Joohyun,” Joy called out in a strained voice, rushing to her side and enveloping her in a warm embrace.

“I’m sorry…” Seulgi was the next to enter, Yeri and Wendy short to follow, all of them showering their leader with love.

“What should I do…” she cried desperately, falling into the arms of the tallest member, “Jaeho isn’t ready for this, he’s not a celebrity or anything. What’s going to happen? Is SM going to force us to break up? I can’t lose him … I can’t—I can’t, I just can’t …”

“We’ll get through this,” the second-youngest promised, patting her back reassuringly.

“Why are they like this? I thought … our fans, I love them, but I also love Jaeho … why does it have to be like this?” Her words were coming out as a jumbled mess at this point, but she was beyond the point of caring. “If they knew him, they wouldn’t say all those things—”

“You shouldn’t be reading the comments, you know that,” Joy said sternly, separating herself from her group leader to look at her.

“…I know, but I thought … I don’t know, I was desperate, I thought that since I love both so much, maybe … if there was a chance, then—” Irene paused, stumbling over her words helplessly, trying to calm herself down. “Well, I mean, if there was a chance that they were accepting of him, then I thought it would be a good thing.”

“Don’t read the comments for now, OK? Even on your Instagram, don’t read any comments. Once this is all over and our fans realize that they were mistaken, then you won’t have to choose between the two.”

Irene took the next minute or so to collect herself, thanking her members, applying makeup, finishing breakfast, then heading to her first schedule. It was supposed to be a meeting discussing Irene’s request to start learning to compose songs, but she strongly felt that it was going to go in another direction.

It wasn’t even fair; SM released the news without consulting her. If she didn’t know better, she would say that SM themselves leaked the information to drive a further wedge between Jaeho and her relationship. Of course, the economic detriment to the company as a result of this news immediately destroyed that hypothesis, but like a child, she begrudgingly held onto that conspiracy.

There was a lot she was thankful for towards her company: for training her, even if it was challenging; for introducing her to her groupmates, even if the company didn’t treat them as well as they deserved; for giving her a platform to perform for and interact with her fans, something she was grateful for despite the negative image they had of her now. But there was also a lot she disliked SM for; of course, she would never voice these opinions out loud, but it was these qualities of the company that caused her to hold onto her conspiracy theory so tightly. SM was already pretty rich, what was a few hundred million won if they got what they wanted, especially if it netted them profit in the long run in their eyes?

What was even more unfair was the negativity that was being thrown at Jaeho. She felt terrible that she lacked the foresight to prevent this from happening—all because she had insisted that it was OK for them to walk out to her car via the outside parking lot for convenience. Jaeho was such a kind, caring, and most importantly _innocent_ man, he didn’t deserve _any_ hate. They were her fans and she loved them, to be clear, but even still, she couldn’t help but be a little frustrated; they didn’t even know him and are already making all these accusations?

And the worst part is, knowing SM, her company probably wouldn’t take much action to defend him; it was up to _her_ to dispel all these rumors and wild speculations. She cared immensely about her fans as well as Jaeho, which conversely meant she cared about the relationship between the two; for this reason, she decided that no matter what, she would not close communication with her fans and work avidly to a point in which everyone was happy. Irene told Jaeho many times that she was willing to work hard for this relationship; this moment, and the moments to come, was the time to show that she meant what she said.

Up until giving the taxi driver his company’s address, Jaeho fortunately faced no issue; granted, he was only outside for a few minutes and he was wearing a hat low to cover his face, but that much gave him hope that maybe he wouldn’t be recognized in public. As he neared his workplace, he started growing worried again.

The phrasing of the article sparked a quick thought in his mind: even SM didn’t know about his sudden amnesia. He didn’t go to a hospital or anything since nothing else in his life was affected by it, so it wasn’t ever diagnosed; he did some quick research online but came up blank. Was that information ever going to get out? Probably not, Jaeho reckoned, since there isn’t a need for anyone to know. Still, even now, thinking back on that morning … what could have brought about it? Just because he fell asleep in close proximity with someone?

As if Irene didn’t have enough to worry about, now there was this. Jaeho was somewhat aware of the troubles idols had with mental disorders—who wasn’t, after the tragedies of Jonghyun, Sulli, and Hara? He figured that South Korean netizens would realize the root of the problem and stop attacking their idols but knew that was just simply wishful thinking. But if SM’s decision, which was obviously without Irene’s consent considering the texts she sent him that morning, was to be truthful, then he decided that he should also be honest if anyone confronted him about it; if he could dodge the question, he would, but if anyone insisted enough or pressed him enough, he figured it was best to follow Irene’s—and SM’s—example and just tell the truth.

As they turned onto the street his workplace was on, he absent-mindedly pulled out his phone, this thumb tapping the message app that was red with notifications like an automatic action. It was just a few seconds of carelessness, but that was all it took. When he opened up the first message, he immediately remembered his resolution to avoid his messages.

‘You brat, since when were you dating Irene? Don’t you have better things to do than dating one of the busiest idols in South Korea? Get yourself together man, you’re just a salesperson. Do you think you and Irene really have a future together?’

“Thank you.”

Jaeho exited the taxi, his phone back in his pocket, his head low with his hat stored in his backpack, his upper teeth biting his lower lip and his fists clenched in frustration.

It was someone who he considered a friend that sent the text. Someone he had met in high school, whom he bonded over soccer with, whom he stayed in contact with and shared a meal with just a few months ago. What, did he think Jaeho didn’t know this?

Irene was an idol, a public figure admired by many and adored by all, undoubtedly much wealthier than most people, one of the most desired woman in all of South Korea. Jaeho was just an ordinary citizen, with a medium income, working at a job that hardly benefits anyone but himself and his company. The chasm between the two was massive: Irene a shining example of someone who benefitted humanity, the peak of humanity, and Jaeho was just at sea level.

The difference between the two was just too massive. But whenever Jaeho considered bringing that up to her, he would take one look at Irene’s loving gaze, at her warm smile, and her caring gestures, and all that motivation would vanish. Was this what the Jaeho before his amnesia felt? Being that it was _himself_ , he figured it was highly likely. Jaeho’s self-esteem was normally pretty high … but that one comment, that one text, that one _reminder_ , was all it took for it to come crashing down.

“Hey, that’s Song Jaeho, right?”

“You’re right…”

“To think he has the gall to show his face here…”

“He should just quit before he ruins the company’s reputation…”

Jaeho’s hearing was better than most, so it wasn’t hard for him to pick out the whisperings of his coworkers. Usually, their topics of gossip was completely irrelevant to him so he ignored them, but this time, it drew his attention.

“Oh, it’s Song Jaeho.”

“He isn’t even that good looking, do you think he blackmailed Irene?”

“Good point. How else do you think she would have agreed to be his girlfriend? It’s the only way.”

It wasn’t only females were gossiping; his male coworkers, whom he normally heard nothing but talk about sports, stocks, and work, where also partaking.

“That’s him. The one from the article this morning.”

“I can’t believe someone like _that_ is working in the same company as us.”

“I doubt he needs any more money, doesn’t he have enough from his girlfriend?”

Jaeho could do nothing but walk by them, not showing how deeply every single word stung. It wasn’t _his_ fault that Irene had chosen him; at least to him, it felt that way, considering it was a Jaeho that he had no memory of who courted her successfully. It wasn’t money or blackmail or anything; their relationship developed normally. He wanted to just shout this out, lash out at everyone talking behind his back, scream into the void about how unfair this was, but he held it in. He didn’t want to cause more trouble for himself, which would undoubtedly look bad on Irene in the end. If word got out that Irene dated a short-tempered man, she would get chastised more than she unquestionably already was.

The first person who talked about the breaking news was one of his friends, Pyo Chungho, who approached his cubicle shortly after he arrived.

“Yo, I read the news this morning,” he said, keeping his voice low.

“Ah, did you?”

Jaeho’s reply was flat and listless. He didn’t even try to hide the scathing nature behind his reply, readying himself for another angry Irene fan to unleash his anger at him, even if that fan happened to be his friend. After all, from this morning, he already learned to not even trust his friends.

“Whoa, I’m not angry about it or anything,” Chungho said defensively, glancing around cautiously. This caught Jaeho completely by surprise; he looked at the man in curiosity, who was in fact smiling mischievously. “You dog, I can’t believe you. You’re dating Irene from Red Velvet, huh? You caught a big fish, I’m happy for you.”

He playfully shoved his shoulder and seeing the genuine smile on his face filled Jaeho with relief. It felt like the whole world was against him but hearing this from his friend and seeing his genuinely joyous reaction made him realize otherwise. “Sorry, I just—I heard a lot of people talking about how I blackmailed her or that I’m a gold digger, so I just prepared myself for the worst.”

Chungho sighed. “Yeah, I’ve been hearing that lately too. Don’t mind them, they don’t even know you, they’re just saying stuff to calm their own minds.”

Jaeho shook his head. “Sometimes, I wish my hearing wasn’t as good as it is. Then, at least, I can be blissfully unaware, you know?”

Chungho shrugged. “It’s both a blessing and a curse, I guess. You’ll have to fill me in on the details later, over some soju. Maybe you can hook me up with Seulgi? She’s my favorite out of the group.”

Jaeho chuckled, something that caught even himself by surprise. “I don’t think it works like that, but yeah. We’ll talk later. Thanks again.”

“No problem, see you.”

A few hours later, right before his lunch break, his boss also came to visit his cubicle. He was the second person to do so, which frankly, Jaeho was thankful for. His boss only asked if the article was indeed about him, and if he was indeed dating Irene from Red Velvet; Jaeho replied that it was, fearing the worst, but in response only received a congratulation tied to a warning to not let it distract him from work.

To Jaeho, this was the best-case scenario that could have happened. He didn’t want to receive special treatment of any kind, whether it was preferential or detrimental. He was still Jaeho, an employee of his company, and whom he was dating didn’t change that. So, to hear his boss treat him as such was nothing short than a blessing.

Chungho’s words were more important to Jaeho than Chungho, or Jaeho himself even, probably realized. As Jaeho stood by idly in the elevator, going out to buy lunch with his hat in hand, he deliberated the impact of other’s words to him. This was just something Irene experienced every day; if anything, this should make him feel closer to her, make him appreciate her struggles more. Plus, it was as Irene said (although that was in a different context): if they could survive this, then their relationship could only grow stronger.

But that was the ultimate question. _Could_ they survive this?

When Jaeho exited the building, he determined that he would work just as hard as Irene, fight just as tirelessly as she has. Maybe another relationship would be easier, but would it be as fulfilling? Every relationship has its ups and downs, should he just quit the second he experienced hardship? Jaeho wasn’t that much of a coward.

When he got in line for the restaurant of his choice—a restaurant especially known for their kimbap—he whipped out his phone to read all the other messages he had received.

Sure enough, there were some scathing texts—calling him a liar, a thief, a cheat, a playboy—but there were also some encouraging ones. None from his father yet, which was reasonable since he was never one to follow news relating to Korea’s music industry of any kind, but several texts from his closer friends who congratulated him, some who were wishing him the best, some who were encouraging him to be there for his girlfriend in this low point of her career, some who were even joking about asking him to connect him and a Red Velvet member. However, Jaeho noted, his text message inbox was noticeably void of any texts from Irene.

The lack of communication was starting to worry Jaeho, but he tried not to let it bother him too much. Irene needed him more than ever, he knew this much, but Irene also had four amazing young women who could also be there for her. Just to be safe, he sent one more message to Irene.

‘Joohyun, I’m sorry I can’t be there for you right now, but if you ever want to talk to me, I’ll pick up instantly no matter what, no matter how late it is. Love you, take care!’

As he sent that text, coincidentally, he received another one, this one being from a friend of his—a lawyer whom he had met in college and befriended over an economics class they took together.

‘Hi Jaeho, I saw the news this morning, congratulations! You know me: as a lawyer, I have to take advantage of every opportunity that I see ^ㅇ^ if you want any help with anything you’re going through, contact me!’

Truthfully, this wasn’t something Jaeho had ever considered before, but the more he thought about it, the more he liked the idea. Most non-celebrities didn’t release public statements following news that they were dating an idol, but in this situation, the public statement wouldn’t be for him. Jaeho understood how much Irene loved her fans and always expressed her desire for her fans and Jaeho to eventually come to a mutual understanding and acceptance. Of course, being a Red Velvet fan himself, there was little work to do on his end; the only thing remained was for Irene’s fans to accept _him_ as the boyfriend of the beloved group leader.

However, with these considerations, Jaeho realized Irene herself had yet to make a public statement herself. As he understood, usually idols made public statements as quickly as breaking news like this occurred; was she still discussing with her company about this matter? Was she fighting a battle for their relationship at that very moment, Jaeho forced to sit back and let her do all the hard work?

As it turned out, this speculation wasn’t far from the truth. Irene’s first schedule that day, a meeting planned to discuss prospects of song-writing lessons for Irene as her interest in the field had started to rise, turned into a meeting with a few of SM’s higher ups to discuss their current situation.

When she first stepped into the room, she had to actively work to hide her anger. This was _her_ private life that was being discussed by the public; even if she worked for them, didn’t it make sense for them to at least consult her, or warn her, before releasing such a statement?

Their counterargument was that the breaking news article was released so early in the morning that SM didn’t have time to consult her, an excuse so flimsy that Irene saw through it right away. Why not delay their response a few hours or even wake Irene up to inform her? Irene didn’t ask this question as she knew she would be met with a stone wall as a response. That wasn’t even the worst of it; for Irene, it was their second reason that really angered her. “If you truly love him, then you shouldn’t want to hide your relationship, right? Recently, telling the truth in the face of this kind of evidence, even in the face of less evidence, has been the ‘trend’ lately, so just denying it would look bad.”

It wasn’t even that her company decided that her private life was something that they could just toy with, it was the false dichotomy that they imposed with the statement. Of course, Irene knew that denying something so obvious was a mistake, but that didn’t mean SM had to respond to those rumors right away. The company could have consulted her first and drafted a proper response to the leaks, one that she was OK with.

But Irene couldn’t bring herself to voice her thoughts, that among millions of other things Irene wanted to say. She wanted to stand up for herself and accuse the company of sabotaging her relationship with Jaeho to get what they wanted, a breakup between the two, but she knew she had no concrete evidence; she wanted to accuse them of caring more about Red Velvet than they did their individual members, but she didn’t want to get any of her members involved in this in any way; she wanted to cry out about how unfair it was for Jaeho, someone who wasn’t used to being in the eye of the public to suddenly receive all this hate, but she knew they would just deflect by saying it was his responsibility when they started dating. In the face of overwhelming power and authority, she felt she could do nothing but sit there and nod.

That day felt both productive and unproductive; she didn’t do any singing or dancing practice that day, nor did she attend any shoots of any kind. The day was filled with long car rides and meetings: about how they should respond, about Irene and Jaeho’s continued relationship status, about the companies that were already starting to withdraw their endorsement of her, about the status of the activities that were planned for the future, about her SNS accounts and public appearances. It was long and boring and if it wasn’t for Jaeho’s sake, Irene probably would’ve just acted like a zombie and barely pay attention.

On the car rides, when she wasn’t lost in thought or resting, she was responding to various other people who had texted her: the close friends who already knew about Jaeho, the ones who didn’t, a few labelmates, and her family. They all had positive things to say: congratulating her, wishing her well, offering her words of encouragement, offering help. She wanted to talk with them all, but in the end, it was only her parents that she managed to find time to video chat with.

They expressed nothing but concern for her, wishing her well, but also voiced a bit of sadness that they would hide something like this from her. In the end, they came to an agreement that she would compensate by introducing Jaeho to them after this all blew over and agreed to their advice to take care of Jaeho—as well as herself—well.

Irene was finally able to get some sleep late that day, forgoing her usual ‘good night’ text to Jaeho as she didn’t want to disturb him. After the message he sent her, she was worried that he might misconstrue the simple message as an emergency and wake up in the middle of the night needlessly, so she just captured as much sleep as she could before she was forced to wake up a few hours later for another meeting, perhaps the most important one: her public response to the fans about the news.

“Hello Joohyun,” was the curt response of the man sitting across from her at the conference table, the chief PR manager for the company. “We have a manuscript typed out for your video message, as you requested; we left some things blank, and if you want to change anything, feel free to tell us.”

It wasn’t even a minute and Irene was already getting frustrated. Ordinarily, she might have just acquiesced and followed orders. This time, however, knowing that she was fighting for Jaeho, she held strong. “Thank you, but I didn’t ask for a manuscript, I just asked that the message be in video form. I actually wanted this message to be non-scripted because I feel like the fans will be able to immediately tell if it’s scripted. People nowadays pay attention to that kind of stuff and are critical, so I want to just share my honest opinions freely.”

“We aren’t trying to say that you can’t share your honest opinion, that’s why we left so much blank and are letting you edit our script freely. We’re just giving you a good, safe template to communicate your opinions,” he argued.

“Still, it’ll seem scripted. I want to do my video message myself; I’ve thought a lot about it already and know what I’m going to say.” Irene could start to see the hesitation in the eyes of the men sitting across from her. Encouraged, she continued, “Please, you know how important it is to be transparent with fans these days, right? I’ve been in the public’s eye for over seven years, I know what kinds of things I should avoid saying. I know my fans better than anyone, and I want to be able to communicate with them freely in a time like this to show that we care about them by conveying honest thoughts.”

After pondering for a bit, they eventually conceded. “You’re right,” he sighed, putting his hand over the papers that he had just presented to Irene. “Clarity is important. Fans are extremely perceptive these days, and even if a few catch on, it can turn into a disaster.”

It was Irene’s turn to sigh, but of relief. “Thank you. I will make sure that everyone receives my message well.”

A bit more shuffling later, the room was completely devoid of everyone but herself. It was a rare moment for her, to be completely alone since the day prior. In the past two days, her head has been filled with worries and concerns, and as the people emptied out of the room, so did her thoughts. This moment, a moment of clarity that she was finally granted after twenty-four plus hours of stress and turmoil, the urge to just see her beloved—not even talk, just _see_ him—nearly overwhelmed her.

Irene plopped back down in her chair, burying her face in her hands, tears rolling down her face. This wasn’t the time to break down, this wasn’t the time to just sit in this chair and cry, stop wasting time and get yourself together … these thoughts bounced around in her head but with empty consequences. She just wanted to see Jaeho … she just wanted to see her boyfriend … was that so much to ask?

The only thing holding herself back was the knowledge that everyone was probably waiting on the other side of the door, and if they happened to come inside the room while she was calling Jaeho, then she knew that SM would just use this as coal to fuel their argument on why Jaeho is bad for her: he causes her to procrastinate and put off responsibilities, as shown in this one isolated example that is completely unfair to use. But even if this example was unfair to use, Irene knew SM could mobilize it into something more potent, something Irene didn’t even want to consider.

Stuck at an impasse, Irene collected herself, wiping her tears from her face. As she picked up her phone, seeing the video call app overwhelmed all other parts of her brain, and without being able to control herself, sent a video call request to him.

“Ire—Joohyun?”

It was understandable that Jaeho was still asleep—it was not even 7:00 yet, and yet, Irene still selfishly obliged her urge. “Sorry, you must be tired,” she said, chuckling at the adorably tired demeanor Jaeho was obviously trying to hide. Even like that, having just woken up with sleepiness still in his eyes, Jaeho was still unbelievably handsome.

“It’s fine, what’s up? Have you been crying? Are you alright?”

Irene’s tear ducts activated again, a euphoric wave of comfort surging throughout her body. It was like magic; as she expected, just the sight of Jaeho was somehow able to calm her. Tears started falling down her face again, her smile widening as the warm, comforting feeling invaded her body. “It’s OK, I’m fine now.”

Jaeho sat upright in his bed, fatigue dissipated, now fully attentive. “What’s wrong?” he gently asked, his eyes brimming with his concern for her.

She shook her head. “It’s nothing. I’m just—” a sniffle interrupted her— “I’m just happy to see you. I miss you.”

“Where are you? Do you need me to—”

“No, I just wanted to see your face.” Irene wiped her tears again, reaching for her bag. “I’ll probably have to reapply my makeup, but I was just planning on making my video message to the fans about the news.”

“Oh,” Jaeho replied, shifting a bit on the bed. “Well, thanks for taking the time to talk to me. I’m really concerned about you, how are you feeling right now?”

Irene smiled. “Better, now that I got to talk to you.”

Jaeho laughed, embarrassment laced in his voice. “Honestly, I feel better now that I got to talk to you too.”

“I’m in somewhat of a hurry, since I promised the PR manager that I would be recording the video in here. I just really had the urge to see you so I called, sorry for waking up you.”

The man on the other side of the phone screen shook his head. “Don’t worry about it, I’m really glad you found time for me. Good luck on your video!”

“Thanks, I love you Song Jaeho.”

Even though Irene said this at the tail of every of their conversations, for some reason, it caught him off guard this time. “I—I love you too, Bae Joohyun.”

Another smile blossomed on her face in response to the cute, flustered response from her boyfriend as she waved at the screen before hanging up the call. A few minutes later, after Irene had touched up her makeup, went through the mental checklist of topics she wanted to discuss in her mind, and propped her phone to stand on its own on the table, she took her place in front of the white wall.

“Hi Reveluvs, it’s nice to see you again! I hope you’re all staying warm and being healthy since it’s been chilly recently. Yesterday morning, when you saw the news about me, you must have been shocked, right?” Irene paused for a bit, shifting a bit before promptly continuing. “I feel really sorry and guilty for making all my precious fans feel disappointed, shocked, hurt … I know I still have a lot to work on and am still diligently working hard to show you all a better side of me every day. All this time, I’ve been looking for a suitable time to tell everyone but was always unsure of myself … I’m sorry it had to be like this that everyone found out.

“You all give me strength and are the reason why I am an idol right now. My members and my fans are some of my favorite people in the world, and just seeing everyone gives me strength. All those months ago, when I first met my boyfriend, I didn’t think much of him, honestly,” Irene subconsciously smiled, wondering what Jaeho’s response to hearing this was going to be, then realizing how it would appear, pushed on quickly, “it was just fun to be around him since he was an interesting person. However, the more time I spent with him, the more I came to realize that he was giving me something that I never realized I wanted. I … I don’t really know how to describe it, maybe something like a home, or like a comfortable person that I can just relax around? Whatever it was, I came to really enjoy spending time with him.

“As you all know, my 32nd birthday is coming up, and in all these years, I haven’t desired anything like a romantic relationship because my heart was always filled with the love of all my fans. I didn’t even _think_ about relationships because I thought they weren’t necessary as I was getting all the love I needed, but Jaeho showed me differently.” Unbeknownst to Irene, her gaze softened when she said those words, a slight smile appearing on her lips. “He was really worried when we first started dating, actually; he was always cautious and supported me fully on my career as an idol, always making sure that I put my work ahead of him. Being with him has given me a lot of strength. I’ve been finding myself with more energy recently, I’ve started to write lyrics because of all the news emotions I’ve been experiencing, and I’ve been just looking forward to every day because of all my fans, but also because of him. He voiced his concern many times regarding keeping our relationship a secret, but it was ultimately my decision to not tell everyone, so if you are angry or shocked or hurt, please don’t blame him. I know the news is still fresh and everyone still feels bad about it, but I hope everyone will eventually find it in their hearts to forgive me and be welcoming towards Jaeho; I think if you all got to know him, you would find out how wonderful of a person he is.

“I don’t know if I got my feelings across well, in truth, I’m just speaking my mind right now,” she admitted, chuckling a bit, “I was hesitant on sharing my thoughts with this situation but decided, in the end, that you all deserve the whole truth. I’m hoping that, in this time, we can talk a lot and get to know each other better; I know that right now it will be hard to accept Jaeho, but as time passes, I hope you can all see good sides of him and better sides of me. I will make sure to continue working hard for all my lovely fans—and make sure he works hard too!” Irene laughed again, briefly, before continuing, “Thank you for listening to this whole video.” She bowed, holding her upper body parallel to the ground and holding for a few seconds before bringing herself back up. “I love you all!” She smiled and waved at the camera before cutting the recording from her phone.

The same video was promptly released, but Jaeho didn’t watch it until a few hours later, while he was commuting to work. He again elected to take the taxi that day, making sure to use earphones before listening to the video, just in case. It didn’t seem like this taxi driver recognized him either because the entire ride was relatively tame; whether it was this or that he was being professional, Jaeho was thankful that he was given peace and quiet, using the time to think about the contents of the video, making sure he kept it in mind while planning the event he had decided the previous night to enact to cheer Irene up.

Being Irene’s boyfriend, he could tell how genuine she was. He could tell that her language was chosen very carefully, but that didn’t take away any from how heartfelt the video was; that was why, when he went into the comments, he was sorely disappointed—mad, even.

‘This doesn’t change the fact that you lied to us…’

‘Look, look how desperate this slut is, telling her fans lies to keep her access to sex, how sad’

‘I bet she’s laughing behind our backs, thinking she tricked us…’

‘This is hard to watch. I read that Song Jaeho was a Red Velvet fan, but how can you be a fan and force your beloved idol to do this?’

‘That Song Jaeho should just go die. Go die go die go die go die go die go die go die go die’

‘I don’t believe it. You think just a simple apology is all that it takes? How are you going to make it up to your fans?’

‘Poor Joohyun-unnie … being manipulated by Song Jaeho and now her company…’

‘This video is so fake, you can tell. Look at her pausing every so often, she’s clearly doing that to remember the script. That’s so pathetic. Even now, she has to continue lying.’

Jaeho couldn’t read them anymore. It seemed like for every twenty negative comments, there was _one_ non-negative comment. Not even necessarily a _positive_ comment, just a comment that lacked malice, such as:

‘Well at least she apologized.’

There was the occasional comment that seemed to embrace the apology, but just from a glance at the comments as well as noticing that the negative comments were the most upvoted ones, it was clear that the community was still against them—or more specifically, _him._

He had taken the previous night to talk to his lawyer friend and ultimately decided that he wasn’t going to make any such public statement; it wasn’t like he had any fans, after all. Not only could making a public statement be seen as egotistical, an ordinary person acting like a celebrity, but it might also expose his SNS accounts to the public. The last thing Jaeho needed as a better platform for fans to attack him.

His father was still clueless, as he discovered when Jaeho gave him a call the previous night. This wasn’t surprising to him in the least, so when he explained the situation to his father, preempting a panicked call at work from him asking about the situation. The funny thing was he didn’t even believe him at first and hung up, thinking it was a prank, but when Jaeho asked him to check the top trending article, he almost couldn’t believe it.

Jaeho’s dad was always extremely supportive of him; Jaeho at first had aspirations to be a scientist, which his dad supported, and when Jaeho discovered in college that science was beyond him and moved to economics, Jaeho’s father supported his decision to do that too. When Jaeho informed his dad that he was going to start doing some modeling for a jeans company as a side-job, his father started buying those jeans, and when he recently informed him that he was let go by them, he gave them away to charity and stopped buying from that company, claiming, “A company that doesn’t know my son’s value doesn’t deserve my patronage.” So when he discovered that Jaeho was in fact dating a celebrity, it wasn’t the fact that his son was dating someone as beautiful as Irene (although he did comment on that) that shocked him, it was that he was able to get in touch with her frequently enough to cause her to fall in love. To be honest, Jaeho himself didn’t understand how it happened; according to Irene (even though she didn’t ‘think much of him’, which Jaeho interpreted as her not seeing him as a man at first), her first impression of him was strong enough that when they happened to meet each other again, Irene invited him over to her private apartment and they started meeting weekly from then.

Jaeho was then warned that he should be careful in public and to make sure to take care of himself and his girlfriend. Jaeho in turn gave his father some advice, to avoid reading the comments of the articles for a while. He didn’t really understand but trusted his son enough to oblige without much hesitation. What Jaeho found amusing was that his father promised to start listening to Red Velvet’s songs and buying their albums, the prospect of an elderly man listening to such lively music putting a smile on Jaeho’s face. After a bit more conversation, the call ended amicably.

While Jaeho and his father was dealing with dealing with comments, Irene was fighting her own battles. It wasn’t a battle with any particular people, so to speak, but with herself.

Later that afternoon, Irene elected to go back to the apartment instead of doing any dancing or singing practice, already exhausted from the day’s albeit limited activities. The entire day, she didn’t have any availability to check the feedback to her video and couldn’t help herself but read the comments to the post, daring to have high hopes for her fans.

She knew they wouldn’t turn this quickly—she didn’t just surmise it, she _knew_ it, and yet, her fingers still moved to unlock her phone, open the Instagram app, and open the comment section. The top idol _knew_ that there was no way it would be filled with positivity, but some part of her mind argued that if it were to happen, then how great would it be to see?

It was a losing battle with hope; deep down, Irene understood this. Still, somehow, when she scrolled through the comments, her heart sank once again in disappointment.

It had only gotten worse; while Irene noticed a few positive, uplifting comments and other neutral comments accepting her apology, the negative comments have gotten harsher. Comments attacking not only her, but her members—accusing them of also secretly dating, being the reason why they were also silent, her family—condemning her parents for raising her poorly and calling her younger sister dirty names. Many commented about boycotting Irene and Red Velvet and destroying their Red Velvet merchandise, others called for her to step down as the leader while others called for her to be removed from the group itself … when she turned to the comments on the news articles about her apology video, there was actual evidence of these threats: ripped posters, shattered CDs, destroyed photocards, vandalized pictures … the consequences of her actions was there for all the world to see. Some people even went so far as to include clips of shows she’s been on, some from even before she met Jaeho, pointing out certain reactions to questions relating to dating and her ‘ideal type’. There were even clips of Red Velvet’s performances focused on her that were supposedly ‘pieces of evidence that proves that she’s gotten lazier since she started dating’, although again, some of the clips were from before she ever knew Jaeho.

When Seulgi entered the room, Irene was a mess. She could barely see her phone screen as her vision was impaired by tears, of which were dripping down her face and not only ruining her makeup but also her blanket, her hands were shaking, her breath was ragged, a squeezing sensation in her chest. “Seulgi…”

“Joohyun, you’re reading comments again?” Irene immediately gripped Seulgi as she joined her on the bed, engulfing her in a hug. Seulgi reciprocated immediately, letting her tears stain her shirt.

“I don’t know what to do—” a hiccup interrupted her mid-sentence—“Why do they have to attack my family or Jaeho? It wasn’t their fault, why can’t they just attack me?”

“It’ll blow over eventually, they’re just shocked and frustrated right now. In the meantime, we should tell the company and get them to take action,” she suggested.

Irene took a few seconds to calm down, carefully wiping her tears with the back of her hand. “Maybe the fans were right, maybe I’m not fit to be the leader for Red Velvet.”

Seulgi looked at the older woman in confusion. “What makes you say that?”

Irene let out a bittersweet chuckle. “Look at me, I’m such a mess. You, on the other hand, calmly assessed the situation and immediately came up with an idea of what to do.”

“No, I’m still too immature to be the leader. No one else, of our members or in the world, is more suited to be the leader of Red Velvet than you,” she insisted, “It’s OK to rely on your members sometimes, we’re here for you. Don’t listen to all those people in the comments; besides, none of us could stand the pressure,” Seulgi claimed, laughing a bit at the tail end.

That was enough for Irene to start calming herself down. Being in the messy state she was and being that it was the middle of the day, Irene elected not to use this time to contact Jaeho and instead took a short nap before her next schedule. It wasn’t until the following day, two days after the fateful news broke out, that they finally were able to talk properly in a video call.

“Jaeho!”

“Whoa—hi, Joohyun,” Jaeho said, slightly taken aback at the energy Irene exuded in the simple action of calling out his name. “I’ve missed you too, even though we had a video call the other day.”

“That didn’t really count,” she pouted, “Now I actually have enough time to talk to you properly. Have you eaten yet? How’s work?”

Jaeho laughed. “Yes mom, work’s going fine,” he answered. There was something about the way Jaeho replied that caught Irene’s attention—an affliction of his voice, the tiniest of pauses between his words that normally wouldn’t have been noticed if Irene weren’t looking for them.

“Really? Nothing’s happened?”

While Jaeho and Irene were opposites in some regards—Jaeho was outgoing whereas Irene was introverted, Irene liked thinking in more abstract creative ways while Jaeho was more down-to-earth—they shared their fair share of similarities. Perhaps it was because of the way he grew up—with a father much too busy to be worrying about his personal life—but Jaeho also liked to keep his emotional problems to himself. Usually, Jaeho hated being dishonest and even untruthful (the difference between the two, to Jaeho, being that dishonesty meant telling lies whereas being untruthful meant withholding the complete truth), this was one exception he held to his rule: everyone had their own personal problems, so it didn’t behoove him to bother others with his and vice versa.

When it came to his girlfriend, after the experiences he’s had with his exes, he now knew different. After his previous ex, he determined that whereas sharing personal issues with others was his exception to his rule of never being untruthful, his girlfriend would be his exception to his rule of not sharing personal problems. “Well, there were a few things. I can occasionally hear coworkers gossiping about how I’m bad for my company and how they should remove me for the sake of my company’s image, but I’m trying to tune them out. I haven’t heard anything else from my company though, and my boss only told me to make sure I’m not distracted from work after congratulating me.”

The smile faded from Irene’s face. “I’m sorry … I didn’t want you to ever have to experience this kind of thing, but—”

“Hey, it’s alright,” he interjected, “I mean, you go through this every day, don’t you? If this is a fair relationship, then it shouldn’t only be you that works hard. In fact, you probably have it worse, don’t you?”

“It has been tough,” she admitted, “but now that I can see your face and talk to you, it reminds me that it’s all worth it.”

Jaeho laughed. “Ah, is that so? You’re so cheesy, you know that?”

Irene smiled in kind. “Well, it’s your fault in the first place that I’m like this. You should’ve seen yourself before you lost your memories, you were much cheesier than me.”

“You say that all the time, but I somehow can’t find myself believing that sentiment,” Jaeho retorted.

“I love that part of you, that part that’s genuine and open about your feelings,” she said. Jaeho, unable to answer, just sat on his bed, trying to prevent his face from becoming much redder. “Do you go out in public much?”

“I’ve stopped taking the subway recently and sometimes go out to get my lunch.”

Irene nodded. “Are you OK? Have you run into any trouble?”

There was a difference from withholding personal problems for selfish reasons, but was it worth it if it could potentially do Irene harm? Then again, Jaeho figured, the truth would probably get out eventually, so might as well tell the truth. “Yeah,” he admitted, Irene instantly sitting up straighter, “While I was waiting in line for my lunch the other day, someone cursed me out. Eventually, he asked to leave by the restaurant staff, and they also asked me to find food somewhere else as they didn’t want my presence to disturb the customers now that they were all aware who I was. I just obliged because I didn’t want to deal with that kind of stuff, but it felt a little frustrating and unfair.” Jaeho could see Irene’s deep frown from the other side of the screen, feeling a bit justified in his reaction to the situation. “But on the other hand, making a scene would be worse because the public is against us, so I just figured that I’ll just have to endure it for now.”

“Did you see SM’s announcement to pursue legal action against malicious commenters?” Irene inquired. Jaeho nodded in response, and Irene continued, “I told them that they should also go after people commenting about you, but truthfully, I don’t know if they’ll be as vigilant about those comments.”

“That’s nice,” he replied, although something about the reply seemed a bit distant to Irene.

“What’s wrong?”

Jaeho shook his head. “It’s terrible that even your family is getting targeted, huh? My dad doesn’t bother with social media so it doesn’t affect him at all, but I imagine your parents probably pay at least a little attention to it, not to mention your younger sister.”

Irene nodded. “Hopefully my post earlier today did something to curb that behavior,” she commented.

The idol had posted a text picture on her Instagram early that day, asking people not to talk about her family and if it helped, target her instead. It was the one post from Irene that Jaeho didn’t ‘heart’; he agreed that it was unfair to target Irene’s family, but at the same time, he didn’t like the thought of those people turning their hate against Irene.

“How are they? Your family? Are they holding up well?”

Irene nodded. “I called them yesterday and they expressed their desire to meet you after I told them about you,” she said, a smile forming on her face in reaction to Jaeho’s sudden panicked expression.

“Oh, really?” he said in a quickened tone, “Um, sure, I’d like that.”

“Are you sure?” she replied, laughing, “You don’t _sound_ like it, you sound sort of scared.”

“Well…” After a bit of hesitation, Jaeho conceded. “I mean, yeah, a little bit, but there isn’t a single boyfriend who isn’t at least slightly afraid of his girlfriend’s parents, at least at first.”

“It’s OK, they already love you,” Irene reassured him, “I actually think my mother is in love with you, so I’m a little scared to introduce you two because I don’t want you to leave me for her.”

Jaeho full-out laughed at that, something he hadn’t done in what felt like a long time. “I don’t think you need to worry about that,” he replied. “Speaking of, when I told my dad about you, he also expressed interest in meeting you. What do you think about that?”

Irene nodded excitedly. She would be lying if the thought of meeting Jaeho’s father—the man who raised the man whom she loved so much, the father whom Jaeho spoke so highly of—didn’t make Irene at least slightly anxious, but the thought also simultaneously excited her somehow: she was worried about the perception the man closest to the love of her life would gain of her if she messed up somehow, but was also eager to get closer to Jaeho. “Yeah, we should! Maybe we can get our parents to meet up at the same time and meet that way.”

“Yeah, sounds like a plan. That’ll be in the future though, are you free to meet up in person soon?” When Irene didn’t respond for a while, Jaeho immediately took that as a bad thing: he was hesitant to bring this up, but knowing what timeline he had to work with was essential in working on his plan to make Irene feel better. Plus, he just missed her and wanted to be there in person to comfort her; the only hesitation he had was considering how busy Irene must be, and whether or not it was tactless to suggest something so potentially dangerous when the two were compromised.

In reality, the reason for Irene’s pause was the complete opposite. It was always her who was setting up the dates, something that she realized was probably a result of her establishing herself as the one with that responsibility since Jaeho lost his memories, yet secretly wished Jaeho would take the reins from her. She didn’t mind asking Jaeho about his availability and setting up their dates, but it was just something she longed for; the Jaeho of the past started taking the reins from her, and she found his assertiveness attractive—sexy, even. She was starting to think that maybe this Jaeho wasn’t as invested into their relationship as the past Jaeho, but hearing that question reassured her. “I wish I could say this weekend, but I doubt that’ll be possible. For now, I’ll tentatively say two weeks from now and I’ll update you, OK?”

“Sounds good,” Jaeho said, relieved from seeing Irene’s reaction that the pause wasn’t what he had feared. “Once everything settles, we can finally have more dates in public, right?” Irene was beyond thrilled that Jaeho suggested this, and it clearly showed on her face. This was something she had always been dreaming of, and to learn that Jaeho was also thinking this despite his mental reset reassured her. “Like going to the movies, or visiting cafes, or doing escape rooms, or having a picnic at Han River, or visiting Namsan Tower, or watching the sunset together.”

“Wow, you really thought this through, huh?” Irene said, as if she hadn’t done the exact same thing.

“Yeah, of course!” he admitted shamelessly, “It’s a reasonable thing to wish for, right?”

“Mhm,” she nodded, “I wonder when we’ll be able to do that … maybe, one day, we can even post our dates on Instagram. Oh, speaking of, they haven’t discovered your Instagram or any of your SNS accounts yet, have they?”

“No; do you think they will?” Jaeho sincerely doubted that would ever happen; he considered unfollowing Irene just to be sure, but when he realized the millions of accounts that would have to be combed through to find him, he elected not to.

“I’m not sure, but I really hope they don’t,” she replied, “I’m not sure if I should follow you once things settle down because I’m scared you’ll get negative comments, so right now, I’m deciding to stick to what I’ve been doing.”

This, Jaeho was confused by. Obviously, he’s had zero interaction with the celebrity on any social media platform to be safe—if one excluded the string of Instagram posts Irene apparently used to covertly communicate with him, something that the fans managed to figure out after the dating news broke out. Jaeho himself didn’t know how he would have possibly decoded those posts as a secret message to himself, or have the balls to act on it, but he was certainly glad that he did. “What do you mean?”

“Well, I memorized your Instagram handle and check on it regularly,” she casually stated.

“How do you know my Instagram handle?” Jaeho, to his knowledge, never offered it to her—unless it was the Jaeho from before his sudden memory loss.

“Well, you sort of gave it to me before you lost your memory.” Irene refused to disclose the amount of her free time spent searching for his comment in her post about the water CF joke out of sheer embarrassment. A little, harmless white lie wouldn’t hurt, she thought.

“Ah, OK,” he said, none the wiser.

“Do you think you’ll ever make your account private? For example, in case they find your Instagram account?”

Jaeho sighed, pondering for a moment. “I think … wouldn’t it be best not to? Especially since you’ve dedicated yourself to our relationship and to your fans, I think it would be best if I could also talk to your fans if they find me.” Truthfully, it was a scary idea; not only has he heard horror stories of idols receiving death threats, he experienced it in the past as well and figured this time would be no different. The capability of these fans to enact those death threats was another issue, but the threat, no matter how improbable, was still terrifying. But no matter how scary he found it, he didn’t want to appear closed off and distant from Irene’s beloved fans; he wanted to have an open image of himself, much like the image Irene was promoting despite the community backlash. If things were to improve, he preferred it to be partially due to his efforts despite turmoil than something that eventually just blows over.

“Are you sure?” Irene, on the other hand, was worried. She expressed some hesitation with her fans finding Jaeho’s account, but in truth, she was all but certain that they would. Irene saw all the negativity that Jaeho was receiving already and shuddered to think what they would do if they got ahold of his private Instagram account. Mass reports, floods of comments, filling his inbox … she’s seen all of these happen and didn’t wish for Jaeho to experience such things.

“If I’m going to be honest, I already have a _little_ bit of experience with fans,” he revealed, “There were some fans that found my account after I did a collaboration with an ulzzang that was apparently slightly Instagram famous for one of my modeling photoshoots, and a few of them said some mean things to me, but we worked it out eventually.”

“Ooh, that’s impressive,” Irene said, genuinely impressed. “I didn’t know my boyfriend was that famous.”

“Says a member of the most popular girl group in all of Korea,” Jaeho noted, chuckling. “I’ve never been recognized on the streets for my modeling before, although it might be because of all the makeup they put on me.”

Irene perked up at that. “Ooh, now that you say that, I really want to see some of your modeling work.”

“No way!” Jaeho said, laughing as Irene did so simultaneously.

“Whyy?” she whined.

“It’s embarrassing, I look too different.”

“That just makes me want to see it more! I’ll tell my members and they’ll peer pressure you into showing me—showing us.”

“Are you really advocating for peer pressure right now?”

The conversation, as always, was cut short by their need to sleep. As the two drifted off into dreamland, something neither of them expected happened: something that they had even talked about in that very conversation.


	9. Cool Hot Sweet Love

**Warning: foul language, depiction of graphic violence. The scene ends with ‘All of the sudden’ and starts from ‘ “You fucking—” ’.**

When Jaeho saw the cute ‘good morning’ text Irene sent him, he smiled.

That, in addition to their video call last night, gave the stressed-out man relief; it’s only been a few days, but he already felt like his sense of what a normal day was starting to slip. It almost terrified him, thinking about how stressed he’s been lately, the thought of another day filled with constant worry and concern daunting. For now, in the brief hours of the morning, he could at least feel some comfort in this brief return to normalcy.

As usual, he replied to Irene before sitting in his bed for a few minutes, as he usually did, before being pulled out by his ‘get out of bed’ alarm. As usual, he made breakfast and ate it while browsing the news sites for interesting news, and the normal none-too-interesting news populated the news feeds. As usual, Jaeho ended up reading up on some news about business and stay up to date on the companies for which he owned stocks in. As usual, since Jaeho had leftovers from dinner the day prior, he grabbed the leftovers and put it in his lunch box before heading out to work.

Jaeho took the taxi to work, something that was starting to become a routine. However, he was soon brought to the harsh reality of the situation when the taxi driver visibly reacted to him as he entered the vehicle and greeted him.

“Where to?” the response was curt and cold, and that was all the confirmation Jaeho needed to understand that he was not liked by this person. He appreciated the professionalism, however, and gave him his company’s address.

The taxi ride was silent with a cold tension hanging in the air, the taxi driver glancing at Jaeho in the rearview mirror occasionally as Jaeho pointedly kept his attention on his phone.

When he entered his workplace, people turned their heads and started talking amongst themselves. However, maybe he was just imagining things, but it seemed worse than usual; normally, if he saw 50 people on the way to his cubicle, about 15 of them would notice him. This time, it seemed like that number doubled; seeing as there was no explanation for why this would occur, Jaeho just chalked the observation up as being paranoid and ignored them as best as he could.

This time around, it was almost impossible though.

Usually, if Jaeho was near someone, that person would stop talking about him. However, when he noticed a pair of friends that were in the elevator with him eyeing him and whispering amongst themselves, he started to worry. Did something happen recently? But he read the news. True, he didn’t check the forums, but usually the news covered anything big—or small, for that matter.

As soon as Jaeho sat down in his cubicle, he checked the news again and verified that no new news came out. Unsure of what to make of it, he decided that perhaps this was just a coincidence and moved away from that train of thought.

It wasn’t until lunch time that he finally figured out what was happening, all stemming from one simple yet massively important notification from Instagram.

‘renebaebae started following you.’

“What the—?” before even pulling out his lunch in the break room, he confirmed that it was indeed Irene’s official Instagram account that had started following him. Was it an accident?

However, the next thing he noticed more or less answered this question: his posts were suddenly flooded with comments.

As he went to check the comments out, he received a text from the celebrity he received the notification from:

‘Are you OK? I can request for help with moderating your comments. Are you sure you don’t want to make your account private?’

The pieces of the puzzle were quickly fitting themselves together, the picture slowing revealing itself before his eyes: the public has discovered his Instagram account, somehow. All it took was one glance at the news to verify this, which in turn answered the question regarding the increased attention he noticed he received earlier this morning: the top trending article was about how his Instagram account was discovered.

The account wasn’t linked in the article (which he appreciated), but it seemed to act more like a warning, with a statement from SM reaffirming that they would take action against malicious commenters even on his posts. However, from the sheer number of comments and a skim-through of what was written in SM’s statement, Jaeho understood that the kind of action they were taking for his sake had less priority than for Irene’s sake. It made sense, too; Irene is _SM’s_ employee, and Jaeho just happened to be dating her. The only reason why SM was willing to act on Jaeho’s behalf was because they understood it would affect their employee’s ability to work for them.

‘I think I’ll be fine, I’ll talk to my lawyer later today. No matter what happens, I don’t want to become closed off and make you look worse. You’re already fighting so hard for our relationship, it’s only fair that I do my fair share too.’

After sending that text to Irene, he fiddled around with his Instagram account settings, turning off notifications and DMs, making a note to himself to contact his lawyer after work that day, before finishing his lunch. As he got up to leave the break room after cleaning up, his boss approached him.

“Jaeho, could you come into my office for a quick second?”

“Sure.”

After they situated themselves in the room, his boss continued. “I’m sure you’ve seen the news, or at least been affected by it. How are you holding up?”

“I’m … I’m fine,” he replied. Jaeho wasn’t going to lie, talking about more private matters seemed strange to him. He understood why he would; if it was discovered that he worked for their company, it would look bad for them and their stock would probably take a dip. Still, never in all his experience in the workplace—both in his salesman job and his modeling job—did he _ever_ talk about such topics such as his public perception or social media with a boss, employer, or manager.

“I know some people can be really scathing with their comments; did you make your account private yet?”

“Well…” Jaeho trailed off, debating internally how much of his private life he wanted to reveal. Deciding that his reason for keeping his account public wasn’t a big deal since it was probably going to come out eventually, he continued, “In this day and age, open communication is expected between idols and their fans, even if it’s stuff they don’t want to hear. Jooh—Irene announced that she wanted to be open with her fans, so I thought it was best for me to follow in her footsteps. It would look bad on her if her boyfriend did the exact opposite of being open and made his account private, refusing to communicate with the fans, right?”

His boss pondered the response for nodding. “OK, I see where you’re coming from. I know SM made their own statement already about malicious commenters, but since you’re _our_ employee, I wanted to make sure we’re also taking care of you. Do you plan on making a public statement now that this has happened?” Jaeho nodded, and his boss continued. “Will you need help finding a lawyer for that?”

“No, I already reached out to someone.”

“I see. Well, that’s it from me, take care alright?”

“Yes sir,” Jaeho responded, getting out of the chair.

“Keep up the good work, and stay out of trouble, alright?”

“Yes sir,” he repeated. It was a simple request—one Jaeho had every intention of obeying, not only for his company’s sake, but for his own and especially for Irene’s—but it proved to be harder than simply stating his intention to oblige.

Admittedly, Jaeho was a little worried from the start; he debated whether or not to just have groceries delivered to his door, but he had already run out of food and didn’t want to deal with the dinner rush that was happening at the time. There was always the option of delivery, but Jaheo didn’t really like resorting to it, especially since he discovered a new recipe he wanted to test and eventually make for Irene.

It didn’t take long to see that he was already being recognized inside the grocery store, no doubt because of the pictures of him via his Instagram that were surfacing on the internet. It was a weird concept to him, realizing that pictures of _him_ were floating around on the web, being looked at by total strangers. With his modeling job, he was more OK with it since it was just a job, not to mention that there was quite a bit of touchup done not only to his person via makeup, but also after the photos were taken on the computer. As such, in his mind, ‘model’ Jaeho and ‘real-life’ Jaeho were two separate human beings.

This distinction did not exist in the minds of the public, nor was there a reason to; after all, the person they knew him as wasn’t the person who was a small-time model, but an ordinary South Korean man who happened to be dating a top idol. The animosity that was held against him was made abundantly clear in the comments that he read about himself but knowing that most South Korean people were non-confrontational, the worst he feared was a few harsh words. Making this assumption ended up being a catastrophic mistake.

“You.”

Jaeho ignored it at first, despite how close the voice was. He could detect that it was filled with enmity and feared that it was intended for him but decided to be optimistic and hoped it was for someone else.

“Song Jaeho. What, are you deaf?”

The owner of the voice sounded immature, and when he turned around, he confirmed it: the owner of the voice was a young man, perhaps a freshman in college, accompanied by two of his other male friends whom appeared around the same age.

“Hi, is there something you wanted?” Jaeho cautiously tried the amicable approach, hoping to avoid any escalation.

It was obvious the approach wasn’t going to work when the young man scoffed. “Look at you. You’re already acting like a celebrity. Don’t let all the attention get to your brain, if there’s even anything in that thick skull of yours.”

“I’m sorry, I was just here to get some—”

“Man, no one cares,” another interjected.

“You really have the gall to be out in public right now? You must be a special kind of stupid,” the third continued.

From the corner of his eyes, Jaeho could see the three teenagers start taking aggressive stances; clenching fists, widening of legs for better balance, clenched jaws. All the signs were there, yet Jaeho found himself frozen in place. Was it fear that was overwhelming him? Wouldn’t it be natural for that fear to tell him to run?

But if he ran, only trouble would follow. Not only might he prompt the three young men to chase after him, but he would have to leave the food he already accrued in his shopping basket on the ground, which undoubtedly would look bad on Irene. The latter was admittedly a little disconnected from the current situation, and Jaeho wondered how the thought even occurred to him, but now that it has, he wasn’t willing to risk that for his girlfriend.

So, left with little other choice, he continued to attempt to deescalate. “I’m just about done, then you won’t have to see me again.”

The same man who approached him initially scoffed again. “You think that’s how it works? You think that you can just disappear like that? After you ruined Red Velvet?” His voice was growing in volume, enough to attract some other customers. However, that’s all it did; people would glance in their direction and then look away, some even taking a detour around them. However, two of them stayed around, one holding out his phone. This gave Jaeho conflicted feelings: on one hand, he would have appreciated if a bystander could interfere just so that the three young men were reminded that they were in a public space; on the other, Jaeho was thankful that no one was paying attention to them, the worst-case scenario being Irene receiving more online hate should this situation go south.

“Have you seen the comments online recently? Irene has been receiving so much hate; if you just didn’t exist, this wouldn’t be happening. Do you realize this? How selfish can you be?” another said, anger deep in his voice. “Irene is an _idol_. Do you know what that means? She isn’t a normal woman; how dare _you_ , a random retard like you, date her?”

Where Jaeho was trying to distance himself and fearing for his well-being before, anger and frustration took over. It was clear these young men—these _adolescents_ —knew little to nothing about the world. Jaeho himself made this mischaracterization when he was younger, and maybe even up until that one morning he discovered Irene knew him: idols were just human beings. As talented, as beautiful, as well-known as they were, in the end, they were all human beings, and they deserved to be treated as such. Plain and simple.

However, despite knowing this, Jaeho long held this insecurity about himself; maybe it was because of the underlying feeling that he cheated to get to where he was now, or maybe he felt this way even before that amnesiac morning happened, but he always felt that Irene still deserved better. It wasn’t something he thought of often but was a deeply rooted understanding of himself that he recognized but tried to shove aside upon Irene’s insistence. Now that these infantile adults resurfaced these feelings, he was furious. Jaeho, out of all the ‘well-known’ people (if he could even call himself that), was more of an ordinary person than any other well-known person. Why shouldn’t he be treated as such?

“What? Did you have dreams of dating her?” the words slipped out in frustration before Jaeho could catch himself. However, once he started, he found it hard to stop, despite knowing the damage it could cause to Irene’s reputation, despite knowing that his words could potentially escalate the situation further. Jaeho wasn’t one to just turn the other cheek after getting slapped, unlike most Koreans; he was one to hit back. “How old are you? 21? Do you really think Joohyun would have interest in someone as immature and selfish as you?” Jaeho was well aware of the irony behind his words, but at the moment, he didn’t care. He was venting his frustrations on the trio of immature boys that pushed one too many of his buttons.

“You fucking—” a wild right hook came swinging at him, but luckily, the self-defense classes his father forced upon him in middle to high school kicked in, reacting in time to block with his forearms, dropping his basket in the meantime. “You think you’re so important just because you blackmailed Irene into dating you?!”

“At least I wouldn’t have to blackmail her,” Jaeho retorted.

A left underhanded hook, this time aimed at this stomach, was sidestepped by Jaeho just barely in time, the wind caused by the fist ruffling his shirt.

In the next instance, a blur of motion from the person to his left, a flying fist, and before Jaeho could fully process his mistake in the confrontation, when he was already on the ground.

A sudden impact, a sharp pain on his head, the air rushing past his face as his arms shot out in panic, trying to break his mini free fall. His heartrate shot up, grimacing a bit as the strain of his entire body suddenly being pushed onto his two hands, slipping on the floor, somehow maneuvering himself to land ground of the grocery store on his right shoulder.

Before he could process what had happened, a kick directly to his stomach expelled the wind from his lungs; it felt like something punctured his chest, a gaping hole forming where his stomach was. Saliva was violently ejected from his mouth in a wheezing cough, bits of blood hidden amongst the body fluid that now splattered the otherwise clean floor. Jaeho grasped at his stomach with his left hand, pain bursting from his lower chest region. He tried to scramble back onto his feet but wasn’t given the opportunity, another kick landing square on his left arm.

“Stop,” he wheezed out desperately, another spurt of pain erupting from his appendage. His mind was spinning, the light from the store suddenly seeming dizzyingly bright as he attempted to claw back against the disorientated feeling that was overwhelming him. He brought his hands to his face defensively, drawing his feet in and curling himself into a ball. It felt pathetic and cowardly, especially given what he was just saying. But at that moment, one simple thought filled his mind: survival.

Another kicked landed on him, this time on his back. Jaeho grimaced again, another geyser of pain erupting from the lower left region of his body.

“Where was all your bravado and gusto? Huh?! Why are you cowering in fear like a baby? I never knew Irene’s boyfriend would be this _weak_.” At that word, a slimy, lukewarm liquid splattered against his head, something he immediately recognized both from the feeling and from the sound he made following as the teenager’s spit. “Look at you, you’re so pathetic. How could Irene have such bad taste?”

Jaeho didn’t mind the insults to himself. It wasn’t like it had _zero_ impact on him, but he generally felt like he could shrug them aside. These were strangers, after all; deranged fans with over-idealized images of their idols and no respect for anyone who opposed that opinion. But when the topic of Irene was brought up, when the stranger decided to attack _his girlfriend_ , Jaheo couldn’t stand it. Anger bubbled inside him again, removing his face from his hands to directly look at the speaker. “Look at you, ganging up on me. Aren’t you brave?”

The young man grinned, almost as if he was inviting a challenging comment like that. “You’re asking for this,” he said, motioning to the other two. Jaeho seesawed his body up but was immediately denied, his head slamming back onto the tiled floor as the other two pinned his arms onto the ground. The world spun for a brief second, his eyes shut tightly as pain erupted from the back of his head like a long nail being drilled into his skull.

“Fuck,” he groaned, the grip on his arms tightening, as if the pair were trying to squeeze the blood out of his arms. Before his vision returned, he felt the weight of the third on his stomach. “You’re—”

Jaeho was interrupted by another impact to his left cheek, the weight of the teenager on his stomach preventing him from being able to draw much breath. Another blow followed in quick succession, his head violently jerking to the right as the stranger’s fist connected with the right side of his face. Disoriented from the sudden motion, breathless from the kick earlier, difficulty breathing from the weight on his mid-chest area increasing, pain shooting from everywhere on his face, a primal instinct triggered inside Jaeho. Fear gripped his very being like a desperate animal onto a piece of driftwood during a tsunami: was he going to die here? “Let’s see—” another blow to his left cheek, saliva bursting from Jaeho’s mouth in reaction—“how much—” another blow to his right ear, temporarily muffling all noise— “your _girlfriend_ —”another blow to the left side of his forehead— “will love you—” another blow to his right cheek, and another burst of saliva and blood ejecting onto the otherwise clear floor— “after this—” another blow landing close to his left eye— “you _fucking_ —” another blow close to his right ear— “ _degenerate_ —” another blow almost directly on top of his left eye— “ _selfish_ —” another blow—

All of the sudden, the weight vanished and the pressure on his arms stopped. His auditory senses compromised, his eyes swollen shut, every part of his head bursting with a sharp, needle-like pain, stinging pain shooting from his stomach and left arm, a migraine erasing all thoughts. Jaeho, with his eyes closed, took a few breaths, mentally preparing himself for the next blow, but it never came. Instead, it was a firm voice.

“—llo? Sir?”

Though it pained him, Jaeho opened his eyes. Immediately, the bright luminescent light of the store overwhelmed him, intensifying his migraine temporarily as he moved to cover his eyes with his left arm, barely registering that it got wet with some kind of liquid substance—probably his—another burst of pain erupting from the place he got kicked earlier.

“Sir? Can you hear me?”

When Jeaho’s vision acclimated to his surroundings, he saw that the trio was nowhere to be seen, a man wearing what appeared to be the store’s employee outfit bending over and reaching out a hand.

“Yeah,” he grunted, leaning on his right hand to prop himself up into a seated position. From the corner of his eye, he could see the same two men, along with a couple more bystanders, forming a small crowd around him. His heart sank—what has he just done? Did he just spell the end of Irene’s career? Was this the end of their relationship? Now that his memory of what had just transpired flooded back to him, including the harsh words he used in the heat of the moment, a pit formed in his stomach, as if that area wasn’t hurting already. Another wave of pain struck his head, causing Jaeho to grimace and hold his head in his hands. “Thanks for—”

“I’m sorry sir, but you’re causing a disruption to our store and our customers, so we’re going to have to ask you to leave.”

The tone of the request was polite and practiced, but when Jaeho opened his eyes and looked at the person talking, he could see a hidden hostility in the man’s eyes and posture.

He was furious; he clearly was the one being attacked, being ganged up on. He was the _victim_ , and he was making a scene? What, for existing? Should he just not exist?

His vision was clouded in red for more reasons than one, but knowing that a small crowd was already formed around them and not wanting to make a further scene to further tarnish the reputation of the idol who was already in trouble in the eyes of the public, he obliged. “Sorry,” he replied in barely a whisper, getting up. As he did so, a shot of pain from his stomach caused him to hunch over, wincing in pain. He took a step to stabilize himself, his hands covering his lower abdominal area until the pain dulled. “Sorry about the mess I made,” he continued, straightening his back, his right hand gripping the bruise that formed on his left arm as he slowly made his way past the crowd, noticing that the person who had his phone held up only putting it down as he neared him. Keeping his head down, he slowly half-limped, half-staggered back to his apartment, a usually 5-minute walk being stretched out double that time. Never before in his life was a simple walk so painful; every step was difficult, oxygen struggling to find its way to his chest, the pain from his wounds causing him to grimace, the taste of blood in the back of his mouth. From his albeit limited peripheral vision, he could see that others were offput by him, and even saw several people start to approach him but stop.

It was only when he closed the door in his apartment that he felt he could finally breathe again—the pain in his chest had not subsided yet, but even still, it felt like a tension was suddenly released, like he was submerged underwater and given the first breath of fresh air in minutes. Despite the pain he was feeling all around his body—of which mostly dulled out by now—the comfort he felt when returning home and collapsing on his couch was amplified tenfold after the scuffle in the grocery store just now.

Before, he was always hesitant to order groceries online, but now it was apparent that he had no other choice. Maybe this was the only time something like this would happen, but he wasn’t about to risk it again.

At the moment, though, Jaeho didn’t feel like doing anything else. He slumped back on the soft leathery material of his couch, his head resting on the top part of the furniture’s headrest, his arms limp at his sides, his legs splayed out in front of him. Jaeho knew that going to the hospital was probably the best course of action, but at that point, he was just worn out and wanted to do nothing. His stomach was grumbling, informing him of his desire to eat, but he couldn’t bring himself to pick himself up. The only thing he had left was instant ramen, something he tried avoid eating but knew that he had no other choice for the day.

Seeing as that was the case, he wasn’t in a particular hurry to make his dinner. Should he avoid eating out as well? Then again, he was in no shape to go to work. He had to make sure to tell his boss … but for now, rest was the only thing on his mind.

Jaeho wasn’t even aware that he had fallen asleep until he was jarred awake by the unique ringtone he had set for Irene—‘Monster’, the song sung by the Red Velvet subunit Irene&Seulgi. Not thinking, he picked his phone out of his pocket and immediately answered.

“Jaeho—OH MY GOD!”

Irene’s scream tore through the speakers of his phone, her face contorting in horror, shock, and concern as her face blinked into existence on the screen of his phone.

“Oh—” Jaeho, realizing that he had his camera turned on, hastily moved to turn it off.

“Jaeho, I’m so sorry—” Irene’s voice was already shaking, muffled by her hand that was covering her mouth, a stream of clear liquid running down her cheeks. “I’m so sorry, I couldn’t—I couldn’t help you, it’s all my fault, I didn’t think—”

“Joohyun, wait,” Jaeho said, giving his best attempt at a calm and gentle voice, “What are you talking about?”

“The—The video,” she said in between sniffles, pausing briefly, “The video, in the store, of you getting—” she cut herself off, a sob interrupting her. “I’m—I’m sorry,” she wailed, her sobbing tearing Jaeho’s heart to shreds, “I should’ve—”

“Hey, it’s not your fault,” Jaeho interrupted her, understanding the situation. He glanced at the clock in the upper right portion of his phone to realize that he’s been asleep for two hours already: plenty of time for a video like that to go viral and make the news. “I couldn’t control my emotions and egged him—egged them on. If I just didn’t say anything, I probably would’ve been able to avoid that. Don’t blame yourself.”

“N-No, but—” she wiped the tears from her face, looking back at the screen, “—but you were trying to be strong, for me, right?” The older woman sniffled again, taking a few seconds to breathe before continuing, “B-Because of what I said, and—and I thought—I-I don’t know, maybe you were trying to stand up for me because of the stupid idea I put in your head through my words, but—” this time, Irene just suddenly stopped, shaking her head and covering her mouth again. “I’m so sorry…”

“Hey, Joohyun,” Jaeho repeated, hesitantly turning on his camera again. He knew that how he looked must be startling to her, but Jaeho wanted Irene to see his sincerity through his eyes. “There is nothing you need to apologize for. It was my decision to do what I did. You were my motivation, but that has never, _never_ , been a bad thing. If standing up for you and myself meant getting beat up, I would do it again and again, as much as it takes. I have to work hard in this relationship too, and if you’re taking most of the negativity online, I’ll take the negativity in person. You know, it’s a pride of a man to be able to protect his beloved, right?”

Irene frowned, finally removing her hands from her face. A brief silence followed before Irene spoke up again. “Why are you trying to sound so cool right now? Shouldn’t you be at the hospital?”

Jaeho grinned, promptly wincing at the pain that followed. “Maybe. I haven’t eaten yet though, so—”

“I’m calling you an ambulance right now. And you aren’t arguing. I’ll bring you dinner when you get there. OK?” Irene’s words were strict and demanding, but he could tell it was from a caring place in her heart. Jaeho couldn’t help but smile, as much as it hurt to do so; Irene was never this cross with him and seeing her being so warm and caring behind a cold and stern demeanor was honestly extremely endearing.

“How about this; I’ll call the ambulance and I’ll tell you where you can find me, and then you can bring my dinner to me when I’m ready?”

Irene nodded, a pout still resting on her face. “If you let this happen to yourself again, _I’ll_ be the one who sends you to the hospital. Got it?”

Jaeho laughed, ignoring the pain rippling through his cheekbones. “Alright, I won’t do it again, mom.”

This put a smile on Irene’s face. “Good boy. I’ll make sure SM pays for anything that needs to be paid for. Speaking of which, do you need a lawyer? SM is already working with the police to investigate the people who did that, but do you want help with making a public statement or anything?”

He shook his head. “I already have a lawyer. I explained everything to him already and I’m close with him, so it’ll be much easier to work with him than anyone else. Thanks for the offer though.”

Irene frowned. “Are you sure? Won’t it cost a lot?”

Jaeho shrugged. “I can’t have you pay _everything_ for me. I have a pride as a man, after all.”

“Humph,” Irene replied indignantly, “Why do you have to have that? You should just let your _noona_ take care of you. But never mind that, you have to call an ambulance; we’ll talk soon, OK?”

After exchanging goodbyes, Jaeho obeyed Irene’s request and called for an ambulance. While waiting, he noticed that he had received two emails: one from his boss and one from his lawyer friend.

The one from his boss simply stated his condolences for what happened to him and informed him to not come in for work for a week, a potential extension for which to be discussed later. Jaeho replied with a thanks before moving onto the next email: in it, the lawyer offered the same advice of making his account private but figured that there was a reason and didn’t press the issue. Keeping that in mind, he offered to help Jaeho make a public statement and advice on dealing with malicious commenters; Jaeho decided to save his reply for the next day, as the ambulance alerted him that they arrived.

After the comfortable ride to the hospital and being escorted to his own private room, apparently courtesy of SM who had already made arrangements, they performed a few x-rays followed by some other treatment. When they had finished, before Jaeho could even move to tell Irene that he was ready, the idol entered the room.

“Oh my gosh, it’s Irene,” one of the nurses who was taking care of him whispered to another as they exited the room. “Is she here to take care of her boyfriend?”

“Of course, why else?” It was a nice change of pace; Jaeho was so used to hostile reactions from strangers that it frankly shocked him to see the two nurses reacting so giddily, as if they were watching a K-Drama.

“That’s so cute! I wonder—” her voice drowned out as they exited the room, Irene approaching his bed.

“Hey,” Jaeho tried for a cheeky grin. He was promptly met with a slap on his right shoulder.

“Yah, you—you had me worried _sick_. Don’t you ever— _don’t you ever_ —do that again, OK?” As strict and demanding as her voice was, her facial expression spoke another story: her eyes sparkling like diamonds in the bright hospital lights, her voice cracking, her fists clenched, her breath erratic, and her arms shaking.

Jaeho nodded. “Yeah, sorry, I didn’t mean to give you so much trouble,” he replied listlessly, his playful demeanor vanishing.

Irene took a few more seconds to calm herself down, wiping her tears using the back of her hand, pulling up a chair and situating herself next to the bed he was laying on. “Never mind that, it’s already this late and you haven’t eaten yet?” Irene reached into the bag she was carrying and brought out a fancy box with a decorated, cloth exterior. Inside the box was a simple meal of Bibimbap, a spoon attached to the underside of the insulated lid. She carefully unfastened the spoon and dug into the steaming meal. She gently blew on it a few times before offering him the spoonful of rice with bits of carrot and a small chunk of beef, “Here, aah~”

“I can feed myself, you know,” Jaeho insisted. While he said that, he would be lying if his heartrate shot up in excitement, and especially if he claimed that he never dreamed of such a scenario—in which Irene was taking care of him when he was unwell.

“No you can’t,” she said, or rather, stated on his behalf, prodding his lips gently with the utensil. “Open up,” she insisted, this time meeting an obliging Jaeho. As he swallowed the food, he realized that there was an upside to this whole situation after all.

There was minimal talking while Irene continued to feed him dinner, a serene atmosphere settling into the quaint room. Irene sat peacefully on the chair next to the bed, slowly spoon-feeding his meal to him. There wasn’t much conversation, but the silence was a peaceful, comfortable silence, the couple simply enjoying the company of the other.

“This wasn’t how I imagined I would finally get to see you again since this started,” Irene commented after a few spoonfuls of bibimbap, breaking the silence.

“Yeah, me too,” Jaeho agreed. It was then that he realized that the plan he had been developing to cheer Irene up wasn’t going to happen, partially because he planned it to be the next time they met in person and partially because his state restricted physical activity.

“How are you feeling now?”

“Much better, now that you’re here.”

Irene playfully slapped his right arm, much lighter than usual, Jaeho chuckling in response. “Who told you this was a good time to be cheesy?”

“Ow,” Jaeho withdrew his arm, feigning pain, “Who told you that hitting a cripple like me is a good idea?”

Irene laughed. “I’ll really cripple you if you keep continue to bloviate,” she replied, presenting him another spoonful of bibimbap. However, as the giggles were still affecting Irene, she was unable to hold the spoon steadily.

“Are you trying to injure me more? What are you doing?” Jaeho complained, laughing as Irene erupted into another fit of giggles.

“Yah, it’s _your_ fault,” she answered, trying her best to stabilize her hand and failing.

“How is it _my_ —”

Jaeho was abruptly interrupted when Irene put her hand on his chin, holding him in place. It wasn’t only that her grip on his chin restricted the mobility of his mouth and limited his speaking capability, but he was again completely frozen, captivated by the gorgeous, smiling Irene, positively exuding happiness and joy, beauty and elegance. If all Irene had going for her was her warm, caring, and fun-loving personality, Jaeho imagined that he would fall in love all the same, so to think that his most desired qualities in a girl happened to exist inside the woman whom he considered the most attractive on the planet, not to mention her celebrity status and the amount of sheer talent her small body held, it was simply a miracle that Jaeho ever managed to make her fall in love with him.

“Is something wrong?” Irene asked, seeing Jaeho’s eyes glaze over.

He shook his head. “I’m just admiring you, wondering what kind of amazing person I was in my previous life to deserve you in this one.”

Irene felt her face explode in a fit of red, unable to stop herself from laughing. “A-Ah, really?” she replied, taken aback by the sudden comment. “Well, you’re stuck with me now, so there’s nothing you can do about it,” she said, preparing another spoonful of bibimbap, diverting her eyes to the insulated lunch box.

Jaeho told Irene this many times, and yet it would always catch Irene by surprise. Irene knew that Jaeho was a man with confidence, but these incidents made her question this; did he know how amazing of a man he was? Irene, being a not particularly eloquent or extroverted person, didn’t reciprocate her feelings nearly as much, and she felt guilty for it. Irene knew Jaeho used to deal with feelings of inferiority simply because she happened to be an idol and was worried that he was secretly harboring those feelings. She wanted to believe him whenever he told her that this wasn’t the case, but the feeling of guilt that maybe it was her fault that this unjust feeling remained. Jaeho was the epitome of everything she looked for in a man: fun to be around, gentle and warm-hearted, loved by and cares for her members, appreciates her career as an idol, can cook and clean along with her, shares her sense of humor … frankly, the list grew every day. Recently, the newest item of that list was his resilience in the face of serious adversary, even in the face of three people ganging up on him—something that made her appreciate him all the more, the fact that he was extremely handsome certainly aiding the feelings of love she harbored for him.

“I wouldn’t—”

Irene interrupted him by shoving another spoonful of the cooled down meal. “No more flirting, just eat.”

Jaeho smiled, causing Irene’s heart to skip another beat, acquiescing to her request. The room fell into another serene silence, the idol feeding the rest of the lunch box’s contents to him before setting the insulated container to the side. “I got you a bodyguard, by the way, so the next time you’ll need to go outside, you can just contact him. We hired him full-time, so he’ll be available whenever you call, but it doesn’t seem like you’ll need him any time soon.”

“A bodyguard?” Jaeho almost laughed at the idea. “Why would I—” He paused after realizing that it was a perfectly normal reaction to what just transpired.

“Why wouldn’t you? Do you want to get sent to the hospital again?”

Jaeho bowed his head.

There were certain things he associated with rich and famous people: luxurious cars, paparazzi, brand clothing, fine dining, the red carpet, and bodyguards. While Jaeho recognized that it made sense to have a bodyguard, it just felt strange; like, somehow, he was being self-important or egotistical, that having a bodyguard somehow meant he was demonstrating his status despite being a simple, ordinary South Korean man. Would it feel even stranger when he was out in public with a hulking, sunglass-wearing man in a neat suit and tie? It was something for him to find out in the future.

“Is he going to protect me from you?”

“Why would he need to protect you from me?” she laughed, exasperated, smacking his right arm again.

“Ow, see,” Jaeho whined, drawing his arm closer to his body, “That’s why. I think now there’s bruises on both of my arms now.”

Irene’s smile immediately vanished, a signal that Jaeho had taken his playful joking too far. “Really? I’m so—”

“No, I was joking,” he quickly replied, “it was my other arm that got bruised. You didn’t really consider me to be _that_ weak, do you?”

Irene stayed in her seat for a few seconds, sitting in silence with a frown on her face. “I’m really going to hurt you if you keep giving me heart attacks.”

Jaeho laughed, promptly grimacing in pain. “Ah,” he groaned, closing his eyes briefly, waiting for the pain to subside. Irene tenderly embraced his right hand in her soft palm, her other hand warmly cupping his face.

“Are you OK?”

Irene’s soft, gentle voice, accompanied by the smooth touch of her warm hands, had an almost magical, soothing quality to it that somehow erased the pain. “Yeah,” he replied, opening his eyes to see an Irene with eyes filled with worry. “I must look pretty ugly right now, huh?”

Irene chuckled, shaking her head. “No, you’re still really handsome, somehow.”

Seeing the sincerity in Irene’s eyes, he had no choice but to take her words at face value. It was an extremely mysterious phenomena, hearing such an attractive woman like Irene compliment _him_ on his attractiveness. To be frank, it was something Jaeho still wasn’t used to, making him further wonder if the pre-amnesia Jaeho had gotten used to it somehow.

“About that bodyguard,” Jaeho said, switching topics, “I’m off work for the next week and potentially more, so I don’t think I’ll need him any time soon. Are you paying him full-time?”

“Not me, SM,” Irene stated a bit too proudly.

“And you were the ones who convinced them?” Irene nodded. “Wow, I knew my girlfriend was talented and mature, but I didn’t know she was _this_ capable.”

Irene huffed her chest in pride. “It’s something I got used to, being the leader of Red Velvet. Sometimes I really have to push my company for changes and over the years, learned how best to ask for these kinds of things.”

“Ah, so you’re a scam artist.”

Irene smacked him again, Jaeho bursting out into laughter. “Who are you calling ‘scam artist’?”

“I mean, I’m hardly one to talk, I’m a salesman. Maybe you should work in my field, you’d fit right in,” he noted.

“Should I be taking that as a compliment or an insult?”

Their conversation lasted a few more minutes before Irene stated that she was already pushing her limits: apparently, she was originally only supposed to go there, help him with his dinner and just check up on him. Now that it was getting late, Irene bid him good night before leaving the room. However, she got stopped shortly after closing the door behind her.

“Irene?”

She turned around to see the two nurses from before, cautiously approaching her. She could tell from their body posture that they were fans, the happy-go-lucky way in which they reacted serving her major relief. Her interactions with fans recently have been less-than-ideal to say the least, but to see a pair of joyful fans, both of whom where in charge of the very topic of discussion amongst her fanbase, made her realize that there did indeed exist fans who still supported her despite everything.

“Are you busy? Do you mind giving us an autograph?”

“Of course!” Irene replied happily, receiving their notebooks and pens. The two happily squealed as she carefully signed off her name on the back of the cover of the notebooks, writing messages of encouragement and thanks. “Please take good care of Jaeho,” she said, bowing to them after handing back their notebooks.

“Oh! No, you don’t need to bow! We’re just doing out jobs, thank _you_ for taking your time to give us your autographs,” said one of the nurses, bowing in kind along with her companion.

“He—um, Jaeho really means a lot to me, and I was a little worried about him, but it looks like he’ll be in good hands. Thank you for understanding the situation,” Irene said, smiling graciously.

“Oh, um …” the other nurse started, pausing a bit before looking at the other.

“We actually think that you two look really cute together and are cheering for you!”

That day, that was already filled with crying, consisted of one more when Irene heard those sincere words of encouragement. All this time, Irene felt like the world was against her; the fans that supported her were sparse, few and far between, but she was determined, nonetheless. Having this mentality, she built up a mental wall in her mind to separate what she wanted and what she knew she had to do, steeling herself up for harsh interactions with fans. Whereas the first realization that the two didn’t seem to mind Jaeho shocked her, the second realization that they in fact _supported_ Jaeho completely broke that wall down.

“Th-Thank you so much, it—” she felt a tear streaming down her cheek and she quickly turned her head, carefully clearing the liquid from her face, “—it really means a lot to me,” she said, bowing again.

“I-If you start crying, we’re going to start crying too,” one of the nurses complained, half-laughing.

“Sorry,” Irene replied, half-laughing as well. “It’s just, it’s really rare to see such supportive fans these days, so I’m really thankful you two are the ones taking care of my boyfriend.”

The pair nodded. “Of course! You can’t be a real Red Velvet fan if you don’t support their boyfriends too, especially when they’re as cute as—” the other nurse hit the speaking nurse’s arm, who promptly stopped dead in her tracks.

Irene, however, just giggled in response. “I’m glad you support us, but no flirting with him, OK?”

“Yes, ma’am,” the two responded, bowing in kind. Irene giggled again, patting the shoulders of the two women.

“I have to get going, but thanks again for taking care of Jaeho and I hope you will continue to do so. I’ll probably see you again soon, bye!”

By the next morning, the news of Jaeho’s incident had started to die down, with the top trending article being Irene’s visit to the hospital. The comments were none the kinder, and as it turned out, the universe had more in store for the couple


	10. Rookie

By the next morning, the news of Jaeho’s scuffle with the three young men had started to die down, the top trending article being Irene’s visit to the hospital. Having nothing else to do, Jaeho scrolled down to the comments, discovering that more and more people were starting to mellow out. The majority of the comments seemed negative, but now there seemed to be at least one positive or neutral comment for every ten negative ones, which was definitely a step up from before. After a few back-and-forths between his lawyer, around midday just after his lunch, he posted a screenshot of a hand-written statement on his Instagram:

‘First of all, let me apologize for disappointing everyone. It was never my intention to inflict harm onto Red Velvet, Irene, or Reveluvs; during these past few months, I have been reflecting upon myself a lot and wondering if what I was doing was OK. In the end, I selfishly decided to continue without considering how this would hurt the fans. I was always cautious about the amount of secrecy that we had, but we ultimately both decided that we would wait until we were both ready. Evidently, that wasn’t what happened, and I’m sorry it had to be in this sudden fashion that everyone found out.

‘Following Irene’s footsteps, I have decided not to make my account private because I want to have an open communication with her fans. As a fan of Red Velvet myself, I only wish for the best for the group. Right now, if I made my account private, it would appear cowardly and self-serving, and that’s not the image I want to associate with the man who Irene of Red Velvet chose to date.

‘I have turned off DMs because my inbox would be flooded with them otherwise; I have a normal daytime job too, but if there are any questions or anything you are interested in, please ask them in the comments below. In addition, please keep the comments civil, as I have already hired a private investigator to track down malicious commenters. Thank you!’

The last statement was a white lie, as he hadn’t personally hired the investigator; however, his lawyer told him that it was OK to put the statement in the letter to the Red Velvet fandom since the effect was the same, with SM as well as the lawyer himself doing him a favor and doing investigations in his free time.

One topic Jaeho made sure to avoid was the incident that sent him to the hospital; in his eyes, focusing too much on himself and his troubles, valid as they were, would paint him as a self-centered man.

This was his intention, but as Jaeho soon found out, there was no way to appease everyone. As the comments rolled in, he noticed a conspiracy theory of sorts starting in a chain of comments, alleging that he was the one who instigated the fight before the camera even started recording anything, and that the trio’s retaliation against him was just. He noticed that there weren’t very many of these absurd comments, perhaps due to the warning in the second-to-last sentence of his statement, but there were still no shortage of hateful comments.

People calling him a coward for not doing a video-letter like Irene, people accusing him of being short-tempered for even responding to the trio’s agitating comments, people claiming that he was being jaded due to his recent gain in attention from the public, … the list grew on. Jaeho spent most of the day answering questions that appeared in the comment, regardless of if they were being hostile or not. Later that day, he noticed another news article coming out about this, commending his efforts in addressing his fans.

If that wasn’t enough to brighten his mood, one comment that appeared underneath his post caught his eye. A simple question by the one with the username ‘renebaebae’, asking:

‘Am I not allowed to DM you either?’

Jaeho nearly laughed out loud upon reading that. The replies to the comment started piling up, and not two hours after she posted the comment with Jaeho’s reply being ‘Sorry, no exceptions :<’, a short news article was released about the quick interaction.

It’s been less than a week since Jaeho started being in the eye of the public, so it still came as a surprise to him that such trivial matters were news-worthy things to write about. However, now that he considered it, he was one of the people who consumed such news; being a student of economics, he knew more than anyone that if a demand existed, companies were sure to satisfy that demand regardless of the trivialness of the product.

Irene was unable to visit him at the hospital that day, but exchanged greetings with his nurses, revealing that they had a conversation the day prior about the two. Jaeho, honestly having been blown away at the quality of service he had been receiving (not that he had any prior experience; his expectations derived from what he had seen and heard online and in dramas), earnestly thanked the nurses for supporting them.

He was released the following day, exactly one week since the dating news broke, escorted by his bodyguard back to his apartment.

“Hey, I have something a bit weird to ask you,” Jaeho said as the two men stepped into his apartment.

“Sure,” the burly man replied.

“Do you … do you mind going out and buying groceries for me?”

“Of course, just tell me what to buy,” was the prompt answer, something which frankly shocked Jaeho. He felt a little self-conscious about doing so, but after his previous experience at that grocery store near his residence, he wasn’t about to risk going there again, even if he did have a bodyguard. It felt like some kind of trauma that caused him to act this way: just the thought of going back to that place made Jaeho feel anxious, unsettled, as if something bad were about to happen to him. Even so, Jaeho still felt a little bad treating the person hired as a bodyguard to become his errand boy, but the sincere, hasty reply offput him a little.

“Oh,” Jaeho answered, furrowing his eyebrows, “Sorry for making you do this, I just don’t feel comfortable going back to that place, even if you went with me to protect me … I’m not trying to say that I doubt your abilities as a bodyguard, but it just makes me a little anxious, going back there … uh—”

“No worries, something like this is well within the bounds of the expectations for my job,” he replied with a warm smile. Hearing that, and seeing the bodyguard’s reaction, made him feel a little better.

“Thanks Kangdae,” Jaeho said, running to his bedroom to get some paper. After quickly drafting a shopping list, Jaeho handed him the list along with some cash and sent the man on his way; while he waited, Jaeho went to the lobby of his apartment building and emptied his mailbox, which he noticed was much fuller than usual.

Given what had happened to him, how public the incident was, and Jaeho not being home for the past few days, he didn’t think twice about this and headed back to his residence, his hands full with envelopes.

The first few he opened were from various law firms and media companies, reaching out to him and asking for his service and/or a public statement. He had no trouble tossing these aside; what he _did_ have trouble disregarding were the next few envelopes, of which had his address handwritten on the envelope’s back. These, he didn’t open.

Was it from any of his college friends or coworkers? But who, among them, sent letters? Maybe they wanted to avoid sending messages via the internet … but for what purpose? Being discrete? If so, then what was contained inside these letters?

The more he thought about it, the more another thought became apparent to him: maybe this was hate mail? At first, Jaeho immediately discarded this idea; after all, how could people have discovered his address in less than a week of his relationship with Irene being public? But the more he thought about it, the more he found himself distancing himself from the letters, electing to wait for his bodyguard.

When he arrived back at the apartment complex, Jaeho buzzed Kangdae in and waited for him to return, carrying the groceries in his two large hands, before consulting him about this.

“Hey—oh, I didn’t even think about that, I should’ve gone down to help you with those,” Jaeho said, noticing how full Kangdae’s hands were.

“Don’t worry about it, it was nothing,” he replied, not showing a hint of being out of breath.

“I wanted to consult you about something: I got some letters from what seemed like people who are hostile towards me and wanted your advice since I thought you would know better than I.”

Kangdae laughed, a deep, resonating baritone sound filling the apartment. “You are a strange one, Mr. Song. How would I know better? I thought the reason why I was hired was because you were having troubles recently with the public.”

From his tone of voice, Jaeho could tell that the man in front of him was missing the whole picture,. “Well, this is my first time having troubles with the public since I’ve never had to deal with them before today.”

“Ah, so you’re an up-and-coming artist?” Upon retrospection, Jaeho could see why his words could be taken this way. Kangdae, whom evidently was under the impression that Jaeho was some kind of public figure or entertainer or the like, was probably used to being around these kinds of high-profile people, making it understandable how this was his first assumption upon hearing Jaeho’s words.

“No, sorry I didn’t explain that well,” Jaeho replied, “I’m just an ordinary South Korean citizen who happens to be dating a member of Red Velvet.”

“Ah, is that so?” he replied, his surprised piqued. “I see, so that’s why you asked me that question; when I first saw you as my next client, and then again in that news article of you, my first thought was that you must have been an artist or model or something. That makes sense,” he said, nodding in satisfaction. “Regarding your question though, I hate to say this but all sorts of people get these kinds of letters; you might think yourself as relatively insignificant and not worth other people’s time, but some of these people connect their lives so closely to their idols that doing this kind of stuff _defines_ their lives. Especially given how famous your girlfriend is, I wouldn’t put it past people to send you hate letters and worse.”

“Hm, I see…” Jaeho considered his options for a bit before promptly declaring, “Let’s eat first, I’m pretty hungry. How do you like Jajangmyeon?”

Kangdae reached out a hand, stopping Jaeho in his tracks. “Don’t be ridiculous, I’ll do the cooking. You still need rest, Mr. Song.”

“Call me Jaeho, please,” Jaeho responded, “But I’m really OK. Cooking is really relaxing for me, and I’ve actually had the itch to cook since I haven’t been able to these past few days.” While there was truth to his statement, it wasn’t the complete truth. Honestly, Jaeho would have liked to rest and let dinner come to him, but forcing his guest (even if his guest was his bodyguard) to make his meal for him just seemed rude. Plus, Jaeho wanted to find some way to thank him; he wasn’t paying for Kangdae’s services, so Jaeho figured the least he could do was to thank him in other ways.

The two argued at length about dinner: the bodyguard insisted that being fed wasn’t in his contract, but Jaeho argued that he felt bad for making him spend so much time at home doing nothing. The bodyguard shot back with his comfort in staying at home, Jaeho replying that he already made his serving and that he might as well eat it. In the end, the bodyguard gave in and agreed to eat with him.

After the meal, Jaeho and Kangdae opened the letters with the handwritten address on the back to confirm their suspicions: they _were_ death threats, sent directly to his apartment by crazed fans who had somehow discovered his apartment. After Kangdae left, Jaeho immediately contacted his lawyer regarding the death threats.

Jaeho spent the rest of the night talking to his lawyer, but before they could release a public statement regarding his agreement to aid the police in their investigations into the death threats, another piece of news about him broke the headlines.

‘[BREAKING!] An Ex-Girlfriend of Song Jaeho, Boyfriend of Red Velvet’s Irene, Comes Out With A Shocking Confession!’

Just seeing the headline made his head spin, hastily trying to recall any experiences he had with his exes that stood out. There was no way he would do something uncouth, would he…? Despite how clueless about relationships he was, he still had the social wherewithal to understand what was acceptable and what was not. Maybe he did something when he was drunk…? But he remembered that he made it a point to never get anything more than tipsy when around his girlfriend, both so that he could always remain vigilant in protecting her and so that he wouldn’t do questionable things in a drunken stupor, leaving him scratching his head.

As he read the article, everything became transparent: it was an attempt to take advantage of the situation for clout. The ex in question, after all, was an up-and-coming model, and Jaeho knew that being known to the public was important for a beginner like her. Even if this flopped, this ploy for attention, should it be successful, would benefit her regardless if the response was positive or negative.

In the article, his ex-girlfriend alleged that he was an extremely controlling boyfriend, bringing up several ‘pieces of evidence’ via screenshots of their shared texts from however many years ago. She used this to verify one of the already existing theories, that Jaeho had somehow managed to blackmail Irene or is otherwise threatening her into ‘good behavior’, claiming that doing something like this would be the exact kind of thing he would do.

Frankly, Jaeho wanted to just sweep this case under the rug as just another netizen who left a crazy conspiracy theory in the comments about her own ‘moment of clarity’ in which she discovered the truths of the universe. However, he knew it wasn’t going to be that simple; his lawyer had sent him an email pressing him to release a public statement.

Irene, in addition, had coupled her good morning text with sentiments of her concern and frustration.

‘Good morning~’

‘Did you see the news? I can’t believe some people would do that. Do you need any help with replying or anything? Do you need me to say anything?’

Jaeho quickly responded.

‘Good morning! It’s almost becoming a routine, texting each other about startling news that’s been released while asleep, huh? ^^’

‘I’ll be fine, though. I can handle this on my own; plus, if you respond, it’ll seem like I’m just forcing you to respond the way I want while trying to avoid direct confrontation.’

As Jaeho performed his morning ritual, Irene sent him a cheeky reply that went unnoticed until he had started making breakfast.

‘Maybe you _should_ control me ;)’

Jaeho nearly burst out laughing, having learned to control these urges recently due to the subsequent pain that would usually follow if he exercised his jaw muscles as such. The next text message that quickly followed filled the void of confusion that he was left with from that text message.

‘Sorry, that was Yerim. Good luck!’

He shook his head. He should’ve known, but he would be lying if he didn’t seriously consider the offer. Jaeho was a bit hesitant to be assertive, or at least proactively assertive, but as a guy, it felt a little embarrassing to know that Irene was working the hardest in terms of the progression of their relationship. He knew that this was part of the consequence of his sudden amnesia and got hints that Irene was taking charge because she felt like she wanted to reciprocate, but this knowledge didn’t alleviate any of the embarrassment.

While Irene reprimanded her group’s youngest for sending the text, Jaeho finished his breakfast and sort things out with his lawyer. Since he was still working from home, he had all the time he needed to his personal needs, which at the moment was addressing his ex’s allegations. After talking over with his lawyer, he posted a statement on his Instagram account, this time in video form.

“This post is about the news article that was released this morning.

“It is true that I dated the woman before. We dated for a few months before ending it rather abruptly. It is also true that back then, I was younger and more immature and didn’t know as much about women and relationships. Right now, I am trying my best to take all the lessons I learned from being together with her and apply them to make sure Irene is always satisfied in our relationship. Honestly, I am grateful for her, even if things didn’t end on the best terms with us. But all of that is part of life, and things can’t always be perfect.

“I don’t know if I can convince people with words that the allegations are untrue, so instead I will do it with actions. I still have a bit of respect for you from our time together, even if it ended like that, so I’m giving you a chance. If you apologize, I won’t sue for defamation; you know that what you said was disingenuous, and I understand that to an up-and-coming model, becoming recognized is everything, but your public reputation is also important. I haven’t told anyone about how we broke up because I understood that I was also at fault and because it’s a private matter, but if you continue, then you’re going to be forcing my hand.

“Thank you everyone for listening to my message,” Jaeho concluded with a bow.

There were multiple reasons why he chose to state his message rather than write it. The first was responding to the criticisms that he was being a coward and not getting in front of the camera like Irene. However, he knew that there would always be people he could never satisfy, but the gesture was to the few that he could by recording his message. The second, and more important, reason was because he wanted to make sure everyone could see his sincerity in his eyes. It was still staged to a degree since he more or less memorized what he was going to say, electing not to read off something off-camera, but that didn’t change his feelings regarding the issue. He was sure people would realize that his words were scripted to a degree but hoped they could see how genuine he was.

He also decided to delay the public statement about the death threats, instead proceeding with efforts to act against the threats out of the public’s eye. The recent news would surely drown out a public statement like that, not to mention that the statement would seem like an attempted diversion away from the issue at hand.

When he finally got around to scanning through the comments after he finished with work for the day, he noticed that the amount of positive responses increased: perhaps it was also that Jaeho had gotten better at mentally parsing out the negative comments, but he was noticing a lot more encouraging and forgiving comments, praising his sincerity and maturity.

But Jaeho wasn’t as naïve so as to believe that things would be resolved in a single day, and certainly didn’t expect it to escalate when another of his exes made a follow-up statement that again tops the headlines of news websites. In the statement, she backed up the first woman, claiming that Jaeho is not a sincere person and wouldn’t be surprised if he was just acting in that video statement.

This time, the news broke towards the evening, a few hours before Irene started a live broadcast on her Instagram account. Naturally, Jaeho joined the broadcast as soon as he noticed it had started.

“Oh, more people are joining,” Irene, who was laying comfortably on her bed in a homey set of white pajamas, noted. “Hello, everyone! You were surprised to see me, right? Especially all that’s been going on … I wanted to talk to you guys, even though my company advised me against doing this,” she admitted, smiling a bit. Jaeho typed a simple greeting, and almost immediately, Irene’s eyes lit up. “Oh, is that Jaeho? Hi!”

Jaeho broke out into a smile at the excited greeting from his girlfriend and replied with a simple ‘hello ^_^’. The comment section immediately blew up, but still seemed notably negative. “Guys, please don’t say those kinds of things about Jaeho,” she said as she redirected her gaze into the camera, “You know, actually, Jaheo helped me a lot.”

She resituated herself on the bed, sitting up properly and bringing the camera to eye level. “I’m going to be honest here. When I saw the comments and the news about Jaeho blackmailing me, I thought it was actually really ironic. I mean, the main reason why I didn’t want to reveal my relationship with him to the public is because he isn’t used to being in the spotlight, and I thought it was unfair of me to just thrust him in if he wasn’t ready. Sometimes, I feel like _I’m_ actually the one who’s blackmailing him, because—” she stopped herself, but Jaeho immediately knew what Irene was referring to: the morning they woke up in bed together. To this day, Jaeho could remember the proposal she offered, the promise she made in return for giving her a chance, and Jaeho could comfortably say that she’s paid back in spades. However, this again made him wonder: would his sudden amnesia ever be known to the public? “—actually, what I’m about to say isn’t my secret to share. I know I said I was going to be honest, but it’s also not nice to share other’s secrets for them, don’t you think?” She paused briefly to read the comments. “Yeah, it is Jaeho’s secret. But please don’t pressure him into revealing it, it’s a hard thing to explain, really. Also, no inappropriate things, OK? I’m not going to tell you, even if someone guesses correctly. Although I don’t think anyone will because it’s so strange.”

Jaeho was surprised at how calmly she dealt with the surge of perverse comments, ranging from simple comments like ‘erectile dysfunction?’ to more detailed ones like ‘does he have insecurity about his size?’ You would have thought that the comments were talking about something innocent, or playing some prank on her; once again, Jaeho admired the professionalism the idol demonstrated in spite of the current circumstances.

“But anyway, what was I saying?” she paused for a brief moment before continuing, “Oh yeah! Sometimes, it feels like I’m the one blackmailing him because…” she trailed off, looking for the right phrasing, “I guess I’ll just say that I gave him a really tough offer that most people wouldn’t accept, and he took it with no questions asked because of how warm-hearted of a person he is. I hope you all get to know him one day, I think you’ll all really like him. ‘If I thought of my ideal type before meeting Jaeho, would he be him?’” Irene thought a bit about the inquiry posted in the comments before responding, “I think a little bit. Oh wait, he’s here, isn’t he?” she said, laughing, “Sorry, I don’t mean it like that!” she hastily said, giggling, Jaeho typing a chaste ‘I’m listening…’ “You’re listening? OK, listen well, Jaeho and everyone else, OK? So when I thought of my ideal type, it was just purely theoretical; there were some things that I wanted but didn’t know I wanted until Jaeho showed it to me. For example, I thought I would be OK with being the one who cooked in my future relationship, but Jaeho’s so good at cooking that I changed my mind about it.” Irene paused again to read the comments. “’You want to have his cooking?’ Jaeho, what do you think?” she asked, chuckling again. Jaeho, also having an eye on the comments appreciated the amount of parsing out the negative comments she was doing, which ranged anywhere from ‘you two should break up’ to ‘how is the sex?’ to ‘whore’. “Are you willing to cook for,” she briefly checked the viewer count, “a few thousand people?”

She stopped talking, during which Jaeho quickly posted a quick ‘You can count on me 😤’. “I can count on you?” she read, laughing out loud again, “Sounds good! Everyone, make sure to keep Jaeho accountable, OK? The next time Red Velvet makes a comeback, Jaeho will be in charge of snacks. Let’s all thank Jaeho,” she said setting her phone upright before kneeling on her bed. “Thank you,” she said, bowing on the soft mattress. The comments were simultaneously blowing up, but with only intermittent ‘thank you’s. From what Jaeho could see, most comments were still largely negative, either questioning Irene’s sanity in deciding to do a live broadcast in this current situation, reprimanding her for not working on herself, criticizing Jaeho and Irene for talking to each other, complaining that Jaeho’s presence was taking Irene’s attention away from her fans and demanded him to leave, or any number of other issues. Still, Jaeho was pleasantly surprised to see that there wasn’t a single moment in time in which there wasn’t at least one ‘thank you’ in the chat.

In response, he posted another comment. ‘I was sort of joking at first, but now that there’s this much support, I have no choice, do I? 😁What do you all like to eat?’.

He made sure to post the comment after Irene retrieved her phone, and after Irene read the comment out loud, many suggestions followed. “Tteokbokki, macrons, kimbap, coffee, burgers … wow, there’s a lot of suggestions here. Also, to those who are still upset at Jaeho, all I ask is for everyone to give him one more chance and judge him after you meet him at his food truck. I hope then you can all learn how great of a person he is.”

The live broadcast didn’t last much longer after, with Irene spending most of the time answering questions from fans; despite everything, Jaeho went to bed more satisfied and content than he had been in the past week. The next morning, while preparing to visit his workplace to pick up some equipment he needed for work, he read a news article about the Instagram Live, praising the idol for being open and communicative with fans where other idols would be more closed off and private. Jaeho felt a surge of pride from reading it, so when he entered his company’s building, he was blind-sided.

His bodyguard rode in the taxi with him, but Jaeho instructed him to remain a few steps behind him, invisible to the layman. He didn’t want to give others the impression that was self-important, that he had developed an ego from all the publicity and hired a bodyguard due to his ‘popularity’, if you could even call it that. Jaeho understood the importance of the bodyguard to be close, however, so he was hesitant to make the request; however, the bodyguard happily complied, simply making a joke that he hoped he wouldn’t be reported for stalking. Jaeho hadn’t observed the agility of the hulking man, fortunately, so he was almost more surprised at _it_ than the fact that he got attacked.

When Jaeho entered the building, he still had a few bandages; it was this combined with his notoriety in his company as being the infamous trouble boy, making a bad image for himself and the company on the news with his dating scandal, that drew a lot of heads. Try as he might, Jaeho could not completely acclimate to it, and after taking a break from having to deal with it, was blind-sided by the sudden attention. When he realized he was making note of it, he cleared his mind and made an active effort to ignore his surroundings, focusing solely on his destination: the elevator.

This ended up being a major mistake.

Not long after he zoned out, a blur caught his peripheral vision. Before he could even turn his head to see the target, his bodyguard, who seemingly just teleported to Jaeho’s side, was holding the would-be attacker: a slightly built, neatly dressed, well combed man in a suit, his wild demeanor serving as a direct contrast to his actions.

“You don’t deserve to be here!” the man who attempted to attack him yelled, struggling against Jaeho’s bodyguard. “What is this? You even have a bodyguard? Do you think that’s enough? If you care about this company at all, then just quit!”

“Sir, please calm down,” Jaeho’s bodyguard calmly said, barely having any trouble holding the crazed man back. Jaeho just stood there, frozen. He didn’t even _see_ the man approaching him, how could his bodyguard have interrupted him so quickly? He didn’t know whether to be impressed or scared and just thanked his lucky stars that this man wasn’t carrying a weapon of any kind.

“You’re making a bad name for us, didn’t you know?” the man continued yelling, having already drawn everyone’s attention. “Why do you even need any more money? You’re dating Red Velvet’s Irene! Just live off her money!”

“Could someone please call this building’s security?” Jaeho’s bodyguard, again, calmly asked.

“You don’t deserve to date her! What makes you think you have the right? Didn’t you say you were a Red Velvet fan? You’re just wasting her time! She’s in the prime of her career, and you’re just a distraction!”

It was almost humorous to Jaeho because nearly everything this man said was something that he himself had thought. Interestingly, it was only with the help of Irene herself that he was able to clear these misconceptions that he had built in his head: that he was wasting Irene’s time, that he didn’t deserve her, even that he’s giving his company bad publicity and he should quit.

When the building’s security arrived and escorted the man out of the building, Jaeho continued on to his cubicle, a bit rattled at the encounter.

“You are surprisingly quick,” Jaeho commented to his bodyguard as they rode the elevator up to his floor, “I swear, I didn’t even see that man approach me and you already had him restrained.”

He simply answered with a smile. “Just doing my job,” he replied.

After that incident, a short while after he returned back to his apartment, he received another email from his manager stating that he received word of what happened and delayed Jaeho’s return to the office building indefinitely, allowing him to work from home until he was comfortable returning.

Everything was strangely well timed, too, because the concert Irene insisted Jaeho not go to—which she later got removed from—happened not too long afterwards, two weeks after the news of Irene’s dating scandal broke. Jaeho had already started to notice a decline in malicious comments but wasn’t really sure what it meant. At first, it seemed like the amount of positive comments increased, but when Jaeho considered that the amount of comments underneath relevant news articles detailing the couple’s now public-facing relationship, he realized that it could be the case that the amount of negative comments just decreased. His interest was sparked, being someone who essentially worked with numbers all day, and after doing some analysis comparing two of the first few articles about the news and two of the most recent articles about it, he found that his conjecture was true. How much of it was because of the sensationalist phrasing of the news articles was up for debate and frankly, Jaeho wasn’t so invested that he was willing to do any additional research.

“Hey, I found out something interesting,” Jaeho said in his video call with Irene the night before the concert.

“Hm? What’s that?” she said, looking up to look at the camera. All these months have passed, all those in-person meetings occurred, all these video calls happened, and Jaeho still found himself completely enamored at the simple beauty Irene exuded in the simplest of clothing. Did Irene look best in elaborate dresses and full makeup or simple makeup and simple pajamas? It was a tough decision.

“So I’m not sure if you have been looking at comments, but I’ve noticed that there seemed to be more positive comments, but then I noticed that the comments seemed to be less in number. So I went back and compared the numbers and saw that it was true; at first, I thought that maybe people were starting to accept us, but after figuring this out, I hypothesized that maybe the people with negative comments were just losing interest. So I collected some data using the first two articles about the news and the two most recent news about us and judged by eye the amount of negative and positive comments for the 100 most recent and scaled it up to the amount of comments per article, and it turns out that the number of positive comments seemed to increase a little, but that can just be misrepresentation of data. I didn’t have the wherewithal to do appropriate adjustments to find the statistical optimum, so I’m not sure how accurate my findings are, but it seemed that my hypothesis was generally correct and that the people with criticisms are gradually disappearing. I’m not really sure what this means, if the freshness of the news faded or these people are genuinely turning around, but I think we have some hope for the latter.”

During Jaeho’s entire tirade, Irene was just watching Jaeho speak with a big smile on her face. Jaeho rarely talked about his work and often times complained about it to her, but it was times like these, when he went on impassioned rants about something relating to his work, that made Irene really admire her boyfriend. Drive was an important part of the human experience, to Irene, and to see it thriving inside Jaeho was refreshing—and also extremely endearing and somehow adorable. “What I got out of that is that there are less negative comments, and the cause might be because people are being more accepting of our relationship,” Irene admitted.

Jaeho chuckled briefly. “Yeah, that’s the gist of it,” he replied.

This was the motivation that Irene needed to do what she did the following day: write a handwritten letter to the fans, talking about her dedication to her job and maturing, about her commitment to her fans and to Red Velvet, and wishing all the concert-goers well and to cheer on her colleagues.

Unfortunately, the words fell on deaf ears for some as when she talked to her members the next day, she learned that during the Red Velvet performances, although it wasn’t nearly as bad as the Black Ocean SNSD experienced in their earlier years, there was a noticeable dip in luminosity and excitement levels when the four ladies took the stage. Irene barely had time to process her frustration, however, as that afternoon, Instagram blew up with nearly every single SM artist posting the same picture of Irene, when she was performing on stage for Red Velvet’s latest comeback, captioned with varying messages of support for the idol all accompanied by one hashtag.

As she scrolled through all the posts, Irene could feel tears brimming her eyes, her chest clenching, squeezing, her breath coming out uneven.

‘When similar news came out about me, I was extremely cautious and scared. I felt really apologetic and worried that my fans would be disappointed in me. Luckily, or maybe it was from my own hard work, people chose to react well. Seeing that made me really happy but also somehow more apologetic; I wasn’t sure if I deserved such kindness.

‘If everyone is willing to forgive me, then please also forgive Irene. She deserves it more than me; she’s kind, hard-working, but most importantly, she’s also a human being. She also gets lonely, and despite not having met Jaeho yet, I’m sure he is an amazing guy if our Joohyun chose him. #WeSupportYouBaeJoohyun’

That was Heechul’s message, with the next picture being one they took the last time they filmed together for a variety show.

‘I have had the honor of meeting Jaeho once in person before, and it disappointed me to see so many people who don’t even know him attacking him for no reason. He was extremely kind and polite and also seemed very mature. I’m sure Red Velvet fans have noticed, but recently, Irene has been brighter and more energetic, and I don’t think it’s a coincidence that it happened while she was dating Jaeho. Almost every time I get the chance to talk to Joohyun, she tells me about Jaeho and how awesome of a person he is, and how lucky she is to have him.

‘Right now, Irene is hurting. You all saw her apology letter yesterday, right? I hope everyone can find it in their hearts to forgive her. She’s a warm-hearted, deeply passionate, hard-working junior that I treasure a lot, and seeing her saddened these days really hurts me too. #WeSupportYouBaeJoohyun’

That was Taeyeon’s message, the next picture being one they took backstage at one of the SM concerts the previous year.

She had noticed this happening while she was resting after lunch and by the time she read them all, she was a complete mess. When she saw what Jaeho posted, she just started openly sobbing.

‘Irene … Bae Joohyun, the most perfect woman in the world. When I first met her, and even before then, that’s what I thought of her. Never would I have dared to even imagine being able to talk to her, much less be her friend or her boyfriend. It was like a far-away dream; like other Red Velvet fans, I could name her as my ideal woman without much issue but never thought that I would have a chance with her. She’s an idol, she’s too busy, there are so many other more deserving men … why would she choose me?

‘To this day, I still have a few of these insecurities. I am a Red Velvet fan, and the last thing I want to do is to impinge on the group’s growth. Does someone as busy as Irene, the leader of Red Velvet, with one of the most endorsements out of all idols, need a boyfriend? Could she afford to have one? Actually, was I worth it? Didn’t she deserve someone better?

‘It was with her help that I rid myself of these thoughts. I rely on Joohyun for so much and I feel bad about it, both as a normal South Korean citizen and a man, but I am also extremely thankful for her. As some of you may know, I’ve had a few not-so-ideal relationships in the past and thought that maybe someone like me didn’t deserve a girlfriend. Joohyun also helped me with these negative thoughts.

‘I could probably write a whole book on all of her good points. She’s caring, she’s funny, she’s easy to talk to, she’s adorable, she’s hard-working, she’s passionate, she’s strong, she’s beautiful … is there a single positive characteristic that she doesn’t have? When I contrasted myself to her, I realized how big the gap between us was. Again, it was Joohyun who helped me bridge this gap and get over that insecurity.

‘When I see comments saying that I don’t deserve her, the thing is, I think that they’re right. Despite how much Joohyun’s helped me, I still have a hard time believing that someone like me deserves a woman like her, who is even more perfect in person than a simple fan like me could ever imagine. I also think that it’s fine to think that because it means I will always be striving to be deserving of her love and support and will always work hard to make her happy: as a Red Velvet fan and as her boyfriend.

‘I still have much to improve about myself, but I will hold myself accountable, and I hope you all will too. I love you Bae Joohyun #WeSupportYouBaeJoohyun’

“You idiot…” she muttered to herself, carefully wiping the tears off her face. “It’s m-me who doesn’t deserve you, what are you t-talking about…” she was speaking into the void, as no one else was in the Red Velvet dorm at the time, but she couldn’t help it. “You idiot, what are you going to do now that I’m like this?”

There were three different types of crying: the kind in which sadness overwhelmed you, the kind in which frustration seizes your body, and the euphoric relieving kind that seems to cleanse your body. This time, it was definitely the latter; all her bottled up emotions that built up over the past weeks, all her frustration and guilt and sadness and disappointment and concern spilled out all at once, her bodily fluids staining tissue after tissue.

Reading the comments of the post only aided in the building sensation of relief, like a tension that was growing in her body was finally released after two weeks. It was overrun with people expressing their apologies and forgiveness, and reading the news article that was released shortly after Instagram exploded, Irene confirmed that this wasn’t a phenomenon that was unique to Jaeho’s post: almost everyone’s opinion seemed to be turning around.

Irene sighed and laid down in her bed. She had her fair share of experience regarding public outcry against her, but seeing this one resolve as it did felt especially satisfying, especially since the topic matter would potentially be relevant to her for the rest of her life. Now, Irene felt, she had nothing else to worry about: Jaeho’s amnesia, their parents, the future … these were all things she could think about later. At that moment, all Irene wanted was to rest.


	11. With You

The first thing Irene did when she took her seat was giggle.

“Why are you looking around so much? Are _you_ my bodyguard?”

Jaeho smiled in response but couldn’t shake the uneasy feeling off, evident in his still-present jumpy nature. “It feels so weird,” he admitted, taking a seat next to his girlfriend. “I don’t mean to be rude to our bodyguards, but … I mean, the last two times I went to a public place, I got attacked.”

Irene nodded, having felt similarly in her life in the past, gently placing her hand on his. “It’s OK, we’re safe here. I chose this place because they have a private room. _Noona_ will protect you.”

Jaeho laughed, thankful for Irene’s injection of humor into the otherwise somewhat somber atmosphere. “Thanks, I appreciate it.”

“You know, you shouldn’t even be afraid of being attacked; haven’t you noticed an increase in fans trying to get pictures with you?”

Jaeho, unsure how to respond, blinked a few times. “What? Me?”

Irene nodded, also confused. “Yeah! Haven’t you seen the fan account of you on Instagram recently?” To be honest, Irene had conflicting feelings about the new situation; her initial feelings stood, but now that the public’s perception of Jaheo turned positive, something unexpected happened. Her desire to see the public treat her boyfriend well did _not_ accommodate the growing attention he was accumulating; or in other words, Jaeho— _her_ Jaeho—was attracting the attention of many other fans, especially _female_ fans, many more than she ever expected. Was she jealous of the growing female fanbase Jaeho was unknowingly accruing? For sure. Did she worry about Jaeho taking advantage of this sudden increase in attention of the opposite sex? Not at all. Still, it didn’t make her any happier that her boyfriend was drawing the attention of so many other women. Jaeho was hers, after all— _hers_. It was a strange dichotomy; now that the public wasn’t attacking him but rather swooning after him, her stance changed from frustrated to protective. Now that she thought about it, bringing the fan account of him to light might have been a mistake; but then again, it was probably only a matter of time before he found out. “It was created recently; one of my members brought it to my attention.”

“What do they even post?” Jaeho, still trying to wrap his head around the situation, asked, the confusion in his mind clearly present in his voice.

“Mostly fan taken pictures of you from the few times you went in public and the pictures of when you were a model,” Irene said, her eyes sparkling. Jaeho could already tell she was about to tease him about it, and sure enough, she proceeded to do exactly that. “Since you didn’t want to show me those pictures, I was forced to follow the account,” she said, pulling out her phone.

“Wait, I don’t really—”

“You look so hot in those pictures too, I don’t know what you’re so ashamed of,” she said in that proud motherly tone she used whenever she was showing a picture of videos of her members to him.

“Did you have to word it like that?” Jaeho replied, laughing uneasily.

“What, are you not confident?” she asked, opening the account to the fanpage. “You should—oh, wow, look! They noticed that I followed them!” Irene pointed out excitedly, pointing to their most recent post which was a simple picture of the two photoshopped together, with the caption expressing their excitement towards the idol following their account and their support for the couple.

“Of course they would, you’re the girlfriend of the person they’re a fanpage for.”

“You should follow them too! There are so many good pictures of you. You know, I’m a bit conflicted because I have such an easy source of all these really nice pictures, but at the same time, everyone else has access to them,” she stated, leaning against him, making sure her phone was in between the two. When Irene noticed Jaeho was making a pointed effort to not look at her phone, she followed up with, “What’s wrong?”

“Well…” Jaeho started uneasily. “I don’t know … you’re probably used to it already, but I had this thing while I was doing modeling work where…” Jaeho trailed off, trying to find the right words, “…I take on a different persona mentally while taking the pictures. It’s sort of hard for me to look at my own modeling work because this separation is sort of shattered and I realize that the person in those pictures is actually me, and that juxtaposition makes me feel uneasy.” Jaeho concluded, before quickly appending, “Does that make sense?”

Irene nodded, understanding fully. Not only did Irene used to feel this looking at pictures taken during photoshoots, but also at video recordings of herself performing her songs’ choreography. However, it was as Jaeho said: she had been faced with this dilemma so often that she no longer really had those thoughts, just when she was wearing heavy makeup. “I see. But you really look so hot here, even you have to agree, right?” she said, urging Jaeho to reply while scrolling through the various pictures that were already posted on the account. “Especially these,” she said, pointing at a particular photo of Jaeho shirtless.

“Ah, it’s so embarrassing,” he chuckled, hiding his face in his arms.

“Whyy~?” Irene whined, lightly pushing him with her elbow, urging him to look at her phone. “Maybe if you posted more pictures of yourself, you wouldn’t have to deal with this. Speaking of,” Irene’s tone suddenly changed from playful to scolding, something that put Jaeho on edge, “Why did you have to plan that thing with everyone else?” she said, hitting him on the shoulder repeatedly.

“Ow—what thing?” Jaeho inquired, leaning away from the angry woman.

“You know what I mean,” she replied, exasperated, “that Instagram thing, right after the concert, the ‘#WeSupportYouBaeJoohyun’ thing,” she explained, now feeling the onset of tears from the memory of reading his post. “It-It’s unfair to make me cry like that, you know? I almost told Sooyoung that you made me cry again so she could beat you up for me,” Irene’s voice came out uneven, her attempt at hiding her near-crying state with humor failing miserably.

Jaeho, concerned at the sudden change of emotion, redirected his attention back onto his girlfriend, who was avidly avoiding his gaze, albeit with her head still on his shoulder. “I’m sorry, that wasn’t my intention,” Jaeho replied, enveloping her in a gentle, warm embrace, “I didn’t plan it out with anyone else actually, I just saw that the hashtag was trending and thought it appropriate to join in.” Irene wrapped her arms around Jaeho in turn, burying her face in his chest, tears silently running down her face.

The idol, for a long time, harbored several fears: that Jaeho would shy away from being in the public’s eye, that Jaeho would try to separate his private life from his relationship with her, that Jaeho would try to distance himself from her fans whom she loved so much for his own safety. No matter how selfish it might have been to secretly wish that Jaeho could just handle all the scrutiny that came with being a celebrity—or at least being well known—so that her lifestyle didn’t have to change, she wished for it all the same. Jaeho’s post, to Irene, wasn’t only a heart-warming statement, but also a signal that Irene was free to indulge in all these selfish desires, that Jaeho was willing to take that extra step and wasn’t afraid to be in the spotlight, that Jaeho was willing to humor Irene in the perfect scenario she held in her mind. As if Jaeho wasn’t already one of the most physically attractive men she knew, as if Jaeho’s personality didn’t mix perfectly with her own, as if Jaeho’s attitude towards her line of work wasn’t that of complete understanding, this was just another affirmation that Jaeho was just simply perfect. “The accompanying caption were just thoughts I’ve had for a long time and didn’t have the chance to express until that point.”

Irene, with her eyes closed, enjoyed the warmth of her boyfriend for the next few minutes, feeling the unsettled tension in the middle of her chest gradually unravel until her body was overcome with the warm, cozy feeling of content. Her breath steadied and peace of mind returned, the tears drying up from her face.

“I forgive you,” she added in a pouty tone.

“Don’t make that face, it makes me want to kiss you,” Jaeho said, gently tapping her lips with his finger.

“Why don’t you then?” Irene made eye contact with Jaeho, wearing her signature playful smirk that appeared much too often. At first, this forwardness from the otherwise reserved woman was out of a duty to the Jaeho from the past to repair their relationship that he worked so hard for, but now that she was used to it, she realized this side of her was much too fun not to use.

This didn’t mean that Irene wasn’t embarrassed to say such things, but by this point, she was so practiced that she could hide her flush with ease. What she _wasn’t_ used to was Jaeho’s confident reply, grabbing her chin and lifting it slightly, taking commanding lead of the situation. “Should I?” he replied, staring deeply into her eyes, an ever so slight grin on playing on his lips.

Irene could feel herself blushing but didn’t let up the confident exterior, all those years of acting and emotion control for performances giving her the experience to do so. “Should _I_?” Irene reached around, tenderly placing her hands around his nape, gently tugging him closer.

“Are you done?”

Jaeho wrapped his arms around the thin woman, placing his chin on her shoulder. “Hm?” Irene, briefly surprised at the sudden skinship, turned her head to the right to see her boyfriend’s face just centimeters from her own. She smiled, rubbing her cheek against his. “Not quite.”

Jaeho closed his eyes, a smile forming on his lips as the pleasant aroma from Irene’s perfume wafted into his nose. “You’re so warm,” he commented.

“Well, I am a human being,” she replied cheekily, her attention focused solely on the lock she was trying to write on.

Jaeho chuckled, opening his eyes, drinking in the beautiful view atop the Namsan Tower. After enjoying the café, Irene suggested they go to Namsan Tower and partake in the writing-names-on-locks ritual, to which Jaeho obliged. Luckily, the location was relatively deserted, most likely because it was a Tuesday and was just raining; they ran into one other couple who greeted them, but that was the extent of their public interaction. Their bodyguards stood a few meters away from them: far enough away that the couple felt they had their privacy, but close enough to protect them.

“Have you been here before?” Irene asked.

“Nope,” was Jaeho’s straightforward reply.

Irene stopped for a second, looking at the man that was back hugging her. “Really?” she replied, her upward tone inflection suggesting genuine surprise.

He nodded. “I never felt the need to before,” he answered. His father drilled many lessons into his brain, one of which including the importance of keeping promises; because of that, he had always refused to come to this particular location with other girlfriends. It was always his intention to make the visit once he felt more confident in himself and the relationship, but all his previous ones ended before he got to that point. However, with Irene, it just felt different. Where his confidence was coming from, he wasn’t sure: was it from their relationship survived his sudden amnesia? Was it from their relationship surviving public backlash? Was it from their relationship thriving despite Irene’s busy schedule? It was probably a combination of all three mixed in with a few other things, like how he never got bored of being around the idol despite having dated her for a few months by now.

“The wind feels really nice up here, doesn’t it?” he commented, letting out another content sigh.

She nodded, putting the final touches on the small metallic surface. “Done!” she exclaimed, proudly showing her boyfriend her work. Etched on the small lock were five simple characters: ‘Joohyun ♡ Jaeho’. “Yeah, it does feel really nice,” she said in response to Jaeho’s statement.

“Your handwriting is so pretty,” he commented, admiring the work of his girlfriend.

“This _view_ is pretty,” Irene noted, joining Jaeho in admiring the view from the top of the tower.

“Yeah it is,” he said, voice filled with satisfaction, “not as pretty as this lady though,” he finished in a low murmur, planting a kiss right below her ear.

Irene’s heart exploded, the heat emanating from her face thankfully being cooled off by the cool spring breeze. If not for it, Irene swore that she would have passed out from a heatstroke. “You…” she started, words escaping her, her mind filled with static, a huge grin on her lips.

“Hm?” Jaeho replied, urging a response from the lady in front of him, his smile widening by the second.

“You’re so cheesy,” she managed to finish, loosely holding onto the lock they had purchased a few minutes ago, now with the couple’s name etched onto it in black permanent marker. The idol leaned back onto the well-built man’s sturdy chest, closed her eyes and enjoyed the familiar, comfortable warmth radiating from the man she loved.

“I learn from the best,” he replied, planting another kiss on her crown. “Should we stay like this a little longer, or should I let you go secure the lock onto the rail?”

“There is a correct answer but I’m not going to tell you,” Irene playfully answered.

Taking it as a challenge, Jaeho improvised and picked her up. Irene squealed as she felt her legs lifted off the ground, her arms automatically latching onto Jaeho’s neck as the confident man easily carried her slender body in his arms. “Yah, put me down! I’m heavy!”

Jaeho laughed earnestly, slowly walking to the rail. “How long do you think I can hold you for?”

“I don’t want to know, put me down!” she insisted, secretly wondering the answer to that question. She could feel the muscles of the man whose arms she was in bulge, but they were incredibly steady. The back of her knees were securely supported by Jaeho’s right arm, her back with his left, her butt forming the bottom part of a relatively flat ‘v’. The sensation of being suspended in the air as such was strangely both parts frightening and amusing; it was like that time she went paragliding in Thailand, except it felt much safer and comforting. There was a duality in her mind at that moment: while a part of her was embarrassed and fearful, another was attracted by the effortless show of strength.

“For you, I would never let go,” he said, laughing again when Irene smacked his shoulder in response.

“Enough with that,” Irene said, unable to stop herself from laughing in kind, “put me down already! When I said that there was a correct answer, this wasn’t what I had in mind!”

“You definitely weigh less than I squat. You don’t even serve as a sufficient workout, you need to eat more,” Jaeho scolded her, “I should have force-fed you more at that café.”

At this point, Irene could do nothing but laugh. As all women, she was insecure about her weight, and instances like this externalized it; however, for the first time since her dad picked her up as a child, that fear just completely vanished. “Fine, later, OK? I’ll work hard so that you can start using me for your workouts,” Irene said, her statement laced with laughter.

“Here’s your stop, miss,” Jaeho announced, carefully settling her onto the ground. Once Irene found her footing, she hopped out of Jaeho’s arms.

“You know what, I’ll take that as an acceptable answer,” Irene stated, turning her back to him and securing their lock onto a rail. “You know, one other thing I’ve noticed is that SM stopped with their interference. Maybe they’re just taking a break or something, but my schedule has returned to how it normally is when I’m not doing promotions.”

“Oh, that’s nice,” Jaeho commented, crouching down with Irene to admire her handiwork. There was something satisfying, pleasing, about the aesthetic of the view of hundreds of locks of all shapes and sizes stacked on top of each other, with different ornaments and notes depicting messages and cute pictures, stretching to infinity, framed perfectly by the orange glow of the beautiful sunset peeking between the gradually parting rainclouds, casting a mystical glow over the South Korean city. It was a beautiful sight for sure, one to behold, but to Jaeho, Irene’s tiny frame, kneeling in front of the locks and likewise staring off into the setting sun, completed the picture. “It’s such a beautiful sight,” he commented in a faraway voice.

Irene nodded. “It really is, isn’t it? I can understand why so many couples like coming here,” she replied.

“Oh, I wasn’t talking about the view.”

Another explosion of pink assaulted the face of the idol, a strong gust of the refreshing spring breeze arriving just in time to cool her face off. She had the stupidest smile on her face, her heart racing a million kilometers an hour, a warm feeling circulating her body. “You really … you really are a sweet talker, huh?” she said, standing up.

Jaeho smiled and joined her, wrapping his arms around her thin waist. “Only for you.”

Irene leaned her head against Jaeho’s shoulder, drinking in the view before her. She was at peace for what felt like the first time in months: no fears of her relationship being leaked, worries that her fans weren’t accepting Jaeho, anxiety for upcoming schedules, thoughts about making things up to Jaeho for sticking with her despite everything, nothing.

“Hi, excuse me,” a soft yet excited voice said out of the blue. Irene squealed, jumping in Jaeho’s arms, instinctively pressing her face against his chest.

“It’s fine,” Jaeho said, laughing at his jumpy girlfriend. He had seen that the couple were trying to get in and gave his bodyguard the ‘OK’ to let them get closer.

“Oh, sorry,” Irene hastily removed herself from Jaeho and bowed slightly.

“Oh no! It’s fine, I didn’t mean to scare you!” the woman, arm-in-arm with what appeared to be her boyfriend, replied apologetically. “I’m a fan, of both of you, and I didn’t want to interrupt you because the two of you looked so cute, but could we get a picture?”

Jaeho chuckled in disbelief. “Of both of us?” he repeated.

The woman nodded eagerly. “Yeah! I’ve seen your work as a model and always thought you were handsome,” the man notably pouted, an action which went unnoticed by his girlfriend but not by Jaeho. He shot a quick apologetic smile, “and I’ve been a Red Velvet fan since Rookie,” she finished, just about bouncing with energy. In the way her eyes lit up as she talked, her exaggerated hand movements as she talked, the way she was almost bouncing around the man she was holding hands with, it was clear that she was being genuine. Jaeho could somewhat tell from her body language while she was confronting the bodyguards of Irene and himself, but it was still somewhat relieving to see a fan of Irene—a stranger—be accepting of him in person.

“Of course! You don’t mind, do you Jaeho?” Irene said, turning to him.

“Um, I don’t mind, but I’ve never taken a picture with a fan before,” he admitted as he stepped a bit closer to the other couple, the fan’s boyfriend taking his girlfriend’s phone.

“First time for everything,” Irene said, putting one hand around Jaeho’s shoulder and the other hand around the woman’s.

That picture later ended up online—of which Irene and Jaeho had given permission for—and a news article detailing their date was subsequently released. To the pleasure of both Irene and Jaeho, as well as the members of Red Velvet, this time around, the comments were filled with mostly nice and supportive comments—that wasn’t to say there were _no_ negative comments, but it was easy to tell that the positive comments outweighed the negative ones.

Still, however, Jaeho felt bad. He figured that once the public perception of him turned around, if it ever did, then he would enjoy reading comments; of course he knew that he would get negative comments and that the occasional negative comment had the potential to ruin the day of someone, but he never fully grasped it until it happened to him. Why was it so easy to skim through nice comments and so easy to get stuck up on negative ones? At a certain point, after Jaeho realized he was still thinking about the few negative comments that appeared underneath the article while barely reading the rest of the comments, he forced himself to stop.

Fortunately, this type of thing never really affected Jaeho in the long-term much. Until recently, Jaeho made sure to never get too hung up about the past and live in the moment, the difference being an understanding and desire to be attentive of everything Irene had done for him so that he may pay her back later. However, with the nameless masses of comments, Jaeho had little attachment to them and the negative emotions he felt gradually faded away.

“Oh, I finally remembered what I had to tell you!” Jaeho said as they arrived at the mini golf course. It was about a week later, Jaeho and Irene deciding that their next outdoors date to be mini golfing. The date had two purposes: the most obvious one was to enjoy each other’s company doing a fun activity, but the other was to act as a final test to see how necessary their bodyguards were. As appreciative as they were to them, it felt slightly cumbersome at times to see the two men standing at a distance in their peripheral vision. Their efforts to remain discrete were appreciated, but there was only so much the hulking men could do to hide their presence if they wanted to do their jobs. Thus, they determined that if nothing major happened, then bodyguards would be considered no longer necessary. “My dad said he already had plans next weekend so he wouldn’t be able to make it.”

Irene frowned. “Aw, why not?”

“He has a doctor appointment to do a routine checkup,” he explained.

“Ah ok,” Irene nodded in understanding, “That’s important. I guess we’ll have to delay for a few more weeks then,” she responded.

Jaeho nodded. They had been planning a get-together between their parents but were mostly gated by Irene’s busy schedule; she had an availability next weekend but that was it, seeing as public favor fell back on her side and companies were starting to reach out to her again to hopefully secure her as an endorsement model for their product. “You know, speaking of that, something interesting happened,” Jaeho noted. Irene turned to look at him in response, urging him to continue. “There were a few companies who reached out to _me_ , asking if I would model for them.”

Irene laughed. “Really? Did you accept any of them?”

“No,” Jaeho admitted, admiring the simple beauty of the joyous expression on his girlfriend’s face. How many times has he seen it? Jaeho himself wasn’t sure. All that he did know was that it was something he was never going to get tired of. “It sort of feels weird to do modeling again, especially since I haven’t done it in a long time. But honestly, I feel like some of the companies reached out to me hoping that I could pressure you into joining me eventually.”

Irene latched onto his arm and smiled while looking at him with wide, expectant eyes, Jaeho’s heart just about melting on the spot. “Why not? Doing a couple photoshoot would be so fun!”

Jaeho pursed his lips. “I don’t know…”

“Aw, why not?” she replied as Jaeho pushed open the door to the building.

“Welcome!” came the greeting from the employees. It was something that Jaeho noticed before entering and confirmed when he stepped in: the place seemed strangely deserted. Unlike their previous date to the Namsan Tower where they went on a busy day, this time it was a normal Saturday afternoon, a day Jaeho expected a place like this to be packed. Instead, however, the only other people present seemed to be the employees. “Thank you for your patronage, Ms. Irene,” someone, who appeared to be the manager denoted by his slightly different uniform, said, bowing in respect.

“Thank you for having us,” Irene bowed in kind, as did Jaeho, still a bit confused at the situation. Patronage? Did this have something to do with how deserted the place was?

“Did you rent this place out?” Jaeho asked, turning to the idol. She smiled smugly, squeezing his hand.

“Your girlfriend is quite rich, you know,” she proudly said, indirectly answering Jaeho’s question. Jaeho frowned; he was ready to duke it out with his girlfriend for the bill, as Irene almost always paid for their expenses. How many steps ahead was this woman?

“Come this way, please,” the manager politely announced, leading them to the counter that stood in front of a variety of displayed clubs, golf balls, and tees. After choosing their equipment, they set out to the course.

“Wait, honey,” Irene called out as Jaeho collected his ball from the hole; his father liked golfing and their form of father-son bonding often took the form of golfing, at first at mini golf courses then at actual golf courses. The first hole was an extremely simple par 2 hole, clearly meant to serve as an introduction, but Irene seemed to be having trouble. “Wow, you got it right away?” she said with an upward tone inflection, indicating her surprise.

“I used to golf with my dad all the time,” he explained, making his way back to the in equal parts perplexed and confused woman.

“Oh, I never knew that,” she commented, gripping her club. “Am I doing this right?”

Jaeho withheld a chuckle. “Here, let me help you.”

Irene, noticing her boyfriend suppressing a laugh, indignantly said, “Why are you laughing? This is my first time golfing in a long time!”

“No, I’m not laughing at you,” he replied, reaching out to fix her posture. Irene retreated, rejecting his help. “Really! I just thought you looked really adorable,” he continued, now letting out the laughter he was holding in.

“Stay away from me! I’ll figure this out myself,” she insisted, pushing the man away.

“I’m sorry! I won’t laugh anymore, I promise,” he said, grabbing her wrist firmly. Her heart exploded with life in reaction to Jaeho’s boldness, unable to do anything but to let Jaeho assert himself over her. She was too taken by surprise, too seized by her emotions, too overwhelmed by her memories that she just let him grab her by the wrist and effectively take control over her body.

Irene loved Jaeho, amnesia or not; however, that wasn’t to say that she didn’t prefer the times when Jaeho would casually initiate skinship or in general be the dominant one in their relationship. As much as she loved the current Jaeho, deep inside her, she preferred the Jaeho from before: the one that would randomly take charge and make executive decisions, the one that would randomly kiss her hand or her forehead, the one that would randomly tell her ‘I love you’. So, feeling Jaeho take control as he did wasn’t only a heart-wrenchingly romantic gesture in Irene’s eyes, but also an immensely relieving one. Maybe, after all this time, their relationship could finally return to as it was …

“What’s wrong?” Jaeho said, seeing Irene suddenly freeze up shortly after he grabbed ahold of her. While she wasn’t smiling, Jaeho could tell the stunned expression was more positive than negative, namely by the pink hue that took her cheeks.

She shook her head. “Nothing,” she said, breaking out into a smile before remembering that she was supposed to be mad at Jaeho for laughing at her, then directing her gaze to the ground. “To be on an even playing field, it’s only fair that you teach me, so I guess I’ll allow you,” she stated.

Jaeho took a brief second to grasp the situation and realize that Irene was being genuine before moving to help her. “First of all, your grip,” he said, standing on the other side of the golf club, “loosely hold the club against your palm and point your fingers towards your knees.” Irene nodded, resting the handle of the club against her body and keeping the club upright with her right palm, making sure her four fingers were pointing at her knees. “Clutch the top part of the club with your left hand in a similar position,” he continued, demonstrating the technique to Irene. She followed, and Jaeho continued. “Your left thumb should be tucked underneath your right palm when you curl your fingers around the club,” he instructed, once again demonstrating it to Irene. When she followed, Jaeho nodded in approval. “You’re a fast learner, as expected of an idol,” he praised his girlfriend, setting his club down and walking behind her.

Irene’s heart skipped a few more beats when he wrapped his arms around her and grabbed both her wrists. “Now, when you swing, you want to make sure to keep your left arm as straight as possible while bending your right arm.” Honestly, even though her boyfriend’s mouths was right next to her ears, she could barely hear him over the beating of her own heart. Hugging him was one thing, but feeling his firm arms around her frame, enveloping her entire body … it simply felt like heaven. In that moment, Irene thanked whoever created mini golf for granting her the ability to experience this. “When you swing,” he continued, oblivious to Irene’s inner turmoil, “you typically want to rotate your hips for maximum power.” Irene took a few moments to breathe, desperately trying to calm herself down and to focus on Jaeho’s words. “However, I doubt you’ll need maximum power here, but still, make sure you aren’t bending your back or your knees or anything, or else you’ll lose your balance and miss.”

“Um, OK,” she replied, too embarrassed to admit that she heard almost none of that.

“Got it?” the dreaded words came from Jaeho’s mouth, and when she paused for a second, Jaeho stepped away and secured eye contact with him. Irene pouted and shook her head, mustering the best set of puppy dog eyes she could.

“Sorry, I was too distracted,” she said through her pout. This time, it was Jaeho’s turn to completely malfunction, his entire body feeling like it was melting away at the display of cuteness from the top beauty.

“By what? Did I explain something weirdly?”

Irene shook her head. “No, it’s just—” she was often conflicted between hiding things due to embarrassment and remembering Jaeho’s dislike for dishonesty, but over the months, she learned that telling the truth sometimes even benefitted her in the reaction Jaeho had. So, she decided to tell the truth. “—just that you were so close to me that I couldn’t hear properly.”

Jaeho laughed, feeling the onset of bashfulness take over him. “Really? That’s adorable,” he commented, reaching around her again. “I’ll show you again, but listen closely this time, OK?”

It took a good three more times before Irene was finally able to collect enough information to piece together what Jaheo was trying to tell her, but even so, Jaeho ended up winning. Irene suspected Jaeho went easy on her near the end, knowing her competitive spirit, but appreciated that he didn’t make it too obvious. Still, she was a bit frustrated; however, that didn’t stop her from enjoying that date. As with their last date, another news article was released about this one, detailing how Irene rented out the entire place for a brief period. Not so long after, another news article was released, although the information it contained wasn’t necessarily fresh; it was the first birthday Irene had the opportunity to celebrate with Jaeho, and she made sure to brag all about it on her social media accounts. This marked the second ever picture Jaeho willingly took with Irene, being forced to resort to displays of cuteness and peer pressure to get him to agree.

The next date the couple went on that didn’t appear on the news was a couple of weeks following Irene’s birthday, in which Jaeho and Irene’s parents finally got to meet. Irene booked a reservation at a high-class restaurant, making sure they had a private room. It was a long drive out to pick up her parents, so luckily, Jaeho consented to traveling a bit to reach their destination, a restaurant located not too far from her parents’ residence.

Irene had many expectations going into that day. There wasn’t a single doubt in her mind that her parents would love Jaeho; through the text messages and calls they shared, her mother and father already expressed interest in the man and excitement towards meeting him. That was perhaps the reason why her parents rushed her to getting to the restaurant, making sure they arrived half an hour before the agreed upon time.

Jaeho also talked quite a bit about his parents; about his albeit fleeting memories from his young childhood about his mother and the strict, but kind, caring, and hard-working father he lived with through his adolescence. He said many good things about his father, but Irene couldn’t help but feel nervous nonetheless; her occupation was an unorthodox one, and she worried that Jaeho’s father would be offput by that. Technically speaking, her career path was an unstable one; although unlikely, it was at least possible that she be out of a job any day.

Her anxiety didn’t extend to her occupation though; would he like her? Irene knew how important his father was to him and the respect he held for the man that raised him unassisted by a mother, which made it all the more important for Irene to be liked by the older Song. What if he didn’t approve of their relationship? After all, a slew of incidents that put Jaeho in danger, whether physically or mentally, have already occurred because of her. What if he wasn’t impressed enough by her and deemed their relationship unhealthy for his son?

When the door to their room open, Irene nearly jumped to a standing position.

“Hello!” Irene bowed deeply upon seeing the man she loved along with the man that must have been his father enter the room. From just the brief glance, she could tell where Jaeho’s handsomeness came from: the piercing eyes, the nice jawline shape, the big eyes, they were all traits both shared. The older man had a few more wrinkles, and when Irene lifted her head to take another look at him, she could almost feel all the hard work he endured, raising Jaeho as well as he did. His hair was already predominantly grey, his rugged appearance indicating all the stress he’d undergone. She had just met him yet was already saddened by how frail he appeared. “It’s nice to finally meet you, Mr. Song!” Irene said, her smile hiding her sadness as she extended a hand to help him into a seat.

“Wow, you really are a beauty,” he commented, his eyes disappearing into upside-down crescent moons. He very much gave off the joyous-old-man vibe, which made Irene feel a little better. “Joohyun, right? It’s nice to meet you,” he said, the smile on his face not faltering for a single moment as he clasped Irene’s small hands in his own.

Meanwhile, Jaeho bowed to greet Irene’s parents. “It’s nice to meet you, Mr. and Mrs. Bae.” Irene’s sister, despite wanting to come, was busy with other responsibilities and had promised to make time for their next get-together.

“My, how polite of you! It’s nice to meet you too Jaeho,” Irene’s mother said, gesturing him to enter the room. “I’ve heard so much about you, but I never expected you to be so handsome in person.”

“You’re quite beautiful yourself, I can see where Joohyun got her genes from,” Jaeho replied, causing the older woman to laugh again.

“I can see why my daughter always calls you a smooth talker,” she said, Irene making sure the door closed securely behind them.

“See? I told you,” Irene pouted, latching onto Jaeho’s arm, “My mom’s already stealing you away from me.”

Jaeho laughed. “She’s not, I promise. Actually, I got something for you since you always buy so much for me,” he said, reaching into his back pocket. Irene separated from him, a perplexed look on her face: not because she wasn’t used to Jaeho randomly buying stuff for her, but because they had already promised to not surprise each other shortly after planning this event.

“What?” Irene said, a clear ‘but-you-promised’ look on her face as Jaeho pulled out a velvety, purple, rectangular box from his back pocket.

Jaeho replied with a knowing, almost triumphant smile, pulling out a beautiful bezel set aquamarine necklace. “I happened upon a jewelry shop and walked in just for fun, and when I saw this I knew I had to get it for you. So you can’t even blame me, right?”

Irene could feel her lips spreading out into a smile against her wishes, her blood circulating about her body at breakneck speed. “I’m pretty sure I still can,” she insisted, turning around to hide her smile. Not only did the action cause her to fall in love with Jaheo just a little bit more, it was also immensely embarrassing that her parents were witnessing her react like this.

“I’ll put this on for you,” he said, Irene pulling back her hair, feeling Jaeho’s arms around her nape followed immediately by the cool sensation of silver against her skin. A few seconds of securing the necklace later, Jaeho turned Irene around to admire his girlfriend brandishing the piece of jewelry. “It’s an aquamarine gem, your birthstone,” he informed her, stepping back to admire the view. “Wow…”

Irene smiled, pulling her hair back and admiring the piece of jewelry that was sitting on her sternum. “Yeah, it’s so pretty, thank you.”

“Yeah, you really are.”

Jaeho had used this exact line against Irene a multitude of times, yet every time Irene found herself blushing fiercely, the laughter of their respective parents in the background making it all the worse. “I was going to—never mind, let’s just start eating,” she said, slightly flustered.

For Jaeho, seeing the normally calm and reserved Irene nearly trip over her words was perhaps one of the most adorable and endearing sights in the world. “How about I do it for you?” Jaeho finished for Irene, grabbing her shoulders firmly and turning her around. Just a blink of an eye later, she found herself looking at a close-up of Jaeho’s close eyes, her eyes widening as she realized that Jaeho’s lips had captured her own.

If she had blushed any more, Irene firmly believed that she would have fainted right there on the spot. Frankly, she was feeling a bit lightheaded, but luckily Jaeho’s firm grip on her kept her standing. The kiss lasted just a second, and by the time Jaeho pulled away, Irene felt her strength leave her body.

“Oh my, how bold of you,” Irene’s mother commented.

“Alright, you two lovebirds, sit down and let’s start,” came her father’s reply, clearly with a hint of laughter inside.

Irene playfully hit Jaeho as he escorted the red-faced woman to her seat. Jaeho laughed in response. “What?”

“It’s embarrassing,” she whispered. There was a part of her that was glad that Jaeho was taking charge and comfortable enough in front of her parents to do something like that, but it was also extremely embarrassing to do these kinds of things in front of the people who raised her, not to mention for them to see her this flustered.

“OK, I won’t do it again,” he whispered back.

Irene hit him again. “Don’t you dare say that,” she warned him. Jaeho threw her a puzzled expression, but before he could say anything, Jaeho’s father interjected.

“I would like to take this opportunity to thank everyone here for this dinner. My son, for somehow managing to give me such a beautiful daughter-in-law,” Jaeho, not wanting to interrupt, just glared at his father while Irene was giggling, “Joohyun, for accepting my son,” this time, the roles flipped; Jaeho nodded earnestly while Irene had opened her mouth to protest but promptly closed it, “and her parents, for making the time to join us here today.” Jaeho’s father, who was standing, held up his glass of soju, to which everyone else joined in the toast, clinking their glasses and taking the first swing of alcohol for the night.

“I would also like to commend Jaeho for being a man,” Irene’s father said, both his wife and his daughter shooting daggers at him, albeit for different reasons, “At first when I saw him, I was a bit worried because most pretty boys like him wouldn’t be able to take care of a woman like my Joohyun.”

“Dad!” Irene said through gritted teeth, Jaeho simply laughing in response.

“But after seeing him take such command of the situation just now, I can safely say that I support you two fully,” he concluded.

“Just like that?” Irene’s mother followed up, to which her husband nodded.

“I mean, I’m her father after all. I can see how much my princess loves Jaeho, so the only thing I needed was an in-person verification that Jaeho is the man that can take care of my daughter for the rest of their lives.”

Irene buried her face in her hands, Jaeho patting her on the back, smiling. “Thank you, I promise I will do my best. Your daughter deserves the best, and I don’t know if I’m fitting for that role yet, but I will work hard to ensure that she gets exactly that.”

“Did I come here just to get embarrassed?” Irene’s muffled voice interjected, her hands and face still on the table.

“Joohyun, it’s bad manners to do that,” her mother said gently, rubbing her hand from the other side of her. Irene obeyed, lifting her head from the table. The orders for the food were already placed, so to fill the time waiting for the food to arrive, the inevitable topic of the couple’s future was brought up.

“From what I understand, your son is a model, right?”

Jaeho’s father nodded. “He isn’t doing that work right now, but he has his fair experience.”

“See?” Irene’s father turned to his wife, “There’s nothing to be afraid of, not to mention how well he took the news when it came out and everything that followed.”

“Well…” was Jaeho’s automatic reaction, quickly realizing it was perhaps a mistake. As it turned out, it wasn’t.

“The incident at the grocery store?” hearing the mention immediately brought concern to Jaeho’s eyes. “I think you did a good job.”

“Hm?” Jaeho couldn’t help but make that curious noise in response, not expecting that answer at all.

“As a man, it’s your responsibility to protect your woman’s pride. How brave of you was it to stand up to three men at once? In my eyes, seeing that made me more confident that you were the right man for my Joohyun,” he explained. Jaeho just chuckled, bowing in thanks, a bit baffled by that interpretation of his actions. “Speaking of, when are you two giving me grandchildren?”

“Dad!” Irene’s mom and Irene herself exclaimed, the older man letting out a hearty laughter.

“Nothing wrong with wanting a few more helping hands at the restaurant, right?”

Jaeho’s father nodded in agreement. “I personally also want grandchildren, but it felt like they were getting lower with every breakup Jaeho faced.” Jaeho eyed his father, hoping he would get his indirect message to stop talking, but the message fell on deaf ears. “I have to be honest though, you can ask Jaeho himself; none of his ex’s were women I particularly liked but ones that I accepted for the sake of my son’s happiness. As you two may know, Jaeho has lived most of his life without a mother, so I knew that the most important quality of my son’s girlfriend would be the capability of fulfilling that role for him. All the other women Jaeho has been with were younger than him,” Irene bumped Jaeho’s arm with a mischievous smile, Jaeho raising his eyebrows in response. Although no words were exchanged, Jaeho regrettably instantly understood Irene’s intention: that her theory that Jaeho liked older women was only being strengthened by his father’s words, “and also pretty immature, so I’m happy to see that it's a woman like Joohyun who my son finally ended up with.”

“I’m also thankful,” Jaeho continued off where his father left off. There were a million things he wanted to say: that Irene helped fixed an insecurity he had about not ever finding a significant other due to his past failures, that Irene indeed filled the void his mother left behind, that Irene was nothing but a positive influence on his life ever since that morning, but that Jaeho knew he couldn’t. The couple had decided to not tell their parents about Jaeho’s sudden amnesia attack, mostly because it was so inexplicable that they felt their parents would have taken it as an excuse to cover up a fight they had and start worrying about their relationship, so Jaeho made sure to choose his words meticulously. “Meeting Joohyun was such a bizarre event to me, especially since I started out as her fan, but it was undoubtedly the most important night of my life. Ever since meeting her, she has never stopped giving to the point that I feel a bit bad; even this watch that I’m wearing is something she bought me after realizing my previous watch was a little broken,” he said, showing off the digital watch that was sitting on his left wrist.

“It’s not a big deal,” Irene insisted, “It’s a small price to pay for how you fixed my loneliness.”

“I think we’ve strayed a bit off the original topic; how many grandchildren are you willing to give me, Jaeho?”

The repeated question from Irene’s father made him laugh, Irene this time just laughing along, realizing she couldn’t stop her father from asking such abrasive questions. “As many as your daughter is willing to have,” was his reply. Irene glared at Jaeho, who shot her an apologetic smile as her father turned the question to his daughter.

“So? Joohyun?”

“Um, I’m not sure,” was her careful reply, “Maybe one or two?”

Irene’s father nodded thoughtfully. “We’ll see if you change your mind after your first experience,” he commented. Irene’s face exploded in another fit of pink, her mind briefly flashing back to her and Jaeho’s first experience together—one that this Jaeho no longer had—before firmly resolving to keep her mouth shut about that.

“Honey, what are you saying?” Irene’s mom said, exasperated.

“What? Having a first child changes you, don’t you agree?” This explanation caused everyone else in the room collectively sigh in relief while also embarrassed that their first thought went there.

“Yes, you’re right dear,” Irene’s mom said, content. “But before that, when do you plan on getting married?”

Jaeho and Irene couldn’t help but let out a little chuckle at that. “I’m not sure, I think Joohyun is too busy to be considering that right now. Honestly though, there might never be a good time since I doubt she’ll become less busy any time soon, so we’ll see,” Jaeho answered.

Irene’s dad laughed heartily in response. “What a good answer! Joohyun, I’m starting to like your boyfriend with every passing minute.”

With the rest of the dinner going amicably, there was only one more hurdle to overcome: Jaeho’s amnesia. And as it turned out, this hurdle was one to tackle sooner than either expected.

“Oh, are we finally going to get to why only mommy can sleep with daddy?”

Irene smiled and tenderly patted their child’s head. “Yes, but that’s a story for next time. For now, go to sleep.”

As their child drifted into dreamland, the couple lounged on the couch in the living room, simply enjoying each other’s presence. “What do you have for tomorrow?”

“Nothing much, just one meeting, maybe a surprise fan meet-and-greet, but that’s it.”

“Oh ok, that’s good,” Irene said, closing her eyes as she drank in the warmth that radiated from her husband’s body. “Thinking back, that day—that _week_ really was something, wasn’t it? Almost like from a K-Drama.”

Jaeho laughed. “Yeah, really. I wonder if our princess will even believe us.”

Irene paused for a second before replying, “If it didn’t happen to me, I probably wouldn’t have believed it myself.”


	12. Rebirth

The next time the ladies of Red Velvet had the opportunity to meet Jaeho since the dating news broke was a few weeks after the parents of the couple met, for the celebration of Jaeho’s birthday. Jaeho didn’t really celebrate his birthday often: the most he would do is invite friends to a restaurant, and when he had a girlfriend he would invite her along as well, but otherwise he didn’t particularly care for birthday parties. This was most likely a byproduct of growing up with a busy father who didn’t really have time to prepare for birthday parties, a lack of a mother to cook birthday party meals, and Jaeho’s mature understanding of his family’s situation after his mother passed away to know that they weren’t in a position to do parties; likewise, Jaeho’s father didn’t really do much for his own birthday, Jaeho often having to force his father to join him in celebration at a restaurant.

When Jaeho’s birthday rolled around this year, however, Irene insisted that they throw him a private birthday party at their apartment, ‘they’ being the five members of Red Velvet. It was also the first time in some time that the six of them were in the same place, not including when the other four would join in on Jaeho and Irene’s video chats, and as expected, it was as rambunctious as ever.

“You never told us what your dad said after the dinner.”

“Oh that’s right! Tell us, Jaeho!”

After their explosive greeting of him as he walked through the door and multitude of birthday wishes, they had settled into the living room where Irene shared her parents’ thoughts of Jaeho after the dinner. Of course, as soon as Irene had finished her story, the other four jumped at Jaeho to continue his side of the narrative.

“What did my dad think? I think it was pretty funny—while we were driving back to his residence, he was just kept on saying stuff like, ‘how can she be so pretty?’” The five ladies burst out into laughter, although for Irene it was more from embarrassment whereas the other four laughed from amusement, “‘Hey, Jaeho, how did you even make her your girlfriend? Did she ask you or did you ask her? Wow, I didn’t even think someone as beautiful as that could exist … don’t tell your mom this, but she might even be more beautiful than your mother. Your children are going to be really cute, huh…’ stuff like that, over and over.”

“That’s so funny!”

“Oh my gosh, I love your dad already~”

“Yah Jaeho, you don’t need to exaggerate!” Irene said.

“I’m not, I swear! It’s the truth, you can ask him yourself,” Jaeho insisted, smiling along. Jaeho’s father was never against any of his past relationships but seeing the difference between his father’s behavior now compared to when he met his ex’s, he could tell there was a world of difference. Having worked for much of his life, Jaeho’s father rarely expended much energy to show such emotion when at home. It was something Jaeho had grown used to, although it was still sad to see his father so listless at times. Seeing him as energetic as that night was like a breath of fresh air; it had been so long since his father had shown such emotion that Jaeho had nearly forgotten what it was like, and as if his conviction to build his relationship with Irene wasn’t strong enough, that experience only strengthened it. One of his goals in life was to allow his father to live in comfort, and while he was making enough to support the two, the issue of his significant other was always on the back of both men’s minds.

“Speaking of, when are you going to give me a niece or nephew?” Yeri piped up, “I can’t wait to play with your children~”

“Kim Yerim, we aren’t even married,” Irene scolded the youngest, who was apparently unphased at the imposing demeanor of her leader.

“Then you should get married already! I agree with Jaeho’s dad, I think your children will be really cute,” she commented, ignoring the daggers coming from Irene’s glare, “Aah, I can’t wait!” she squealed, “I can’t wait, I want to play with them right now!”

“Jaeho, say something,” Irene prodded her boyfriend, who was just smiling at the radiant excitement that the 24-year old was exuding.

“Jaeho, promise me that you’ll let me play with your children, pleasee~?” Yeri asked, giving the amused man the best set of puppy-dog eyes she could muster.

“Sure, of course,” he said, laughing, giving in to the youngest’s display of cuteness.

“Song Jaeho, don’t be giving Yeri any more ideas!” Irene whined, “I have to live with her, you know! Now she’s going to be pestering me every day about this!”

“I’ll only let you play with our children if you behave yourself around Joohyun, OK?” Jaeho amended his statement.

She nodded obediently. “OK!”

“I want to play with them too!” Seulgi volunteered, followed by Joy, then Wendy.

“You know, I’m actually a bit scared because I don’t want my child to be traumatized by four crazy aunties,” Irene commented.

“What do you mean ‘crazy’?” Joy complained, “I think you mean ‘fun’, not ‘crazy’.”

“Oh, Sooyoung,” Irene said, switching the topic, “Jaeho made me cry a few times recently, you should yell at him.”

“What?” Joy’s unbelieving chuckle caused Jaeho, who had immediately taken a defensive stance upon hearing the words coming out of his girlfriend’s mouth, to relax.

“What are you looking so innocent for?” Irene said accusingly, looking to her right, tugging at her boyfriend’s arm. “Did you or did you not?”

“What?” Jaeho chuckled as well.

“Did you or did you not?” Irene repeated, pressing the issue.

“I guess I did, but—”

“See? Sooyoung, go yell at him,” Irene demanded, to which Joy just laughed.

“Oh, I think I know what’s happening,” Joy said, clasping her hands together, “It’s because of the post he made the other day, right? When the whole #WeSupportYouBaeJoohyun thing was happening, Jaeho also made a post and Joohyun saw it and cried. Is that what happened?”

Irene, doing her best guilty-but-pretending-to-be-innocent expression, just looked at the younger woman. “It is, isn’t it?” Seulgi chimed in, laughing in response. “Joohyun, you’re so cute, I can’t believe you would cry for something like that~”

“It must be her old age getting to her.”

“Yah, _Kim Yerim_ ,” Irene’s tone turned hostile, releasing her grip of Jaeho’s arm and reaching over to lightly push the youngest. The other four exploded into laughter, Jaeho only smiling in response, hoping not to get noticed. Of course, as the omnipresent leader of Red Velvet, she noticed the grin on her boyfriend almost immediately and turned to him, hitting him on the shoulder. “Why are you laughing?” she whined, to which Jaeho laughed out loud.

“Sorry,” he responded, shifting in his seat to avoid the fury of the smallest woman present.

“Let’s eat already! I want to open presents,” Yeri interjected.

“They aren’t yours though,” Irene noted.

“I still want to see them though. It also looks like Jaeho got something—” Yeri suddenly stopped upon seeing the look Jaeho was giving her, clearly communicating ‘stop talking!’

Irene caught on quickly and turned to Jaeho, who now was donning the same guilty-but-pretending-to-be-innocent expression Irene herself was wearing not too long ago. “You got me something? How could you?” Irene demanded, hitting Jaeho’s shoulder, “It’s your birthday!”

“Ow,” Jaeho whined, rubbing the spot on his shoulder Irene hit, “Exactly, it’s my birthday, why am I getting hit so much?”

Irene laughed apologetically, collapsing onto the well-built man. “I’m sorry,” she said earnestly, her head on his shoulder.

Jaeho wasn’t actually mad, or even the slightest bit annoyed, at his girlfriend’s playful actions, but that simple action just melted his heart into a puddle. “It’s OK, as long as you don’t start calling me a masochist now.”

Irene laughed again and moved to hit him again but preemptively stopped herself. “You’re a strong man, you can take it, right?” she said, looking up at him, their faces just centimeters apart.

Jaeho gulped slightly, taking a brief second to drink in the strikingly beautiful face of the idol up close before nodding. “Let’s, uh, eat,” he commented, finding himself a little flustered. How strange was it, Jaeho thought, that he’s been dating this beauty for months and months now and still hasn’t acclimated to her goddess-like beauty? Was this just going to happen for the rest of his life? Was his heart going to race every time Irene suddenly hugs him from behind, or leans on his shoulder and looks up at him while talking as she just did, or gently wipes his face with a napkin or handkerchief to remove something from his face? He hoped the feeling never faded.

“What’s wrong?” Irene asked, suddenly a concerned expression overtaking her face. Jaeho noted how beautiful his girlfriend looked even like this.

“What do you mean?” Jaeho replied.

Irene paused for a bit, noticing that the slight hesitation in Jaeho’s voice and face was now gone. “Never mind. You’re right, we should eat,” she said, regrettably getting up from her warm, comfortable place next to Jaeho. “Come on girls, let’s go,” she called out to her members, heading into the kitchen.

After the meal, the six of them partook in the opening of gifts: every single one of them had apparently went out and bought gifts for Jaeho despite his minimal interactions with them. He honestly felt bad that they all bought stuff for him, only feeling slightly better when they revealed that they all thought the activity fun and relaxing and a good break from their normal schedules.

“We want to go first!” Yeri said, nudging Joy.

The tallest member nodded fervently, an action that immediately put Irene on the defensive. Seeing the reaction from Irene caused Jaeho to likewise feel apprehensive, which turned out to be a reasonable reaction when they pulled out their joint gift: a set of gender-neutral baby’s clothes, a one-piece outfit complete with matching baby shoes.

“You two—” Irene scolded the youngest, the other four bursting out into laughter. “Where do you get off, buying Jaeho stuff like this? It’s _his_ birthday, not—” Irene abruptly stopped, a wave of self-consciousness washing over her. What was she about to say? It was his birthday, not their child’s? Oh god … now that the thought was in Irene’s mind, she couldn’t get it out. Watching Jaeho snuggle with their daughter or son on a rocking chair, seeing Jaeho’s proud expression as their child takes the first steps … what was going on with her? It was so embarrassing to think about but simultaneously so exciting; a strange combination of her face turning red from embarrassment and her heart stirring from joy assaulted her at once, rendering her unable to respond to her members’ teasing.

“Not what? Not your child’s birthday? Are you planning that far ahead?”

“Should we just hold onto it for now?”

“When is your child’s first birthday going to be, anyway?”

“I hope it’s in the summer, we don’t have any birthdays in that season.”

“Or the winter, I think that would be nice too.”

“A pregnancy lasts nine months, which means having a winter baby, or having a baby sometime around November, would mean…”

The four of them burst into another fit of laughter, Wendy stopping shortly after seeing that Irene was still sitting down next to Jaeho, red-faced and oddly silent.

“What’s wrong?” she suddenly asked the eldest, placing a hand on Irene’s arm.

Irene jumped, quickly latching onto Jaeho’s arm and squealing a bit in fright. “Oh, sorry,” she replied, laughing a bit, “It’s nothing.”

“What, were you day-dreaming?”

“Probably about spending the rest of her life with Jaeho.”

The two youngest squealed. “That’s so romantic!”

“That’s enough you two,” Irene said, turning a set of pleading eyes to Seulgi.

Thankfully, she caught on quickly and announced, “My turn!” before pulling out another box from the pile that had accumulated in the middle of the living room. “I heard that Jaeho plays games on his computer sometimes from Joohyun,” she said, pulling two boxes with illustrations of a gaming mouse and keyboard plastered on the surface, “But from what I could see from our video chats, it seemed like you didn’t have a gaming mouse or keyboard, so I got one for you,” she explained, laying the two boxes in front of him. “I don’t know if these will be to your liking, and if not I can get you another one, but I was hoping that I could play games with Jaeho sometime!”

Jaeho’s eyes lit up. “Oh, this is so nice! I’ve always been meaning to get something like this but always forget, thanks a lot!” he exclaimed, examining the boxes, “For sure, which games do you play?” Irene’s thankful expression quickly morphed into a jealous one, something that went by unnoticed by Jaeho until he asked the question.

Seulgi, also noticing this change of facial expression from her leader, replied, “I’ll tell you later, who’s next?”

“Even I haven’t played any games with Jaeho yet,” Irene quietly whined with pouty lips.

“Ah, sorry Joohyun, I’ll get you some equipment too,” Seulgi laughed, planting a hand on Irene’s shoulders. “We can all play together,” she offered.

“I’ll go next,” Wendy offered, instantly breaking the tension in the room, walking into the kitchen. When Jaeho saw Wendy painstakingly attempt to drag a set of chairs that Jaeho somehow didn’t take notice of despite clearly remembering looking at them for a brief second, Jaeho rushed over to help her carry the chairs over to the living room. “Sorry, thank you!”

“Did you make these yourself?” Jaeho commented, stepping back to admire the handiwork on the backrests of the wooden chairs. They were both painted with a beautiful sheen of silver, each having their names beautifully painted onto the top of the backrests in purple paint: ‘Joohyun’ and ‘Jaeho’. The chair with Irene’s name were decorated with cute caricatures of bunnies while Jaeho’s was that of a fox.

“Yeah, it was really fun! I can tell you the place, you can go there for a date if you’re up for it!” Wendy replied, full of energy as always. “I didn’t know if Jaeho had a favorite animal or one that he thought represented him, so I just chose a fox because foxes chase after bunnies.”

Irene laughed at that, as did Yeri. “Wow, you have sense, Wendy,” Yeri commented.

“That’s cute,” Irene said in agreement with the youngest.

“I love them, you did a fantastic job on them. Thank you, Wendy,” Jaeho said, taking another second to admire the handiwork of the Canadian-Korean.

“I’ll make one for your child when he or she’s born,” Wendy added on.

“Yah, you—” Irene started, clipping the end of the sentence with laughter. “Never mind, I don’t know why I even try,” she finished, defeated.

Wendy laughed as well. “Sorry, but I also really am looking forward to meeting your children; they must be extremely cute, considering it’s you and Jaeho who are making them.”

“Ah yeah, thank you,” Irene replied, the other four laughing at the flat tone their leader responded with.

“OK, my turn,” Yeri offered, pulling out a smaller, giftwrapped box. “I remember Joohyun talking about wanting to get Jaeho into makeup so I got him some introductory stuff to get him started,” she said, Jaeho taking the box from Yeri.

“Oh, am I not handsome enough for you?”

Irene laughed. “You know that’s not what I meant!” she whined, enveloping her boyfriend in a hug. “It’s just something every girlfriend wants to do with her boyfriend; have you never done anything like this before?”

Irene was looking up at her boyfriend with wide eyes, her facial expression much too adorable for the amount of weight behind the question she posed to her boyfriend. “I think once before?” he admitted, ever the truthful one, “my second girlfriend was really into makeup and pressured me into being her test dummy.”

“Oh…” Irene trailed off, having such plans herself. She wasn’t planning on _forcing_ Jaeho into doing anything, but she certainly was hoping that Jaeho could entertain her hopes of letting her experiment on him. In addition to that, there was that part of her that just wanted to see Jaeho in full makeup; she had already seen his photoshoot pictures, of course, and sometimes fantasized about spending a day with Jaeho in full makeup, cooking dinner, or just relaxing on the couch with her. Being around Jaeho already had an effect Irene, being as attractive as he was, but seeing him with makeup made even _her_ feel like she was with a celebrity. On second thought, maybe spending an entire _day_ with Jaeho in full makeup would be bad for her, especially her heart. “I guess—”

“Well, when I say ‘pressured’, it was more because she had to talk me into it, so I guess the better word to use was ‘convinced’ or even ‘brought up the idea’,” Jaeho continued, much to the relief of Irene. “But if you’re planning on doing that, I just have one request,” Jaeho said, turning to Irene. She nodded, prompting Jaeho to state it, “You can do whatever you want, just don’t take any pictures or take any videos.”

Irene pointedly frowned. “Aww, where’s the fun in that then?”

“Maybe if you do some _aegyo_ he’ll let you,” Wendy suggested.

“Nope, I’m not falling for that one again,” Jaeho turned around as he felt his girlfriend grab his arm.

“Jaeho—”

“I think it’s my turn right now, actually,” Jaeho said, interrupting Irene and standing up to retrieve a small leather box from the counter on the kitchen.

Irene looked up at Jaeho, confused. “I still don’t get why you got _me_ something when it’s _your_ birthday,” she said, Jaeho offering the box to Irene.

Jaeho shrugged in response. “I actually happened upon this; I saw this on display while walking home from the grocery store and knew I needed to get you this, especially since they match your necklace,” he answered, urging Irene to open it.

Irene, as openly against as the idol was to Jaeho buying her a gift on his birthday, couldn’t help but fall just a bit more for him, which only was expounded when she opened the box to find a beautiful pair of translucent, light-blue earrings. “When I saw them, I thought it might be aquamarine and confirmed it when I walked in and asked about it, so yeah,” Jaeho explained, Irene gasping, covering her mouth with her free hand. She looked up at him, wondering how such a perfect man could exist; he was already attractive, caring, understanding, and warm-hearted enough, but these little surprises just confirmed for her that Jaeho was just a perfect boyfriend. Was there a single woman in the world who _wouldn’t_ fall for these small gestures? “I mean, I had no choice, you have to understand, right?” Jaeho continued, taking Irene’s stare as a questioning one. She just shook her head, ignoring the whispering that her members were doing in the background. “If it were you, you would do the same thing, right?” This, Irene conceded; she knew the feeling of seeing something and just _knowing_ that she had to buy it for the person in mind.

“Oh, he’s already taking after you,” Seulgi commented.

“Couples tend to become more like each other over time, right?” Joy added, “It won’t be long before Joohyun starts wearing dark-colored clothing all the time. Oh, and speaking of which,” she said, standing up and picking out the last item from the pile of gifts, “this is my gift to Jaeho.” Joy saved her explanation for after Jaeho opened the box, revealing a stylish, black-leather overcoat. “Oh, thank god, I didn’t know what Jaeho’s size was,” Joy commented after seeing Jaeho pick it up.

“It’s a bit big,” Jaeho noted after trying it on; he could put it on and walk around without any trouble, but empty space, especially around the mid-chest area, was noticeable.

“The point of this coat is so that if Joohyun ever gets cold, she can join you inside that coat and warm up,” Joy explained.

“You—” Irene started, exasperated expression on her face, semi-laughing.

“What?” Joy replied innocently.

Irene pondered for a split second before responding. “Isn’t it a bit early for this?” Irene noted, “It’s starting to get hotter, not colder.”

“Well, you’ll be able to use it eventually, right?”

The question from Joy was loaded, and thankfully didn’t hang in the air for long as the other three Red Velvet ladies peer pressured Irene into trying to fit inside the coat with Jaeho, which she managed to do with surprising ease. Jaeho couldn’t help but smiling, noting how adorable his girlfriend’s tiny frame was against his own.

“OK,” Irene interrupted her members’ fangirling, escaping from the confined space and hoping no one noticed her flushed face, “Time for my gift.” Irene fetched her purse and pulled out a sleek, black wallet. “This is a biometric wallet,” she explained as Jaeho examined the small box sitting in the palm of his hand, “you can connect it to your phone and it’ll let you know if you leave somewhere without your wallet, or vice versa. The key feature is the requiring of a fingerprint to unlock, which you have to set up by—” Irene joined Jaeho at his side and Jaeho, understanding what Irene was trying to do, opened the box, after which Irene pointed to a button on the side, “pressing this button and putting your finger on the little rectangle thing on the front.”

“Oh, wow, this is amazing,” Jaeho commented, quickly setting up the security and testing it. “This is so handy, thanks so much—wait, how much did this cost?”

“Anyway,” Irene said, dodging the question, “I wanted to—”

“Wait, Joohyun?”

Irene waved him off. “It doesn’t matter, really, I’m glad that you like it.”

“But—”

“No more asking, OK?” The gentle yet firm response summarily quieted Jaeho down. “I hate to bring the mood down since this is supposed to be a celebration, but I wanted to take this opportunity, with all six of us in the same room, to talk about any ideas for how to address the big problem.”

Although it wasn’t explicitly said, it was understood that ‘the big problem’ referred to Jaeho’s sudden amnesia. The room fell into a bit of a silence, so Jaeho spoke up, feeling the burden of responsibility for the sudden downturn despite understanding that it wasn’t his explicit actions that created the situation, “So what do we know so far? I was able to remember Irene after watching a music video of her, but not when I saw a picture of us two together. Maybe I need a video to regain my memories?”

“Well, a video is just a collection of pictures, right?” Wendy interjected, “Maybe it isn’t the video, but the multiple pictures shown as a video that caused it.”

“What is _your_ memory of what you did during the weeks that we spent together?” Irene asked.

Jaeho thought about it for a bit. “Nothing particular comes to mind. I just did the usual: go out to bars or clubs, play games at home, probably watch some YouTube or streams.”

“So none of those memories involve anyone else?”

Jaeho understood what Irene was trying to do after hearing that question: maybe if his memories involved someone else, but after talking to that someone else realized that his memories were wrong, then maybe his memories would start coming back upon that realization. However, that wasn’t the case for him. “No, I don’t think so. Now that I think about it, it’s a bit strange that I spent that much time at home, but if I remember correctly, I also had a surge of motivation in those weeks to play and improve,” he explained.

“Are you lower rank than you remember then?” Seulgi, catching on, added.

Jaeho shook his head. “I didn’t play any competitive.”

“What’s that?” Irene asked.

“In certain games, there are two modes of play: normal and competitive. Gameplay wise, they’re exactly the same, the only difference being the consequences of the results of the game. Performing well, or winning, will give you points, and performing poorly, or losing, will take away points; these points culminate into a ‘rank’, which is an indicator of how good you are relative to everyone else playing the game,” he explained.

“Wait, why was that question relevant though?” Joy inquired, confused.

“We’re trying to figure out if there’s a way to contradict Jaeho’s memories with concrete proof that his memories are false,” Irene replied.

“Aah…”

“How about your match history?” Seulgi continued.

“I probably can’t view it anymore,” Jaeho said, Seulgi nodding understandingly.

“I figured…”

“Maybe it was just a matter of time?” Wendy suggested, “How long have you been a Red Velvet fan?”

“Since your debut,” he answered.

“Ooh~” the rest of the Red Velvet members said, impressed.

“Good answer,” Yeri complimented her leader’s boyfriend.

Before Irene or Jaeho really had a chance to devise a response to that, Wendy pressed on, “So maybe that’s it. Jaeho just spent more time, or had more memories, of Red Velvet and of Red Velvet’s Irene than of Bae Joohyun.”

They spent a few more minutes brainstorming before Irene directed the group away from the somewhat somber topic to ones more befitting a celebration. One of the topics they stumbled onto were date ideas, one of which that caught on with the couple was riding bikes at Yeouido Park.

Irene picked Jaeho up from his apartment and visited a bike rental shop, and a few greetings and photos later, the two mounted their bikes and enjoyed a leisurely bike ride along the scenic trail. After having a brief picnic, on their way back to return the bikes, Irene noticed something. “Hey, don’t those look like rain clouds?”

Jaeho followed the direction of Irene’s finger and, sure enough, a collection of looming, dark-grey clouds were sweeping in from the nearby river. “I thought it wasn’t supposed to rain today,” he commented.

“Yeah, that’s what I saw on the weather forecast too,” Irene replied.

The rainclouds caught up to the couple as they neared the bike rental shop; Irene, wanting to impress Jaeho but also dress for the occasion, had chosen to wear a simple, somewhat tight polyester tank top with matching shorts and was not prepared at all for the sudden downpour, so the two took some time to dry off in the shop. Unfortunately, Irene had parked quite far away from the shop itself; fortunately, Jaeho brought a light jacket and could shield her from the rain as the two ran to her car.

While nothing happened to Irene, Jaeho ended up catching a cold; Irene, feeling responsible, decided to take some time off and visited Jaeho in his apartment (his address was something Irene always knew but never used, both upon Jaeho’s insistence and because she was scared of being caught before the dating news was released).

“Joohyun?” Jaeho said inquisitively when he answered the door, “Why are you here? Don’t you have work?”

“I took some time off,” the idol responded, entering the apartment and taking off her shoes.

“Ah, I didn’t even have any time to prepare…” Jaeho muttered to himself, “Sorry, it’s a bit messy,” he said, scrambling to find some slippers for Irene.

“So this is what your apartment looks like…” Irene said in wonder, twirling around to get a good look at the place. “It’s so neat, what do you mean it’s dirty? It’s much neater than our—what are you doing?” Irene asked as she turned to see Jaeho scamper about in the kitchen, rearranging the dishes and putting things away, “Enough moving around, you’re sick.”

“I’m not _that_ sick,” Jaeho replied, following up by immediately coughing.

“Uh-huh, get in bed right now,” Irene chuckled, putting a hand on his back and pushing him towards what looked like the bedroom.

“Alright fine, but are you sure you should be here?” Jaeho asked, following along with Irene’s insistence, “I don’t want to get you sick.”

“Well I’m not going to just leave you alone,” Irene stated, “What kind of a girlfriend would I be if I just let my boyfriend deal with his illness by himself, especially if it was partially my fault?”

“Ah, you don’t—”

“In bed you go,” Irene cut him off, Jaeho letting the woman push him onto his soft mattress. “Did you eat yet? I brought some soup,” she said, motioning to the bag that was in her hand.

“I was just about to make myself something actually,” he said, a smile inadvertently appearing on his face as Irene pulled the blanket over him. “You really are like my mom, tucking me into bed.”

Irene smacked the grinning man lightly on the shoulder, smiling nonetheless. “Well, you better listen to your mom then,” she said, taking out the container and gingerly placing it on the nightstand next to the bed. “How are you feeling?”

“It’s not terrible, I’m just tired all the time and low-energy, and I also have a cough and a bit of a runny nose, but that’s it,” he explained, “I took some cold medication this morning and have mostly been relaxing in my bed, watching Level Up Project.”

Irene laughed, again gently smacking Jaeho. “You really are a smooth talker, aren’t you?”

“I really was! See, look!” Jaeho took out his phone and unlocked it, showing Irene that indeed, the first thing that appeared on the screen was a video of Red Velvet’s own show.

“Wow, I’m impressed,” Irene said, diverting her attention to the soup, “Put that away for now, you need to eat. What did you have for lunch?”

“I just prepared some ramen for myself since I didn’t have the energy to cook,” he replied, watching Irene carefully blow on the soup sitting on the spoon, her free hand hovering beneath the utensil. That sight, of Irene blowing on the hot contents of a spoon, was something that probably could move the hearts of men all across the nation, maybe even the continent, and here Jaeho got to experience it in person. The idol looked stunning even doing that simple action: her long eyelashes pointing downwards at the spoon in her hand, a few strands of hair falling past her prominent cheekbones, her full red lips pressed together to create the cooling wind meant to make the contents of the spoon more comfortable to eat.

“Here,” Irene directed the spoon to Jaeho’s mouth.

“You really are feeding me?”

“Shush and listen to mommy,” she said, a slight grin on her face. “Aah~”

Jaeho obliged, opening his mouth and accepting the food. “Oh, this is good,” Jaeho noted after he swallowed, “Did you make this yourself?”

Irene nodded happily. “I’m glad you like it! Let’s eat some more,” Irene said, retrieving another spoonful of the soup.

Another smile found its way onto his face as Jaeho watched his girlfriend blow on the spoon, and when Irene turned to feed it to him, her facial expression morphed into an inquisitive one. “What?”

Jaeho shook his head. “Nothing, I’m just really thankful I have such a loving, caring girlfriend,” he said.

Irene smiled in response. “I could say the same about you. After all, how many people would have dealt with me, the way I was that morning?” The wording was extremely vague but Jaeho instantly knew what Irene was alluding to; his very first memory of Irene, his first meeting of the beautiful woman in his memory. “You saved me once from loneliness the first time we met, and again that morning from despair by agreeing to humor my unreasonably difficult task.”

“There isn’t a single fan of yours who wouldn’t help you in that situation though,” he argued, “Even your female fans wouldn’t hesitate.”

Irene laughed, momentarily pausing in her feeding of the man in the bed. “Is that so?”

“After all, most of Red Velvet fans are female, right?” Jaeho replied.

“Ooh, I’m impressed that you knew that,” Irene noted with pride, carefully blowing on the spoon before directing it to Jaeho’s mouth. “As expected of my boyfriend. Enough talking though, eat first.”

The rest of the meal was comfortable, Jaeho insisting Irene not stay too close to him. However, as the day gradually turned to night, Jaeho’s sickness seemed to worsen; his fever got worse, his coughing increased in intensity and severity, beads of sweat started forming on his forehead. Panicked, Irene called her mom for advice and requested her manager run to the store to pick up some teabags and honey.

Jaeho told Irene repeatedly to not blame herself, that his colds usually went like this, but Irene couldn’t help but feel guilty anyway. Irene knew Jaeho better than to be dishonest, but she also knew that Jaeho didn’t have a problem telling incomplete truths to make others feel better; was this one of them? Not knowing the answer to that question, she decided to trust her gut rather than her boyfriend.

Irene didn’t have a schedule the next morning, but even so, she knew the risk of staying the night. However, she couldn’t bring herself to just leave his side after seeing how difficult it was for Jaeho to sleep: his face flushed bright red, his coughs echoing about the apartment, the trash can next to his bed filled with tissues, the constant shifting around underneath his blanket … it was terrifying, frankly. Irene made sure that the cup on the nightstand next to his bed was always filled with warm tea with a bit of honey mixed in, changed the warm, damp towel on his forehead soaking the sweat that was pouring out of his body, but eventually her fatigue caught up with her.

One reason she didn’t want to sleep was because she wanted to be constantly attentive of Jaeho, making sure his needs were met. The other, more prevalent reason was the fear of repeating what happened that night; was it because she slept on the same bed as him? Surely there was a limited range to his condition since he used to live with his father under the same roof; however, Jaeho always described his childhood as a comfortable one, leading Irene to imagine that his childhood residence being much larger than Jaeho’s current humble abode. If she slept on the sofa in the living room, would she be far enough away? What if Jaeho woke up the next morning, sick _and_ amnesic? How was Irene supposed to take care of Jaeho then?

As much as her fear kept her up, her fatigue eventually overpowered her; the combined factor of the stress she accumulated from seeing Jaeho’s condition worsen on top of her lack of sleep in recent days caused her to pass out on Jaeho’s sofa, only to wake up what seemed like moments after in a panic.

The sun was already shining through the blinds of the sliding door leading to the balcony, and after Irene acquired her surroundings, she leapt into the air. “Oh no, when did I fall asleep?” she muttered to herself, running to the kitchen to grab the teapot, preparing another damp towel. Fear gripped her heart like a vice, and the closer she got to Jaeho’s bedroom, the more fiercely it took hold. It was like the feeling was traveling along her nervous system, seizing control of her arms, then her legs, then her brain. What if Jaeho didn’t remember her? Would she have to start over again? Would Jaeho allow her to nurse him further?

She nearly jumped when she heard shuffling coming from the other side of the bedroom door. Not knowing what else to do, terror and anxiety and nervousness and a whole slew of other emotions pulled her away from the hallway and back into the living room. Her heart was racing so loudly she could nearly hear it inside her own chest, her palms sweating so much that she nearly lost her grip of the teapot clutched in her small hands, her arms and legs shaking like she was standing outside with no clothes on during a blizzard.

She set the teapot on the table in the living room, closed her eyes, and started taking deep breaths. Jaeho’s health is more important than your insecurities, Irene told herself. Right now is the not the time to freak out about such things; if Jaeho lost his memory, then convince him that he should allow her to stay. They already had the hard part of revealing their relationship to the public out of the way; in fact, this time around, it should be _easier_ to reacquaint with Jaeho since they had more—

“Joohyun?”

Irene dropped the towel she was holding onto her lap, the water seeping through her jeans not even registering as her head whipped to her side.

Jaeho, standing just outside the living room, was looking onto Irene in confusion. “What’s wrong? Oh, you dropped the towel,” Jaeho said, walking up to the idol who was completely frozen in place, as if petrified by Medusa. “I won’t be needing this anymore, I—”

Irene jumped into Jaeho’s arms, wrapping her arms around him in a tight embrace, completely forgetting how sick he was the day prior. “You remember me…” tears were already freely flowing down her cheeks, a little bit of mucus escaping her slim nose. While she had a mind to not let Jaeho see this ugly side of her, the wave of relief that washed over her caused an inner desire to just embrace the man—her boyfriend, who didn’t turn amnesiac. “I was so scared, I-I thought … I didn’t know if I was far enough away from you, s-so I tried not to fall asleep, but—”

Jaeho reached down and grabbed the box of tissues on the table in between the sofa and the TV, handing it over to the crying woman on his shoulder. Irene accepted it graciously, wiping her tears and gently blowing her nose. “I was so scared that you would forget me and tried not to fall asleep, but I was so exhausted that I passed out and when I woke up, I was—I was just so scared that I couldn’t bring myself to, to—…” Irene paused, Jaeho stroking the shaking woman’s hair comfortingly.

“It’s OK, I still remember you. You’re Bae Joohyun, my wonderful girlfriend, whose efforts to nurse me despite her busy schedule paying off wonderfully as I’m pretty much perfectly fine now.” Irene wiped her eyes again, careful to avoid smudging her undoubtedly already ruined makeup, and looked at him. Sure enough, Jaeho looked much better; his complexion had returned to its usual color, his eyes no longer red, not a single bead of sweat on his forehead. “Just in case, though, you probably should stop hugging me.”

Irene nodded, removing herself from Jaeho’s warm body, impeding Jaeho’s view of her face with her hands. Of course, the thought occurred to Irene that what happened to Jaeho before would only happen the one time, but her fear of it happening again prevented her from writing off that threat so easily. “Let me touch up my makeup first,” she said through sniffles, “Then we can have breakfast. Let me make it though, OK?” When Jaeho made a sound of approval, Irene quickly grabbed her purse and rushed to the bathroom.

There was a positive and a negative that was gained from that: the positive was that Irene and Jaeho now knew that his condition hinged upon a certain range, a range that appeared to be extremely close to himself. The negative was that, a few days later, Irene fell ill with what appeared to be a similar illness.

Despite Irene’s resistance, Jaeho arrived at the Red Velvet dorm to take care of Irene, likewise bringing a bag full of things to take care of Irene with. It wasn’t that Irene didn’t want to see him; in her state, it was all that she wanted to do, especially since the events that transpired the past few days on top of her illness, she was extremely emotional and wanted to do nothing more than spend an entire day by Jaeho’s side to just enjoy each other’s company. The main reason why Irene insisted that Jaeho not come was because she didn’t want him to feel guilty for contracting what appeared to be his cold, not to mention that she didn’t want her boyfriend to see this meek, less-than-perfect side of her.

However, even if Jaeho was feeling guilty for giving his girlfriend his illness, he showed no signs of it. He was as energetic and cheerful as ever, showing no signs of fatigue even as the sun moved to the other side of the world. It was decided, mostly by Irene, that Jaeho would stay the night; maybe it was because of how emotional she was in her current state, maybe it was because of how little they got to see each other in the past weeks, maybe it was because of how stressful her work had been recently, but after witnessing Irene’s determination, Jaeho relented. The same thought that plagued the idol when she last was in Jaeho’s apartment didn’t even occur to her until it got late, when she overheard Jaeho and Seulgi outside her bedroom talking about sleeping arrangements.

“I don’t think we have a sleeping bag…”

“I can sleep on the sofa, if you don’t mind,” Jaeho replied.

“What do you mean?” Irene smiled, proud of how indignant Seulgi sounded at that idea. “How can we let a guest, much less Joohyun’s boyfriend, sleep like that?”

“I don’t want to kick anyone out of their beds though,” he said.

“It’s ok, we’re all willing to volunteer. The only thing we have to decide is who is going to offer their bed,” Seulgi answered.

“Do you want to sleep on Joohyun’s—”

Yeri was cut off abruptly. “What are you doing up, don’t you have an early schedule tomorrow?” Seulgi admonished the youngest.

“Even if she was OK with it, I don’t think I should,” Jaeho replied good-naturedly, Irene realizing what he was getting at.

“Well first, we need to find Jaeho a blanket…” Irene zoned out for the rest of the conversation. Similarly to how the illness affected Jaeho, Irene’s illness only got worse as the night progressed. She barely had the strength to open her eyes, much less talk. However, Jaeho remained at her side the entire time, tending to her every need, making sure she was well-hydrated, continually talking the entire time in that soothing voice of his, telling random stories of his childhood and his memories of first discovering Red Velvet and anything else that came to mind. Before long, Irene felt her consciousness drift off into darkness.

The next morning, Irene woke up feeling much better. Her nose was finally unclogged so Irene took the opportunity to take in a deep breath, the first in what felt like an eternity. She sighed in relief, opening her eyes and propping herself up to a sitting position, stretching her arms. She could tell that she was still a little sick—she still felt fatigued and had a mild headache—but it was definitely a few steps up from the previous night. “Jaeho’s—” Irene froze, realizing there was a weight next to her that she hadn’t noticed until that moment.

Irene closed her eyes, her heartbeat racing once again. It wouldn’t be Jaeho, right? But then again, last night it was Jaeho that was accompanying her. Maybe he swapped places with someone else? But Jaeho wouldn’t have the urgency Irene did; the only reason Irene found the energy to fall asleep on the couch that night she went to his apartment was because that memory was present inside her mind. However, for Jaeho, such a thing wouldn’t exist.

The weight started shifting around, Irene’s heart still leaping heaps and bounds ahead of her own body. This was different than the other day; that day, Irene had more control of the situation and wasn’t emotional from the cold she had. Right now, even with her eyes closed, Irene felt the stinging pain in the back of her eyes as liquid escaped her eyelids, fear overwhelming her.

This can’t be happening. This can’t be happening. This _can’t_ be happening.

The same sentence repeated itself over and over inside her head, the same way it did that morning however many months ago when Irene woke up next to a Jaeho who didn’t even recognize her.

There was still a chance it was Seulgi or one of her other members that took over, right? But as logical as that argument was, that the weight on the side of her bed didn’t _have_ to be Jaeho, she couldn’t help but fear the worst. As the weight shifted a bit more, Irene’s curiosity ballooned, eventually to the point where she gained the courage to slowly open her eyes.

“Oh my God—!” Irene abruptly muffled herself with her hands, the shrill scream escaping her lips as her eyes fell upon the sleeping man that she loved.

Within seconds, Seulgi stormed into her bedroom. “What’s wrong?” the second eldest said, freezing as her gaze fell onto the same man. “Oh no,” she inadvertently gasped as the other members came pouring in.

“Joohyun?” Wendy said in a panic, similarly gasping upon seeing Jaeho fast asleep at Irene’s side, his head that was once resting peacefully against the soft mattress now stirring.

In that split moment, Irene’s voice disappeared. The only sound she could make was the uncontrollable, muffled sobbing that was escaping her lips as she fearfully watched Jaeho wake up, acquire his surroundings and open his eyes. She couldn’t bring herself to look the man in the eyes, not having the strength to go through what she did that morning all over again, especially in her current emotionally unstable state.

“What’s wrong?”

Irene swore her heart fully stopped when she heard those words. It was undeniably Jaeho who said them: after all, he was the only one in that room—that _apartment_ —who had such a deep voice. It was laced with such caring and worry that Irene’s emotions completely flipped around, going from despair to elation in a split second.

“Jaeho? You still r-remember me?” Irene said after quickly wiping her tears with the back of her hands. However, after getting a good look at the man, it became apparent that this was far from the truth.

“Um…” Jaeho was unsure how to respond. From the moment he woke up, he was confused; he was woken up by a shrill scream, and as if that wasn’t confusing enough, the very next thing he heard was sobbing. When he finally opened his eyes and collected his surroundings, he realized he wasn’t in his bed—heck, he wasn’t even in his _apartment_. His head was pressed against a mattress, himself kneeling next to it, and yet that wasn’t even the most confusing part. The most confusing part was realizing that the owner of the mattress, the one who was sobbing, was the most beautiful woman he had ever met in his entire life, someone who definitely seemed out of his league. His first thought was that the woman was crying out of fear of having a strange man at her bedside, but upon seeing the way she was looking at him, it became apparent that this wasn’t the case. He had cast his confusion aside for concern over the woman after coming to this realization, who very clearly was terrified—but of what, he was unsure. Now that she posed the ambiguous question to him, his confusion grew. Was he supposed to know her? Did he drink too much last night? But no, he didn’t remember even going to a bar or anything. Why was he here? Why was she crying? Did it have anything to do with him remembering her, or why he can’t remember what he was doing in this place?

“Jaeho, please…” the woman begged softly, tears trickling down her cheek, “I don’t want to l-lose you again, you p-promised me that you wouldn’t do something like this…”

The words were just streaming out of Irene’s mouth, a wash of emotions flooding her consciousness. She didn’t even notice the four others that were at the doorway, staying far enough away to be unnoticed but close enough to jump in if they felt like their leader needed help. “Y-You _said_ —” her voice rose in between sobs, “—that you would—” her chest was in pain, like someone had reached an invisible hand inside her body and twisted her insides, her mind spinning as if she had hit her head against something really hard, “—you would always—” the pain she was feeling now was much worse than the previous day; whereas last night she was at least comforted by the fact that her boyfriend was at her side, now she didn’t even have that. And if she didn’t have that, what did she have? “—always be there for me, but—”

“I’m sorry,” Jaeho interjected, carefully reaching out to Irene.

“Don’t touch me! I’m sick!” she screamed, quickly withdrawing her hand; when the sick idol realized what she did, she immediately regretted her actions. Jaeho retreated, drawing his hand away as if he had just touched a hot stove, and when she saw the hurt in Jaeho’s eyes, she sobbed even harder. “I’m sorry! I’m sorry, I didn’t—I didn’t mean to—”

The damage was already done though. The crazed demeanor Irene was displaying, the shrill scream that initially woke him up … she messed up, even more so than before. If his first impression of her was this bad, how was she ever going to convince him to stay? “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” she cried, covering her whole face with her hands, her words spilling out of her mouth, her voice smothering the room with sound, “I wasn’t thinking, I was just—just panicking because I’m sick and emotional b-because I’m sick even though you took such good care of me yesterday and all the s-stress from work and not being able to see you recently made me even more stressed so when I was finally able to see you y-yesterday I felt really happy but also really sad because I didn’t want to show you this weak side of me but—” her Daegu accent was spilling into her words, her emotions were overwhelming her; she couldn’t think straight, her mind was a complete mess, only one thing being clear: do whatever it took to get Jaeho back. “I don’t know, I just—I don’t know, I’m so disgusting and ugly right now—” words were just tumbling out of her mouth, the woman regretting every word spoken but unable to control herself, “—I don’t know, maybe God is trying to tell me I don’t deserve you, but I love you so much—” her sobs worsened, tears dripping off her hand, her chin, everything. Irene pulled her blanket up to soak the liquid up, “—I love you so much, I don’t know what I would do without you—” her heart hurt—it _hurt_ —like someone was tearing it to shreds, like her arteries and veins were being _twisted_ and _squeezed_ by a juicing machine, “—I—you’ve given me so much and I haven’t even begun to start giving back to you, it’s not fair—”

Jaeho shifted in his spot, conflicted. Irene, just barely noticing this from her peripheral vision, attempted to calm herself down, to very little effect. “Please, I know how crazy I must sound or how insane I must sound, but—but—” she pressed her face against the mattress, partially muffling her voice, “—but I don’t think I would have anything left inside me if you left me, Song Jaeho, I—I—I—I don’t know, I just don’t know, but please don’t leave me, I’ll do anything so please don’t go—…”

“I won’t go anywhere.”

Jaeho could tell that this woman was being earnest. Did she seem insane? Yes. Was he slightly afraid? Also yes. However, there was some kind of feeling inside him, something almost like déjà vu, a feeling on the brim of his brain that he couldn’t quite identify, that told him he should trust her. Maybe it was because of how beautiful she was, which was evident even while she was sobbing as hard as she was, but when she started to beg, he decided to deal with the negative consequences of promising something to a potentially insanely over-attached women later. That feeling inside him, whether it was because of her attractiveness or something else, told him to protect her.

Upon hearing Jaeho’s reply, Irene hastily wiped her face and peered at him with the blanket still covering most of her face, quieting down. “R-Really?” she nearly whispered in a wispy voice, slightly hoarse from the combination of being sick and from talking so loudly just before.

“I, um, I don’t know what’s happening, but—I don’t know your name, so let’s start off there,” he offered, “I’m Song Jaeho—oh wait, you already knew that, it seems like.” Jaeho was desperately trying not to trip over his words; he wasn’t usually bad around the fairer sex, but there was something about this woman that was different. A mysterious aura…? Just _something_ about her that caused him to suddenly forget how to speak properly. “Um, well anyway, I’m Song Jaeho and I’m 30 years old and I’m a salesman.”

It was only then—when Irene had some time to think after being saved from her desperate, crazed state by Jaeho—that she came to an epiphany.

Not saying another word, Irene scrambled to the nightstand next to her bed, her sudden movement noticeably startling Jaeho, and grabbed her phone. A sudden determination overtook her, wiping her face with her damp blanket for good measure before unlocking the electronic device. “I need to show you something,” she said, opening the YouTube application on her phone, “Just wait a second.”

Jaeho, now more confused than ever, sat patiently at the side of the bed as Irene pulled up one of Red Velvet’s music videos. “Here, watch this,” she put her phone in front of Jaeho. “You should remember who I am after seeing this.”

Jaeho obediently watched, Irene taking the time to completely dry her face of tears. When Irene was ready, she looked up to see Jaeho’s expression morph from confusion to understanding and finally to embarrassment. “Ah, how—what’s wrong with me? How could I forget—” he froze, whipping his head up to see Irene looking back at him with an expectant expression. His face exploded into a fit of red as he immediately diverted his gaze. “I-I’m sorry, I don’t—why am I here? Is this Red Velvet’s dorm? Is this a hidden camera event?”

Irene shook her head, taking her phone, that sudden determination causing a strange feeling of hyper-focus. If that’s all it took to jog his memory, if Wendy’s conjecture that Jaeho could remember Irene as an idol because how long he’s known her, if the two have already spent this much time together, then maybe…?

Her heart was racing again as she fumbled around, opening applications and hastily closing them when she realized she opened the wrong one, her precision rapidly declining with every passing moment as anxiety and impatience seized her. “Wait,” she muttered under her breath, finally managing to open the photo gallery in her phone. Swiping across the screen fiercely, she froze and subsequently backtracked after spotting the picture she was looking for: the one they took not too long ago, the one Irene forced Jaeho to take with her along with her members at her birthday party. “Here, look at this,” Irene offered her phone to Jaeho again, her heart now having migrated inside her throat.

When Jaeho looked at the picture, he immediately felt something. That feeling—like he was on the verge of remembering something, that a memory was emerging but just refused to come out, that something was in the back of his mind that he was trying with all his might to pull out but wouldn’t budge—caused him to furrow his eyebrows as his own heartbeat increased, his mind zeroing in on the picture, frustration now seeping into his system. What was it? There was something for sure—what was it? A memory? A clue about this whole situation?

The more time Irene spent looking upon Jaeho expectantly with no results, the more her heart sank back down into her chest. “You don’t remember?” the question almost came out as a whisper, a fear-induced question she almost didn’t want the answer to. “When you celebrated my birthday with me?” She could feel her tears resurfacing, and fight as she might, her cheek tickling with the cold feeling of tears rolling down her face was inevitable. “W-When we first met at the bar? Your first words to me? The drink you bought for me?” With every question, her voice became more and more distorted, the pain in her chest coming back, “W-When you said that you liked that I’m older than you and I t-teased you about liking older women—”

Irene screamed in surprise when Jaeho loudly slapped the mattress with both hands, sitting up straight in response to her words.

It all happened at once. That one sentence was the extra push he needed for everything to come flooding back: his first encounter with Irene, his confession to her, their 100th day anniversary and that night, the next morning, Irene’s confession, his debacle that resulted in him being hospitalized, Irene taking care of him after getting sick from the sudden downpour that caught them off guard during the bike date in Yeouido Park …they were such precious memories, how could he have so easily forgotten them?

Jaeho gripped his head in pain, wincing in pain as the sudden overload of memories caught him off guard. “Jaeho?! Are you OK? Did I get you sick again?” Irene spoke in rapid succession, her sorrow replaced with worry, her voice filled with concern.

The splitting headache he was experiencing rendered him almost unable to speak, but at that moment, Jaeho knew that his pain was nothing compared to what he had put his girlfriend—his beautiful, amazing, caring, loving, patient, perfect girlfriend—through. “Joohyun…” he managed to groan, desperate to give the wide-eyed idol some indication that he remembered.

How ironic was it, Jaeho thought as he fought his headache, that he refused to take pictures because of how much he valued the present and summarily relived his past due to it? Was this some kind of divine retribution for his actions? Some mystical sign that his ways were flawed? His mother telling him to not take her words too seriously from beyond the grave?

“Jaeho?” Irene knew better than to be hopeful, but she couldn’t help it. She was burned by this exact situation too many times, but in her state—an emotional wreck, deep in the pool of despair, wrought with lovesickness—she almost had no choice but to feel hope.

“Joohyun…” he groaned again, reaching out and somehow finding Irene’s hand immediately, grasping it firmly. “I’m—I’m so sorry.”

When Irene saw a sparkle appear underneath his eyes, Irene knew that finally, her hopefulness had paid off.

“Joohyun, I’m so sorry,” he repeated, tears now streaming down his face. “I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry, I’m so—”

Irene, completely forgetting that she was sick, threw herself into Jaeho’s arms. “Both times … I hurt you so much, even though—”

And then stillness.

The whole world stopped as Irene kissed Jaeho, tears simultaneously streaming down her face, the salty liquid intermingling and staining the faces of both. But neither cared.

If Jaeho’s promise to stay with Irene the first time he suffered the amnesiac caused her to feel the weight of the world come off her shoulders, this feeling—this understanding that finally, _finally_ , at long last, she had _her_ Jaeho back—made her feel the weight of the universe come off her back.

Irene snaked her arms around Jaeho’s warm nape, pulling him closer to her, basking in the warm feeling of her boyfriend’s— _her boyfriend’s_ —lips on her own.

When she pulled away, a huge grin sat on her face. “But I—”

“I don’t care,” Irene interrupted the confused Jaeho, guilt deeply apparent from his downtrodden expression, “Everything is worth it if you remember.”

“I do, I do,” he said, repeated, getting on his knees. “I’m sorry, I never wanted to hurt you like that, please forgive me,” he kowtowed next to the bed, planting his face firmly onto the ground.

“Stop that,” Irene insisted, trying to pull Jaeho into a sitting position but failing, “You can pay me back by kissing me again.”

Irene was still a bit skeptical; from Jaeho’s proactive movements and from the fact that he said ‘both times’, Irene figured all of Jaeho’s memories returned, so this was a bit of a test. If Jaeho accepted right away, then she was sure that Jaeho had returned to her at long last—and that’s exactly what he did.

Irene found herself smiling against the kiss, feeling Jaeho’s muscular arms wrapping around her waist. Nothing in the world mattered right then; not her sickness, not her members that were in the dorm with her, not the fact that she was sobbing just a few minutes ago, not her tears that were finding their way onto their lips, nothing.

When he pulled away, Irene was still smiling. “I was stuck in this nightmare for so long, and yet again you saved me.”

“I was the one who created the nightmare though.”

Irene scoffed. “It wasn’t your fault and I won’t let you think that. You know it’s not your fault, so don’t even think about blaming yourself,” she firmly stated, only then noticing her members standing at the doorway from the corner of her eye. “What are you all doing there? Come in!” Irene signaled to the other four.

A renewed wave of chatter and crying erupted as the rambunctious bunch entered the bedroom, only to be shortly after chased out by the same person who invited them in, suddenly remembering that she was still sick.

“Jaeho…”

The man whose name was spoken turned to look at the beauty, who was seated on the bed. “Yes?”

“Jaeho…” Irene repeated, her smile having never left her face. “Jaeho…”

“Do you want me to get you something?”

Irene shook her head. “Stay here with me. I just wanted to say your name,” she stated, collapsing back onto her bed. “Jaeho…”

“I’m right here,” he reassured her, placing his hand on her arm from the other side of the blanket.

Silence befell the couple, broken when Irene said, “After all we’ve been through: SM interfering with our relationship, the media suddenly learning about it, you getting hospitalized, the debacle with your ex’s trying to sully your name, and of course your amnesia the first time it happened … now that all the obstacles are gone, what now?”

Jaeho chuckled. “I know, it’s going to feel so weird, being a _normal couple_ , or as normal a couple can be when one of them is famous.”

“I still can’t believe it took reminding you of your taste in older women to get you to regain your memories,” Irene grinning, Jaeho laughing again as well, “I guess all those times I teased you about that ended up paying off.”

“You know, I remember the first time I lost my memories, I had some vague feelings that I knew you but eventually ignored them since I couldn’t ever connect the dots,” Jaeho noted. “Without a single one of those memories, I might not have been able to regain them just now.”

“So I guess that means pictures are OK now?”

Jaeho smiled, nodding. “That means pictures are OK now.”

“Wait, but mommy, you still didn’t explain how you fixed the problem,” the child, who was resting on the bed with the cover up to her chin, complained.

“Oh, that’s right,” the older woman said, “From then on, every time daddy and I woke up next to each other, I would just show him a picture of us together. At first, it took some time for him to regain his memories, but now, I only need to say one thing for him to remember me.”

“What is it?!” the child asked excitedly.

“That’s a secret between mommy and daddy,” Irene smiled, cupping her child’s cheek affectionately. One detail she chose not to include was all the fun Irene had waking up next to a flustered man and watching him squirm for a few seconds, especially the mornings after trying for the very child Irene was telling the bedtime story to.

“Aw … tell me another story?”

Jaeho, who was seated on the bed next to Irene, smirked. “You cheeky little kid, you already know the answer,” he said, pinching the child’s cheeks.

“Hey, stop that, you’ll hurt her,” Irene slapped Jaeho’s arm, the husband instantly obeying and retracting his hand. “Not now, OK sweetie? Right now is bedtime.”

“Wait! I have one more question,” the child insisted, tugging on her mother’s arm.

“Only one more,” Irene acquiesced.

“If mommy used to be the famous one, why is daddy the one we always see on TV?”

Irene smiled. “That’s a story for another night; right now, you need to sleep,” she said, Jaeho standing up as did Irene. “Good night angel,” the mother said, planting a kiss on her daughter’s forehead.

“Good night, princess,” Jaeho followed suit, planting another kiss on the child’s forehead.

When the married couple returned to the living room, they simply settled on the couch in front of the TV, enjoying each other’s presence. “Hey, do you want to have some of our drink tonight?”

“Sure,” Jaeho replied, getting up. “Just a glass though, I have to get up relatively early tomorrow.”

“OK,” Irene said, slightly frowning now that Jaeho’s warmth had disappeared. A moment later, the tiny woman decided to follow her husband, sneaking up behind him and wrapping her slim arms around his waist, resting her head on his shoulder. “Are you going to water down my drink again?”

“Oh, you noticed?” Jaeho said, laughing.

Irene nodded. “I can handle my alcohol quite well now, you know,” she retorted.

“Tell that to yourself last time we had this, where you got drunk despite me watering your drink down.”

“I did not get drunk!” Irene separated from herself, glaring at the smiling man, pouting indignantly. “I was just a little tipsy.”

“Alright, alright,” Jaeho said, pouring Irene’s cup, “No watering your drink down, but on one condition,” he insisted.

“What?”

“You have to drink at least half a bottle of water before going to bed.”

Irene acquiesced and retrieved a bottle from the cupboard beneath the counter. Irene took her place behind Jaeho, wrapping her arms around him again and resting her head on his shoulder. “Do you think we should tell Hayoon that we exaggerated some aspects of that story?”

“Like when you were telling the story and were always saying how you were captivated by my beauty or something?” Irene laughed.

“That wasn’t an exaggeration, I still feel that way,” Jaeho claimed. “Here, feel,” he put the bottle of alcohol down and directed Irene’s right hand to his chest, right to where his heart was. And sure enough, Irene could clearly tell that his heartrate was beating quite rapidly.

“You’re a trickster, aren’t you? How are you doing that?” Irene playfully asked in disbelief.

“I’m not doing anything! You can feel down there for further proof.”

Irene laughed, smacking Jaeho’s arm. “What are you saying? Hayoon is sleeping!”

Jaeho smiled and resumed the careful process of creating the alcoholic drink that they shared their first night together: soju mixed with watermelon and vodka. “Speaking of, what are we going to do next time she asks for a bedtime story?”

Irene thought about it a bit before answering, “Well, we still have a lot of stories for her: that show we did together, our wedding, your rise to fame, that incident at the movie theater, what happened on your 35th birthday…”

Jaeho laughed. “Now _that_ is an interesting story.”

**Author's Note:**

> Just a quick shameless plug for my facebook page: https://fb.me/affkesujo


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